stella41b
Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
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quote:
What do you do when you're afraid of being alone? And I'm not talking about being alone in the dark. I'm talking about being alone without your significant other with you. I'm scared to death of being lonely and alone. Thoughts keeps clouding my mind and I can't pull away from them. Nothing seems to matter (to an extent) and I go into minor depressive episodes.
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Therapy is your friend.
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I would personally get therapy and deal with the issues and work further to becoming healthy.
What is wrong with people here? I mean, seriously...
I'm not prepared to be so judgmental and would go along with what daintydimples and RapierFugue have touched upon.
I could say that in order to be in a relationship with someone and love them you first have to love yourself, but that in some cases for some people would be too much of an ideal and it might be something that they know themselves but find very hard to achieve.
Different things happen in life and we all go through experiences in which we learn a bit more about ourselves and not always do we arrive at a satisfactory conclusion or indeed form a positive opinion of ourselves.
RapierFugue is right, in that you perhaps need to find activities and things which take up your time and occupy your mind so that you aren't dwelling on the problem.
However daintydimples is also right, while you may not be madly in love with yourself you do certainly need to be comfortable with yourself and happy with yourself before becoming emotionally involved in a relationship with another person, especially if you intend or indeed regard that other person as your significant other.
Becoming emotionally dependent on someone else and expecting them to provide you with the validation you ought to really be providing for yourself at best places a strain on the relationship and at worst is a dangerous game to play. What if the relationship falls apart? What then? Your life falls apart and so too does your self-image. Is this what you really want? Think about it.
I think it was Marie Curie Sklodowska who once said 'We fear what we don't fully know or understand.' That is all fear really is in reality, a lack of knowledge or understanding and learning to understand and getting to know is a very good way of dealing with fears.
What I feel you need here isn't therapy at all, but validation and what you really need to be doing I feel is to be getting into the habit of providing yourself with your own validation. This involves knowing yourself or getting to know yourself, looking at yourself objectively and reminding yourself that yes, you do have weaknesses and issues, but you also have good points, strengths, and things about you which make you attractive to other people.
I mean, you're in a relationship here, aren't you? That's more than a lot of people have, but what was it that attracted your significant other to you? What brings other people to you? What draws them? What are the nice things people say to you about you, and what prevents you from accepting or believing them? Do you know? Are you aware?
In theory it should be easy to resolve this issue, it's all in the mind, and all you need to change your perception of yourself to a more positive perception is to simply change your mind. However in order to do that you need some sort of validation and ideally to find some way of providing that validation on your own.
There's different ways of doing this. You can do this quite often through doing stuff and activities which you are good at, things which you know you will succeed at or have a fair idea that you could succeed. You could go off and meet a friend, talk about it if you like, or just simply spend time with them. Or even you could do something like having your birth chart or horoscope worked out or seeing someone like an astrologer, Tarot card reader, or numerologist. That's why some people go to see such people, there may be lots of different reasons, but I would suggest that one of the major reasons is simply getting some much needed validation.
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