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RE: Body Language - 9/21/2009 4:30:16 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		The ONLY person who can train a girl to serve Me is.............. ME!

If I don't have time to train her I wouldn't take her on. If You take up a girls submission then You take up the RESPONSIBILITY'S that go with it.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Body Language - 9/21/2009 5:17:51 PM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		i once had a boss who was like that.  She would tell me to do something and then list all the ways i couldn't do it, but not tell me how.  It took me a while to figure out that was usually because she had no idea herself what exactly she wanted.  If i gave her a list of people in Excel, she wanted it in Word, if i separated their first and last name (for ease in sorting) she wanted them in one cell.  If i only put 3 spaces between Sincerely yours, she wanted 4, but 3 if i left 4 spaces.  She didn't like the way i filed, even though i once was the only one at a post vocational post high school who passed a State Higher Education inspection. Even though i have a couple of certifications in Microsoft Office that wasn't enough either.  i finally dawned on me that not only did she now know what she wanted, there was no way i was ever going to do anything "right enough"for her.  While i'm not a mind reader, i finally figured out that she really wasn't ever going to be happy with my work because she wanted another attorney to boss around, not an executive assistant.  Once i reached that conclusion my decision was easy.  i handed in my resignation. 

i'm not saying that your Master wants another sub, but if he doesn't know what he wants or needs then there's absolutely no way you're going to be able to serve him in a matter that makes him happy.  You're not a mind reader any more than he is.

Good luck.

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.





(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Body Language - 9/21/2009 6:15:39 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I'm gonna say the same exact thing I said on your speech thread....
He sounds like a clueless douche. Why are you wasting your time with this guy?
The anxiety you're feeling is not what submission is supposed to feel like.

_____________________________



(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Body Language - 9/21/2009 7:06:08 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubOnlyForHim
This one Cmailed you, hoping that is ok.


Received and answered.

Does he require you to use third party speech with others? Because if you don't have to, then please don't. You do it well but it is still stilted to read. It inhibits conversation and communication instead of facilitating it. Which I get the feeling, is why he wants it so he doesn't have to communicate since it is a skill he does not possess.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Body Language - 9/21/2009 7:21:08 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		appropriate body language.....hmmm.  Appropriate according to Him means, to me, that He needs to teach you what's appropriate.  What's appropriate according to my Sir might not be what your Sir wants............

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Body Language - 9/21/2009 7:45:42 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubOnlyForHim

When Sir mentioned body language, this one was thrown for a loop at what she could be doing incorrectly there.
I'm gonna go out on a wild hare here and suggest you ask him what you're doing incorrectly. Sheesh. Communicate. Otherwise, you'll both fumble around in the dark.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubOnlyForHim

Believe me guys, this one has asked Sir...

Edited to add.... and did not get a true response from Sir so this one turned to the Forums here to see if she could possibly figure this out on her own, something that maybe she was missing.
And by the way, if he can't tell you exactly what you're doing wrong and help you correct it, it is his failure, not yours.  He's giving you 10% of the information and then getting upset when you guess wrong.


Seriously, this is like the third thread you've posted along these lines. If I were you, I'd be very frustrated.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Body Language - 9/21/2009 8:10:56 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		OP, I refer you to another thread here, where you may see something of yourself, and where you may find some help- "Communication":
http://www.collarchat.com/m_2814619/tm.htm

Good luck!



_____________________________

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(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Body Language - 9/21/2009 8:22:12 PM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubOnlyForHim

The basics? Certain things that every sub/slave should or should not do?  Or that likely every Master will appreciate? This one would truly like input on this subject as it has just been brought to my attention that apparently it is something this one is lacking in...appropriate body language.


For the most part there is no right otr wrong way, it is whatever each individual dominant desires. I think that in this case the dominant does not know what he wants specifically, or he doesn't really care to engage in some of it because it does take up ones's free time and does require a bit of work to show the slave what it is he desires

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Body Language - 9/21/2009 8:26:37 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		TO ME, body language falls into the category of "surface" and so is not of interest to me. More accurately, those non-verbal cues are reflections of what's going on inside. Faking them is not possible. Carol truly respects me deep in her heart. Like all things, that inner feeling bleeds out in everything she says and does. If she did not respect me, no amount of body language would convince me that she did. Conversely, if she does, then no particular body language is required -- it'd be everywhere.

So I guess I'd suggest you look inside yourself not outside. Then again, I have no idea what your master is looking for so I could be totally wrong.

edited to add: *blinks* He doesn't have time to train you? That's a lot like a golfer saying he doesn't have time to mess around with hitting that stupid white ball all over the place. With that updated comment, my answer really turns into, "Give up, you can't win."

< Message edited by leadership527 -- 9/21/2009 8:31:02 PM >

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Body Language - 9/21/2009 10:57:09 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		I'd also add, following Jeff's aptly stated: "give up, you can't win": think more of yourself and demand someone with whom a relationship of mutuality can be achieved. 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 1:55:58 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

The ONLY person who can train a girl to serve Me is.............. ME!

If I don't have time to train her I wouldn't take her on. If You take up a girls submission then You take up the RESPONSIBILITY'S that go with it.



You're preaching to the converted here..

It's tedious and dull, not to mention faintly insulting,  to be informed that you're doing something *wrong* by someone that is too busy, or *too* anything, to inform you why and how, in an adult relationship of any sort.

Even my 6yr old grandson can manage to say * Nanna, that's not right because....*

agirl







(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 4:26:48 AM   
CNJDom


Posts: 186
Joined: 6/6/2006
From: Southern NJ
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubOnlyForHim

The basics? Certain things that every sub/slave should or should not do?  Or that likely every Master will appreciate? This one would truly like input on this subject as it has just been brought to my attention that apparently it is something this one is lacking in...appropriate body language.


