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dreamerdreaming -> RE: Communication (9/21/2009 5:57:41 PM)
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1. Ask him.
We are not mind readers, any more than you are. If the two of you cannot speak with one another in such a way that there is real communication going on, (meaning a useful exchange of information) then we can offer you all the great advice in the world, but it may not do much good. If he cannot, or will not, hold up his end of the conversation, then you may as well be talking to a brick wall. Is he getting off on jerking you around like a cat toy? Are you letting him? Passive aggression may be a means for him to temporarily soothe away his insecurities, or just plain get his jollies.... But it won't work if you don't buy into it. Insist with your words and actions, that he man up, and use his words in a constructive manner. Then model that behavior for him.
Take a hard look at how the two of you are speaking with one another, what you are saying, and the results. Take a look at what you are not saying, and what that in itself communicates. In short, examine what the two of you are doing, or not doing. What works, and what doesn't, about your patterns of behavior and patterns of speech with one another? Actions (or the lack of them) are a very clear means of communication. Take a look at the dynamics of your communication- or lack thereof.
You cannot actually prove to him that you want nothing more than to please him. You cannot actually make him believe or think anything. He is the controller of his own thoughts and feelings, just like you are responsible for yours. So if he's jerking you around, and you're letting him, that's a dead end. A snake eating its tail. Both of you will need to stop and reset, and learn a new way of relating to one another. The underlying issues of why the two of you are in this dance, will need to be examined and addressed properly by both of you, in order for much meaningful change to occur.
Change your thoughts, and you change your world.
Turn it around a bit, and look at things from different angles. Try to see how things must look to him.
What are his actions saying about him? What are your actions saying about you?
I could go on, but your OP doesn't give me much to go on... [8|]
So that's all, for now.
Five cents please.
Next!
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