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Too Picky??? - 9/20/2009 3:28:43 PM

Bimtrain

Posts: 40
Joined: 8/14/2009
Status: offline

I'm sure I'm not the first person on here to post about this but I feel like I keep encountering the same situation.

In short it goes like this:

1. Sub lists twenty things she desires for/from her Dom and life as a sub/slave.
2. Dom says 19 of those are what he's looking for as well.
3. Sub basically tells Dom to fuck off.

I'm over simplifying but still... I know if I expected every condition of every situation I go into to be met I'd be living a very miserable and unfulfilling life.

And spare me the "everyone has a right to require what they want" speech. We're still talking about relationships here and no relationship in the history of this planet has ever been 100% perfect. Whether D/s, vanilla or otherwise, they ALL require compromise to one degree or another!

P.S. I've posted on the boards under my other profile before.

Post #: 1

RE: Too Picky??? - 9/20/2009 3:30:47 PM

Elipsis

Posts: 301
Joined: 7/8/2009
Status: offline

Some people have unrealistic expectations. Better to find out now than have them leave you because you used the wrong fork to eat your salad.

(in reply to Bimtrain)

Post #: 2

RE: Too Picky??? - 9/20/2009 3:43:38 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

You can have everything on the lists in common yet still get an incompatible feeling from an opening email or a profile. Having just looked at yours, I'm guessing it's her paying tens of thousand for cosmetic surgery, being helpless and entirely dependent on you with the major risk of being kicked out at any time with a body that can't return to normal, out of date career skills and no money. That's a red flag to most of us.

Did she really say fuck off? Or just thanks but no thanks.

I've got to tell you though, you've just gone way down in the estimation of every sub who read this post. Complaining about being told no is a serious turn off. Especially when you aren't looking for a relationship, just a build it yourself Barbie, you ought to expect huge numbers of rejections.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 9/20/2009 3:47:38 PM >

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Elipsis)

Post #: 3

RE: Too Picky??? - 9/20/2009 3:47:53 PM

Elipsis

Posts: 301
Joined: 7/8/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
I've got to tell you though, you've just gone way down in the estimation of every sub who read this post.

Of every sub who might read that? Pretty broad absolute statement imo.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Complaining about being told no is a serious turn off.

Oh come on, who feels good about rejection? Especially when you read a profile and think "Hey that's almost exactly what I'm looking for." It's perfectly natural to be a little disappointed.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 4

RE: Too Picky??? - 9/20/2009 3:49:52 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

A lot of things I needed were a bit intangible, and I needed someone with compatible ethics, playstyle, views on D/s, etc. Even if you both look good on paper, there might not be the slightest attraction in person. Lots of people don't want extreme body modification. No matter how many commonalities you have, most women want to be approached as individuals, not treated like an animated RealDoll. Once you've established a D/s dynamic, then moving into deeper levels of control and objectification can be incorporated.

(in reply to Elipsis)

Post #: 5

RE: Too Picky??? - 9/20/2009 3:51:01 PM

FawneTwo

Posts: 98
Status: offline

I don't know. It doesn't sound like he's complaining. He is asking. That's all.

Bimtrain - I like your profile.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 6

RE: Too Picky??? - 9/20/2009 3:53:20 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I could very easily list twenty things that are of major importance in a spouse or relationship and missing one would be a big problem, one I have dealt with before and know I will not live without.

My choice could mean that I live alone because it might be hard to find someone that fits what I want in my life, but that is my choice. To live alone unless I can find someone who fits, enhances and pretty much expects the same things of me. I don't want anything less. Many have tried to get me to settle. Mostly men who would like to be with me. Sorry... at my age, I have been there. It doesn't mean I am inflexable or cannot compromize or work with someone. It means I have twenty expectations that I am not willing to go through again with someone. That isn't jaded. That isn't intolerant. That is... been there, done that, accepted less and no frigging way in the rest of this life time am I going through the headache, drama, disputes, defense, arguing, proving points and on and on and on. A good chick flick and a vibrator are far better. lol

Having said that... I am tolerant, kind, understanding, loving and patient in most area's and I know how to communicate and work through things and deal with imperfection. Hell, I live imperfection. I'm good, but not perfect and I don't expect perfection. But I do expect to live life how I see it as best and am flexable in many area's, but not in the things I require in a mate.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to Elipsis)

Post #: 7

RE: Too Picky??? - 9/20/2009 3:53:52 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

I think "picky" isn't the key word here. You're not picky at all. You just want something to come along and be made into your idea of physical perfection and have no interests other than keeping herself looking good for you. What the hell kind of life is that to offer anybody?

