RE: The BIG Lie.... (Full Version)

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windchymes -> RE: The BIG Lie.... (9/19/2009 10:54:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: susie

OK the other thing that I don't get is why do men think you want to see them wank on cam for you.

Does nothing for me. Anyone else?


Because the unevolved think that, just because they like something, you certainly must like it, too. 



Drifa -> RE: The BIG Lie.... (9/19/2009 11:29:42 AM)

Laurell K. Hamilton's Anita Bake at one point tells some guy coming on to her inappropriately by saying that he has 9 inches "I prefer small penises, they're so much easier for oral sex." The few times I have been with guys who were really big, none of them knew WTF foreplay was. They assumed that whipping out 9 inches would instantly produce lubrication via some visual process. Then later on assumed that just slamming away with no finesse or technique was adequate.

My sister tells a joke that sort of sums up my view of it though. On their wedding night, the bride says fearfully, "Honey, please be gentle, I am a virgin!" Her new hubby says, shocked, "What!?? But this is your fourth marriage!" She answers, "I know. But my first husband was a lawyer, and all he wanted to do was talk about it." The bridegroom looks confused, and asks, "But what about the other two?" She answers, "Well honey, my second husband was a gynecologist, and all HE wanted to do was look at it." Discomfited, the man nods and says, "OK, I guess I understand that. But what about the last guy?" The lady looks very sad and says "He was a stamp collector..." then bursts into tears and cries "Lord, how I miss that man!"

Give me a talented stamp collector!





Lucienne -> RE: The BIG Lie.... (9/19/2009 11:50:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Drifa

Laurell K. Hamilton's Anita Bake at one point tells some guy coming on to her inappropriately by saying that he has 9 inches "I prefer small penises, they're so much easier for oral sex."



I wouldn't say "small," but I'd go with "average." Above average penis length doesn't have much functionality. Banging into my cervix isn't hot.

I prefer to personally witness the size of a man's penis, no previous discussion of its specs (accurate or inaccurate) necessary. Penis size isn't part of my screening process. I also disagree with those who think the penis is not aesthetically pleasing. Or, rather, can't be. I've seen some pretty penises in my time. But it's more about color than size.



DesFIP -> RE: The BIG Lie.... (9/19/2009 12:30:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MMagic

It's not the changing in front of I thnk that does it.

I imagine men feel the same way.  I for one am tired of feeling bad for who I'm not.  And I don't think men should persecute themselves in this way either. 



Do you really compare yourself to an air brushed model?

But schools are full of bullies. The handbook says bullying will not be tolerated but in reality damn near nothing is done to protect kids. I know several who have been bullied by the same kid for years and eventually haul off and beat the crap out of the bully. At which time the school punishes the victim for protecting himself and rewards the bully.

And yes, I do think that being verbally abused day in and day out for four or more years will scar anyone. And when it's focused on your physical attractiveness at an age where shallowness in appearance rules, it will have lasting effects on your self esteem.

About the word should. You're right, we shouldn't allow what people say to us to hurt us. But we do. Whether it's your boyfriend dumping you because he found someone hotter or kinkier. Or your boss cutting you down to keep you from working for his competitor for more money by making you believe no one else would hire you. Or staying with a person who makes you want to curl up in a ball and cry because they've convinced you that no one else would want you and you don't deserve even the negative attention they give you.

Should is a moral judgment, it doesn't speak to what does happen.



DarkSteven -> RE: The BIG Lie.... (9/19/2009 12:53:39 PM)

Does the fact that I am seventeen inches exclude me from participating in this thread?

Just kidding... I've read so damn many profiles in which women say that they don't care about the size of a man's wallet or cock, just whether he's a decent guy and able to communicate... Dunno why so many men just don't read...



lizi -> RE: The BIG Lie.... (9/19/2009 1:07:31 PM)

Men tend to not look at things from a woman's perspective, they don't always take the time to figure out what women want, like, or desire. Sad but true, and I'm sure it goes the other way too but I can only speak from my own experience. There are times when I've been so underwhelmed by a guy in the bedroom that afterward I just thought what the heck was that? And times when he literally rocked my world. The difference is usually when the guy happens to notice I'm there and tries to figure out what would make me happy - after all it is a shared activity.

