RE: i have alot of desires that i cant seem to get wot i want can any1 help me?

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: i have alot of desires that i cant seem to get wot i want can any1 help me?

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RE: i have alot of desires that i cant seem to get wot ... - 9/23/2009 6:36:26 PM

DesFIP

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Not necessarily staminacp, I've known sub/sub couple to be very happy for over 25 years. They care about each other, they are willing to service top each other. Just because it doesn't work for you doesn't mean it doesn't work for anyone.

More importantly I'm not sure the op is a sub, I think she really goes for kinky sex and she isn't getting her kink needs met. But hell, she hasn't gotten the poor guy any of the basic books to learn from, she hasn't suggested he comes here to learn and ask questions, she hasn't found him a munch where he could meet people, found him a place to take classes in how to do various activities safely. She magically wants him to become an experienced top overnight. She has all the info and she won't give him any.

If she wants to submit, then she has to let him set the pace and decide what activities they will do. Which means if he wants her to stop rubbing it off on cam with any number of anonymous wankers, that's what she should do.

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RE: i have alot of desires that i cant seem to get wot ... - 9/23/2009 7:02:32 PM

Jeptha

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Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
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I think one thing to look for is, if the OP tells her partner what it is that she desires, and he finds it hot and desires the same thing somehow, then that's a good sign.

If on the other hand, he's like "ok... I don't get it exactly, but I'll give it a go...", then the odds might be a little longer.

I agree with what DesFIP was saying earlier: it sometimes takes a certain amount of real time experience and slowly ramping up for a guy to get comfortable.

A long time ago, I was having a nice correspondence with a woman, and I thought we were getting towards meeting very soon and things were looking good.
She was writing about how she wanted me to use her anyway, anywhere, etc., and I wrote back a line like "what a sweet little slut you are", and she BLEW UP!

"How could you betray my trust by calling me that?", etc.

I explained that I didn't mean it at all in a pejorative way, I meant it as a term of endearment, actually, but she was mortally offended and having none of it.

I think this is not too uncommon an experience for guys, and along with those cultural messages in general that DesFIP mentioned, going slow and being patient - treading lightly! - is often a wise approach.

< Message edited by Jeptha -- 9/23/2009 7:04:20 PM >

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RE: i have alot of desires that i cant seem to get wot ... - 9/23/2009 7:48:03 PM

Musicmystery

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kinkypumpkin

to start off im a submissive that is in a relationship and he says he will try be mydominant but he dont know wot he is doing he is only doing it cuz i dont wnat a vanilla relationship that much, i am a submissive and enjoy doing online but he dont want me to have any1 else but i love been treated like a whore and been treated extremelly bad i want to b a slave evenually but he to scared to truley do what i want is there anywhere that can give us both advice so we can be in a dom sub relationship together with outme haven to go sum where else

He should force you to use punctuation and sentence structure until you're a sobbing, heaving mess of flesh.

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RE: i have alot of desires that i cant seem to get wot ... - 9/23/2009 9:52:48 PM

Chimortis

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Joined: 8/29/2009
From: Morgantown, WV
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It's hard to tell if the OP is looking for BDSM play and/or sexual domination, or lifestyle domination/a power exchange relationship.

There are big differences here, and in the case of the first, if it gets your partner off, you can often develop a kinky sex life with someone who is initially uninterested. If it does not get them off, then it probably won't work, at least not in the long term.

In the case of a true power exchange relationship dynamic, it's a lot harder. I can't honestly say whether a true Master comes from just nature, or nurture, or both. I think in my case, there's definitely some of both involved. My desire to have a greater level of intimacy with someone means that 'vanilla' relationships with no power dynamic just aren't as fulfilling as I'd like them to be. At the end of the day, you definitely cannot make someone a Master, though - if he comes to it by nurture alone, he has to come to it for himself. You can't train him for it. You can train him to play safe, to take part in certain kinks in certain ways, and to generally get you off. Beyond that, you're not going to change his whole life perspective and inherent personality, which is what true lifestyle dominance is - a personality trait.

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RE: i have alot of desires that i cant seem to get wot ... - 9/23/2009 9:53:50 PM

Chimortis

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery
He should force you to use punctuation and sentence structure until you're a sobbing, heaving mess of flesh.

o we r on tha inturwebz lol

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