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RE: AAARRRRGGGG - gotta rant or I'm gonna explode - 9/8/2009 5:40:26 PM   
hizgeorgiapeach


Posts: 1672
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He's been working under the assumption that if he whines long enough and loud enough, that I'll cave and clean up for him.  I haven't, despite 3 years of his attempts to do so.  You'd think that after 3 years of getting told no, he'd figure it out - but he hasn't.  Granny the Bat bailed him out.  Dad bailed him out.  I refuse to bail him out, and he simply hasn't the comprehension to figure out that I detest him and am NOT going to cave.  He's tried threats - I said no.  He's tried attempted murder and failed - I said no.  He's tried to have me thrown in jail so he would have control over dad's finances - I said no.  He's just not intelligent enough to figure out that until the day he dies, my answer is gonna be No, just like it has been our entire lives.
 
There is no love between my brother and I - and never has been.  We've detested each other since we were small children.  He's tried multiple times throughout our lives to cause trouble specifically for me, to get rid of me, to threaten me into leaving and turning my back on the Rest of the family.  He resents the hell out of the fact that I won't be used by him the way our grandmother was.  He resents the hell out of the fact that I'm the one our parents trusted - and therefore the one our parents put in charge in case of emergency.  And he resents the fact that I could care less about our shared blood - and won't be guilt tripped into letting him continue his destructive ways.  In a large way - he means less to me than a stranger on the street.  A stranger I might actually cross the street to help if they were injured - him I wouldn't cross the street to piss on if he were on fire, though I'd be hard pressed not to give in to the temptation to throw gasoline.
 
He isn't going to learn.  The vast majority of my psyche acknowledges that he isn't going to learn.  He simply doesn't have sufficient functioning neurons remaining to learn.  That small remaining portion keeps wishing he were capable of learning.  And keeps wishing that somehow - some way - some miracle would happen, to make him suddenly start acting like an actual human being rather than a lower life form, and have some fraction of concern for someone other than himself. 
 
My only real Relief in this is that dad isn't attempting to change my mind, and isn't complaining about my attitude over the whole thing.

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RE: AAARRRRGGGG - gotta rant or I'm gonna explode - 9/8/2009 9:08:33 PM   
winterlight


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I feel so bad for you. He tried to murder you? Jesus! I would get a restraining order, change my phone number etc. contact the lawyer and find out if there is anything that he can get hold of as far as the trust, make sure the trust is updated etc. I would have a note somewhere in detail as to what he has tried to do to you.. murder etc. just in case it is ever needed.

You already know the answer, don't cave into this sad moron...

(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)
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RE: AAARRRRGGGG - gotta rant or I'm gonna explode - 9/9/2009 6:18:33 AM   
DarkSteven


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hgp, I'm never certain what to do in cases like yours, whether "HELL no" or "FUCK no" is better.  You need to tell him one or the other.

Until then, you're telling him you'll "think about it" while your mind is already made up.  Complaining about him bugging you then is like a fisherman complaining that the fish he's reeling in is pulling on the line.  You created the situation by giving him false hope.


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RE: AAARRRRGGGG - gotta rant or I'm gonna explode - 9/9/2009 7:31:56 AM   
blackpearl81


Posts: 506
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Home of the Yankees
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hizgeorgiapeach

It's been a couple of weeks since my idiot brother called, asking me to help him get his car fixed cause "his bills are too high."  Told him no on that one, he calls back a couple of days later, asking me to get his truck insured under my name, and to get the tag done (which is due Now), again because he "can't afford to do so" - this time supposedly because of the cost of paying for the repairs to the vehical.
 
So I tell him I'll think about it - that it's going to depend on whether there's money left after all of my bills are paid and everything done for the month that needed financing - and drag my feet about actually looking to see what it would cost.  (Yes, I intended to simply put it off and then tell him I couldn't afford to help, but that's beside the point.)
 
