RE: Is this True? (Full Version)

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SubOnlyForHim -> RE: Is this True? (10/3/2009 5:03:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Of course it can happen.  If the Dom does not exert power in the relationship, the sub will take over.  I don't know that I'd call it "overthrowing", as much as a steady erosion of control.


Agreed

Imagine the scene...

Dominant .....'You will do as I say NOW'

Sub.............. 'no way can I do that Master'

Master........... 'YOU WILL DO AS I SAY NOW'

sub ...............'I REALLY CANT DO IT MASTER'

Master............ 'I will do it myself then. How would you like me to do it Mistress?'


[sm=LMAO.gif] Sure thing. The next time my masochistic side really flares up when i see Sir i will try this.


Surely, it would end something like this....[sm=axe.gif]



CaringandReal -> RE: Is this True? (10/10/2009 7:05:37 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

what do you mean by 'overthrownd'?

It's like pwning from the bottom.



ROFL!

I wish I had said that.



CalifChick -> RE: Is this True? (10/10/2009 9:08:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

... like where a male ... grasps a bodice and rips it open to reveal a heaving bosom, and the supple slave flesh underneath?




Uhhhh, did anybody say anything after this???  [sm=mop.gif]


Cali



Elipsis -> RE: Is this True? (10/11/2009 2:34:43 AM)

Sounds like a great time to me. [sm=smile.gif]



thishereboi -> RE: Is this True? (10/11/2009 3:57:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SireKane

This probably happens than you know. My experience in the lifestyles has taught me that most of the men in this lifestyle who claim to be dominant men are submissive butt boys just waiting for the right woman to shove a strap on up their ass. If you think I'm wrong start polling  the real life submissive females you know.


Well that may be your case, but I doubt it is most men. Good luck in finding that "right women".



daintydimples -> RE: Is this True? (10/11/2009 4:10:29 AM)

I've seen my share of relationships where who was dom and who was sub has shifted. Not my force, as has been pointed out, but by agreement.

I can certainly see a *roleplay* of the scene the OP describes occurring between 2 switches. That could be VERY hot.

As for the dom men looking to submit. I'd say a good 80% who *claim* to be dom are looking for me to dom them.







DawnMiko -> RE: Is this True? (10/15/2009 8:28:47 PM)

S&M
That was good. As a sub, with a mind of her own, juggling a business and lots of responsibilities, I can see how, say, a dom might get steam rollered by someone sexually submissive but professionally strong and well positioned. But I can't imagine any sub desiring the train wreck the poor chemistry caused. Because that's what witnessing a dom's submission would look like to me. Yuck. What's the sub supposed to do post-wreck? TELL him to tie her up and spank her? Good grief. I'm just saying.

Like vanilla relationships, chemistry is everything. Knowing that I don't have to prop someone up so he can be the sexy dominate is an absolute chemistry issue.



TimrehIX -> RE: Is this True? (10/15/2009 10:16:57 PM)

It would make an interesting story on nifty. But when I am with a Dom I am there to submit. I don’t want to be a Dom. That kinda defeats the purpose of being a sub.



InvisibleBlack -> RE: Is this True? (10/15/2009 10:41:20 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: EspadaKing

I have heard of instances where a Dom either male or female gets over thrownd by there property and thus become the property. Is there any truth to this? (No offense intended.)


Have I ever seen or heard of a Dom being conquered by a sub and made to become the sub in some amazingly erotic power-struggle? No. Although I suspect it does happen a lot in online erotica.

Have I seen a D/s relationship where over time a somewhat passive or not overly strong Dom was gradually worn down by an energetic or forceful sub or bottom and eventually the power dynamic of the relationship shifted to where the "sub" was more often calling the shots or getting his/her demands met and the "Dom" was more often reactive or seeking to please the sub - despite whatever was going on in the bedroom? Yeah. I've seen it happen. The titles didn't change but the nature of the relationship did.

It doesn't happen in some massive John Woo-esque apocalypse of violence, leather and forced orgasm - but it can happen over time in a slow method of transference of power. I suppose you could claim that the "Dom" wasn't really a Dom and the "sub" was really a sub but I don't want to start a whole new debate on BDSM semantics. That was the way they self-identified.

