i have alot of desires that i cant seem to get wot i want can any1 help me?

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i have alot of desires that i cant seem to get wot i wa... - 9/16/2009 8:07:30 AM

kinkypumpkin

Posts: 1
Joined: 9/8/2009
Status: offline

to start off im a submissive that is in a relationship and he says he will try be mydominant but he dont know wot he is doing he is only doing it cuz i dont wnat a vanilla relationship that much, i am a submissive and enjoy doing online but he dont want me to have any1 else but i love been treated like a whore and been treated extremelly bad i want to b a slave evenually but he to scared to truley do what i want is there anywhere that can give us both advice so we can be in a dom sub relationship together with outme haven to go sum where else

Post #: 1

RE: i have alot of desires that i cant seem to get wot ... - 9/16/2009 8:13:16 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Like the old catholic priests said, foam and rubbers!!!!! foam and rubbers!!!!!

munches and books and demos, munches and books and demos..........start there. get out and see it done, accustom his mind to the normalcy of it.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to kinkypumpkin)

Post #: 2

RE: i have alot of desires that i cant seem to get wot ... - 9/16/2009 8:20:07 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

If it isn't what he is at the core, the best you are going to get is him playing at being it. Masters are born, not made. Someone can learn to express things better, be more confident in who they are, be more skillful in what they do but you can't teach them to be someone other than themself!

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 3

RE: i have alot of desires that i cant seem to get wot ... - 9/16/2009 9:06:32 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

OP, your desires are NOT mainstream. You need to make it clear to anyone up front what you want. It sounds like the guy is willing to work with you but he doesn't sound like a Dom at all.

Find someone in the kink community. It's not really fair to expect a man to become a Dom just because you want him to.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 4

RE: i have alot of desires that i cant seem to get wot ... - 9/16/2009 9:32:53 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

I'd say you and he aren't compatible.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 5

RE: i have alot of desires that i cant seem to get wot ... - 9/16/2009 10:18:29 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Masters are borne not made, but they also need to be educated on how to Master people, things, themselves and situations. In other words they need to earn the right to command. Not all Masters are BDSM or in any way kinky though, others are just kinky Masters..

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 6

RE: i have alot of desires that i cant seem to get wot ... - 9/17/2009 4:28:16 AM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kinkypumpkin
i want to b a slave eventually

It is impossible both for a true submissive to become a natural slave as well as vice versa.
So: what are you? Are you a submissive or are you a slave?

If your partner is not dominant, then he is not a dominant.

(in reply to kinkypumpkin)

Post #: 7

RE: i have alot of desires that i cant seem to get wot ... - 9/17/2009 5:35:37 AM

willowspirit

Posts: 164
Joined: 6/20/2005
From: U.S.A.-Minnesota
Status: offline

He may just be a Top and not have a dominant personality. You wanting to eventually be a slave to someone is a goal I can understand, sort of...

You need to learn more about want it is you really want. Being treated badly, is not the hallmark of slavery. Being a "Sex-slave" and role-palying some fantasy from a book or porn sites is different from -- or at least just a fraction of -- what many of the Master and slave couples here doing.

Yes, I agree. It would be a wise thing for you to get involved in your local community and learn more.

It's my opinion that NO ONE is a MASTER unless they began first as someone's Dominant One, then studied and learned all He or She could about that bottom or submissive partner. Then they HAVE to both reach an agreement about what they want from the relationship in terms of service, duties, commitment , etc. FROM EACH OTHER!

This is a Power EXCHANGE -- even in total slavery, you should expect something in return to what you are giving.

Find your local community and please be careful!

(in reply to kinkypumpkin)

Post #: 8

RE: i have alot of desires that i cant seem to get wot ... - 9/17/2009 6:02:12 AM

willowspirit

Posts: 164
Joined: 6/20/2005
From: U.S.A.-Minnesota
Status: offline

Rule,
What do you mean it's impossible for a true submissive to become a natural slave?
Submissiveness is a core personality trait.
And certainly slaves need to "submit" in order to be totally submissive to their Master's will.
It stands to reason that a "natural" slave has to be -- at the very least -- "naturally" submissive to the Dominant who may become her (or his) Master in time.

Aren't you confusing the terms "bottom" -- a role where said person controls what will happen during a sado-masochism scene with Top through negotiations -- with a natural submissive -- who has a difficult time controlling much of anything without "Channelling" an alternate, fake personality just to survive vanilla life!

Granted, some of the best slaves -- according to some of the Owner/Masters I've known -- are NOT always submissive. In carrying out their orders and daily chores, they are required to become (appear) quite Dominant.

Could you please explain what the terms mean to you?

The way you are using the terms isn't the standard paradigm I learned in the community -- or in books by Jay Wiseman, Jack Rinella, John Warren, Gloria Brame, ....

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

quote:

ORIGINAL: kinkypumpkin
i want to b a slave eventually

It is impossible both for a true submissive to become a natural slave as well as vice versa.
So: what are you? Are you a submissive or are you a slave?

If your partner is not dominant, then he is not a dominant.

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 9

RE: i have alot of desires that i cant seem to get wot ... - 9/17/2009 10:32:38 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Look, op, this guy has been told his whole life that beating up girls is wrong. You've told him once that you like it and now you're upset he isn't up to speed.