On the topic of penis size, men tend to think the more penis there is the more manly they are and the more able to satisfy a woman. Look at porn... porn is mainly for men and the guys in it are usually selected for having a big dick just like the women are selected for their bust size amongst other things but the point is the people in porn are selected for physical attributes. In porn if you have big tits or a big dick you get to bang away and have sex. You can be a pizza delivery guy but if you have a big dick your women customers will have sex with you in the porn world.

Men want sex. They think they'll get it by having a big dick- they can't really change their dick size but they can claim it's the Titanic. If you're close enough to see that it's not all that they dont' really care at that point because they've achieved their goal of getting naked with you and figure that you'll be 'into' them at that point and keep the ball rolling.

Same for the on camera wanking...a man wants to do it because that's what they want from the woman they are talking to. Men aren't always the greatest at deciphering what a woman wants so they transfer what they want onto the woman and voila....interpersonal connections made easy. The problems for them come in when dang it all...women are different....then they have to spend time and figure out what does it for the woman and some choose not to try.

Here's my own personal thread hijack on what are men thinking, we had the penis size lies and the wanking question...why is it that a guy thinks you'll immediately be into him if he says he loves to perform oral? It's like when they say that they think it's a secret weapon and they're waiting for you to drop everything and run into their arms and proceed directly to bed do not pass Go. Like every guy I've ever been with doesn't do oral? It's nice I'll agree with that but it's not that special and unique that I'd find it a selling point to take one guy over another because they pretty much all do it. Still I find it over and over that some guy seems to consider that a big selling point in his bag of tricks. I'v actually been in situations where I'll figure that someone I'm chatting with is not for me and I'll make my segue to get out of there and be told WAIT...but I like to perform oral! Ok. Wow, like that's special enough to make me overlook the fact there is not a connection here and you are an idiot.

Guys....women are into what's in your head. We generally like interpersonal stuff and relationships. We like talking to you, we like knowing you've thought of us, we like being treated like we exist in the world. We don't care about your dick size or if you are a thirsty camel and never stop licking. We don't care to see you masturbate. It's not about the sex act for us. Pay attention to us as individuals and human beings and you'll get somewhere.

I've had very few men approach me as a valued, cherished, individual who had something going on upstairs. Those men got lucky but I considered myself the lucky one to have met them. They had it going on even though they didn't have a 747 in their pants and were pretty average looking - it didn't matter, as far as I was concerned they were treasure. Pure gold.



porcelaine -> RE: The BIG Lie.... (9/19/2009 1:46:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MMagic

I'd rather have the strong Dom with a one incher than a Dom with a one incher who lies and says he has 8 when he doesn't.  But that's just me...


i'd rather have the guy with some inches that told the truth. i'm not going to pretend i want to play with a puny pied piper either. as much as this has to do with their ego, it has been fed in other ways. otherwise men of a smaller stature wouldn't feel inadequate. someone is telling them this. many say they'd accept far less and then run off to friends and have a laugh fest at his expense. neither are better than the other. just different shades of bs.

porcelaine



wineDineNtieMe -> RE: The BIG Lie.... (9/19/2009 2:37:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: MMagic

It's not the changing in front of I thnk that does it.

I imagine men feel the same way.  I for one am tired of feeling bad for who I'm not.  And I don't think men should persecute themselves in this way either. 



Do you really compare yourself to an air brushed model?

But schools are full of bullies. The handbook says bullying will not be tolerated but in reality damn near nothing is done to protect kids. I know several who have been bullied by the same kid for years and eventually haul off and beat the crap out of the bully. At which time the school punishes the victim for protecting himself and rewards the bully.

And yes, I do think that being verbally abused day in and day out for four or more years will scar anyone. And when it's focused on your physical attractiveness at an age where shallowness in appearance rules, it will have lasting effects on your self esteem.

About the word should. You're right, we shouldn't allow what people say to us to hurt us. But we do. Whether it's your boyfriend dumping you because he found someone hotter or kinkier. Or your boss cutting you down to keep you from working for his competitor for more money by making you believe no one else would hire you. Or staying with a person who makes you want to curl up in a ball and cry because they've convinced you that no one else would want you and you don't deserve even the negative attention they give you.

Should is a moral judgment, it doesn't speak to what does happen.