So over the past 4 days, he's called me 7 times, to see whether I had "finished' getting the insurance and tag for his truck.  (No, I still hadn't, and made excuses.)  Only this time, while he's on the phone with me, I make the "suggestion" that he go ahead and get the insurance himself - because (supposedly) I'm having difficulties getting it as a completely seperate policy from what is on My car.  At which point, he informs me that he wants me to get the insurance because he Can't - no one will insure him at this point - his driver's licence has been suspended until Next April, due to the crap back in February when he managed to get the Harley stolen!
 
I'm...... beyond flabergasted at this point.  I'm to fed up to be angry - this is simply par for the course for him.  I'm just - Fed Up.  I have to wonder if he's ever going to grow up and learn that it does him no good to call expecting me to clean up the messes he makes for himself.
 
He spent the first 41 years of his life expecting our grandparents to bail him out of every jam he created for himself - and our grandmother the bat always obliged.  She obliged right into bancruptcy.  Then he conned dad into picking up where the bat left off, after mom died and dad was at his most vulnerable emotionally.  He kept it up, in fact, until after dad's stroke, when I suddenly had all the responcibility dumped in my lap, and it was then strictly My decision as to whether he got helped out or not.  In the 3 years since dad's stroke, he's consistantly ignored the rest of the family except when he showed up to whine for money.  He didn't bother to visit dad, while dad was in the nursing home, except when he wanted money - figuring that if he whined to dad, dad would harass me about it, and I'd give it to him to shut dad up.  (Bzzzzz wrong answer - dad would call and harass and tell me to give him money, I'd assure dad I would do so, and then promptly ignore the request as soon as I hung up the phone.) 
 
The 2 times this year - since I moved dad home with me - that my brother has bothered to either show up or call - what has been his reason?  Oh Yeah - He Wanted Money.  Money to get his truck out of impound, money to pay the fines he incurred getting the truck put into impound, money and a front for insurance over How he got his truck into impound.  He'll be 44 in February.  He's older than I am - though rather obviously less mature.  When is he gonna suck it up, quit trying to scam his Family, and quit thinking that he should be able to do what he wants with impunity - even if it's blatantly illegal???
 
(On the bright side - dad heard me arguing with the idiot on the fone, and asked who it was, and what it was about.  So I explained it to him.  And told him bluntly that I would NOT be getting insurance on the idiot's truck, I would NOT be getting the tag renewed, and if the idiot gets arrested and thrown in jail for driving under suspension (Again - which will be like the 3rd time he's gotten caught driving under suspension) then he will Rot there, because I will NOT be going to bail his ass out, nor will I be returning the truck after I get it out of impound - I'll sell it to cover the cost of getting it out.)


Eh. I have some mixed feelings about this. Mainly because, at 44 years old, he should know there are ALWAYS repercussions for your actions by now. (either good or bad consequences.)

Granted, I'm not exactly a shining example of learning from my mistakes, but I DO learn. (Eventually. Heh.)

I got popped a few years back for driving w/o a license.

I was actually driving someone to the hospital, I hit a police checkpoint, they found out I had no license, and gave me a ticket. I went before the judge, he understood the circumstances, fined me (which I paid off right then & there) and all was well with the world. The skies parted, the sun shined, and a bright kodacolor rainbow stretched from sea to shining sea.

But, I learned from that. Sounds like he needs to do the same.

Just my thoughts. Best of luck.

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RE: AAARRRRGGGG - gotta rant or I'm gonna explode - 9/9/2009 10:39:23 AM   
slaveluci


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From: Little Rock, AR
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God, the drama! Don't answer his calls. You can't get yourself all torqued up if you're not even dealing with him. You pretty much say you've always despised him and, regardless of what your part of the blame is in your horrible sibling relationship, he's never going to see his part. End communication since you feel he's nothing but an idiot and things are never going to improve. At least that much of the drama will be over...............luci

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RE: AAARRRRGGGG - gotta rant or I'm gonna explode - 9/9/2009 11:11:35 AM   
DesFIP


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He isn't allowed to drive. The trust owns the vehicle, not him.
Sell the truck and use the money for your Dad's care.

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RE: AAARRRRGGGG - gotta rant or I'm gonna explode - 9/9/2009 11:52:35 AM   
pahunkboy


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From: Central Pennsylvania
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Peach, what do you get in return if you do give him the cash?

