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RE: reputation? - 3/1/2006 10:39:29 AM   
chainedupnick


Posts: 49
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

any Dom who takes that stuff seriously needs to get his act together, no sub wants a Dom who can't manage himself


He can manage Himself quite well. However, He is in business and this problem represents a threat to that.

quote:

how will he protect you? throw you to the wolves?


This problem came up when He was not able to protect me, and anything He might do at this point would only aggrivate it.

I also imagine it would be harder to protect a sub from his own folly than from an outside threat.

What caused the problem was my inability to visit this Dom without them causing some sort of fuss. First I failed to give them a good lie on where I would be, that wouldn't get anyone I knew in trouble. Then I gave His name and number (with His permission) hoping they would back off since they would know where I was.

Then they decided they wanted a whole bunch more information on him, some of which I gave and some of which they found online, and they still weren't happy. So they told me if I left I couldn't come back. I left, and my mom dragged the rest of her family into it and then they were on my back too etc etc. So the problem isn't that He doesn't know what He's doing, it's that I can't handle my parents very well and they pretty much want to hold on to me by whatever means possible.

quote:

no Dom wants a sub who is till tied to the apron strings

That's the reason I'm not with Him: I couldn't cut them. I really hope this sheds some more light on the situation.
~Nicholas

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: reputation? - 3/1/2006 11:00:42 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		My advice to you...Grow a pair. And find a Dom that already has a pair.

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to chainedupnick)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: reputation? - 3/1/2006 11:26:22 AM   
chainedupnick


Posts: 49
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

My advice to you...Grow a pair.

I understand the literal meaning, but not what You're referring to. It's not for lack of trying that I can't cut the cords, but for lack of resources, respect from them, and help. My scissors just aren't strong enough to tackle a steel rope.

~Nicholas

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: reputation? - 3/1/2006 12:15:16 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chainedupnick

quote:

any Dom who takes that stuff seriously needs to get his act together, no sub wants a Dom who can't manage himself


He can manage Himself quite well. However, He is in business and this problem represents a threat to that.

quote:

how will he protect you? throw you to the wolves?


This problem came up when He was not able to protect me, and anything He might do at this point would only aggrivate it.


quote:

no Dom wants a sub who is till tied to the apron strings

That's the reason I'm not with Him: I couldn't cut them. I really hope this sheds some more light on the situation.
~Nicholas



Ok here is My $.02 added to Ms Tress'--grow some, if you got drafted would Mommy want the name and phone number of your drill sergeant? You are an adult who can vote, die in war and be sent to the chair. Grow some and get your life together--either you are tied to them, if so leave the unapproved activities until you leave home and stop whining and stop dangling things in their face you know will tick them off--or you cut the ties, figure out how to love on your own and do it. As you admitted, you can't manage them, so stop whining until you can.

As for your Dom "being in business" WTF? You think he is the only person in the life "with a reputation to protect" ??? puhleez.

edited to take some of the redundant quotes out and save space

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 3/1/2006 12:16:27 PM >

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to chainedupnick)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: reputation? - 3/1/2006 12:25:31 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		I am very aware that we are only getting one side of this.

Frankly, as a Dom I would be unwilling to step in and 'force' a gap between a sub and their family. Offer support and advice yes, but that is one area where it is their business and me getting directly involved is likely to make things worse rather than better. If push comes to shove then yes I'd tell the sub to go sort it and not come back till they had. If there is anything short of totaly cutting them off then it is only them that will find it....and if it does come to making that cut then it is only them who should make that decision.

The Dom here MIGHT not be IMO at fault.

I do however agree with the suggestion to the OP that he grow a pair and act like an adult!

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: reputation? - 3/1/2006 2:31:58 PM   
Cloudz


Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: wolffeathers
Let me put it this way, in America, you mess up (such as attempting to open HOT COFFEE while DRIVING), and you can sue someone else.

I'm sure his mother can find a lawyer that would take the case, and possibly win.

In civil court, your guilty till found innocent. And you only have to have shown that your a majority quilty.


OK... folks abandon America! It is far too litigious. Move somewhere more civilised


Great advice Raven! <lauging> I am on my way back across the pond then, thanks for the suggestion!



_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."


(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: reputation? - 3/1/2006 2:34:40 PM   
Cloudz


Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chainedupnick

Wolffeathers: thank you for pointing that out :).

quote:

How can your mom sue anyone for your well being as long as you are still alive and mentally intact?


It's more the fact that she tried, and if it actually makes it into the court, it would likely hurt His business. That's why it's dangerous.

~Nicholas


Sweetie,

I know we can all sometimes get caught up in the details...if you are asking what to do about HIM - he made his decision, and I cannot honestly disagree with it.

If you are asking what to do about MOM? Disentangle yourself from her life as much as you need to in order to live YOUR life. Good luck to you.


_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."


(in reply to chainedupnick)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: reputation? - 3/1/2006 3:06:42 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I dont know why people feel the need to share the intimate workings of their relationship with their family... if they didnt do that, the situation wouldnt come up..why give people bullets to fire?

(in reply to Cloudz)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: reputation? - 3/4/2006 10:05:38 AM   
chainedupnick


Posts: 49
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline 		Actually all I did was give them information on who He was. They dug up the bullets because they wanted there to be something wrong with the relationship.

And to everyone who thinks I need to "grow some"... I think it makes me more of a man to want to find a peaceful solution to this problem. Getting my panties all up in a knot hasn't worked very well for me in the past and just running away from the problem isn't going to solve it. So I asked for advice on how to work with it. Hopefully in a peaceful and respectful manner.

