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RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 8:18:17 AM   
OrionAndi


Posts: 73
Joined: 9/18/2009
Status: offline 		I cant really say anything as everything has already been said. 

But hope it works out for you and the issue is rectified.

Best of luck gal!!!

Andi x

(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 8:19:59 AM   
SubOnlyForHim


Posts: 787
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline 		Thank you Andi

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just call me "sophie" ~~~ Thanks, sirsholly, for the new nick! i now feel so special. Whoohoooo!

*committed*

~The more answers i get, the more questions i have.~







(in reply to OrionAndi)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 8:33:15 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		why not?

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(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 8:38:20 AM   
SubOnlyForHim


Posts: 787
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline 		My mind never stops long enough to sleep. Between Sir and my job and my children (my 13yr old son is handicapped)....there is little me time. My time is consumed with thoughts/tasks/problems/love of the boy and the man who, without them, I would be nothing.  Oh yeah, and that job that I so love to hate. Bossing people around is rough!

_____________________________

just call me "sophie" ~~~ Thanks, sirsholly, for the new nick! i now feel so special. Whoohoooo!

*committed*

~The more answers i get, the more questions i have.~







(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 8:46:26 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Sounds exhausting.

*patting your hand*


Sleep is one of my favorite things. Without enough rest, I'm shit. So I make sure I get plenty of restful sleep.

Remember: if you want to take good care of the ones you love, you need to take good care of yourself first.

_____________________________

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(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 8:50:53 AM   
SubOnlyForHim


Posts: 787
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline 		I actually function quite well on little to no sleep. I have been this way for years though. It is a norm for me...not for everyone certainly!

My boss at work says I'm the "anchor"  I keep everyone in their place...or maybe it's that I PUT everyone in their place? Oh well, either way works :)



_____________________________

just call me "sophie" ~~~ Thanks, sirsholly, for the new nick! i now feel so special. Whoohoooo!

*committed*

~The more answers i get, the more questions i have.~







(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 9:21:47 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubOnlyForHim

It all just came to me in an epiphany.

Sir responds much better to me if I am quieter. Sir talks to me more when I go a day without speaking to Him. I am too loving, too eager, too devoted, too everything....

*Sigh*


In other words he doesn't want a relationship with a person who has thoughts, feelings and needs.

He wants a doll that sits on a shelf until he takes it down. That's fine if you only see each other one day a week for play and have other people to love and talk to.

It's not fine if you want this to be a full relationship. So again, what do you want and need in a relationship? Not him, you.

_____________________________

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Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 9:41:31 AM   
SubOnlyForHim


Posts: 787
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline 		 
quote:

He wants a doll that sits on a shelf until he takes it down.


His nickname for me...Doll, though I've apparently not deserved to hear it since mid-June.  How not funny is that

We probably don't see each other once a week. We're both very busy and work different shifts. We both have children.  He has others...I do not.  I have friends, sure, and I would love to find a new girlfriend but I haven't had a girlfriend in a while and still would not have "Someone else to love".  Sir is my love...my unintentional-oops-how-the-hell-did-that-happen, love. I live alone. I like it that way and it will stay that way. I do not wish to ever spend 24/7 with anyone again. Sir and I discussed this and my question to Sir was "Can we not still share our love our way without living together?" . He agreed.

Edited to add....  I did not wish to have any relationship, to love anyone again, ever. I was quite content ALONE before Sir came back into my life 2 years ago after being gone a couple years, stirring up feelings I had stamped out, or thought I had.

< Message edited by SubOnlyForHim -- 9/22/2009 9:52:21 AM >

_____________________________

just call me "sophie" ~~~ Thanks, sirsholly, for the new nick! i now feel so special. Whoohoooo!

*committed*

~The more answers i get, the more questions i have.~







(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 9:52:49 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		But he isn't loving you. Love includes wanting to hear about your loved one's problems. He doesn't want to know about yours or he wouldn't keep putting road blocks up for communication.

Did you have a girlfriend when you started with him? Because that may be the difference, as long as he wasn't your primary partner he got what he wanted out of the relationship without having to meet your needs. Now that you no longer have a girlfriend you are looking to him to meet your needs and he isn't interested.

And again, you haven't answered the question about what you need in a relationship. If you weren't in one now, what qualities would a potential partner have to have, and what could they not have, for you to get into a healthy relationship with them? Make that list, and then compare his qualities to it.

Love isn't enough, you can love someone but still not be a healthy partner for them.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 10:41:02 AM   
SubOnlyForHim


Posts: 787
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline 		He isnt loving me. I don't deserve it.

_____________________________

just call me "sophie" ~~~ Thanks, sirsholly, for the new nick! i now feel so special. Whoohoooo!