Never settle for unilateral contract(s)

When asked for something- in most of life's situations- you "get" something in return.

SO ask him.  What do I get out of it?

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RE: AAARRRRGGGG - gotta rant or I'm gonna explode - 9/9/2009 12:00:50 PM   
popeye1250


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From: New Hampshire
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What a spoiled slug. "My bills are too high?"
Tell him to, "make them lower!" lol.
If his bills are too high he's living beyond his means, tell him to get another job. "Get five jobs, don't eat, don't sleep."
"Oh, I just donated $10,000 to the homeless shelter so it'll be there when you need it so I can't afford to give you any money." That'll get him going!


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RE: AAARRRRGGGG - gotta rant or I'm gonna explode - 9/9/2009 4:43:31 PM   
hizgeorgiapeach


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Des - I intended to do that with the Harley.  I demanded it back, even stated flatly that I intended to use it to pay a couple of bills for dad.  When my brother simply refused to return it, and I sent the cops after him over it, our father threw a fit and demanded that I drop the charges.  I'm fairly certain that if I do that with the truck - despite the fact that Dad Knows that his licence is suspended, it would be the same thing all over again.  I gain nothing out of that but a lot of stress and grief that I absolutely Do Not Want.
 
hunk - you asked what I get out of it - damned little, except a respite from listening to dad bitch and moan about how I'm not playing nice with my brother.  The situation is essentially a catch 22.  If I don't play nice (like refusing to answer his fone calls) - dad gets stressed out, his blood pressure goes up, he runs the risk of suffering another stroke which I could have potentially Prevented.  If I do play nice - ADS gets pissy about me doing things they consider "not in dad's best interests" and start screeching at me - which they Also do if I Don't play nice and dad gets stressed out.  So what do I do?  I rant every now and then, when the stress gets to be to much, and then I get on with keeping a lid on things and conducting my life pretty much as usual.
 
Pops - telling him that would be incredibly amusing - I may try that angle despite the probable repercussions!
 
I've gotten emails from a couple of people telling me that I "can't" sell the truck.  So I'm going to state this to clear a few things up concerning that.
 
The vehical in question is owned by a Trust - an estate trust, specifically, started by my father for his assets 8 years ago.  That is the name on the Title of the vehical.  My brother is not Legally Capable of selling the vehical - he's made the attempt, and nearly got charged with Fraud for attempting to do so without proof that he is the Trustee of the Trust which Legally Owns it.  My brother cannot even legally sign the vehical out of Impound - I have to go do so for him, as I have had to do twice now over the past 3 years.  Not even our father has the legal capacity to do so at this point.

Originally, my father was sole Trustee of that estate trust.  When he set up the trust, however, he made a provision within the terms of the Trust giving the Trustee sole discretion on disposition of assets owned in the name of the Trust - including all vehicals, real estate property, personal property which had been given into the trust, moneies, accounts, etc.  He also placed a provision in the Trust to name his Sucessor Trustee (myself) in case anything happened to him which left him Living, but unable to act on his own behalf or as Trustee.  When his stroke happened, that clause - naming me as his Sucessor, and thus Sole Trustee - went into effect.  It was backed up a few weeks later, when he had begun to recover, by him signing a notarized letter of resignation as trustee in favor of myself as his sucessor, and granting me both the rights and responcibilities of sole trusteeship - including the right of disposition of property.

So yes, according to all the paperwork, legal documentation, and a court in my own state which has already upheld my authority as Trustee (despite my brother attempting to convince the court to negate/ignore that athority, and the rights that go with it) - I CAN sell that vehical, despite it not being owned in MY name as an individual, at any point in time I choose to do so.  If I really wanted to be a complete Bitch about things, I could go demand in the name of the Trust that he hand over the keys, and leave him stranded where he stood as I had the car either towed away or driven off by someone of my choosing - with the county sheriff's office standing there to enforce it at gunpoint for me if need be.  I don't do so for two reasons - (a) I don't want to deal with the repercussions that would carry while dealing with my father - it can wait until after dad is dead, and there Are No Repercussions where he is concerned; and (b) I don't want to have to start keeping a loaded weapon on my person 24/7 again, which I would have to do, because my brother Would attempt something.  Once dad is dead - I do what I know Needs to be done without having to deal with dad disapproving - and don't have the responcibilities holding me here in Oklahoma, in one location, where my brother knows where and how to find me.


