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Respect from others - 2/28/2006 11:15:35 AM   
HisGirl8


Posts: 55
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline 		I have a question about how to deal when someone is disrepectful to your D/M...

So I'm out last weekend with My Man at a friends house having drinks/ playing games etc. it was good clean fun. Eveyone's getting along fine when my friend (the hostess) sarts behaving... rudely to everyone (Her live in BF, his friend and my Man) but me which she has a tendancy to do. She acts "rude" on lots of occasions, she's basically a great girl but can get that "hollier than thou" attitude.

My problem is that she took this attitude with attitude with My Man. There is something about him being my Dom/ Master (we're somewhere between the two) that when someone disrespects him I want to claw their eyes out. He is my God and if someone is rude to him it enrages me. She started being rude to her BF and when she did I said something to him laughingly as she left the room that that would never fly in my house. He laughed and said, "yeah well she's in a mood tonight I guess." When she upset my Man I said something dierectly to her along the lines of "Chill out, you've done worse in my house" but I wanted to say so much more.

So how do you handle it? Why does this make me so angry? I HATE to see a woman disrepect their man and if you do it to mine I want to maime you... What's up with that?
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RE: Respect from others - 2/28/2006 11:33:32 AM   
nonuts4thshoney


Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		Well i hate to see anyone disrespect anyone period. If i were in a situation where someone was disrespecting Master i'd probably want to knock 'em upside the head and say knock it off...but... i wouldn't because i am a firm beleiver in never stooping to someone elses level. i'd probably clutch Masters hand as a signal that she's pissing me off..LOL!! Some people put respect on the bottom of the totem pole. They don't care how it affects another. Master would never want me to lash out at someone for their actions. She'd rather me learn from example of how not to be. We'd probably discuss their actions afterwards.

(in reply to HisGirl8)
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RE: Respect from others - 2/28/2006 11:37:02 AM   
LthrdWolf


Posts: 92
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HisGirl8

I have a question about how to deal when someone is disrepectful to your D/M...

So I'm out last weekend with My Man at a friends house having drinks/ playing games etc. it was good clean fun. Eveyone's getting along fine when my friend (the hostess) sarts behaving... rudely to everyone (Her live in BF, his friend and my Man) but me which she has a tendancy to do. She acts "rude" on lots of occasions, she's basically a great girl but can get that "hollier than thou" attitude.

My problem is that she took this attitude with attitude with My Man. There is something about him being my Dom/ Master (we're somewhere between the two) that when someone disrespects him I want to claw their eyes out. He is my God and if someone is rude to him it enrages me. She started being rude to her BF and when she did I said something to him laughingly as she left the room that that would never fly in my house. He laughed and said, "yeah well she's in a mood tonight I guess." When she upset my Man I said something dierectly to her along the lines of "Chill out, you've done worse in my house" but I wanted to say so much more.

So how do you handle it? Why does this make me so angry? I HATE to see a woman disrepect their man and if you do it to mine I want to maime you... What's up with that?


Disrespect is Not acceptable in any setting,then when you add either a spouse (cherished one/SO/partner) & especially a Bdsm dynamic to the mix ...it is akin to making nitro sweat.
Personally,I would dicuss it with your "Man" tell him how you feel,& find out how He wants you to handle it in future - if at all.

LthrdWolf ...he is lucky to have someone who cares this much to my way of thinking.Also don't be so hard on yourself ...when one puts their heart soul & body into anothers hands ...the instinctive urge to protect is natural ...again it's How you end up handling it that matters - Good luck.


< Message edited by LthrdWolf -- 2/28/2006 11:48:26 AM >

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RE: Respect from others - 2/28/2006 11:42:43 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HisGirl8
So how do you handle it? Why does this make me so angry? I HATE to see a woman disrepect their man and if you do it to mine I want to maime you... What's up with that?

Your man is an extension of yourself, as well as something you cherish. When you perceive an offense to yourself/something you cherish, you want to react to it.

In almost all cases, the best way to handle any social snafu is to ignore it and/or laugh it off. Reduce drama at all possible junctures. Secondly, in almost all cases, the best way to handle it is to allow the person themselves to respond. Another person swooping in almost always RAISES tension and is perceived as a lack of ability.

In very small close-knit groups, people might have a specific protocol for dealing with this, but for the vast majority of cases, these rules apply.