Come out naked, drape yourself over his lap and ask him to spank you. He'll do a half hearted one following which you two have sex. Then tell him over the next couple of weeks how hot it was, how you can't stop thinking about it, and could he do it again but harder and longer. Rinse, repeat.

If you show you enjoy this, he will become more comfortable with it. He may never get off on humiliation or other specific kinks but so what? There's stuff you don't like to do either.

Whether or not he's a born master is not the same as whether or not he's a born sadist. People are frequently one and not the other.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to willowspirit)

Post #: 10

RE: i have alot of desires that i cant seem to get wot ... - 9/17/2009 11:28:17 AM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: willowspirit
Granted, some of the best slaves -- according to some of the Owner/Masters I've known -- are NOT always submissive.

See? I have sent you a cmail.

quote:

ORIGINAL: willowspirit
The way you are using the terms isn't the standard paradigm I learned in the community -- or in books by Jay Wiseman, Jack Rinella, John Warren, Gloria Brame, ....

I am not from the community. I have not read those books. I have read the Gor series. I read the forums, but not so much the kink forums. I am a theoretician. I observe, I evaluate, I modify or add to my model.

(in reply to willowspirit)

Post #: 11

RE: i have alot of desires that i cant seem to get wot ... - 9/17/2009 12:55:55 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

As you state in your profile and here, you are a theorist and have no practical experience. This is good as far as it goes, however I do suggest that without a great deal of experience you may not be the best person to tell anyone what to do or what they are in a practical situation. You have read the Gor Books, so have I more times than I care to remember and own ever one of them too. This does not for example, give you any standing to explain to a member of the Gorean Lifestyle how to live their lives or that they may not be doing it correctly. I do not disqualify you from commenting on any of these areas and at least you are open about you lack of practical experience. It's just that like so many areas of human endeavour, theory can not replace hands on gut turning experience, the feel of naked slave flesh under your hand, the intimate writhing of a slave on heat, her involuntary twitches at the fall of a lash, her heartbroken cry when she thinks she has failed you or the look of rapture when she obviously pleases you. Without such hands on experience you are rather behind the eight ball old chap.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 12

RE: i have alot of desires that i cant seem to get wot ... - 9/17/2009 1:17:11 PM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

I am aware of my limits, IronBear. I limit myself to what I do comprehend.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 13

RE: i have alot of desires that i cant seem to get wot ... - 9/17/2009 3:04:50 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Makes sense to me and it is indeed a wise man who understands his limits and uses them as a guide.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 14

RE: i have alot of desires that i cant seem to get wot ... - 9/18/2009 1:23:24 AM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kinkypumpkin

to start off im a submissive that is in a relationship and he says he will try be mydominant but he dont know wot he is doing he is only doing it cuz i dont wnat a vanilla relationship that much, i am a submissive and enjoy doing online but he dont want me to have any1 else but i love been treated like a whore and been treated extremelly bad i want to b a slave evenually but he to scared to truley do what i want is there anywhere that can give us both advice so we can be in a dom sub relationship together with outme haven to go sum where else

Well he needs to step up and learn. if he can't or is not willing he has a choice either keep you and allow you to be onl-line or step down so you are free to find someone who can meet your needs

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to kinkypumpkin)

Post #: 15

RE: i have alot of desires that i cant seem to get wot ... - 9/18/2009 3:08:39 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

What DesFip said.... and watch porn together, surf the net for kinky stuff together... ask him for permission to masturbate when you feel the need...
try to be as honest as you can about your own desires and practise asking him very politely for what you need... be patient and good luck

(in reply to kinkypumpkin)

Post #: 16

RE: i have alot of desires that i cant seem to get wot ... - 9/18/2009 3:19:37 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kinkypumpkin

to start off im a submissive that is in a relationship and he says he will try be mydominant but he dont know wot he is doing he is only doing it cuz i dont wnat a vanilla relationship that much, i am a submissive and enjoy doing online but he dont want me to have any1 else but i love been treated like a whore and been treated extremelly bad i want to b a slave evenually but he to scared to truley do what i want is there anywhere that can give us both advice so we can be in a dom sub relationship together with outme haven to go sum where else

You cannot take a plain shortbread cookie and turn it into a triple chocolate chocolate chip cookie. Either you accept and appreciate the plain shortbread for what it is, and what it has to offer you.........OR, you put it gently back in the package and go back to the grocery store to find the flavour that suits your craving.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to kinkypumpkin)

Post #: 17

RE: i have alot of desires that i cant seem to get wot ... - 9/18/2009 3:23:25 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

OR, you put it gently back in the package

or, hand it to the kid so he can cram it down the heating vent

_____________________________

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TECHNO-DOLT
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GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
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GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 18

RE: i have alot of desires that i cant seem to get wot ... - 9/18/2009 7:15:57 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

There's that too.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 19

RE: i have alot of desires that i cant seem to get wot ... - 9/23/2009 6:27:37 PM

STAMINACP

Posts: 3
Joined: 8/10/2009
Status: offline

When i first started out, in the lifestyle, i got together with a few females that were not Dominant, but said they would try, or they would do it if that's what i wanted. None of those experiences even came close to being satisfying. The bottom line is, if someone isn't Dominant, or doesn't thoroughly enjoy being Dominant, neither party will achieve satisfaction.

(in reply to kinkypumpkin)

Post #: 20

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