*committed*

~The more answers i get, the more questions i have.~







(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 12:08:50 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubOnlyForHim

He isnt loving me. I don't deserve it.
?????  What kind of statement is that and what kind of reflection upon your dynamic/relationship is it that such a statement can be made by one of the parties in the relationship?  You are not a doll, you are a person with thoughts and feelings and desires that center around your son, him, and submission.  How is that a person not deserving of love?

As is often said on the boards...tis your relationship and your dynamic and if it works for you, great.  But it doesn't seem to be, at least not from the posts on this thread.  People say that D/s dynamics are different.  In many ways they are but in many ways they are not...it takes time from BOTH parties to learn about each other, it takes COMMUNICATION from both parties when there is a problem and it takes COMMITMENT TO REPAIR from both parties if something is to be fixed.

You have a short cmail on the other side.  I hope you take time to read it.


(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 12:17:53 PM   
SubOnlyForHim


Posts: 787
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline 		It is a statement I made, not my Sir. He has never told me that. It is how I feel today. Actually...it was how I felt when I wrote that. Am quickly getting over it.

< Message edited by SubOnlyForHim -- 9/22/2009 12:19:02 PM >

_____________________________

just call me "sophie" ~~~ Thanks, sirsholly, for the new nick! i now feel so special. Whoohoooo!

*committed*

~The more answers i get, the more questions i have.~







(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 12:17:54 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubOnlyForHim

He isnt loving me. I don't deserve it.
geez...

If you honestly feel you do not deserve to be loved, then i assure you, over time no one will. Why should they? You will not be someone they want to be around, want to spend time with, get to know, etc.

It is becoming clear to me that this thread is not about an issue you have with your Dom...it is an issue you have with yourself.

My advice...get your butt into counseling now. Right now. If you honestly believe you do not deserve to be loved, you have issues that need to be dealt with on a professional level.

And get the hell out of a submissive relationship. It is not the place to be if you do not hold a high value on yourself. You will just end up getting hurt.


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(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 12:24:10 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I originally thought that he was the root of the problem. I'm starting to think that maybe you are too "drama queenish"

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(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 12:32:58 PM   
SubOnlyForHim


Posts: 787
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

I originally thought that he was the root of the problem. I'm starting to think that maybe you are too "drama queenish"


No drama queen here. I love me and I know that Sir loves me (who wouldn't? =) Emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted.... Trying to figure out what I am doing wrong has consumed me. I cannot eat, sleep and apparently now I am a little psychotic from it. Thank you for pointing that out, Aileen. 
Wishing to add....
Gosh, why couldn't Sir do that? *Sigh* ...
but would that be out of line?

_____________________________

just call me "sophie" ~~~ Thanks, sirsholly, for the new nick! i now feel so special. Whoohoooo!

*committed*

~The more answers i get, the more questions i have.~







(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 12:39:55 PM   
Celtgal


Posts: 2
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mmsprecious


quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

ETA: Funny enough, it is usually MY bodylanguage that lets her know where I want her. something that We don't need to discuss, it just happens naturally that she goes where I require her to be.



Another good point!

Perhaps he is trying to lead you and you are missing his cue? Its worth asking exactly what he meant by bringing it up though.

His precious


I have to agree. I watch my Master, and I take my cues from him. He rarely tells me where I am supposed to be, and in the beginning he was very clear on certain things he required me to to. Other than that it comes from knowing him and reading his cues. Communication, verbal or non verbal is critical.

(in reply to mmsprecious)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 3:26:34 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Telling you that you deserve to be loved is one thing. Showing it is something else. If for months he's been showing you no love, showing you that you don't deserve any, no wonder you've begun thinking it out.

When words and actions disagree, trust actions.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Celtgal)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 3:40:56 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		My x never wanted you to look at the floor when he was addressing you, You'd get scolded for doing so. He always said some tile on the floor is not addressing you I am so you WILL look at ME not the floor when I am talking to you.


quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples
Lower your head when being chastised (unless you are cruising for a bruising).


(in reply to daintydimples)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 3:42:35 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		There is no such thing. What subs should do or should not do, is dependent soley and entirely on the relationship. There's no one true way to do things, there's no book no Manuel stating proper this that or the other, and there's no uniformity to who wants what. It is entirely up to the people negotiating the rleationship to decide what's appropriate and or should be done.
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubOnlyForHim

The basics? Certain things that every sub/slave should or should not do?  Or that likely every Master will appreciate? This one would truly like input on this subject as it has just been brought to my attention that apparently it is something this one is lacking in...appropriate body language.

(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Body Language - 9/22/2009 3:47:42 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		Your "Dom" seems very unwilling to step up and do the work to make the relationship he wants, if I was you and he'd never answer me strait up or tell me from his lips the guidlines this relationship will have, then I'd be finding myself a new dom who would actually do his job.
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubOnlyForHim

Believe me guys, this one has asked Sir...

Edited to add.... and did not get a true response from Sir

(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 60
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