CaringandReal
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Joined: 2/15/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sravaka
I spend a lot more time classifying and analyzing dominants (like so many butterflies pinned in a box? well, no, but the image is sort of amusing) than I do submissives, given that I am a sub seeking a dom.... but someone I was speaking to recently divided the universe of submissives into three, and caused me thereby to ponder where i fit into others' taxonomies, and/or what possible taxonomies of subs there are.
In his view there are 1) subs who are motivated by desire to please, 2) subs who are motivated by a desire to obey, 3) subs who simply react to a dominant presence. Obviously, there is considerable overlap, esp. in a full-blown, ongoing relationship. You can obey because you want to please or attempt to please because you want to obey. You may react to a dominant presence by obeying and/or attempting to please. You may become so keyed to your dominant that you simply react obediently or pleasingly to his presence. But unless I'm mistaken, he was suggesting that, at the core, prior to a relationship, there is generally a tendency in one or the other of these three directions.
I wonder.... does this resonate for anyone? If you are sub: do you feel you fit into one of these categories? Or some other category? If you are dom: do you divide up the universe of submissives similarly or in some other way, for the sake of sorting out what it is that you want?
Grateful for any/all responses.
The term "butterflies in a box' made me laugh, as it's an image I associate primarily with submissive men! And while I suppose it all could be in a box, too, if the box were open on one end, traditionally it's more of a board... Ok, TMI. (shakes self) Let me just say that I don't think a butterfly box is a thing a dominant man would enjoy finding himself in! ;)
I don't feel a lot of connection to that particular typology. I'm an all of the above and more (in my case, much more) type.
Like for instance. There's also love. Just love wouldn't make for a very good submissive motivation despite what Anne Desclos claimed in her notorious novel, but it certainly fits in wonderfully with the service, obedience, and near-genetic response to a dominant personality that many of us feel. In addition to love, I'm personally motivated by perversity. It feels very hot and at the same time very wrong to obey someone completely and be their property. I love feeling that juxtaposition of emotions: for one thing, it makes me very aware of myself as an object not a subject, a perspective I enjoy. And the unfairness of it all punches me hard in the place I am most vulnearble and needy. In addition to wrongness, I am almost equally motivated by a feeling of rightness! Of being in the right place, where I should be. The right place for me is a very wrong, bad place for many, I guess that's where the contradiction comes from, but the sense of placement, of fitting, of feeling like you are in the perfect spot for who you are, is a very powerful motivator for me. And there are many other motivations, like a desire to lose one's self or ego or maybe it's to become entirely a part of someone else rather than be one's own person. I also don't like making big decisions, I prefer someone else steer the boat of my life.
So there's lots of motivations inside me and they all coexist pretty much at the same time. The three that your taxonomy named just begin to scratch the surface of it. They're important, but if that were all there was to submission, I don't know if it'd be that fulfilling to me.
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"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo
"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris
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RE: someone else's taxonomy of subs - 
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RE: someone else's taxonomy of subs - 
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