Body Language is more than just doing things for your Dominant.  It's more than just the protocol posturing that comes with submissive behavior.  It is non-verbal communication, and you can say a lot without actually speaking a word to someone.  Movie/TV actors and theatrical performers utilize this skill to convey an obvious message when they are doing their craft.  Even those mimes rely on non-verbal communication (resisting the urge to smack now...), and they totally rely on this form of communication.  We use body language everyday in our lives and some of don't know we are using it to certain extents. 

An example of this is when two people are talking and one of them is listening with both arms crossed, and perhaps a slightly strained look on their face.  Their body language is saying:  "I'm not comfortable with  what is being said here".  The arms folded, say that the person is "closed", and the face tells it all by confirming the closed posture.  When one person is confronted with a lie, the liar may speak controlled, but the face-muscles will undoubtedly contract, and there might be a nervous twitch, and the eyes may look straight ahead to the person confronting.  More applicable to BDSM, say a Dominant tells you to do something, and instead of doing it straightforwardly, you hesitate...drop your shoulders slightly and sigh...(optional eye rolling).  What does that say to the Dominant?


_____________________________

“For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.”
 ~Ivan Panin

(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 5:50:03 AM   
SubOnlyForHim


Posts: 787
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline 		Sir does not make me use third person speech except in writing to Him. It makes me slow down and think about what I am saying while I am typing so that's a plus. I can type 80 words a minute so having to slow down makes me have to stop and think about how to write, so I am also thinking about things that much longer before I say them and sometimes...yeah sometimes that helps keep me out of trouble!
=) 

What I'm learning....or feeling, from everyone on here, is that Sir is trying to "break me down" and somehow He thinks that will help? To ensure I am more dependent on Him for my existence? To ensure I won't leave Him? I want badly to scream and yell and tell Him how foolish this is, how foolish He is being. Sir has had my submission/devotion/love for 2 years... a year and a half BEFORE He Demanded it. He doesn't need to cause me a mental breakdown to get it.  It's always been there. I will keep doing things the way I do them, always with His needs first. I am sure now that I've exhausted all advice that I can get from others on how to behave the way I should. I am doing my part.

I thank you all for showing me that I am NOT as crazy and untrained as I've been led to beleive. I have always felt naturally submissive in relationships and feel that my natural submission has to be far better than any "training".

_____________________________

just call me "sophie" ~~~ Thanks, sirsholly, for the new nick! i now feel so special. Whoohoooo!

*committed*

~The more answers i get, the more questions i have.~







(in reply to CNJDom)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 7:35:38 AM   
SubOnlyForHim


Posts: 787
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline 		It all just came to me in an epiphany.

Sir responds much better to me if I am quieter. Sir talks to me more when I go a day without speaking to Him. I am too loving, too eager, too devoted, too everything....

*Sigh*

_____________________________

just call me "sophie" ~~~ Thanks, sirsholly, for the new nick! i now feel so special. Whoohoooo!

*committed*

~The more answers i get, the more questions i have.~







(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 7:42:06 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline


OMG why do I even bother?

OP, please go visit the thread I've referenced above (post #27).

You need to examine not just what is going on, but why.

_____________________________

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(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 7:50:51 AM   
SubOnlyForHim


Posts: 787
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline 		I did go to the other thread. I did read it. I understand completely what you are saying. I am not ready to give up...we have been through, put EACH OTHER through some pretty nasty crap. Our breakdown in communication happens occasionally, not quite as bad as this usually, but I do feel as if maybe I am trying too hard at times. Maybe if I just back up and just be me..the natural sub/slave that I've always been to Him, maybe it's the pressure... There's only one way to know! 

_____________________________

just call me "sophie" ~~~ Thanks, sirsholly, for the new nick! i now feel so special. Whoohoooo!

*committed*

~The more answers i get, the more questions i have.~







(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 7:59:25 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubOnlyForHim

What I'm learning....or feeling, from everyone on here, is that Sir is trying to "break me down" and somehow He thinks that will help? To ensure I am more dependent on Him for my existence? To ensure I won't leave Him?


Not quite. I think you may have missed the whole gist of the responses if that's what you got from them.

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 8:01:27 AM   
SubOnlyForHim


Posts: 787
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline 		Ok, maybe I should say between the replies of how everyone feels Sir is treating me badly/wrong and the way Sir IS treating me, (oh and that I have a brain...overworked, but it's still mine)  that is the feeling I am getting?

I did point out to Sir that I was hearing that the answers to alot of my questions could only be answered by Him. His immediate response was "I see" but it was time for Sir to go to work so the conversation had to end there....Just when I thought I was getting somewhere!!!! That darn clock and pesky work thing!

In my defense....I have been up for 3 days and it does not look like sleep will come anytime soon.

< Message edited by SubOnlyForHim -- 9/22/2009 8:07:06 AM >

_____________________________

just call me "sophie" ~~~ Thanks, sirsholly, for the new nick! i now feel so special. Whoohoooo!

*committed*

~The more answers i get, the more questions i have.~







(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 8:12:16 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		OMG! Please try to get some rest!

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 8:14:34 AM   
SubOnlyForHim


Posts: 787
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline 		Yeah Yeah I'll sleep when I'm dead. This is "normal" for me. I rest...I just do not sleep. *Sigh* 

_____________________________

just call me "sophie" ~~~ Thanks, sirsholly, for the new nick! i now feel so special. Whoohoooo!

*committed*

~The more answers i get, the more questions i have.~







(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 40
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