No one here is the "bad guy." For the lack of communication with this Dom, I've been rather bad at saying the right thing for a long time. Yes, a good Dom should understand that, but it wasn't something I had exhibited before. I didn't have any spat with my parents when I was talking with Him long distance, so therefore I gave Him no reason to assume I had that weakness. I'm also rather absetminded and unless a problem has my immediate attention I might forget about it.

My family is intolerant. Right now I lack the resources to "cut the apron strings" both so that they finally recognize me as an adult and that I can get away from them. I have to remain in their reach till I can earn the resources to leave.

At any rate my mom finally confirmed what I suspected: that she didn't have the desire to sue anyone about this. She also doesn't have the resources.

~Nicholas

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: reputation? - 3/4/2006 3:46:13 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		The years between 18 and 21 are rather unclear in the law. If a minor has a PINS on them under 18, it can easily be extended to age 21. Trusts held for a minor normally devolve at age 18 however the custodian can change the age to 21 with no more than a phone call and a faxed letter. You can buy cigarettes at 18 but not alcohol.

Quite honestly, if she wanted to cause trouble, there probably is a way to have you declared still a minor until age 21. Of course the state you live in may have different rules.

(in reply to chainedupnick)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: reputation? - 3/4/2006 9:42:49 PM   
HoosierScorpio


Posts: 164
Status: offline 		I know there are allot who have run the risk of their lifestyle being exposed. The truth is what you risk if the truth comes out. The only power any one has over you is your fear of people find out the truth what you are into. If you expose yourself before they can do it then were is the fear. We can hide in the shadows or come out say yes this is who we are and we are proud of our lifestyle. Right now all over the country our lifestyle is under attack by those who have determined what we do is not normal therefore they create laws to say what we do is illegal. Only you can come to terms with this dilemma and move forward no matter what happens for you know how great the risk is. Good luck what you decide to do.

(in reply to chainedupnick)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: reputation? - 3/4/2006 9:54:25 PM   
chainedupnick


Posts: 49
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline 		Oh geez. They can actually do that?

I think it might actually be a moot point because He's not going to have enough time for me in the near future anyway. I mean with work and all He might just not have the time to deal with a newbie with emotional and family baggage?

~Nicholas

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: reputation? - 3/4/2006 10:28:12 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Well, first off I would have to ask who the hell they thought they could expose me to and to what gain? I find that people pull these kinds of threats because they think the information has value to you. Show them that the information is valueless and they lose power over you. Better yet, take the power from them and use it back on them. (So you don't like me chaining your daughter naked to the wall, beating her ass and using her for my sexual desires, huh? Think your high society friends would be appauld to see this in their email? How about if it was posted at your place of work? Think the papers would be interested in this Senator/Governor/Mayor/Sheriff?) Blackmail is only as valuable as the victim makes it.

MrDiscipline


Anyone threatening any harm to my loved ones is likely to find themselves facing unpleasantness in the near future.

candystripper

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: reputation? - 3/9/2006 12:17:41 PM   
LaMalinche


Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chainedupnick

Actually all I did was give them information on who He was. They dug up the bullets because they wanted there to be something wrong with the relationship.

And to everyone who thinks I need to "grow some"... I think it makes me more of a man to want to find a peaceful solution to this problem. Getting my panties all up in a knot hasn't worked very well for me in the past and just running away from the problem isn't going to solve it. So I asked for advice on how to work with it. Hopefully in a peaceful and respectful manner.

No one here is the "bad guy." For the lack of communication with this Dom, I've been rather bad at saying the right thing for a long time. Yes, a good Dom should understand that, but it wasn't something I had exhibited before. I didn't have any spat with my parents when I was talking with Him long distance, so therefore I gave Him no reason to assume I had that weakness. I'm also rather absetminded and unless a problem has my immediate attention I might forget about it.

My family is intolerant. Right now I lack the resources to "cut the apron strings" both so that they finally recognize me as an adult and that I can get away from them. I have to remain in their reach till I can earn the resources to leave.

At any rate my mom finally confirmed what I suspected: that she didn't have the desire to sue anyone about this. She also doesn't have the resources.

~Nicholas


I know that I have posted this quote before. . . but for Nicholas:

"Adulthood isn't an award they'll give you for being a good child. You can waste... years, trying to get someone to give that respect to you, as though it were a sort of promotion or raise in pay. If only you do enough, if only you are good enough. No. You have to just... take it. Give it to yourself, I suppose. Say, I'm sorry you feel like that and walk away. But that's hard."


Best,

LaMalinche





(in reply to chainedupnick)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: reputation? - 3/9/2006 1:19:15 PM   
dallassubmissive


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/27/2006
Status: offline 		I have worked in civil litigation for a number of years, on what basis would she sue? has she stated, or is she simply throwing something out at ya to scare you?

kerry

(in reply to chainedupnick)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: reputation? - 3/9/2006 8:49:32 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I mean with work and all He might just not have the time to deal with a newbie with emotional and family baggage?

This is something that you need to consider for ANY Dom that you are interested in and not just this one. You're asking someone else to take on training, education and care for someone that frankly doesn't appear to have their own stuff together. Why should someone want half a person with a mommy trailer when there are lots of self actualized, educated and secure subs out there. At 18 I understand that you don't have the resources of a fully employed adult but I think that you have a lot of excuses for behavior that's really kind of scary. It sounds like you're out, get a job, pay your way and yeah...grow a pair. In a few years try this again.


quote:

is she simply throwing something out at ya to scare you?


Sounds kind of like a scary lady that has his manhood in her purse.

(in reply to chainedupnick)
Profile   Post #: 36
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