Yet, you go on about your own career, interests, hobbies, looks, gym membership......

No offense, but I'd have told you to fuck off too. "Fuckdoll" is a weekend fantasy, not a way of life. Sorry.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 8

RE: Too Picky??? - 9/20/2009 4:00:18 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I'm with windchymes. I think your expectations are pretty extreme. If you find someone who meets 95% of them, I'd say go for it.

If you're saying that you have a list of 20 requirements, and every single one is a dealbreaker, then yes, I'd say you're too picky.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 9

RE: Too Picky??? - 9/20/2009 4:01:43 PM

FawneTwo

Posts: 98
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

Yet, you go on about your own career, interests, hobbies, looks, gym membership......

"Fuckdoll" is a weekend fantasy, not a way of life.

But windchymes, respectfully - If he really wanted just a fuckdoll why would he bother?

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 10

RE: Too Picky??? - 9/20/2009 4:01:54 PM

Elipsis

Posts: 301
Joined: 7/8/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

I think "picky" isn't the key word here. You're not picky at all. You just want something to come along and be made into your idea of physical perfection and have no interests other than keeping herself looking good for you. What the hell kind of life is that to offer anybody?

Yet, you go on about your own career, interests, hobbies, looks, gym membership......

No offense, but I'd have told you to fuck off too. "Fuckdoll" is a weekend fantasy, not a way of life. Sorry.

Hmm... this made me look at his profile.

Bimtrain you sounded pretty reasonable in your original post but... ya I don't see a lot of room for "compromise" when I read your profile either. Actually were I in the position of a sub chick reading that I would think that you probably have unreasonable expectations.

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 11

RE: Too Picky??? - 9/20/2009 4:01:55 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

After reading the op profile... I do have to say... for a guy who wants people work through things, you have a long list of superficail things you require. What's your problem?

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 12

RE: Too Picky??? - 9/20/2009 4:10:22 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FawneTwo

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

Yet, you go on about your own career, interests, hobbies, looks, gym membership......

"Fuckdoll" is a weekend fantasy, not a way of life.

But windchymes, respectfully - If he really wanted just a fuckdoll why would he bother?

I'm just taking his profile at face value. I don't get a vibe of him wanting anymore more than a fuckdoll. His life is very full and enriching for him..... And a beautiful, perfect fuckdoll would make it complete.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to FawneTwo)

Post #: 13

RE: Too Picky??? - 9/20/2009 4:10:57 PM

Phoenixpower

Posts: 8098
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
I don't want anything less. Many have tried to get me to settle. Mostly men who would like to be with me. Sorry... at my age, I have been there. It doesn't mean I am inflexable or cannot compromize or work with someone. It means I have twenty expectations that I am not willing to go through again with someone. That isn't jaded. That isn't intolerant. That is... been there, done that, accepted less and no frigging way in the rest of this life time am I going through the headache, drama, disputes, defense, arguing, proving points and on and on and on. A good chick flick and a vibrator are far better. lol

Having said that... I am tolerant, kind, understanding, loving and patient in most area's and I know how to communicate and work through things and deal with imperfection. Hell, I live imperfection. I'm good, but not perfect and I don't expect perfection. But I do expect to live life how I see it as best and am flexable in many area's, but not in the things I require in a mate.

I couldn't have said it any better.

In my previous profile was highlighted that I won't accept not to work for being with a Dom (as after all why would I have to go through all my hassles with uni now when I can't enjoy working in that profession afterwards), that I won't leave my cats behind (gosh and some guys did try me on that one), that I won't stay in the UK and that I won't accept a british Dom (again, many tried to change my views about those) and that I would not accept a Dom who is against having kids in the near future (where again some guys tried to change me in that aspect). Heck, no, why should I accept a Dom who has a problem with such expectations from my side?

