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Emotions - 9/6/2009 11:05:32 PM   
curiouskitten8


Posts: 43
Joined: 1/23/2009
Status: offline 		Do any of you ever start to genuinely feel angry in a scene, or let emotions from the day take over during play? Do you experience other strong emotions? How do you control any emotions you have during a scene? 
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RE: Emotions - 9/7/2009 1:57:06 AM   
aldompdx


Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline 		Self control is the definition of mastery (or should be). One who has mastered their own feelings, not merely repressed or denied them, will not be "taken over" by their feelings or thoughts at any time. Instead, they will consciously exercise self will and free choice over the degree to which they will allow a feeling to influence their action. One who is a master of self is not controlled by reaction to their own feelings and thoughts.

Sadly, a great many self proclaimed "masters" attempt to impose control upon others to compensate for their own lack of inner self control. A master of self earns respect and inspires the confident surrender of another by always demonstrating their own open hearted self control.

(in reply to curiouskitten8)
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RE: Emotions - 9/7/2009 3:40:07 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		The Top needs to control his or her emotions.  However, the bottom will often get a flood of emotion... a good bottoming session can do that.  There are some spankos that use a spanking for stress relief, for example.  Scolding beforehand can put a bottom into a headspace where guilt, etc. can be evoked during a spanking.

I'm not sure why a bottom would want to control their feelings.  Let 'em out - it's a catharsis and healthy to let go.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to aldompdx)
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RE: Emotions - 9/7/2009 3:59:48 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		From a sub point of view...I almost always get angry. It's my natural reaction for me when someone hits me.
Some days I'm able to accept it when it's happening and some days I fight back and suffer the consequences of that decision.
Either way, I'm never allowed to filter my emotions. That's unacceptable to him.
And then there are the times when I laugh, smile and joke with him. I don't filter those emotions either and neither does he.

_____________________________



(in reply to curiouskitten8)
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RE: Emotions - 9/7/2009 4:15:02 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		Depending on the time of the month my emotions can be overwhelming... it is not that i lose total control but i can most definitely be on a very wilde ride at times... my Husband is much more disciplined and closed as a person, the stiff upperlip Englishman type... not a talker... He might laugh heartily or be angry but He is not as emotional as i am...
He loves to ride my highs and lows and He is also very skilled at steering me a certainway and back again.

(in reply to curiouskitten8)
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RE: Emotions - 9/7/2009 4:18:43 AM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouskitten8

Do any of you ever start to genuinely feel angry in a scene, or let emotions from the day take over during play? Do you experience other strong emotions? How do you control any emotions you have during a scene? 


No, It is unwise to scene if you are experiencing emotions. A Dominant must be in control his emotions at all times, in or out of a scene. I focus on what I am doing and the condition of sub at all times during a scene. How do you? you simply do. I would assume a high maturity level has been factored into it

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to curiouskitten8)
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RE: Emotions - 9/7/2009 4:36:27 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Acer49


quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouskitten8

Do any of you ever start to genuinely feel angry in a scene, or let emotions from the day take over during play? Do you experience other strong emotions? How do you control any emotions you have during a scene? 


No, It is unwise to scene if you are experiencing emotions. A Dominant must be in control his emotions at all times, in or out of a scene. I focus on what I am doing and the condition of sub at all times during a scene. How do you? you simply do. I would assume a high maturity level has been factored into it


I think that's kind of unrealistic to think that a dominant feels no emotion while scening (I hate that term). Or that a dominant is always in control of their emotions. Perhaps it's more realistic to say that dominants don't let their negative emotions overwhelm themselves to the point of lack of control.

_____________________________



(in reply to Acer49)
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RE: Emotions - 9/7/2009 5:01:45 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

From a sub point of view...I almost always get angry. It's my natural reaction for me when someone hits me.
Some days I'm able to accept it when it's happening and some days I fight back and suffer the consequences of that decision.
Either way, I'm never allowed to filter my emotions. That's unacceptable to him.
And then there are the times when I laugh, smile and joke with him. I don't filter those emotions either and neither does he.


