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Aylee -> RE: Distancing Yourself from Negative People. (9/8/2009 11:38:59 AM)
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ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
I just don't get some people.
On a Daily Basis I find myself in situations where the input I receive from other people is Negative. They focus on what is wrong and seek to share this wrong with other people and Oddly enough it isn't because they seek understanding or even advice it would seem that want someone else to feel just as shitty about life as they do.
They say that misery loves company.
I think though, that people get caught up in the repetitive tape that plays in their head that only talks about what is wrong, they do not like, how bad things are. They fail to see the forrest because all of those damn trees are in the way.
It is a difficult pattern to break and can seem like a daunting task.
Also, when they express just how much their life sucks, they do recieve attention and validation of themselves. If they have not learned how to internally validate themselves and their lives, they must seek it somewhere else. Whinging does this for them. Unfortunatly it does not last. Because then they must keep seeking it, and to do so all they can think about is the negative. Which creates a viscious cycle because people start avoiding them, and that reinforces their internal belief that they and their life are crap.
Change is hard, and scarey. You never know what the outcome will be.
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Anyone else feel like they attract the most negative people on the planet?
No, actually. I seem to attract complete and total strangers that want to share their life story with me and talk to me like we are BFFOMGZ!!!!!!!!!! It is very strange, and it happens all the time to me. On the plus side, it is not like I ever see these people again, so. . . I am friendly to them.
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If so when you find that you care about them as people but can't stand their negative shit how do you distance yourself from them while also careing for their feelings. I mean these are people who are annoying the hell out of me but they are also people who have been there for me when I needed someone.
My advice. . . after they have went on their negativity trip with you, say, "Now tell me three good things about yourself/your life."
Another option is to flat out say, "You know, I am not really good with sympathy, but I am great with solutions."
I know that you and I have talked some about a couple issues going on in my family, and I appreciated suggestions for solutions.
My frustration in these situations comes from finding solutions for the person and then they do nothing and whinge about the same problem later.
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The hard part is that it seems that they just wanna STAY Miserable.
A part of me says that people who want to spend their life sitting on the pity-pot DESERVE to be miserable.
"If you have made mistakes. . . there is always another chance for you. . . You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down but the staying down."
-- Mary Pickford
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So what do you do?
Steel
What do I do? Well, I have given several suggestions, but honestly, at the end of the day I have to decide if the return is worth the investment. Sometimes it is and sometimes it is not. And when it is not, you just have to let them know that there is no room on your couch for an emotional cripple.
Of course that is a choice you have to make and if you want to make a change, it has to start with you. And that is hard, because then there is no one to blame but yourself. ~~ of course. . .if you succeed in a change would you give someone else the credit? No. . . then you can't blame someone else for a non-success.
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