I think the op was basically agreeing with you... More or less saying in the case of the girls in school that part, not all,--kids are cruel anyway--of the reason the girls may be under the misguided impression that picking on the heavier girls was ok is this unrealistic beauty standard we see on the billboards and magazines. This is not a new argument and until we as consumers, women and moms do something... vote with our pocketbooks, change our own attitudes, i dunno, SOMETHING that someone much smarter than I will eventually come up with... this unrealistic image of female beauty will persist.

The o/p also did not compare herself to the airbrushed models, she said she works it with what she has. To me she sounds quite happy with herself and her body image.

Some say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I've also heard that what doesn't kill you is your life. I subscribe to the latter train of thought. As an adult ppl trip over themselves telling me I'm beautiful at times, this is not to brag. It goes in one ear and out the other. I don't see beauty in the mirror. I see a girl who looks alright. I was picked on so horribly in school and was told there was only 1 girl in the whole entire school that was uglier than me. This went on for years. I had no boyfriends. I was sad lonely and depressed even when surrounded my small group of friends. I put it behind me because now I'm grown and it's in the past. But even so, its always there. I'll never believe that I'm a beautiful as people say I am, I assume they want something. But I don't use it as an excuse to embellish my attributes or lie about my physical person.

Let's wrap this puppy up now... My point is; everyone has emotional scars, that is not an excuse for lying about what a guy is packing between his legs. What girl ever asks? He lies because wants to. He brings it up. He tells the lie. Why? What's the point? If you will bring up something that isn't even the most important thing just to lie about it, how can I trust you to tell the truth when I ask a question or when you bring up something on your own? I don't really give a shit if he was picked on in the locker room as a teen, if you feel the need to talk about it tell the truth. Otherwise, let it be a mystery. There is something to be said for just finding out when you find out. I personally find it a tacky conversation... I go with an assumption of average until proven otherwise.





MMagic -> RE: The BIG Lie.... (9/19/2009 2:56:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MarsBonfire

You know, I've always tried to be honest about my body... and I've gotten some pretty nasty reactions from people because of that honesty.... (shrug) Maybe I've had bad luck all these years, and have just kept running into size queen after size queen.

But I have a question, MMagic, (seriously) if cock size doesn't matter so much for you, then why did you make a point to mention that your hubby has 8+, and he was the only guy you ever met with that kind of endowment? Kinda undercuts your argument, I think.
Obviously, it IS important to you, and then you ask about why guys lie about it...

I think you should be able to answer your own question from that.




No Mars, it in fact doesn't matter THAT is why I made a point to mention and follow with, just because you have a 747 doesn't mean you know how to land it. Meaning the size really doesn't matter.  You could have an 11 inch cock and not know WHAT the fuck to do with it to please a woman.  I'm telling the guys out there, quit lyin, we (a few of us anyway) don't really care.



MMagic -> RE: The BIG Lie.... (9/19/2009 3:15:33 PM)

Whew it's getting interesting in here.  Let me continue I had to stop to read because I always like to respond in one post instead of 5 and I got shells cooking so...

Mars to continue what I was saying.  I'm sorry you run into Queen sized women, but just like men are bastards, women can be bitches. I suspect you know this already but I'm gonna say it again anyway. WOMEN CAN BE BITCHES.  Some of us hurt men, but I'm coming more from a standpoint of..being here on CM, I came here because it's the place where people should be honest because all of this is based on trust.  I trust you not to tie me up and strangle the shit out of me and kill me.  I trust you not to do anything we BOTH don't enjoy.  If you can't tell the truth about your body, somethng I'm going to see anyway, then it begs the question, as someone else here said, What ELSE are you lying about.  And further more I return to what I was saying before...Find the one that finds you attractive and fuck the rest.  They don't like your 5 or your 17 inches, find the one that does and stop lying to ones who actually don't care what you got, so long as you treat them right.

To Defip...I don't know if you meant to sound hostile, but I'll you this.  In high school I had a hell of a time. I was not overweight, I was very thin, and quiet, because I had a horrible home life, but I got picked on anyway.  Later I found that quite a few guys had crushes but I was way too serious for them and scared them, so they opted to pick instead of ask out. In any case I get the whole thing you're saying but do you REALLY understand what I'm saying?   ALL OF US compare ourselves to airbrushed models.  If you're sitting and telling me as a woman it's NEVER and I don't mean now, I mean NEVER EVER been that you looked in a magazine and saw another woman and secretly wished to look like them, then I can stop typing now, but I know that's not true.  I'm saying at some point women (men too) have to stop apologizing for who they are NOT.  And that's my point.  You're not HalleBerry (or maybe you are, who knows who's here trolling). But on the chance that you're not and I know I'm not, then why should I let someone else make me feel inadequate and LIE about who I am? 