There are even profiles on CM right now where a sub will say that they're "bratty" or "hard to handle" or whatever. I've never seen a Dom say "I'm really easy-going and not very demanding" but some are.



einstien5201 -> RE: Is this True? (10/16/2009 12:26:07 AM)

I'm really easy-going and not very demanding! =D



windchymes -> RE: Is this True? (10/16/2009 5:13:14 AM)

It's absolutely possible.  Probable, even.                                         [:)]          [:D]

Say, this is some great weed.....anybody want some?   [:)]       [:D]          [:)]                             [:D]
                                                                                                    [:)]                      [:D]          



DesFIP -> RE: Is this True? (10/16/2009 7:35:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: InvisibleBlack
There are even profiles on CM right now where a sub will say that they're "bratty" or "hard to handle" or whatever. I've never seen a Dom say "I'm really easy-going and not very demanding" but some are.


He is thanks be, laid back and not very demanding. He isn't sadistic so he isn't going to demand I clean the floor with a toothbrush in order to get his kicks from it. I think a lot of the self identifying strict masters are actually using that to get their sadism needs met instead of being honest about needing an outlet for their desire to hurt someone. So they make stupid rules that cannot be obeyed in order to have an excuse to punish.

Of course this leads to the end of the relationship as the sub gives up trying to please knowing she's being set up to fail. And then of course the doms claim she wasn't a true sub. When actually what she wasn't was an emotional masochist and had never claimed to be.

I was impossible to handle until he had proved himself competent at handling things in my eyes. And my standards are very high. But his dominance has nothing to do with his desire to micromanage. He just wants life as he wants it.

However I have to admit that I would never be compatible with someone who micromanaged the kitchen or chores. It doesn't matter if the floor is washed today or tomorrow or if the laundry is started in the morning or after dinner. It just matters that it gets done. Anybody who interfered needlessly with those kinds of things, and assumed I was too dumb to realize the laundry basket was full, is not someone I judge competent at prioritizing.

I don't get that if I have to say I can't do that, that he automatically becomes the sub. Around here his response is to ask what the problem is. Scheduling conflict, lack of understanding how to do the task, lack of physical ability to accomplish it. He could order me to open a new jar of pickles until the cows come home and it won't do anything. I don't have the strength needed. What happened to communication?

I brat sometimes when we're both in the mood for it. It's a way for me to invite play and sex without risking rejection. And of course, it's fun for both of us.



CreativeDominant -> RE: Is this True? (10/16/2009 7:54:56 AM)

I'm sure it does happen but not as often as some people think...or wish?...and not as rare as some think...or hope.

If a dominant becomes passive, if he does not exert his dominance, if he is not willing to live a life in which there is always room for a push to another plateau.  I can see it happening in a situation in which the dominant turns over everything to do with the goal...at first...of freeing up his time.  But in doing so, he also neglects to continue to manage/oversee/set rules for these tasks and ends up leaving the submissive in a position where she not only does everything, she runs everything.  When this is done, with no control other than the initial setting up, then I could see where some s-types would begin to feel that they are running most of the show anyway, why not run all of it?




DesFIP -> RE: Is this True? (10/16/2009 8:07:19 AM)

CD, that's a fascinating idea, that you must always be pushing towards another goal. You can't ever say that this is where you are both happy and fulfilled and stay there? Because I'm happiest in a rut. I know what's needed, there's no stress at accomplishing it, and we're both getting what we need. The rules haven't magically disappeared just because I don't need pushing to learn them or follow them.



CreativeDominant -> RE: Is this True? (10/16/2009 2:32:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

CD, that's a fascinating idea, that you must always be pushing towards another goal. You can't ever say that this is where you are both happy and fulfilled and stay there? Because I'm happiest in a rut. I know what's needed, there's no stress at accomplishing it, and we're both getting what we need. The rules haven't magically disappeared just because I don't need pushing to learn them or follow them.
Des, note that I said with some submissives.  And I also made that statement in combination with other things that the dominant might not be doing.

I don't necessarily believe that a goal always has to be reached nor do I believe that overt uber-management needs to go on all the time BUT I am a big believer in the idea that if your only display of dominance is what you show in the beginning to get things to the point they are now and you do nothing to keep them there while expecting her to remain submissive, then in most cases you are going to be in for a shock. 