I know WHAT I want and quite frankly, I can do all on my own if I have to and don't need a Dom in my life to "feel complete." I "can" submit, but I "don't have to."

So of course I make sure that my potential match can fullfill my expectations as well and if he can't, well, then we aren't a match. Far too often I heard from guys "but I (he) already have kids." So what??? That does not make me change my goals in my life, does it? And justify my life with staying here or justify my cats into an uncertain future for someone who - after meeting him at another continent - finally tells me that he has a cat fur allergy and can't tolerate cats in his house...certainly not gonna happen.

Well, yes, when I found my match then a lot will go after his command...but until then NOT, as after all, I took on my furrys for life and not just for a season or two.

At the moment I am dating a guy who seems to be all I was looking for...if it works out then I am very pleased indeed, no doubt about that...however, if it does not work out, then I will relocate at first and search locally as by now I am not bothered anymore about long distance relationships considering what wankers I met.

But it does proof to me that it is absolutely right to ensure that my needs as a sub or potential slave are getting met as well, as after all, only a happy sub/slave is a good sub/slave (IMO). Good night

< Message edited by Phoenixpower -- 9/20/2009 4:12:17 PM >

_____________________________

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The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 14

RE: Too Picky??? - 9/20/2009 4:13:13 PM

OrionAndi

Posts: 73
Joined: 9/18/2009
Status: offline

I found the profile quite scary.

You come off very self obsessed with no thought/care of a woman's integrity. She will be treated as an object, nothing more. Urgh.

This is judging by your profile only, not you as a person as I don't know you.

Andi.

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 15

RE: Too Picky??? - 9/20/2009 4:22:01 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FawneTwo

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

Yet, you go on about your own career, interests, hobbies, looks, gym membership......

"Fuckdoll" is a weekend fantasy, not a way of life.

But windchymes, respectfully - If he really wanted just a fuckdoll why would he bother?

Because as long as WIITWD exsists there will always be dom's that think their kink will eventually be available for delivery in 30 minutes or less.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to FawneTwo)

Post #: 16

RE: Too Picky??? - 9/20/2009 4:22:27 PM

FawneTwo

Posts: 98
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes
His life is very full and enriching for him..... And a beautiful, perfect fuckdoll would make it complete.

Exactly!

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 17

RE: Too Picky??? - 9/20/2009 4:24:01 PM

FawneTwo

Posts: 98
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U
Because as long as WIITWD exsists there will always be dom's that think their kink will eventually be available for delivery in 30 minutes or less.

yeah...

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 18

RE: Too Picky??? - 9/20/2009 4:24:03 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I'm just taking his profile at face value. I don't get a vibe of him wanting anymore more than a fuckdoll. His life is very full and enriching for him..... And a beautiful, perfect fuckdoll would make it complete.

At least until he bites her on the neck where she suddenly farts and flies out the window!! Maybe he should look for one with a patch kit?

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 19

RE: Too Picky??? - 9/20/2009 4:45:24 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elipsis

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
I've got to tell you though, you've just gone way down in the estimation of every sub who read this post.

Of every sub who might read that? Pretty broad absolute statement imo.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Complaining about being told no is a serious turn off.

Oh come on, who feels good about rejection? Especially when you read a profile and think "Hey that's almost exactly what I'm looking for." It's perfectly natural to be a little disappointed.

I'm not disagreeing that people don't feel bad about being rejected. But when you get up with a bullhorn on a soapbox and tell everyone how offended you are at being rejected, it is a turn off. And that's what the forums are the equivalent of, telling a couple of hundred people that how dare someone turn you down.

It's viewed as whining unless you title the post Warning A Rant or Venting or some such. Then when you yourself admit to just needing to get it out of your system, you get a pass.

Otherwise you appear in people's eyes as someone who complains about everything.

But considering how extreme the op's desires are, he has to expect 99.9% of people he writes will turn him down. And if he doesn't then he's being unrealistic.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Elipsis)

Post #: 20

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