A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing?

A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (Full Version)

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slaveToKnight -> A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 9:21:36 AM)
I recently had what I can only describe as an epiphany and released that I am ready to let go of any wants, needs and expectations that I still had remaining. It seemed to be a painful (for me) issue to find out I even had some expectations remaining but with Master's help I have let go. My question is did you always know you wanted to give all the control to the right person (even if you hadn't met Him/Her yet)? Or did you meet the right person (your Master/ Mistress etc) and slowly let go of the need to hold on?

VirginPotty -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 9:25:47 AM)
I met the right person and SLOWLY let go............(Still holding on tight to some things)

littleone35 -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 9:28:28 AM)
I met the right person. iIcould never fully let go before but with him i knew i can and did. Matt's littleone

aidan -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 9:34:55 AM)
It's been sort of a dialectic process for me. I was always a sexual bottom from the very beginnings of my sexuality. Having mostly female teachers, friends who were the children of single mothers and a maternally-led extended family, combined with having almost no positive relationships with men until I was about 14-15, I also found that I enjoyed the submissive role quite naturally. How much control I was willing to give always varied from person to person, Domme to Domme. There was always a sort of vague, nebulous idea of being "slave" to a vague and nebulous future "Mistress"...Like the old saying in regards to art, I figured I'd know her when I saw her. And in a wild fluctuation from all previous experience, it happened exactly like that. I met Mistress and just knew she was the one. Before her I had never really let anybody past my defenses because they lived far away, or they had life situations that were inconvenient for me. In short, I cared about them but not enough to do anything. I literally tore down and rebuilt my entire world to be with Mistress. When I realized that I was capable of that, I knew I had found the person I wanted to love and to be owned by for the rest of my life.

IrishMist -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 9:48:45 AM)
quote: My question is did you always know you wanted to give all the control to the right person (even if you hadn't met Him/Her yet)? Or did you meet the right person (your Master/ Mistress etc) and slowly let go of the need to hold on? If I wanted to be with him, then I had no choice but to let it go immediatly. He would not have accepted anything less.

slaveToKnight -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 10:03:49 AM)
Thank you. Do you feel you can let go of everything given enough time?

slaveToKnight -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 10:05:01 AM)
Thank you.. I think I felt like that too [:)]

slaveToKnight -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 10:06:34 AM)
Wow.. thank you very much for that reply. I am very glad you have found the right one for you [:)]

slaveToKnight -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 10:07:51 AM)
Thank you, may I ask if that was difficult to do? To suddenly let go? Or was the trust instinctively there right from the start?

porcelaine -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 10:15:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveToKnight My question is did you always know you wanted to give all the control to the right person (even if you hadn't met Him/Her yet)? Or did you meet the right person (your Master/ Mistress etc) and slowly let go of the need to hold on? i believe i had a conscious desire to yield, but i cannot say i attribute the release of control to one person. i see it as an impediment to the process of surrender as a whole. what happens if i'm no longer with this person? was my ability to reach those depths solely dependent on that individual or intrinsically mine instead? i work from the latter perspective. i always own the process. which simply allows me to replicate the behavior should the circumstances or situation differ. i explained this recently to someone and i will touch upon it briefly here. for me slavery is a transcendent process. one i'm wholly committed to whether i am guided or must travel alone until that person arrives. as such, my growth continues because i refuse to stop and rest on my laurels. it is my personal zen. a vehicle one can use to reach a higher point of actualization, which is all the shedding truly is about if you see it in a different vain. it is one of many tools i utilize to bring this about. there's also another reason i own the process. if i do something for someone and things don't turn out as planned, that human selfish side is going to be a little upset, possibly hurt, probably disappointed as well on what was invested. as much as we'd like to think of ourselves as unselfish beings, we do things in some measure for the dividends they yield. if the payoff isn't what was intended or expected, though the latter does not belong in slavery at all, one can feel shortchanged. this is my way of mitigating it and bringing all of myself into the process. whether the outcome is as i'd desired at the onset, the gains cannot be ignored or lost. the journey is mine. he can only guide and suggest, he can never make me take the steps required to transmute. i must be willing to take that leap on my own. congratulations on your milestone. best of luck in your journey. porcelaine

RavenMuse -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 10:29:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist If I wanted to be with him, then I had no choice but to let it go immediatly. He would not have accepted anything less. That was the choice My girl was faced with, I wasn't about to not be Me in order to 'break her in gently'... and in the process allow her to develop bad habits by living other than the way it was going to be long term. Trust Me and submit or don't trust Me and walk away, end of!