But...taking it back to the "goal-seeking" for a minute;  I don't see a "goal" as always being some big step.  It can be something as simple as my submissive understanding where I am coming from a bit better than she did 6 months ago, it can be my submissive communicating something with ease as compared to when she/I first introduced the subject we are communicating about, it can be all kinds of small things.  I am happiest when things are going along great...but I also am of the belief that I can't just sit back and expect them to stay that way without some work on my part and on her part.



InvisibleBlack -> RE: Is this True? (10/16/2009 6:38:16 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

He is thanks be, laid back and not very demanding. He isn't sadistic so he isn't going to demand I clean the floor with a toothbrush in order to get his kicks from it. I think a lot of the self identifying strict masters are actually using that to get their sadism needs met instead of being honest about needing an outlet for their desire to hurt someone. So they make stupid rules that cannot be obeyed in order to have an excuse to punish.

Of course this leads to the end of the relationship as the sub gives up trying to please knowing she's being set up to fail. And then of course the doms claim she wasn't a true sub. When actually what she wasn't was an emotional masochist and had never claimed to be.

I was impossible to handle until he had proved himself competent at handling things in my eyes. And my standards are very high. But his dominance has nothing to do with his desire to micromanage. He just wants life as he wants it.

However I have to admit that I would never be compatible with someone who micromanaged the kitchen or chores. It doesn't matter if the floor is washed today or tomorrow or if the laundry is started in the morning or after dinner. It just matters that it gets done. Anybody who interfered needlessly with those kinds of things, and assumed I was too dumb to realize the laundry basket was full, is not someone I judge competent at prioritizing.

I don't get that if I have to say I can't do that, that he automatically becomes the sub. Around here his response is to ask what the problem is. Scheduling conflict, lack of understanding how to do the task, lack of physical ability to accomplish it. He could order me to open a new jar of pickles until the cows come home and it won't do anything. I don't have the strength needed. What happened to communication?

I brat sometimes when we're both in the mood for it. It's a way for me to invite play and sex without risking rejection. And of course, it's fun for both of us.


I agree with you, Des. I probably shouldn't have used the terms "laid back" and "not very demanding" but I couldn't think of another synonym for "passive" at the time. I'm not claiming that a Dom needs to be sadistic or micromanaging to be a successful Dom. I am saying that a couple of times with some couples over the course of a few years, I have seen the dynamic in the relationship shift.

Maybe another way to put it is - a highly competent sub can get frustrated with a not overly competent or decisive Dom, and begin "topping from the bottom" not just in the bedroom but in their overall lives, not deliberately but more (I think) out of a desire to get things done and often without either of them directly realizing it at first.

Sadistic or supportive, micromanging or laid back, bratty or compliant I would view more as different implementations of the D/s dynamic. The sub making the decisions or "calling the shots" would be a reversal.

Does that seem clearer?



mons -> RE: Is this True? (10/23/2009 1:52:03 PM)

yes it can happen , but one must see the signs of someone who is a switch but did not say he or she was. i had one submissive who was wonderful until he started to act very aggressive , i got rid of him fast he still tried to come back i would not have it. i am having problems but i am still a domme and known this even as a child . so i watch out for that one act of something is wrong and i go with and trust my gut instinct. but it can happen . but if it works not for me but for someone else then if both are happy with the change it is ok to go with it.

mons



Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Is this True? (10/23/2009 2:09:00 PM)

I suppose it could happen, but they'd have to be willing to switch roles,  or put up with the behavior of the one switching the tables,. Someone just can't decide one day to over throw the dom and become the dom and now you're a sub if the other party won't go along with it or put up with the behavior.
quote:

ORIGINAL: EspadaKing

I have heard of instances where a Dom either male or female gets over thrownd by there property and thus become the property. Is there any truth to this? (No offense intended.)



MasterAramis -> RE: Is this True? (10/28/2009 5:27:22 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: suhlut
so i am assuming that Espada was trying to ask if he/she/Cage03, had any questions for him.


God, thanks for clearing that one up, I was scratching my head on that one too!

Aramis



librarysub -> RE: Is this True? (10/28/2009 6:14:28 PM)

Chiming in with dainty and SireK. i've come across guys who want to be called Dom, but want me to cuckold them, belittle and more. The great part is the one time i did try it, i got the complaint that i was too mean. Gee, maybe that's why i'm not a Domme? 



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