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Online "Friends" - 9/4/2009 1:50:23 AM

susie

Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
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This has been prompted by yet another request from someone on collarme that I have never heard of, never spoken to and as far as I am aware has never posted on forums here.

I have wondered for a while about the concept of "online friends". I use yahoo messenger to keep in touch with family and friends, some of whom live overseas. Quite often I get random people contact me out of the blue and after a couple of lines they always seem to ask "can we be friends". To me friends are people that you know well. Yes you can be friends with people you have never met but to me that is only after you have had quite a bit of contact with them. I know there are many on CollarMe that have made friends online which have become real life friendships too which is great but it is the idea of "instant online friendship" that I wonder about.

Does anyone else find it strange when they get an out of the blue friendship request from someone they have had no contact with.

Post #: 1

RE: Online "Friends" - 9/4/2009 3:04:51 AM

SL4V3M4YB3

Posts: 3506
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: susie
Does anyone else find it strange when they get an out of the blue friendship request from someone they have had no contact with.

No it's quite the norm.

Although none of the profiles I’ve used have attracted that many requests

, I think your friendship magnet increases the more cluttered it is. Like a quantum singularity of friendship pulling in the mass of sickly like-mindedness from all over the globe.

edited to add...

If I had one of those profiles with loads of friends I feel their faces would mess up my profiles colour scheme. I've also just had this amazing idea, I could invite those people who only show body parts to be my friends and then my profile can look like one of those porn matrix sites that harvest TGP's.

< Message edited by SL4V3M4YB3 -- 9/4/2009 3:49:36 AM >

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(in reply to susie)

Post #: 2

RE: Online "Friends" - 9/4/2009 3:49:30 AM

daintydimples

Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline

Do I find it strange? No, I find it sad. There are a lot of lonely people out there.

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Post #: 3

RE: Online "Friends" - 9/4/2009 4:07:57 AM

mefisto69

Posts: 370
Joined: 1/19/2007
Status: offline

this is the product of the social engineering sites: MySpace and FaceBook in particular. the more 'friends you have', obviously, the more popular you are. ugh

(in reply to daintydimples)

Post #: 4

RE: Online "Friends" - 9/4/2009 4:27:18 AM

VanIsleKnight

Posts: 283
Joined: 8/4/2009
Status: offline

Sometimes people have difficulty going from stranger to cyber-relationship (Sub/Dom) and find that it's easier if they instead go from stranger, to friend, to relationship because then there is less pressure, the general feeling is more relaxed, and you can get to know a person better.

Like above, the more e-friends you have, the more e-popular you are, the better you feel about yourself. For whatever reason.

Also, like above, there are a lot of lonely people. Hell, because I moved a bunch and had a crap social life in school, I spent a lot of time on the internet and made friends that way (I kept a couple of them, and they're pretty strong friendships now).

Then, sometimes, people just find you particularly interesting when they read your profile. They decide they want to know more about you, and make an attempt to do so.

Other times though, it's just a random camgirl (who may be a man) that wants you on their IM program so they can link you to their website requiring credit card verification.

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Post #: 5

RE: Online "Friends" - 9/4/2009 5:43:18 AM

BeIgnited

Posts: 191
Joined: 6/23/2008
Status: offline

Yes. I've never really seen the point in collecting "friends" online. Here, the only one I have is my Dominant, and in general I assume that most people who randomly add me as their "friend" are scammers doing it so they appear legit.

On sites like facebook, I only friend people I know in person. I've rejected friend requests from people I went to high school with who never spoke to me (or I to them, really).

On facebook, it's to protect my privacy. Here, I just don't see the point. I don't use this place like a social networking site, and I don't particularly want to either.

(in reply to VanIsleKnight)

Post #: 6

RE: Online "Friends" - 9/4/2009 5:51:00 AM

SirLost

Posts: 142
Joined: 7/5/2009
Status: offline

I believe another reason for making the friends list crowded is to be able to attract the opposite sex. Yes, it is of course about popularity, but also a "See? These pretty women are friends of mine, I must be someone that's not abstained from!"

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Post #: 7

RE: Online "Friends" - 9/4/2009 5:53:28 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I don't find it strange. What I find it is somewhere between ridiculous and asinine. I see it about as silly as walking up to someone on a street corner that you've never met before and saying will you be My friend.

I can get the concept of when it's someone that you've gotten to know from the boards or through emails or whatever. Once you've had the opportunity to start learning who they are as a person, what kind of beliefs they have, and what type of character they come across with. Just mailing some random profile doesn't live up to that.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to VanIsleKnight)

Post #: 8

RE: Online "Friends" - 9/4/2009 5:59:44 AM

VanIsleKnight

Posts: 283
Joined: 8/4/2009
Status: offline

I send/accept friend requests to people I like and have chatted with on the forums in some manner. :) Because I like them.

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Apologies for what you feel might be a spelling error. I'm Canadian.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 9

RE: Online "Friends" - 9/4/2009 6:00:56 AM

SweetNika

Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline

I think it is silly to think a random person should wear the label "friend" even online. Who I give that label to is very limited and typically deny and block those who do this.