Yes I say SHOULD as in at some point we're going to have to stop telling ourselves and our children that airbrushed people are who they are supposed to look like. Several celebs will tell you they don't look anywhere NEAR as good as they photograph.  Do I compare myself to an airbrushed model, of course, so have you, so has every woman here.  But I wised up and know that I can create my own smoke and mirrors just like they do and I can take a photo and look just as good as they do. I got make up AND Photoshop.  But prefer to teach my child to not think that's the way it's supposed to go. You are who you are, be the best you, you can be.  Did I make better sense that time? If not I can break it down differently.

Oh and edited to add, Porcelaine..puny pied piper...ok that was HIlarious!



DavanKael -> RE: The BIG Lie.... (9/19/2009 3:27:47 PM)

Anyone who's read my profile or spoken with me on the matter of penises knows that I do care about size and I make no apologies about it.  I started out as what some would refer to as a 'size queen' but have since attenuated to average on up.  Oh, and the penis being pretty to look at rocks too.  And, I'll also note that girth is important as is length.  Plus, some angles are more desirable than others.  Lol, yeah, it matters to me.  ;>  Yeah, I think penises that interest me are neat < giggle >!  :> 
I credit Arnold Schwarzenegger in the beginning of the original "Terminator" (Yes, you can see Arnold's offerings when he's walking down the street nude after he time-travels...I know some people want to go back and look now and I don't know how soooo many people missed that!) with informing my idea of what penises ought to look like.  :>  I believe I was in 7th grade when I saw said goodness.  Clearly it left an impression.  :> 
I've never had a guy I've been with lie to me about his penis size.  I would be extremely pissed if that happened and he'd be going away.  Also, I don't believe I would be satisfied with less than average and I don't like the aesthetics.  The guy I most recently had sex with seemed somewhat misinformed about his penis size (He seemed to think he had a large penis but he was in the lower half of average...he didn't lie, though, he just nodded and smiled when I mentioned the whole average on up criteria) but he pleased me greatly.  :> 
As for the watching a guy 'wanking on cam', actually, I will absolutely cop to being turned on by the idea of watching a guy I at least know and like (Or more) touch himself be it on cam, in front of me, whatever.  Random strangers: not-so-much.  Nice energy of power and/or vulnerability about the act.  Not to mention, if the person is a guy I'm considering being sexual with or have been sexual with, chances are, he excites me.  It pleases me to be excited, so why wouldn't I want to watch?!  Oh, yeah, and I love to watch, lol! 
I will say that I am often the 'anti-chick' in various opinions I render and I know that I vary from most females in such regards.  All part of the groovy peculiarity that is me, lol!  :> 
Davan



kiwisub12 -> RE: The BIG Lie.... (9/19/2009 3:31:34 PM)

Is Hallie Berry really Hallie Berry?   I've seen her dressed up to the nines for the Oscars and so on  - and i rather think that when she does the grocery shopping she would be unrecognisable.  The marvels of modern makeup, jewelery and clothing make her what she is in the movies and magazines.  And i think she is gorgeous -  but we get an edited version every time we get her picture in the media.

As for peniseseses   -  the male boasting about his length to a female has already proven that he doesn't understand what turns a female on. Do we really think that he will be more clued in on other subjects?



Level -> RE: The BIG Lie.... (9/19/2009 3:32:31 PM)

quote:

I will say that I am often the 'anti-chick' in various opinions I render and I know that I vary from most females in such regards.
Davan


Thank goodness there's some of you out there. [;)]



DavanKael -> RE: The BIG Lie.... (9/19/2009 3:36:54 PM)

Why thank you, Level.  :> 
  Davan



wineDineNtieMe -> RE: The BIG Lie.... (9/19/2009 3:52:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

As for the watching a guy 'wanking on cam', actually, I will absolutely cop to being turned on by the idea of watching a guy I at least know and like (Or more) touch himself be it on cam, in front of me, whatever.  Random strangers: not-so-much. 




