Are there owners that will respect a slaves need for discretion?

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Are there owners that will respect a slaves need for di... - 9/12/2009 4:25:58 PM

bitchboyslave

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Would a owner ever respect there slaves disire to not let people outside of the BDSM community know they are slaves?

I am talking about friends and family not finding out.

< Message edited by bitchboyslave -- 9/12/2009 4:38:52 PM >

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RE: Are there owners that will respect a slaves need fo... - 9/12/2009 4:27:26 PM

VampiresLair

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That depends, usually, on who you are trying not to let know. Not wanting an employer, or a church group to know is usually not a problem. Not wanting it to get back to a wife or girlfriend is usually more troublesome.

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RE: Are there owners that will respect a slaves need fo... - 9/12/2009 4:28:25 PM

subtlebutterfly

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oh come on this isn't the year 500 BC where you got locked up in cages at the market *shurrups*

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RE: Are there owners that will respect a slaves need fo... - 9/12/2009 4:35:01 PM

mnottertail

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This would be a bad time to ask you to cut my nuts off and make me your toilet slave and chain me in the front yard then, huh?

Dammit, I knew I shoulda done that sooner, but 500 years? Who knew?

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RE: Are there owners that will respect a slaves need fo... - 9/12/2009 4:35:43 PM

DarkSoulMistress

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a good time buy them with you normal shopping LOL. I could see not letting a church group but, if its about creeping on you wife or girlfriend i say no. If you can't be open with you wife ect how can i trust you will be open with me.

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RE: Are there owners that will respect a slaves need fo... - 9/12/2009 5:02:50 PM

lovingpet

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Plenty of folks are just fine with keeping things private. The need for privacy is a compatability thing like any other. My grandma doesn't need to know about my extracurricular sexual activities. If someone disagrees, then it is not going to work out in the long run. I do see a submissive's need for privacy often overlooked (usually by accident) in a general sense. A submissive can't hide their body for extended periods if there is evidence upon it and sometimes this can cause a problem when life events place them on a bit more public display than usual. Summer is a big time for such problems to surface. Yes, it is possible to be both a submissive and maintain an agreed upon level of privacy. I agree with others about issues with wife/girlfriend nondisclosure, but family and friends otherwise are on a need to know basis as far as I'm concerned.

My partner would refer to me as his "girlfriend" if introducing me to family and certain friends. I would refer to him simply as my "friend" around people I know. He does not have this issue, but he and my husband have met and are well aware of each other and exactly what our relationship is all about. In more private settings and "lifestyle" events, we would use the titles for each other within our dynamic. This is merely our particular circumstances. A lot will depend on the particulars of the families and friends of each person.

Long and short of it is that, yes, you can expect to remain private about your full dynamic. I would suggest that refusing to acknowledge someone with whom you have such an intimate relationship at all would be unacceptable to me. It is a balance and it will just take time to achieve that with someone. The right person makes a lot of questions and concerns unnecessary. He or she really is worth the wait.

lovingpet

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RE: Are there owners that will respect a slaves need fo... - 9/12/2009 6:00:17 PM

windchymes

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It's not in the Dominant's handbook that they will put up a billboard on the interstate outting you, no.

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RE: Are there owners that will respect a slaves need fo... - 9/12/2009 6:27:15 PM

OsideGirl

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It's part of our deal. He's never to out me to my family.

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RE: Are there owners that will respect a slaves need fo... - 9/12/2009 6:37:36 PM

DesFIP

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Our relationship is ours. We don't feel any need to define it to others, especially using terms that are guaranteed to get a bad reaction from people.

We allow people to see us interact and make their own opinions. So if we're chatting with friends and he says "time to go", all I do is say "wow, didn't realize what time it is" and tell them goodbye. They don't get the opinion he's ordering me around or belittling me. I am just agreeable and happy to walk out with him, hand in hand.

But deliberately worrying my elderly, ill, father by saying 'Your daughter is now my bitch". That's a definite no-no. I treat him with respect, he treats me with respect. And wanting the best for me does not include frightening an old man.

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RE: Are there owners that will respect a slaves need fo... - 9/12/2009 6:43:54 PM

Lashra

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I would never out my male slave, nor would he out me. We have an agreement between us that what we do stays between us and a few select folks. Otherwise it is no one else's business.

~Lashra

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RE: Are there owners that will respect a slaves need fo... - 9/12/2009 7:00:32 PM

DavanKael

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Different people are more or less 'out'. If you actually communicate with the person with whom you are relating, I feel relatively confident that you can figure something out.
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RE: Are there owners that will respect a slaves need fo... - 9/12/2009 7:31:12 PM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebutterfly

oh come on this isn't the year 500 BC where you got locked up in cages at the market

You say that like it's a BAD thing?!!

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RE: Are there owners that will respect a slaves need fo... - 9/12/2009 9:18:55 PM

mbes

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My other half is more concerned with that than I am, so yes, a dominant can keep "the secret".

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RE: Are there owners that will respect a slaves need fo... - 9/12/2009 9:26:03 PM

bluefireeyez

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Simply, yes. Often times, the Dominant party also seeks some level of discretion. It is some thing to be talked about before getting into a relationship.

Master lets me decide who to tell and who not to. If he knows they know, he may talk with them a little about the lifestyle. If the person doesn't know he is my boyfriend. Just as i treat the situation with the people in His life.

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RE: Are there owners that will respect a slaves need fo... - 9/13/2009 1:43:16 PM

MsD

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Discretion is extremely important to me for a variety of reasons. It is a must, actually. Because of this, it is one of the first things I discuss when talking with an interested sub. It is part & parcel of trying to find comeone compatible. There are those on both sides of the fence who want everything out in the open as well as those who like to keep things private. My best suggestion is to be honest & mention it early.

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RE: Are there owners that will respect a slaves need fo... - 9/13/2009 2:05:15 PM

sirsholly

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our relationship is private, be it vanilla or kinky. The details are not made public (as i post on a BDSM site

)

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RE: Are there owners that will respect a slaves need fo... - 9/14/2009 11:01:35 AM

littleone35

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My Family does not know they would not undersand it. I just introudce him as my friend. I think my mom would be cool with but not so with my dad (I am the youngest so daddy's little girl). Also with my job i don't think the parents of the pre-schoolers i teach would be too happy about that, people are funny that way.

I figure we are compentent adult's what we do in private is just that private.

Matt's littleone

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RE: Are there owners that will respect a slaves need fo... - 9/14/2009 1:42:58 PM

thishereboi

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If they care about their sub/slave then yes they would respect them.

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RE: Are there owners that will respect a slaves need fo... - 9/14/2009 2:17:56 PM

Mercnbeth

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bitchboyslave

Would a owner ever respect there slaves disire to not let people outside of the BDSM community know they are slaves?

I am talking about friends and family not finding out.

yes. there are owners that will submit to your need for discretion...and others who won't. it all depends on the individual owner.

it is this slave's opinion that it is best to know up-front, either way, just in case it matters to you.

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RE: Are there owners that will respect a slaves need fo... - 9/14/2009 3:13:14 PM

afterforever

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Most of the D-types I talk to on the other side have just as much need for discretion as I do, if not more, my friends and family are aware to some extent that I'm kinky.
But it is definitely something I find out fairly early on, working in the medical field it will never be appropriate for me to "come out" publicly, so it's kind of a deal breaker if they want to parade me down the High Street in heels, a rubber thong and a leash.

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