Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Resume of Service


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Resume of Service Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Resume of Service - 9/6/2009 1:39:48 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		About a year ago, I attended a seminar that was called a "Servant's Retreat".  The presenter has been in the bdsm community for over 30 years and had gone from s-type to D-type in her orientation across the years (Though, interestingly, never mentioned considering herself a switch).  Anyway, the service thread reminded me of the seminar and of the resume that the presenter handed out of skills that she brought in service to a particular D-type and these ranged from anything to: bookkeeping/accounting to bootblacking to formal dinnerparty etiquette and hosting to sexual skills that she believed a D-type might find interesting.  I belive she also included medical status, etc.  It was rather thorough. 
While I can't imagine going into a relationship with someone and handing them my relationship resume, it is an intersting concept and I'm starting this thread to see if others have heard of such things, their thoughts on such things, and if they want to, giving listing their strengths a whirl.  That last part was something that I found real value in: someone cueing in on their strengths enough to be able to put pen to paper over them.  And, of course D-types really could form the same sort of resume.  :> 
Anyway, have fun.  :> 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Resume of Service - 9/6/2009 2:03:02 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		For me, I could've read her entire laundry list o' stuff and walked away not knowing anything that mattered to me. The only "skills" I would care about almost certainly did not appear there, eg:

Teamwork skills
Communication skills
Discipline skills
Self-control skills
and yes, submissiveness

As is always true with me, the rest is just window dressing. The way I figure it, anyone who actually has the relationship skills I'd be looking for would quickly learn whatever else I needed. It's kind of like hiring at work. I was way more interested in candidates with a proven ability to learn quickly than I was any particular skill set. Afterall, the person who can learn quickly will learn whatever it is they need to know in order to succeed.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Resume of Service - 9/6/2009 2:12:39 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		As usual, we agree, Jeff!  :> 
  Davan
I find that a lot of people don't know what their strengths are: that was the biggest 'plus' in what she was proposing, imo: getting people to look at themselves and to cite what they bring to the table. 

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Resume of Service - 9/6/2009 2:21:52 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		God forbid he chose me for what I could do. That's too cold an arrangement for me. For us the intangibles count more, love, kindness, caring, etc.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Resume of Service - 9/6/2009 2:32:42 PM   
sravaka


Posts: 314
Joined: 6/20/2008
Status: offline 		Hi Davan....

I'll probably regret this, but... aaargh!   I have no particular skills in shining silver or blacking boots, or whatever, but I know I am 1) infinitely obedient, when provoked, 2) extremely empathetic, regardless, 3) utterly devoted to someone who captures my attention. 

The rest can be learned.


_____________________________

Miseries hold me fixed, and I would gladly cut these roots to become a floating plant. I would yield myself up utterly, if the inviting stream could be relied upon. --Ono no Komachi

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Resume of Service - 9/6/2009 2:34:44 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I much rather prefer getting to know someone by talking, hanging out, doing things together. I can learn more that way than any other way. A relationship resume just sounds cold and narrow to me.


(in reply to sravaka)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Resume of Service - 9/6/2009 2:42:01 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		No, it really wouldn't be my style at all.

I wouldn't be interested in reading what skills someone has, or what strengths they consider they have, but would rather just *discover* them along with everything else, over time. By the same token, I prefer someone to get to know me in the same way.

agirl









(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Resume of Service - 9/6/2009 2:49:23 PM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

About a year ago, I attended a seminar that was called a "Servant's Retreat".  The presenter has been in the bdsm community for over 30 years and had gone from s-type to D-type in her orientation across the years (Though, interestingly, never mentioned considering herself a switch).  Anyway, the service thread reminded me of the seminar and of the resume that the presenter handed out of skills that she brought in service to a particular D-type and these ranged from anything to: bookkeeping/accounting to bootblacking to formal dinnerparty etiquette and hosting to sexual skills that she believed a D-type might find interesting.  I belive she also included medical status, etc.  It was rather thorough. 
While I can't imagine going into a relationship with someone and handing them my relationship resume, it is an intersting concept and I'm starting this thread to see if others have heard of such things, their thoughts on such things, and if they want to, giving listing their strengths a whirl.  That last part was something that I found real value in: someone cueing in on their strengths enough to be able to put pen to paper over them.  And, of course D-types really could form the same sort of resume.  :> 
Anyway, have fun.  :> 
  Davan


Everyone gives a list, you just don't realize it as it is done through verbal communication so it appears more subtle

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Resume of Service - 9/6/2009 2:52:22 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		I went through this one time with a dominant I was involved with, who in the beginning, wanted me to list my skills and ways that I could serve him.  It made me feel uncomfortable and I found it to be kind of a cold way to get to know someone. 

Sure, I have some skills and strengths, but to me, chemistry is much more important.  As Sravaka said, the rest can be learned. I'd rather be wanted for who I am, my willingness to be pleasing, and how I make him feel rather than how well I can type, do accounting, or polish his boots.

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Resume of Service - 9/6/2009 2:57:14 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		It always surprises me (though after all this time one would think I would be accustomed to it) when people say that a relationship based on service is "cold". Again, like the discussion about TPE, I suspect that the issue is lack of experience with the concept, and the incapacity to comprehend something when seeing it only from the outside.

