Body Language

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SubOnlyForHim -> Body Language (9/21/2009 1:23:53 PM)
The basics? Certain things that every sub/slave should or should not do? Or that likely every Master will appreciate? This one would truly like input on this subject as it has just been brought to my attention that apparently it is something this one is lacking in...appropriate body language.

daintydimples -> RE: Body Language (9/21/2009 2:11:47 PM)
Appropriate body language...wow. Good question although I think most of this stuff comes naturally. I suppose it depends on the dynamic. Kneel...like, when sucking his cock. Or just because. Lower your head when being chastised (unless you are cruising for a bruising). Let him begin eating first. Always serve him first. Always allow him to go first whenever you can...first in the bathroom, first in the shower, whatever. Shesh, this stuff is so basic. It's a mind set of it's not about you anymore. That is the crux of the issue. Your physical actions will betray whether or not you really submit. The thing is, mileage will vary. Some doms could care less who hits the bathroom first. It's all about your attitude, not what you actually do.

RavenMuse -> RE: Body Language (9/21/2009 2:23:29 PM)
If you are talking to Me then talk to Me... turn and face Me rather than talk AT Me over your shoulder. That is something I find rather disrespectful..... plus given I have slight hearing loss, unless you are facing Me, if there is other noise around then I'm likely to have a harder time hearing you.

SubOnlyForHim -> RE: Body Language (9/21/2009 2:24:54 PM)
Hmmm, OK this one does all those things... When Sir allows this one to visit, this one always kneels at His feet until and if he tells me to sit with Him. This one asks to be excused to the restroom, only eats after Sir is finished, cleans up the mess without being told or asking (Should this one ASK Sir for permission to clean up the mess? Yikes!) When in public this one walks behind Sir and is careful to not look above waist level to others (though Sir has never restricted that, it is self-imposed). When Sir mentioned body language, this one was thrown for a loop at what she could be doing incorrectly there.

SubOnlyForHim -> RE: Body Language (9/21/2009 2:30:01 PM)
quote: I have slight hearing loss This one is deaf in one ear, so most of the time must read lips if Sir is not speaking loudly. Sir forgets about my hearing occasionally, but the positive to that is when this one is sitting in the passenger seat of the car, the good ear is toward Sir =) This one can rememeber when our relationship first began, Sir would always look off over my shoulder or the other direction when He was speaking to me and OH that was so irritating!

mmsprecious -> RE: Body Language (9/21/2009 2:30:51 PM)
I think it can be very personal too, for each Master. When I do something that requires Him to "lecture" me, my instinct is to lower my head...and He HATES that. He wants me to look Him in the eye so He can see I am getting it and I can understand how important it is. I don't cross my arms when talking with Him. I always walk on the inside of the sidewalk when I am with Him, never on the street side. He opens doors for me and becomes annoyed when I forget that one (something other Masters may consider backwards but it is His desire). I think it is important to know what YOUR Master desires. His precious

RavenMuse -> RE: Body Language (9/21/2009 2:43:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mmsprecious I think it is important to know what YOUR Master desires. Absolutely. That's two who have mentioned walking behind their Master... fine... for their Masters... not fine with Me. My girl always waits for an indication of whether I want her behind or infront. I used to do Minding work.... If it was an unscouted room I would precede them in enough to be sure there was no imediate threat, then let them walk infront of Me where I could best keep an eye on anything incoming toward them. I do the same now with My girl, not as tensely, but partly as second nature. The situation dictates whether I require her infront or behind, stuff protocol! ETA: Funny enough, it is usually MY bodylanguage that lets her know where I want her. something that We don't need to discuss, it just happens naturally that she goes where I require her to be.

kiwisub12 -> RE: Body Language (9/21/2009 2:59:08 PM)
Think you really need to ask him. For instance, my Sir doesn't require me not to look at him or others in the eye. He doesn't require me to walk behind or infront of him. I am required to ask to go to the bathroom - and these are things that he told me at the beginning of our relationship. Sounds like there may be something that he is misinterperating as negative, and the only way to find out is to ask. [:)]

mmsprecious -> RE: Body Language (9/21/2009 3:02:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RavenMuse ETA: Funny enough, it is usually MY bodylanguage that lets her know where I want her. something that We don't need to discuss, it just happens naturally that she goes where I require her to be. Another good point! Perhaps he is trying to lead you and you are missing his cue? Its worth asking exactly what he meant by bringing it up though. His precious

DesFIP -> RE: Body Language (9/21/2009 3:08:16 PM)
If he doesn't know what he wants, how on earth are you to? Does he want you to sit on the floor while he eats, and you eat from a dog bowl or from his hand? Does he want you to sit next to him? Does he want you to sit next to him but wait for permission to eat? Does he want you to walk three steps behind him or at his side? Are you supposed to walk three steps behind and then run up and open the door for him or does he want you to wait for him to open the door? And if you have to figure out and set up all the rules, doesn't that make you the dominant? Sheesh

SubOnlyForHim -> RE: Body Language (9/21/2009 3:08:17 PM)
Believe me guys, this one has asked Sir... Edited to add.... and did not get a true response from Sir so this one turned to the Forums here to see if she could possibly figure this out on her own, something that maybe she was missing.