That is the difference between out of context cock or not. <<=== Wow, try saying that 5 times fast, lol!

Cock out of context has no appeal, but I like to video chat and there is a guy (ok 2 guys) that I have a  rapport  with that I have no problem watching. But it wasn't like: Day 1... "Hi, wanna watch me wank?" It's more like: Week 3... and well, none your business how it actually went down, lol. But you get the point.





MarsBonfire -> RE: The BIG Lie.... (9/19/2009 3:53:35 PM)

Yup. Definitely interesting. But then, when you talk about a subject like this, you'll find that it hits squarely on a lot of people's self-image and identity. Just as if I were to start a thread on the advantages/disadvantages over large breasts vs flat-chested. There's going to be someone out there who is going to feel insulted no matter what is said.

I do tend to agree with you, MMagic: the lying is insideous. Guys desperately want to be considered contenders, and the urban/societal myth is that you need a good size swanshtupper to carry that off. I'm the first to admit that hung guys have a certain aesthetic value, but I've heard way too many people, gay/bi men and women alike complain that "more is definitely NOT better." But, how do you break down a pervasive mindset like this? Will more and more women state that "huge cocks don't matter to me" in their profiles?

I'm slightly below the 6" average, (slightly larger than your basic Oscar Meyer hot dog)and I've had no complaints. But I HAVE had plenty of "disappointed looks" from some of my potential partners, who were obviously hoping for a Louisville slugger. You wonder why men lie about this? Well, as I said before, there's a lot of self-esteem caught up in this. How are they to be honest, when they are made to feel they won't even be considered, if they do tell the truth? (Is it better to lie, and at least be forgiven after meeting, than to sit at home, lonely, because the truth is so damning?)

You tell me.



wineDineNtieMe -> RE: The BIG Lie.... (9/19/2009 4:04:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MarsBonfire

Yup. Definitely interesting. But then, when you talk about a subject like this, you'll find that it hits squarely on a lot of people's self-image and identity. Just as if I were to start a thread on the advantages/disadvantages over large breasts vs flat-chested. There's going to be someone out there who is going to feel insulted no matter what is said.




Not the same. This isn't about the virtue of big v/s not, but true v/s false.  I understand your point though... They came out with all these great products that you can put you pants and look like you have a J-Lo or Beyonce booty. I thought about it for about 5 minutes... what happens when I take them off and he finds out I only have a handfuls worth of ass?

One could point out that I didn't grow all the hair on my head. OK that's true, but it makes me able to face myself in the mirror and pull it all you like(yeah baby!! lol), it's not coming out.



MarsBonfire -> RE: The BIG Lie.... (9/19/2009 4:13:29 PM)

As you may have noticed, guys also have fake products being pushed at them all the time. All those miserable "Smilin' Bob" commercials, and the other ones where the couples talk about how great it is for the guys to be larger and longer lasting. None of this crap does anything to diminish the problem. Maybe guys lie, because society lies to them about the sheer importantce of this.

But then, so much of our economy is based on making people feel insecure about themselves: deodorant, shoe pads, wonderbras, hair clubs for men, teeth whitening, hair extensions, home workout stations (size matters... yes it DOES!) contact lenses that change your eyecolor, etc., etc...

(and people wonder why I like watching commercial free staions on Cable like PBS, and TCM...)



wineDineNtieMe -> RE: The BIG Lie.... (9/19/2009 4:20:44 PM)

You know what... I can say nothing but, I agree with you here!

Advertisers make us feel bad so that then we'll buy shit that we don't really need



porcelaine -> RE: The BIG Lie.... (9/19/2009 4:34:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MarsBonfire

You wonder why men lie about this? Well, as I said before, there's a lot of self-esteem caught up in this. How are they to be honest, when they are made to feel they won't even be considered, if they do tell the truth? (Is it better to lie, and at least be forgiven after meeting, than to sit at home, lonely, because the truth is so damning?)

You tell me.


a lie is a lie anyway you slice it. you're trying to have physical intimacy with a person and you bring distrust into bed and expect her to be okay or to overlook it? i can't speak for others but i'd call you on it. is it a risk telling the truth? yes of course. but i'd guess it would take far more energy and self contortion not being true to yourself. once you start bending one thing the rest isn't so difficult.

porcelaine



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