Most of those who have come to us as servants have come with their resume in hand, or have completed one at our direction. More than half of our servants have reached the level of "family" in our household. Every -one- of our servants was cherished -and- respected for their skills and dedication, and for the spirit of the person that they brought to our family... but having the knowledge of those skills before we knew anything else about one another certainly smoothed the way for knowing that they would be a good fit for what our household desired.

I don't have a problem with people saying "hey, I don't think that would work well for me."... where I have a problem is when people make statements that would make it seem like other people's choices are somehow -inferior- to their own, or that other people's ways of doing what they do is somehow more demeaning and less fulfilling than their way.

For those who practice service-based relationships, I can see where a resume of skills, in combination with the interpersonal connection, would make for a very well-balanced presentation. I have to say that I would be most impressed with a servant who came to me prepared, with a tool that showed me how what xhe enjoyed doing and did well fit into the household that I was shaping.

As far as the resume from the other end of the frame -- I think that it is valuable for the dominant individual to know what xhe prefers, and to be able to explain/express that. Being able to express the D-type aspect of what one brings to the mix and the expectations will help to begin the discussions on common ground, or save everyone the effort of pursuing something that will eventually prove to be less than fulfilling (or, worst case, completely miserable).

Dame Calla

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 9/6/2009 3:06:26 PM >

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Resume of Service - 9/6/2009 3:03:17 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

when people say that a relationship based on service is "cold". Again, I suspect that the issue is lack of experience with the concept.


I didn't mean it was cold as in inferior or I feel I am better. I meant cold as in not intimate, not a long term committed loving relationship with someone who is like my second skin.

Since I'm not poly or into the whole servant household type of thing, for me to be in such a situation would just not feel intimate to me. It would feel more like a work based relationship or at the very most a friendship based relationship.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Resume of Service - 9/6/2009 3:07:40 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

About a year ago, I attended a seminar that was called a "Servant's Retreat".  The presenter has been in the bdsm community for over 30 years and had gone from s-type to D-type in her orientation across the years (Though, interestingly, never mentioned considering herself a switch).  Anyway, the service thread reminded me of the seminar and of the resume that the presenter handed out of skills that she brought in service to a particular D-type and these ranged from anything to: bookkeeping/accounting to bootblacking to formal dinnerparty etiquette and hosting to sexual skills that she believed a D-type might find interesting.  I belive she also included medical status, etc.  It was rather thorough. 
While I can't imagine going into a relationship with someone and handing them my relationship resume, it is an intersting concept and I'm starting this thread to see if others have heard of such things, their thoughts on such things, and if they want to, giving listing their strengths a whirl.  That last part was something that I found real value in: someone cueing in on their strengths enough to be able to put pen to paper over them.  And, of course D-types really could form the same sort of resume.  :> 
Anyway, have fun.  :> 
Davan


i have attended servants retreat in the past. Lady Catherine is very well known and widely respected in the leather community. she has been on both sides of the paddle and doesn't utilize the term because she does them both simultaneously.

as for the resume she provides, it gives a prospective owner an overview of ones skills, experience, education, medical history, and the other pertinent information an individual may wish to have to make an informed decision. similar information is collected and compiled into a slave file which some owners elect to create and maintain. her style is very akin to what you might find in internal enslavement or managerial styled power exchanges. to say she is meticulous is an understatement, but she knows her craft very well.

based upon my experiences at the retreat and personal conversations with her, i opted to do the same. i provide a shortened version of such on my profile which gives some indication of what i want and what i have to offer. the dominants i speak with generally are seeking something specific and pose questions ranging from interests, dreams, psychological makeup, and so on. what they are attempting to gauge is how well this person (me in this case) will fit into their world and their style of dominance.

i believe it is a wonderful exercise and provides real transparency which all slaves aspire to do. my owner should be innately aware of what he's getting himself into and not merely be shown the prettier sides instead. her resume provides a springboard that you can utilize in crafting your own. there are other methods available to achieve the same vain. i believe it is a useful tool for both. i found it shed great light on my attributes and the other elements i might wish to downplay. which offered new opportunities for continued growth and a deeper acquiesce.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Resume of Service - 9/6/2009 3:18:38 PM   
sravaka


Posts: 314
Joined: 6/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

For those who practice service-based relationships, I can see where a resume of skills, in combination with the interpersonal connection, would make for a very well-balanced presentation.


I suppose that the perception of a resume as "cold" stems from its independence from the interpersonal factor?  which many others (if I read them correctly) view as the primary component.

I'm perceiving, via recent threads, an unexpectedly sharp distinction between "service-oriented" D/s and some other kind.  I don't think the other kind is rare, and yet I have no quick, by-contrast word for it. 

Personally, I seek a combination of intimate pair-bond plus service.  I don't deny the intimacy of service that does not include a loverly (so to speak) pair bond....  I have no doubt that service can be wonderfully intimate and fulfilling on its own, even for those who ultimately seek a pair bond.   But somehow/somewhere, I perceive pure servants as forced to put some aspects of themselves on hold?  or to be free of such aspects, whether naturally or calculatedly? 