Ditto to much of that.

I *feel* what I feel.....and sometimes I feel cross and rebellious when I'm being struck.

I don't control my emotions when we engage in activities...I do the opposite......I let go of them, eventually. Sometimes I try to hang on to them but that isn't what he wants and he will  continue to push until I let go of those reins. It simply means it's a harder and longer process at times.

Emotions from the day don't ever *take over* but they might come spilling out, during.

Yes, I feel other strong emotions such as deep feelings of devotion bordering on worship, incredible gratefulness and quite a few that are not directly related to him.

HE, however, does not do this and in his view, shouldn't. Whatever he *feels*, he has to be in control because of the fact that I am not.

agirl

(in reply to Aileen1968)
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RE: Emotions - 9/7/2009 7:14:05 AM   
ShoreBound149


Posts: 622
Joined: 7/2/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Acer49


No, It is unwise to scene if you are experiencing emotions.


Really?  Then why bother?  I experience an intense wide range of emotions when we are expressing ourselves.  It's the craving of those heightened emotions that draws us to exploring all the unique ways there are to interact with each other.  I can experience a deep wide range of emotions and still have 100% control of my actions.

We saw a virtually emotionless scene by both participants in Paddles in NYC.  After a little time, it just started to look silly.  



_____________________________

"People don't think it be like it is, but it do."

Oscar Gamble

(in reply to Acer49)
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RE: Emotions - 9/7/2009 7:20:04 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Acer49

No, It is unwise to scene if you are experiencing emotions. A Dominant must be in control his emotions at all times, in or out of a scene. I focus on what I am doing and the condition of sub at all times during a scene. How do you? you simply do. I would assume a high maturity level has been factored into it

I disagree.  I may expand later.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Acer49)
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RE: Emotions - 9/7/2009 8:19:38 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Sure..I've become angry or let the day get to me me emotionally. Master either allows it and takes me until I'm in a pile of tears because I needed the cathartic release or he reminds me with a slap or a hairpull or something like that that I'm being disobedient and that I'm there to pleasure him, not to think of myself. At that point I bite my tongue and get on with it the best that I can.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Emotions - 9/7/2009 8:20:24 AM   
gracesky


Posts: 26
Joined: 7/29/2009
Status: offline 		i think that experiencing emotions during a scene is fine, however, maintaining control of them is of utmost importance.

_____________________________

Also on An Owned Life

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Emotions - 9/7/2009 8:37:45 AM   
dove967


Posts: 102
Joined: 10/28/2006
Status: offline 		I can understand a Top "turning off" that emotion switch in the head so He doesn't get distracted or confused by whatever the bottom may feel or express.  His focus needs to be on executing the scene safely.  Emotions can become a filter that warps the way the Top interprets all the bits and pieces of information he's gathering from the scene as a whole.  That's why I believe safe words are important thing to have.  That way, the Top knows not to change the course of the scene unless He hears that one word....no matter what the bottom may say, do, or what amount of distress they appear to be in. As for we bottoms, we wouldn't be human if all that physical and psychological stimulus DIDN'T evoke some intense emotions of some kind.  I usually experience anger when my Dom increases the pain level and I have to adjust and work through it to get to the other side of it.  But, I don't get angry at my Sir at all,  my anger is directed towards the pain.  Psychologically, for me, it becomes an entity all it's own that I fight with in order to arrive at a deeper level of subspace.  I can be very stubborn about not letting the pain win by forcing me to use a safeword and I will growl, curse , and yell in order achieve my victory over it.  I'm quite a sight during this fight, but, my Sir is very famililar with it and knows it to be a sign that he needs to maintain the current level of pain and give me time to conquer that old enemy. 
dove

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Emotions - 9/7/2009 8:51:39 AM   
trappedinamuseum


Posts: 5066
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouskitten8

Do any of you ever start to genuinely feel angry in a scene, or let emotions from the day take over during play? Do you experience other strong emotions? How do you control any emotions you have during a scene? 