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RE: AAARRRRGGGG - gotta rant or I'm gonna explode - 9/9/2009 4:54:46 PM   
pahunkboy


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Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
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Why cant he tend to daddio for a week?

You NEED a trip.

Maybe to a spa. ....or a casino.  And then when you get back... "maybe" you will cut a check....
(depends if deep cleaning is done right.)

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RE: AAARRRRGGGG - gotta rant or I'm gonna explode - 9/9/2009 4:55:39 PM   
kiwisub12


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Oy  -  good thoughts and strength to you!

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RE: AAARRRRGGGG - gotta rant or I'm gonna explode - 9/9/2009 5:40:10 PM   
hizgeorgiapeach


Posts: 1672
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Hunk - even if my brother were to volunteer to stay with dad (which he's not about to do, unless I'm willing to pay him upwards of a month's full salary for doing, as though he were simply a hired nursemaid rather than one of dad's offspring and my only living sibling) - I would be pretty much criminally negligent to do so.  He's a drug user.  He's an alcoholic.  He has a known history of being willing to commit both theft and fraud even against his own family.  I would come home to find the place cleaned out, and dad abandoned or dead - and that's a Best Case scenario.  I only take vacations during Respite time from Hospice - every 3 months, when they put him in a nursing home for 5 days - or when one of my friends that I can actually Trust is both capable and willing to stay with dad for a weekend while I go camping or something of that nature.

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RE: AAARRRRGGGG - gotta rant or I'm gonna explode - 9/9/2009 5:46:25 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hizgeorgiapeach

It's been a couple of weeks since my idiot brother called, asking me to help him get his car fixed cause "his bills are too high."  Told him no on that one, he calls back a couple of days later, asking me to get his truck insured under my name, and to get the tag done (which is due Now), again because he "can't afford to do so" - this time supposedly because of the cost of paying for the repairs to the vehical.
 
So I tell him I'll think about it - that it's going to depend on whether there's money left after all of my bills are paid and everything done for the month that needed financing - and drag my feet about actually looking to see what it would cost.  (Yes, I intended to simply put it off and then tell him I couldn't afford to help, but that's beside the point.)
 
So over the past 4 days, he's called me 7 times, to see whether I had "finished' getting the insurance and tag for his truck.  (No, I still hadn't, and made excuses.)  Only this time, while he's on the phone with me, I make the "suggestion" that he go ahead and get the insurance himself - because (supposedly) I'm having difficulties getting it as a completely seperate policy from what is on My car.  At which point, he informs me that he wants me to get the insurance because he Can't - no one will insure him at this point - his driver's licence has been suspended until Next April, due to the crap back in February when he managed to get the Harley stolen!
 
I'm...... beyond flabergasted at this point.  I'm to fed up to be angry - this is simply par for the course for him.  I'm just - Fed Up.  I have to wonder if he's ever going to grow up and learn that it does him no good to call expecting me to clean up the messes he makes for himself.
 
He spent the first 41 years of his life expecting our grandparents to bail him out of every jam he created for himself - and our grandmother the bat always obliged.  She obliged right into bancruptcy.  Then he conned dad into picking up where the bat left off, after mom died and dad was at his most vulnerable emotionally.  He kept it up, in fact, until after dad's stroke, when I suddenly had all the responcibility dumped in my lap, and it was then strictly My decision as to whether he got helped out or not.  In the 3 years since dad's stroke, he's consistantly ignored the rest of the family except when he showed up to whine for money.  He didn't bother to visit dad, while dad was in the nursing home, except when he wanted money - figuring that if he whined to dad, dad would harass me about it, and I'd give it to him to shut dad up.  (Bzzzzz wrong answer - dad would call and harass and tell me to give him money, I'd assure dad I would do so, and then promptly ignore the request as soon as I hung up the phone.) 
 