I'd really like to be corrected if this perception is incorrect, though I'm not sure that I have explained adequately. 


_____________________________

Miseries hold me fixed, and I would gladly cut these roots to become a floating plant. I would yield myself up utterly, if the inviting stream could be relied upon. --Ono no Komachi

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Resume of Service - 9/6/2009 3:27:31 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

I don't have a problem with people saying "hey, I don't think that would work well for me."... where I have a problem is when people make statements that would make it seem like other people's choices are somehow -inferior- to their own, or that other people's ways of doing what they do is somehow more demeaning and less fulfilling than their way.



I used the word "cold" too, but I don't think other people's choices are inferior at all.  I used to actually prefer a colder or more "business like" relationship, until I experienced it a couple of times and realized how unfulfilling it had become for me.  This is not to say that it's wrong or unfulfilling for others of course.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Resume of Service - 9/6/2009 3:32:35 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Personally, I seek a combination of intimate pair-bond plus service. I don't deny the intimacy of service that does not include a loverly (so to speak) pair bond.... I have no doubt that service can be wonderfully intimate and fulfilling on its own, even for those who ultimately seek a pair bond. But somehow/somewhere, I perceive pure servants as forced to put some aspects of themselves on hold? or to be free of such aspects, whether naturally or calculatedly?


I think that would be true, if the requirement were in place to set aside any romantic relationships while in the domestic/service contract. I know that isn't the way we handle things (our servants are both allowed and encouraged to develop personal relationships, with the sole condition that those relationships cannot interfere with the agreed-upon service requirements or cause strife in the House), but it does make me wonder, for those who are not poly, how such a disparity might play out if the dominant-type individual did not want the servant to have any interaction or relationship outside of the service relationship.

Dame Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to sravaka)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Resume of Service - 9/6/2009 6:36:49 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

I'm starting this thread to see if others have heard of such things, their thoughts on such things, and if they want to, giving listing their strengths a whirl.  That last part was something that I found real value in: someone cueing in on their strengths enough to be able to put pen to paper over them.  And, of course D-types really could form the same sort of resume.  :> 
Anyway, have fun.  :> 
Davan

It's this last part that I honestly find interesting.  I've never taken this approach personally, but I can absolutely see how it could have a positive effect for those who do need to learn how to focus on their strengths.  Not everyone does that automatically.  It could be very helpful to those who could use a bit more self esteem or may feel somewhat intimidated because they haven't formally trained in service.

I think it's important for s types focus on the things they can do, rather than the things they can't do.  Not everybody starting in this life is going to have boot blacking as a skill or tea service or have experience in organizing lifestyle events.  That doesn't mean they don't have skills.  It just means they have different ones.

Come to think of it, the practice might help the s type to recognize what they wish *was* on their resume.  It may bring to light that thing that they want to learn and how they might want to take steps to obtain it.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Resume of Service - 9/6/2009 7:02:29 PM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		Interesting thought-
I agree with Acer's comment, that in a more hidden fashion, we all submit a description of "why you should choose me" even if it is masked and subtle. What is a profile if not a thinly veiled "here are my best qualities, and on behalf of the band and myself I hope we pass the audition"?

But about a spcific written list, I can see the allure of this. If you are looking for a love relationship, it probably seems a bit distant and objective; But there are many who find that exactly what they want- some people are looking less for a romantic love relationship than a service-oriented one, where romance and love are incidental to the service provided.
I am thinking of high protocol arrangements, where there are specifc terms of address, or eye contact restrictions, and so forth, or for that matter, objectification which is a kink in itself- these can be wildly erotic.

But as I have found even in the business world, a resume conceals as much as it illuminates- and even after a face to face interview, a new hire is always a crapshoot.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Resume of Service - 9/6/2009 7:35:54 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

But as I have found even in the business world, a resume conceals as much as it illuminates- and even after a face to face interview, a new hire is always a crapshoot.


as in business, our personal relationship agreements can be terminated when deception has been discovered. it would seem pointless to exert this sort of effort to undermine the very thing both are seeking to build. however there's always the lone exception to standards of decorum.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to AnimusRex)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Resume of Service - 9/6/2009 7:57:51 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your replies thus far, I am finding each an interesting read.  :> 
LadyPact cued in on precisely where I found the strengths of this idea personally: people so often focus on what htey can't do or haven't done or they posture and fixate on certain traits: how interesting to see it put on paper. 
I personally wouldn't have it be the be-all, end all of a relationship but thought some might find it an interesting contemplation.  I ran across my notebook from the retreat awhile ago and was pondering it in an off-handed way (Laundry, re-pot plants, efficacy of D/s resume, pay x-bill, etc.). 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Resume of Service - 9/6/2009 7:59:02 PM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I have no particular skills in shining silver or blacking boots, or whatever, but I know I am 1) infinitely obedient, when provoked, 2) extremely empathetic, regardless, 3) utterly devoted to someone who captures my attention. 

The rest can be learned.


You're hired. You start Monday.



< Message edited by Musicmystery -- 9/6/2009 8:00:05 PM >

(in reply to sravaka)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Resume of Service Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078