Me trying to control my emotions would be defeating his purpose (and my longing) to make me lose control of those emotions.  I tend to hold them in as tightly as I can, so I think he finds great pleasure in drawing them out.  Now, in saying that, it doesn't mean that they get to take precedence over everything.  There is a time and place for that kind of emotive release, and I find scening is one of the best places for it, in my experience.


_____________________________

"You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside you soul.
Don't come back for me.
Don't come back at all" - Jar of Hearts

(in reply to curiouskitten8)
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RE: Emotions - 9/8/2009 10:53:15 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouskitten8

Do any of you ever start to genuinely feel angry in a scene, or let emotions from the day take over during play? Do you experience other strong emotions? How do you control any emotions you have during a scene? 


My focus is totally on him, not on my day or on anything else.  My emotions become extremely heightened, though, so any emotions that come up during that time are beyond what they normally would have been.

As for a dominant not having emotions when he "scenes" (count me amongst those who hate that word, although I understand its use), no thank you.  I would hate if he were emotionless - what ignites me most about him is his passion.  This doesn't mean he's totally out of control; just that he might come across stronger or milder, depending on his mood.


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to curiouskitten8)
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RE: Emotions - 9/8/2009 11:52:36 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouskitten8

Do any of you ever start to genuinely feel angry in a scene, or let emotions from the day take over during play? Do you experience other strong emotions? How do you control any emotions you have during a scene? 


no, but i may have other emotional responses instead. although that isn't a constant and it truthfully depends on whether a trigger has been hit or i have other things i've been suppressing that bubble up to the surface. in some respects it is a release for me and i permit myself to purge in a manner i'd probably attempt to control otherwise outside of that. or elect to utilize a different mechanism to get it out.

i don't feel that my emotions should be controlled while scening. if anything i would think the dominant would expect a very honest response from me. i can't say i'd feel differently either. letting go is an integral part of the experience.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

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RE: Emotions - 9/9/2009 3:18:28 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Anyone who lets emotions take control during something like that shouldn't ever play and certainly doesn't deserve the label Top, let alone Dom or Master. That isn't the same as being an emotionless robot but you must be in control of them. If you are not in control your judgement is impaired, your ability to react is impaired, the bottom/sub/slave is endangered!

Be able to control Yourself first before looking to control anyone else!


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to porcelaine)
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RE: Emotions - 9/9/2009 8:14:23 AM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Such an intimate interaction devoid of emotion would just be...sad.  Certainly not of interest to me. 
Because one feels an emotion does not make any action a foregone conclusion:
emotion--thought--behavior
I would hope that I and anyone with whom I am involved would understand and be able to master that concept (Regardless of side of the kneel). 
And, as for letting go, one of the scenarios I most long to live out with someone who loves me and who I love involves cutting loose in a way that a lot of folks who know me would find downright disconcerting.  Waiting is. 
Davan

< Message edited by DavanKael -- 9/9/2009 8:41:09 AM >

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to RavenMuse)
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RE: Emotions - 9/9/2009 10:49:20 AM   
Shack


Posts: 8
Joined: 6/24/2007
Status: offline 		I have, rarely, experienced very strong, totally unexpected anger during a session. It has not happened in a very long time. When it did happen I stepped back from what was going on, used a rapid meditiation to regain my center and control, and then continued the session. Later, I meditated to find the source of that anger and deal with it.

If my submissive wants to use a session to exorcise negative emotions from the day or from other relationships, I may allow that as long as I know about it going into the session. I prefer using methods other than BDSM play to resolve such stresses and I do not want to be surprised by a sudden, uncharacteristic release of emotion.

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Emotions - 9/9/2009 10:56:05 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Carol and I don't do scenes. But given our dynamic, it's not unreasonable to say that we are in a scene 24/7. So of course I get angry from time to time... for instance these last few weeks while we're both being crabby trying to get moved. But unlike when I was her husband, I cannot simply vent out that anger. Whatever harsh words I might've said would now be backed by the full measure of my authority and that's just too creepy to think about. So if need be, I shut the hell up and walk away, but I do not command her if my own emotional state is not under some semblance of contol.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to curiouskitten8)
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