slaveToKnight -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 11:00:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine quote: ORIGINAL: slaveToKnight My question is did you always know you wanted to give all the control to the right person (even if you hadn't met Him/Her yet)? Or did you meet the right person (your Master/ Mistress etc) and slowly let go of the need to hold on? i believe i had a conscious desire to yield, but i cannot say i attribute the release of control to one person. i see it as an impediment to the process of surrender as a whole. what happens if i'm no longer with this person? was my ability to reach those depths solely dependent on that individual or intrinsically mine instead? i work from the latter perspective. i always own the process. which simply allows me to replicate the behavior should the circumstances or situation differ. i explained this recently to someone and i will touch upon it briefly here. for me slavery is a transcendent process. one i'm wholly committed to whether i am guided or must travel alone until that person arrives. as such, my growth continues because i refuse to stop and rest on my laurels. it is my personal zen. a vehicle one can use to reach a higher point of actualization, which is all the shedding truly is about if you see it in a different vain. it is one of many tools i utilize to bring this about. there's also another reason i own the process. if i do something for someone and things don't turn out as planned, that human selfish side is going to be a little upset, possibly hurt, probably disappointed as well on what was invested. as much as we'd like to think of ourselves as unselfish beings, we do things in some measure for the dividends they yield. if the payoff isn't what was intended or expected, though the latter does not belong in slavery at all, one can feel shortchanged. this is my way of mitigating it and bringing all of myself into the process. whether the outcome is as i'd desired at the onset, the gains cannot be ignored or lost. the journey is mine. he can only guide and suggest, he can never make me take the steps required to transmute. i must be willing to take that leap on my own. congratulations on your milestone. best of luck in your journey. porcelaine Thank you for that thoughtful and complete answer. You gave me a lot to think about. For Master and me our relationship developed from a long term vanilla one, so I have no idea if I could surrender to anyone else so completely. I don't ever want to find out too. You also made me think about the constantly evolving nature of this and how this milestone is probably the first of many! Again, thank you [:)]

slaveToKnight -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 11:03:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RavenMuse quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist If I wanted to be with him, then I had no choice but to let it go immediatly. He would not have accepted anything less. That was the choice My girl was faced with, I wasn't about to not be Me in order to 'break her in gently'... and in the process allow her to develop bad habits by living other than the way it was going to be long term. Trust Me and submit or don't trust Me and walk away, end of! I must say I like that "in at the deep end" attitude. I will never get to know if I could/would have accepted that as this has developed between Master and I from a vanilla relationship. I can see how a refusal to change yourself and your standards would stand her in good stead and form good habits immediately. Thank you for your post [:)]

VirginPotty -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 11:51:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveToKnight Thank you. Do you feel you can let go of everything given enough time? Not while I only see him periodically. If we lived together & I saw him every night the chances would be very good but right now, I don't see that happening so it's alot harder to let go.

porcelaine -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 12:32:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveToKnight Thank you for that thoughtful and complete answer. You gave me a lot to think about. For Master and me our relationship developed from a long term vanilla one, so I have no idea if I could surrender to anyone else so completely. I don't ever want to find out too. You also made me think about the constantly evolving nature of this and how this milestone is probably the first of many! Again, thank you [:)] you're most welcome. if my words assisted in the smallest way i'm sincerely pleased. [;)] porcelaine

slaveToKnight -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 12:50:48 PM)
Yes I can imagine that would be hard to do, that is the same situation with me. I wish you the best of luck [:)]

VirginPotty -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 12:51:21 PM)
Back at you, STK!

Mercnbeth -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 1:04:14 PM)
quote: ...My question is did you always know you wanted to give all the control to the right person (even if you hadn't met Him/Her yet)? Or did you meet the right person (your Master/ Mistress etc) and slowly let go of the need to hold on?... neither. this slave always tried to give all the control to everyone she became involved with...the only one that wanted it/appreciated it is Master...and he got all of it, as HE wanted it...not on some sort of timeline that this slave insisted upon.

RavenMuse -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 1:05:15 PM)
It was most certainly 'in at the deep end', the first time We ever talked properly was the day she came over for coffee.... she never left. That was two years ago. she knew what she was looking for, she trusted in the fact that I was what I appeared to be and took a leap of faith..... I won't say it has always been plain sailing, both of Us have put in a lot of work, but We have been TPE from day one, from the moment she submitted. We both knew there would be things that where hard to get through, but she trusted that I would take her by the hand and lead her through those times and I trusted in the fact that she would not let go of that hand and would follow where I needed to take her.

lally2 -> RE: A moment of epiphany or a constant knowing? (9/14/2009 1:09:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine quote: ORIGINAL: slaveToKnight My question is did you always know you wanted to give all the control to the right person (even if you hadn't met Him/Her yet)? Or did you meet the right person (your Master/ Mistress etc) and slowly let go of the need to hold on? .. what happens if i'm no longer with this person? was my ability to reach those depths solely dependent on that individual or intrinsically mine instead? ... for me slavery is a transcendent process. one i'm wholly committed to whether i am guided or must travel alone until that person arrives. as such, my growth continues because i refuse to stop and rest on my laurels. it is my personal zen. . porcelaine [:)] hey porcelaine, i recognised some of what you wrote there and picked out the bits that really rang a bell. when i was a kid i saw my mum fall to bits after my (dominant) father left her. i always promised myself i would never ever rely/lean on anyone as she had. and yet, ironically enough here i am [:)]. its taken me an age to dump that fear, ive always held on to a little bit of me and i expect i always will, but in answer to the OP i believe its in who you are and the dynamic you are in as to how quickly and how deeply you epihponise. i believe the ability to let go, accept, no longer question, silence that timid voice, whatever it is, does come from within us, yes, and for some it takes longer and for others it takes no time atall given the right situation. i loved the sentance 'it is my personal zen' and i completely agree with you. ive spent more time on my own than with a Master, but my growing and processing has never stopped. each relationship i went through taught me a bit more and helped me to understand myself better. the constant knowing has always been there, always always, just the fear of letting go held me back. releasing that fear finally has been something i have worked on all by myself but was triggered by my last Master and something i will always be grateful for. so in a way it was or is an epiphany for me and to be honest i dont think the epiphonies stop, they keep coming, its a process thats organic and endless whether you are enslaved or not.

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