RE: when u r ok with something ..then your not, then you are????

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RE: when u r ok with something ..then your not, then yo... - 9/11/2009 2:39:11 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

If it's truly hurting you repetitiously and across a prolonged period of time, that's a very bad thing.
I am concerned about your vacillation; self-esteem work sounds necessary.
Davan

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It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
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(in reply to Drifa)

Post #: 21

RE: when u r ok with something ..then your not, then yo... - 9/11/2009 2:56:23 PM

girlygurl

Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddyssidney

First off let me apologize for writing my question in text form. I was only trying to shorten that question. I did not mean any disrespect.

There are many layers to the issue. My need to make my Daddy happy is sometimes unhealthy for me. I allow things to happen that I have even stated before that I did not want to do. My fear of losing Him over shadows my own well being. I have even gone one step further and have sought out the situation to make Him happy. We have not done all that He wants but when it looks like it's going to happen it truly brings up many emotions. The true fear is I don't make His desires my own I will lose Him.
sidney

Didn't offend me with your text form.... can't please everyone.

What I'm getting from your comment is that you're doing something that you previously discussed and stated that you did not want to do (hard limit?) and you're doing it ONLY to please him, but sometimes you enjoy it..... That kinda confuses me.

If you are doing something just because you're afraid of losing the guy, IMO stop, and communicate with him. If by communicating you offend, upset, piss him off... then tell him bye bye and hit the road. If you are respectful in your communication there should be no reason for him not to listen. Good luck

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happily forever one

(in reply to Daddyssidney)

Post #: 22

RE: when u r ok with something ..then your not, then yo... - 9/11/2009 8:40:06 PM

dualityinmotion

Posts: 18
Joined: 8/7/2008
Status: offline

to the OP:

I have been where you are, and it's not a good place. Submissives are sometimes so fulfilled in pleasing others that we forget to monitor our own feelings until we do something that so bothers our subconscious that we become upset and don't even know why. Quite meditative time might help bring some thoughts to conscious level. When you can articulate feelings...your real feelings... share them with your dominant.

**What it took me forever to learn was this: our desire to surrender has to be met, in equal portion, with the dominant's responsibility for our mental and physical health. You want to give so much that it literally hurt you; if he is willing to do that, allow that impact on you, and he knows about it... there is something wrong. Please be aware that there are many "dominants" who use that label as an excuse to be selfish and abusive. Not saying yours is...just saying, it happens, and we can be blinded by all kinds of things in the moment and not see it.

Even though we are submissive, I think we should go into relationships with strength; realizing we are great on our own...possibly life is more fun with a dominant in charge, but doing anything "because I might lose him" sounds like inner work is needed.

Be honest with yourself, and please look for kink-friendly professional help if you think you need it.

blessings
duality

(in reply to girlygurl)

Post #: 23

RE: when u r ok with something ..then your not, then yo... - 9/12/2009 6:35:08 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

dooooooooooooooooooooooooooode,

in your subject line, you use 'r' the first time and 'are' the second.

Frankly, that is something I am not OK with.

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to dualityinmotion)

Post #: 24

RE: when u r ok with something ..then your not, then yo... - 9/12/2009 4:52:23 PM

Daddyssidney

Posts: 46
Joined: 7/21/2009
Status: offline

Thanks for all the wonderful support. I had a talk with my Daddy........ I don't think He really heard me. I think it's becoming painful clear that I might just have to walk away.
sidney

(in reply to Drifa)

Post #: 25

RE: when u r ok with something ..then your not, then yo... - 9/13/2009 2:43:29 PM

Daddyssidney

Posts: 46
Joined: 7/21/2009
Status: offline

Well...... I walked away from my Daddy today. It is very painful, but I know that it is something I had to do for my well being.
sidney

(in reply to Daddyssidney)

Post #: 26

RE: when u r ok with something ..then your not, then yo... - 9/13/2009 2:45:40 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

I'm sorry sweetie and not at all I ever hope for things to go, but only you know if it was the best thing. Huggggs sweetie! It will take time, but I know you can put yourself back together, learn, and move on. All my best!

lovingpet

(in reply to Daddyssidney)

Post #: 27

RE: when u r ok with something ..then your not, then yo... - 9/13/2009 4:40:41 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I know it hurts but if you continued doing things you can't handle for another year, two years, you would be in even worse shape then.

Go buy some Ben and Jerry's and let yourself heal.