The 2 times this year - since I moved dad home with me - that my brother has bothered to either show up or call - what has been his reason?  Oh Yeah - He Wanted Money.  Money to get his truck out of impound, money to pay the fines he incurred getting the truck put into impound, money and a front for insurance over How he got his truck into impound.  He'll be 44 in February.  He's older than I am - though rather obviously less mature.  When is he gonna suck it up, quit trying to scam his Family, and quit thinking that he should be able to do what he wants with impunity - even if it's blatantly illegal???
 
(On the bright side - dad heard me arguing with the idiot on the fone, and asked who it was, and what it was about.  So I explained it to him.  And told him bluntly that I would NOT be getting insurance on the idiot's truck, I would NOT be getting the tag renewed, and if the idiot gets arrested and thrown in jail for driving under suspension (Again - which will be like the 3rd time he's gotten caught driving under suspension) then he will Rot there, because I will NOT be going to bail his ass out, nor will I be returning the truck after I get it out of impound - I'll sell it to cover the cost of getting it out.)


Here's what I'd tell your brother (and my own)....(given to me by an incredibly intelligent woman):

"Your chaos is not my chaos".

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RE: AAARRRRGGGG - gotta rant or I'm gonna explode - 9/9/2009 5:48:13 PM   
Sunnyfey


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*hugs peach* I like your dad

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RE: AAARRRRGGGG - gotta rant or I'm gonna explode - 9/10/2009 6:03:21 PM   
FawneTwo


Posts: 98
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hizgeorgiapeach

He's been working under the assumption that if he whines long enough and loud enough, that I'll cave and clean up for him.  I haven't, despite 3 years of his attempts to do so.  You'd think that after 3 years of getting told no, he'd figure it out - but he hasn't.  Granny the Bat bailed him out.  Dad bailed him out.  I refuse to bail him out, and he simply hasn't the comprehension to figure out that I detest him and am NOT going to cave.  He's tried threats - I said no.  He's tried attempted murder and failed - I said no.  He's tried to have me thrown in jail so he would have control over dad's finances - I said no.  He's just not intelligent enough to figure out that until the day he dies, my answer is gonna be No, just like it has been our entire lives.
 
There is no love between my brother and I - and never has been.  We've detested each other since we were small children.  He's tried multiple times throughout our lives to cause trouble specifically for me, to get rid of me, to threaten me into leaving and turning my back on the Rest of the family.  He resents the hell out of the fact that I won't be used by him the way our grandmother was.  He resents the hell out of the fact that I'm the one our parents trusted - and therefore the one our parents put in charge in case of emergency.  And he resents the fact that I could care less about our shared blood - and won't be guilt tripped into letting him continue his destructive ways.  In a large way - he means less to me than a stranger on the street.  A stranger I might actually cross the street to help if they were injured - him I wouldn't cross the street to piss on if he were on fire, though I'd be hard pressed not to give in to the temptation to throw gasoline.
 
He isn't going to learn.  The vast majority of my psyche acknowledges that he isn't going to learn.  He simply doesn't have sufficient functioning neurons remaining to learn.  That small remaining portion keeps wishing he were capable of learning.  And keeps wishing that somehow - some way - some miracle would happen, to make him suddenly start acting like an actual human being rather than a lower life form, and have some fraction of concern for someone other than himself. 
 
My only real Relief in this is that dad isn't attempting to change my mind, and isn't complaining about my attitude over the whole thing.


How pathetic are 'family'? Love of Money is the only God and decency eludes them. I pity the children.

I regret I can relate hizgeorgiapeach. I'm sorry.

Keep strong.

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RE: AAARRRRGGGG - gotta rant or I'm gonna explode - 9/10/2009 7:00:04 PM   
Rule


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quote:

ORIGINAL: hizgeorgiapeach
I intended to do that with the Harley.  I demanded it back, even stated flatly that I intended to use it to pay a couple of bills for dad.  When my brother simply refused to return it

Your brother sold the Harley.

I suspect that he has a blank mind; there is nothing there. I have a neighbor like that. Borrowed and borrowed from me and despite paying some back, still owes me 104 euro's at the moment. Always has reasons why he cannot pay me back - but he can afford to smoke pot. Such people do perform a crucial function in the gene pool, though - provided they manage to breed. I do think such people ought to have a custodian.

