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NihilusZero -> RE: I left my Daddy on Sunday (9/16/2009 9:20:06 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sidney614
I shared with him about past sexual abuse I endured as a child. I could not understand why he wanted all the details of what went on till he wanted to reenact them all. Most of his scenes was a play by play act of what I went through. He could not become sexually aroused unless he was doing these things. He also pushed the idea of having other men use me in the same manner. It was bad enough that he was doing them. I tried to bend my thoughts to he was just trying to help me heal but this was not the case. He all to often took me to the very space that hurt me. Then he told me it was my fault that he was back in his sexual addiction. I caught him in many lies and he was seeing prostitutes. I even tried in making this ok in my mind if only he could be honest about it but he never was. He tried to tell me most subs do these thing and had no issue with them. That sex was not about what I wanted but about serving his needs. When I shared with him that reenacting out my past was a hard limit he would stop for a while only to return to it with a vengeance.
Since he does not come to this site I have felt save to use this kind of forum to aid me in my own healing process.
Be Well
sidney
My intent wasn't necessarily to force your hand to disclose more than you felt comfortable, but certainly duplicity, sleeping around without mutual consent, attempts to have you be used sexually by others without that being an understood topic of discussion beforehand and the continued intents to force you into situations related to past sexual trauma and his inability to attain arousal without doing so are all rather clear instances of unacceptable actions in most dynamics and certainly for most who are still discovering themselves in that way.
In any event, you seem rather well-balanced in your ability to discuss the situations that happened which is a good springboard from which to move on well. Being in a relationship that goes well in most facets can sometimes be a reason to try to make yourself permit certain uncomfortable ones, but having this experience can hopefully be a means by which to understand where you would need to communicate and understand what points you cannot and should not traverse by being dragged across them forcefully.
Best of luck on your horizons.
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