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Blessed be,
Nika

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 10

RE: Online "Friends" - 9/4/2009 6:02:14 AM

YoursMistress

Posts: 894
Joined: 12/17/2008
Status: offline

The gathering of online "friends" is also very popular in online games and virtual environments. There are all shades of familiarity leading up to a "friendship" status, some requiring sustained contact, others just to finish a particular conversation and some, as you say, just out of the blue. I get them all of the time online, and generally refuse them. Although, sometimes I just say yes and then go back to delete them if they are off-line. (yes, I am a serial conflict avoider, even in its mildest forms).

Since you can't discern from a blind request whether someone is terribly shy or pathological, you can only trust your gut and experience. I don't think it's odd, given that I've observed alot of it. I don't know what's in their heads, however.

yours

_____________________________

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As a rule, I don't like to make general statements.

(in reply to SirLost)

Post #: 11

RE: Online "Friends" - 9/4/2009 6:21:01 AM

subtlebutterfly

Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline

I sooo agree I don't get it when people pop up out of nowhere sayin hi wanna be friends?! It's just..fucked up, I always get that you "gawd damn scammer" feeling.

With that being said, I do believe online friendships can exist.
There're 2 people I've known for almost a decade, the opportunity to meet simply hasn't been there and we aint stressing to. However, I do consider them almost as real as hands-on friends, but it'll never be entirely the same though. There're 2 others who I chat to and it'll probably turn into kinda the same friendship thingy BUT we all knew of each other and then it developed, kinda like on this forum where some people end up as friends.

However, no friggin way that these people popping up sayin "hi wanna be friends" are getting anywhere with me, it's just so wrong.

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Post #: 12

RE: Online "Friends" - 9/4/2009 6:45:27 AM

SL4V3M4YB3

Posts: 3506
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I see it about as silly as walking up to someone on a street corner that you've never met before and saying will you be My friend.

I suspect someone walking up to someone hanging around on a street corner and asking them to be their friend could have ulterior motives.

_____________________________

Memory Lane...been there done that.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 13

RE: Online "Friends" - 9/4/2009 10:21:11 AM

susie

Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I don't find it strange. What I find it is somewhere between ridiculous and asinine. I see it about as silly as walking up to someone on a street corner that you've never met before and saying will you be My friend.

I can get the concept of when it's someone that you've gotten to know from the boards or through emails or whatever. Once you've had the opportunity to start learning who they are as a person, what kind of beliefs they have, and what type of character they come across with. Just mailing some random profile doesn't live up to that.

I agree. There are a few people on the boards here that I would accept as friends as I have conversed with them for quite a while but to have someone I have never heard of before send me a friend request is pretty ridiculous.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 14

RE: Online "Friends" - 9/4/2009 10:25:36 AM

SweetNika

Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline

I just had a thought. When I was teaching young children would often walk up to one another -for the first time take each other by the hand and say they were friends. Why as adults do you think our outlook has changed so much?

_____________________________

Blessed be,
Nika

(in reply to susie)

Post #: 15

RE: Online "Friends" - 9/4/2009 10:37:51 AM

DemonKia

Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline

FR, after read thru

Confessions of a 'Friending' Whore . . ... .

At first I only 'friended' people, here on CM, that I knew in meat-life . . . . . . Then I got bored with those limitations & I started 'friending' anyone who asked . . .. . . Then I started hanging out on the message boards & making friends that way . . . . . . Now, about half the 'friends' on my profile are people I met thru the boards, about one-in-five is a real-life friend, & the rest are split between random strangers & people I met thru cmail on the 'other side' . . . . . . .

In flesh-life I tend to have two distinct meanings for the word 'friend' -- the casual usage of 'friendly acquaintance', & then the specific special meaning that's more like 'good friend' (person I can count on to be there) . . . . . . On social networking sites I just make use of that first, more informal, sense of friendly acquaintance . . . . .

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Post #: 16

RE: Online "Friends" - 9/4/2009 10:56:18 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

I find it rediculous when someone asks me to add them to my list when they have not even e-mailed me before and I dont know them from Adam. People do collect friends on their page like throphys. I think it makes them feel better about themselves.

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Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
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(in reply to DemonKia)

Post #: 17

RE: Online "Friends" - 9/4/2009 12:23:09 PM

DemonKia

Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline

Do you often begrudge people innocuous opportunities to feel better about themselves? Is there something wrong with doing things that make one feel better about one's self?

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

I think it makes them feel better about themselves.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 18

RE: Online "Friends" - 9/4/2009 12:45:54 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonKia

Do you often begrudge people innocuous opportunities to feel better about themselves? Is there something wrong with doing things that make one feel better about one's self?

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

I think it makes them feel better about themselves.

I dont begrudge them anything. But I dont have to accept their request. Its my right and page to have whom I choose on it. Some random stranger who hasnt talked to me ever doesnt get my agreement to be their "friend". If you wanna do it, more power to ya.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to DemonKia)

Post #: 19

RE: Online "Friends" - 9/4/2009 6:05:24 PM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetNika

I just had a thought. When I was teaching young children would often walk up to one another -for the first time take each other by the hand and say they were friends. Why as adults do you think our outlook has changed so much?

Young children as far as I'm aware don't have financial independence or get involved in sexual relationships between each other. Adults do, and sometimes they get deceived and cheated with regard to both of the above and I think therein lies the answer to your question.

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(in reply to SweetNika)

Post #: 20

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