DesFIP -> RE: Body Language (9/21/2009 3:17:04 PM)
I've got to ask, Only, aren't you getting pissed off with this? He doesn't know what he wants but he's upset that you're doing it wrong. I'd ask him straight out to decide what he wants and then teach me so I could learn it. Which does not mean mumbling it once and then being angry you haven't immediately engraved it on the inside of your eyelids. And more importantly, you don't sound happy about all this. You're constantly getting belittled for doing it wrong without knowing he cares about it, and without knowing what he considers right. You deserve better than a guy who just wants blowjobs on command and an instasub doll that somebody else blows up for him. It is his job as the dominant to decide what he wants and teach it to you and to be straightforward about it. Not telling, and pulling all this passive aggressive crap is not dominant. Moreover passive aggressive types don't change, you won't ever get it right because if you do, he'll change right to something else so he can continue belittling you.

mmsprecious -> RE: Body Language (9/21/2009 3:22:52 PM)
What happened right before he said it? What was the context? What was the actual wording? Not that we need those answeres, but maybe backtracking to there will help get a clue to what he meant. And while we can all offer ideas and you might be able to take a hint from him, I've yet to meet a consistent mindreader that gets it every time with no input from the master. His precious

DavanKael -> RE: Body Language (9/21/2009 3:30:29 PM)
I don't think that there are any absolutes in terms of body language (As with any other facet of a relationship). Communication would seem pivotal here. Best wishes, Davan

SubOnlyForHim -> RE: Body Language (9/21/2009 3:32:14 PM)
This was part of a discussion where this one told Sir that she had been talking to someone that had offered training, of the "basics", since Sir did not have the time and this person could see my devotion and commitment to Sir and wished to help....

SubOnlyForHim -> RE: Body Language (9/21/2009 3:50:14 PM)
quote: I've got to ask, Only, aren't you getting pissed off with this? He doesn't know what he wants but he's upset that you're doing it wrong. I'd ask him straight out to decide what he wants and then teach me so I could learn it. This one Cmailed you, hoping that is ok.

theRose4U -> RE: Body Language (9/21/2009 4:03:45 PM)
quote: When Sir mentioned body language, this one was thrown for a loop at what she could be doing incorrectly there. It's part of the job to specifically tell you what is expected. For instance...if one of my pets walked behind me with their head down constantly they wouldn't be with me long. I like one that carries themselves with pride but not arrogance, they are proud to be mine and carry themselves accordingly. But that's my personal thing. Part of TRAINING a sub is specifically telling you what we desire. What one dom expects as a matter of habit would have another tearing their hair out at having to "re-train". ASK HIM he should be able to give examples at minimum for you to learn from.

mmsprecious -> RE: Body Language (9/21/2009 4:05:05 PM)
I just never understand this. I may get blasted but... If he has no time/interest in training you, how can he have time to be your sir? If someone else trains you, how does that guarantee you will be trained to your sir's liking? If he can't tell you what he wants, how can he tell someone else? His precious

theRose4U -> RE: Body Language (9/21/2009 4:15:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SubOnlyForHim This was part of a discussion where this one told Sir that she had been talking to someone that had offered training, of the "basics", since Sir did not have the time and this person could see my devotion and commitment to Sir and wished to help.... EEK think I may have picked up the issue. He "doesn't have the time to train you" which in my mind is BS and the main reason one should NOT HAVE a sub, but I digress, he may also be sore that you "don't just know what to do" and it was pointed out by another dom. This is a VERY prickly subject where an insecure or lazy dom may take their irritation out on you. Basically you're in trouble because 1) he didn't train you to his desires, or it sounds like even TELL you his desires 2) another dom pointed out your lack of training 3) other offered to take you on himself because he sees your potential 4)your dom not only sees where he's failed you but now fears that "more worthy" doms are interested in you 5)in a passive agressive way he's trying to break your confidence and any desire to go with this other dom because "the problem is you". If you are "trained" by another dom it's likely going to be to THEIR desires and not the ones of your owner, that would go even worse places if you're dealing with someone that's already insecure. Hopefully this explains a little bit. Sadly it's like I see with animals...don't get a pet if you don't have time to train it!!!

agirl -> RE: Body Language (9/21/2009 4:16:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SubOnlyForHim This was part of a discussion where this one told Sir that she had been talking to someone that had offered training, of the "basics", since Sir did not have the time and this person could see my devotion and commitment to Sir and wished to help.... Seriously..... if your Sir doesn't have the time, finds fault and still gives no direction, it'd make me wonder quite WHAT he's actually up to. If he's so lacking in input and time, I'd wonder what on earth he wanted to have me for. My owner would be mortified if I had to trawl the boards for guidance on something that is HIS job to organise and inform me of. You might be devoted and commited, but it doesn't look as if it's reciprocated in terms of him taking the lead. There ISN'T anything every sub/slave should or should not do.......There ISN'T anything that likely any Master would appreciate....other than basic, decent manners that the rest of the world also appreciates. The rest is entirely down to YOUR bloke. agirl

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