Remind yourself of your own security, make a mental checkpoint on your clipboard and move on.


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Respect from others - 2/28/2006 11:45:03 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

So how do you handle it?


this slave reminds herself that Master is not her property--therefore posessiveness or protectiveness has no place in the equation and this slave does not allow herself to get worked up over it. in a way, it denies the disrespectful the attention they crave. Master is also very capable of handling disrespectful types, should they cross a line with Him, male or female and if He feels it is important to respond to it, He will.

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RE: Respect from others - 2/28/2006 11:51:28 AM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I would probably bite my tongue and talk to Master about it later. Considering she is a friend, and depending on what Master had to say, I would probably talk to her in private about why she feels the need to act like that. If she didnt respond well to that conversation I would probably reassess the friendship.
Who needs rude assholes as friends?

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RE: Respect from others - 2/28/2006 11:52:50 AM   
HisGirl8


Posts: 55
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline 		We always discuss everything and this was an interesting topic for us. He appreciated that I said something but also held my temper. She's "my" friend and in settings like those he wasn't going to speak up except an apology and a glance at her BF who was about to strangle her anyway.

My point here is that I was enraged and I've never felt like this until I met my Master. As Wolf put it perfectly "nitro sweat" was pouring off me. Like I said before, he's my God, though I have no possesiveness of him, I expect others in my life to treat him with respect. There's something here with this whole BDSM D/s M/s dynamic that seemed to make it much worse.

I can handle these situations with grace and dignity but for some reason it bothered me that much more that it was directed at him. I've never felt this strongly about some vanilla BF I've had in the past.

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RE: Respect from others - 2/28/2006 11:53:19 AM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		I would keep my mouth shut and let Master handle it.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


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RE: Respect from others - 2/28/2006 11:54:23 AM   
nonuts4thshoney


Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

I would keep my mouth shut and let Master handle it.



Ditto

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RE: Respect from others - 2/28/2006 12:03:47 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		HisHirl8,

I dont think you're alone in your feelings. If someone was rude to Master i would feel like tearing them to shreds too.

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RE: Respect from others - 2/28/2006 12:16:35 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

She acts "rude" on lots of occasions, she's basically a great girl but can get that "hollier than thou" attitude.


I would distance myself from such a 'friend'. 'Basically great' and 'lots of rudeness' don't hold hands very well in my book.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: Respect from others - 2/28/2006 12:19:02 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		i would also remain quiet and let my Master handle it, but my opinion of that person would certainly be changed. i would speak to my Master about my feelings later.

i have been in situations where i felt certain friends were disrespecting him, by the way they chose to share their opinions about him. i always cut that off at the pass. It is one thing to have an opinion, it is another to voice it respectfully. i won't tolerate a friend insulting him like that.

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RE: Respect from others - 2/28/2006 12:29:53 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		The closest experience I have had to your experience is this.

My Master holds a 4th degree blackbelt, He has a martial arts school in which he is the instructor or Master. There is one student there who thinks he knows everything. I get the feeling that he even feels that he is better than Master, even though he holds only a blue belt. I feel the things he says arent real, even when he portrays respect or says the respectful words that go along with martial arts training, I dont feel he really means them.

Sometimes I find myself getting so mad with him, I cant even look him in the eye cause I feel that if I did when i was feeling that way he would drop dead hehe. Ive talked to Master about it, He says, " All blue belts think they know everything. Its a process. Dont worry about it."

Its taken some work on my part and a lot of listening to Master but I think I'm finally in a place where I can just see him for what he is, a student travelling along the road of life and dont have to feel defensive of Master, which has alleviated a lot of the "Damn i wanna tear you to shreds feeling" i had towards this student.

If you see your friend for what she is, someone who has not self control and can be rude and obnoxious because of this and that this is just a weakness of hers, and realise, your Master is your Master and needs no defense or protection on your part, it may help to stop the bad feelings you are having.

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RE: Respect from others - 2/28/2006 12:33:53 PM   
seaturtle50


Posts: 382
Joined: 12/28/2005
Status: offline
quote:

So I'm out last weekend with My Man at a friends house having drinks


quote:

She acts "rude" on lots of occasions, she's basically a great girl but can get that "hollier than thou" attitude.