And next time you'll be a little wiser and make sure the next man does listen and understand.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 28

RE: when u r ok with something ..then your not, then yo... - 9/13/2009 5:46:50 PM

sidney614

Posts: 28
Joined: 9/13/2009
Status: offline

Thanks for your kindness. I guess I was never REALLY ok with some of the things that went on but just wanted to learn to be ok with.... When the day is done I have to be ok with me. It hurts and I miss many things we had but I just can't keep putting myself in harms way.
Be Well
sidney

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 29

RE: when u r ok with something ..then your not, then yo... - 9/14/2009 5:43:14 AM

Drifa

Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline

Let yourself have some time to heal a bit, then look for a person who shares your values and compliments your desires.

When you are ready, check out local munches in your area. Get to know people in a non-sexual setting.

When you find someone who you might want to play with again, talk to them plenty in advance, and be honest with yourself and with them about what you will and will not allow. Communication is the key to any successful relationship.

I think you were brave to end the previous relationship, and smart. Best wishes.

(in reply to sidney614)

Post #: 30

RE: when u r ok with something ..then your not, then yo... - 9/14/2009 7:21:42 PM

PlayfulWhenUsed

Posts: 38
Joined: 8/12/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sidney614
Thanks for your kindness. I guess I was never REALLY ok with some of the things that went on but just wanted to learn to be ok with.... When the day is done I have to be ok with me. It hurts and I miss many things we had but I just can't keep putting myself in harms way.
Be Well
sidney

You are officially my hero for the day. I think that your being honest and strong is great, and even though you're like 2,000 miles away, I thought you'd want to know that you brightened my evening a bunch.

(in reply to sidney614)

Post #: 31

RE: when u r ok with something ..then your not, then yo... - 9/14/2009 7:42:00 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

That truly was a very strong thing you did! I so much prefer happily ever after, but I really respect those who know when the story's just not going to go that way. All my best as you heal and find yourself again! Hero is not an overstatement.

lovingpet

(in reply to PlayfulWhenUsed)

Post #: 32

RE: when u r ok with something ..then your not, then yo... - 9/15/2009 2:27:08 AM

sidney614

Posts: 28
Joined: 9/13/2009
Status: offline

It was a real struggle yesterday until he sent me a email telling me that is was my fault that he was back in his sexual addiction. Now if only he could continue to be a dick... That would only help me to do what I need to do for me.
Be Well
sidney

(in reply to PlayfulWhenUsed)

Post #: 33

RE: when u r ok with something ..then your not, then yo... - 9/15/2009 6:03:28 AM

Drifa

Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sidney614

It was a real struggle yesterday until he sent me a email telling me that is was my fault that he was back in his sexual addiction. Now if only he could continue to be a dick... That would only help me to do what I need to do for me.
Be Well
sidney

That's more than being a dick. That's being an abuser. Blaming you for something that's his issue, typical abuser. Other things to watch out for is an abuser trying to separate you from your support groups - isolating you from family, or from a forum where you get useful advice, or your local friends.

You got out of an abusive relationship and should feel proud of yourself.

(in reply to sidney614)

Post #: 34

RE: when u r ok with something ..then your not, then yo... - 9/15/2009 11:51:41 AM

sidney614

Posts: 28
Joined: 9/13/2009
Status: offline

Yeah... I'm still in a lot of pain but most of the pain is from the fact that I let him hurt me for far to long. I just kept believing in his lies and hoped he would get better. When he stop going to meetings I thought in order to stay in the relationship I was the one who needed to change.. I tried to make his kinks my own but they are just not right for me. I went away for 2 weeks on vacation and took the time to really think about our relationship. When I came back I had a talk with him. He really did not say anything but took it out on me sexually. Leaving was the right thing to do.
sidney

(in reply to Drifa)

Post #: 35

RE: when u r ok with something ..then your not, then yo... - 9/16/2009 2:41:21 PM

SlutAndi

Posts: 36
Joined: 9/16/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddyssidney

I have been with my Daddy going two years. I'm deeply in love with Him and have come along way. My problem is I keep changing my mind with what I'm ok with sexually. One time it's ok and I even enjoy it. The next time it's not and I even lose sleep over it. I don't even know how to approach Him about this when it is always changing with in me. What the heck is going on with me????
sidney

I originally posted without reading the full thread, so i have edited it as it was now inapropriate!

Sorry!

Goodluck girl!!

< Message edited by SlutAndi -- 9/16/2009 2:44:19 PM >

(in reply to Daddyssidney)

Post #: 36

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