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RE: AAARRRRGGGG - gotta rant or I'm gonna explode - 9/11/2009 12:21:41 AM   
ThatDamnedPanda


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And on top of all this drama, he once tried to kill you?

Do you, ummm....  own a shovel? Just askin'....


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RE: AAARRRRGGGG - gotta rant or I'm gonna explode - 9/11/2009 1:15:24 AM   
GreedyTop


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From: Savannah, GA
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if she doesnt, I know people that do..

just sayin'....


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RE: AAARRRRGGGG - gotta rant or I'm gonna explode - 9/11/2009 2:30:20 AM   
hizgeorgiapeach


Posts: 1672
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LMAO.  Several shovels - and an aquaintance outside of town that has a pig farm, as well.  And damned few people other than known drug users who would complain if he suddenly disappeared.  You have NO IDEA of how frequently I've entertained fantasies of doing positively inhumane things to him that end with his complete removal from the potential gene pool.  Granted, I won't carry through on any of them - he's not worth the potential of jail time on the off chance I got caught - but the fantasies themselves are rather liberating and stress reducing!
 
I have to admit, these days, I'm actually looking forward to when dad finally dies of this terminal illness.  Not because I want to see dad go - but because I can then deal with my brother Openly the way he Should be dealt with, rather than having to weigh my desire to do so against the probability that it will cause dad distress if I do so. 
 
Right now, while dad continues to cling to life - and continues to have a delusional belief that his son didn't simply outright lie to him when claiming to have quit using the drugs and alcohol, fueled both by his stroke induced brain damage and by a parent's natural desire to think/hope the best of their offspring - that's something I have to weigh each and every time my brother pulls something.  How do I deal with it without dad finding out, getting upset, and the stress causing even more damage?  If dad Does find out, how do I minimize the damage?  How do I balance what is in My best interests with what is in Dad's best interests?  How do I justify what *I consider to be in dad's best interests with what Official Sources (ie DHS/APS socialworkers) consider dad's best interests?  How do I keep this whole thing from blowing up into a massive catch 22 for me - damned either way - because APS will claim I'm not looking out for dad's best Financial interests if I Do give my brother anything - but they'll also claim I'm not looking out for dad's Emotional best interests if I DON'T give my brother anything.  All of which simply mirrors the catch 22 they put me in about allowing my brother access to dad.  If I allow my brother to come over - I have to put up with the stress, and with my brother attempting to manipulate dad which will ultimately cause me even greater stress.  Which of course APS grinchs about, because Hospice grinchs about it - if I'm stressed out, I can't effectively take care of dad.  Yet the last time the social worker came by to visit - standard procedure in this state is for them to make regular visits if a person has been in a nursing facility and gets moved home, ostensibly to avoid potential problems/neglect/abuse, but personally I figure it's to look for excuses for the state to claim someone isn't doing well enough so they can step in and control things - I got bitched out because idiot hasn't been by here and seen dad since he moved home from the nursing facility.  The one time idiot Did stop by, dad was asleep and idiot didn't want to see him - he wanted dad to pay to get the truck out of impound.  It didn't really Matter to the social worker that I've told my brother repeatedly that dad wanted to talk to him - and he simply didn't bother to show up to talk.  All that mattered was that dad said he wanted to see my brother, and obviously I wasn't doing what needed to be done to Make that happen.  I even got told - flat out and to my face - by the social worker that as far as she was concerned, I was lying when I told her I'd informed my brother of dad's desire to see/talk to him - because if I Had, then ANY child of a parent nearing death would take the time to come say their goodbyes!  Stupid, delusional, holier-than-thou Cunt.

_____________________________

Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: AAARRRRGGGG - gotta rant or I'm gonna explode - 9/11/2009 6:12:53 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
Rhi, you control the phone, you answer it and hand it to him. Right? So don't give your brother access to him. And if he's in jail for auto theft, you don't bail him out. If one of his drug buddies does, then you call the cops if he forces his way in. And show social worker that he's in jail for drugs and grand theft.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)
Profile   Post #: 40
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