Just wondering if you notice an increase in her rudeness/hollieness congruent with the increase in drinks?

st50


_____________________________

i want to be your ... #1 lowest common denominator.

Destiny happens in a moment ... in the blink of an eye.

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RE: Respect from others - 2/28/2006 12:41:25 PM   
SimplyV


Posts: 351
Joined: 11/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HisGirl8

So how do you handle it? Why does this make me so angry? I HATE to see a woman disrepect their man and if you do it to mine I want to maime you... What's up with that?


When we put our trust in someone and love them, it just happens. You can talk bad about them, but hell if anyone else is allowed to because they're "YOURS". Its normal. I'm sure you've seen plenty of guys talking bad about thier gf/wife. Griping up a storm. Then one of their friends says "Yeah, what a bitch".. and that guy gets decked.

I don't have a problem with people "disrespecting" theirs.. because well its not my problem. Unless of course I know "theirs" and I have an allegiance to them.. aka friendship.

In a similar situation, I would just have taken her by the arm when I noticed she was getting rude, and said.. "I really need to talk to you about something" Then in another room, talked to her about something else til she calmed down. That is if she was just an associate and not a close friend. If she was a close friend, I'd have dragged her off to another room and said "My god you can be a bitch. Whats up?" Because people like the girl you described don't get on my close friends list, so if a close friend was rude there would be some kind of huge issue causing it, that we needed to discuss.

Another thing you could do, is flash her a look of "Wow you just turned into the Incredible Hulk" or "You dis my man once more, I WILL deck you" .. sometimes just a look can do the trick.

I don't think I could just sit there and take it.. not if she was my friend and not his. If she was his friend, then it would be up to him to "correct" her or not. And if she was his friend, and he let her treat him that way... I guess I would assume it was acceptable and probably treat him that way as well.

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RE: Respect from others - 2/28/2006 12:41:51 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali



If you see your friend for what she is, someone who has not self control and can be rude and obnoxious because of this and that this is just a weakness of hers, and realise, your Master is your Master and needs no defense or protection on your part, it may help to stop the bad feelings you are having.


Exactly. in my case i knew it was my friend's fears that were speaking. she had seen me go through so much already. But, i won't allow myself to be put in a position of having to defend him, or even listen to insults about him. So i let her know that i loved her but she was making it difficult for me to want to converse with her.

The friendship remains strong, and now she laughs and says "i'm not saying a thing." :)

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RE: Respect from others - 2/28/2006 1:00:15 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Firstly, "Bloody good on yer darlin" for loving your man that anything that attacks him upsets you. generally I'd be agreeing with the other posts and suggest you bite your tongue and start distancing yourself froim the trollop. You do need to discuss this with your man and see what he thinks. Now here's where I differ from all here. Were you in my collar and this happened, I'd expect you to deck the bitch and would give you full support. I'm the first to agree that I'm a barbarian, a celtic Tribesman and anyone attacking what's mine starts a tribal war. Now Celtic women used to go to battle too and charged the romans (e.g.( stark nakid ~ well you can immagine the result wwhen a wild naked Celtic Woman leapt on a Roman Soldier and wrapprd her arms and legs about him..Poor bugger probably thought all his birthdays had come at once.. Untill she pulled a dagger from her hair and dispatched him pronto).. Now I'm not suggesting you stab her but ..... Screatching naked subby leaping into battle....Hmmmmmmm?? Lass truely talk this over with your Man..

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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RE: Respect from others - 2/28/2006 1:05:33 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		LOL thanks for the visual!!!

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RE: Respect from others - 2/28/2006 1:07:33 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

She acts "rude" on lots of occasions, she's basically a great girl but can get that "hollier than thou" attitude.


I would distance myself from such a 'friend'. 'Basically great' and 'lots of rudeness' don't hold hands very well in my book.

Celeste



agree!!!!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Respect from others - 2/28/2006 1:37:05 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

She acts "rude" on lots of occasions, she's basically a great girl but can get that "hollier than thou" attitude.


I would distance myself from such a 'friend'. 'Basically great' and 'lots of rudeness' don't hold hands very well in my book.

Celeste


Here here!!! The bonds of friendship excuse someone from an occasional slip of the tongue or thoughtless comment. But to remain friends with someone who is continually rude is condoning and ultimately encouraging such behavior.

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


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