Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Is there ever a right time to stop?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Is there ever a right time to stop? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Is there ever a right time to stop? - 9/23/2009 9:24:54 AM   
subtlebutterfly


Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline 		Taken from my journal and edited a bit since some people felt it should belong to the boards.

If a fully grown individual is not handicapped, mentally nor physically. Should we still protect that individual in spite of not knowing him, or does "his life, his responsibility" apply to this case?

I'm not talking about not helping a person in need to prevent an accident nor am I talking about not helping them if they ask.

I'm talking about stop protecting fully grown individuals from something that they feel is normal but may have negative consequences in the future, but that what appears normal to them.. you would expect the average John Doe to realize that it aint normal/safe in the long run...something like fucking a person with STD (without any protection) when they already know that they have STD (bad example I know but I couldn't find any better, sorry if it offends somebody.)

In my opinion, since it's a fully grown individual - his friends/family should handle it but not strangers 'cause frankly it's none of our business, and fully grown individuals should be able to take responsibility for their actions and learn from their mistakes.
How will they ever learn if they aren't allowed to make their mistakes?


_____________________________

~Ms. Awesomeness to YOU!~
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Is there ever a right time to stop? - 9/23/2009 9:26:49 AM   
tammystarm


Posts: 3045
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline 		I would still try and step in. It comes from a deep seated need to help others. But in the end, you cant argue, nor reason with someone who doesnt want it.

_____________________________

~~Queen of duct-tape~~
~~Emotionally delusional~~

~~somebody pour me my nebuitol and hand me my drink~~



(in reply to subtlebutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Is there ever a right time to stop? - 9/23/2009 9:28:09 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		If it is one of my adult children, sibling.........aka someone I love very much.......I may try to find a way to express my concern. Usually it's a verbal 2x4 upside the head........but.....

Otherwise, I just sit back and watch, shaking my head and wondering how many, apparently intelligent, idiots there are walking around on this planet. Then depending on whether or not I even like the person, the sadist bitch in me, hopes to see a show.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to subtlebutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Is there ever a right time to stop? - 9/23/2009 9:32:04 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

Usually it's a verbal 2x4 upside the head........but.....
there is the difference between us LeeAnn...i happily clobber 'em with the real thing.

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Is there ever a right time to stop? - 9/23/2009 9:36:01 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

I'm talking about stop protecting fully grown individuals from something that they feel is normal but may have negative consequences in the future


your use of "stop" indicated you have been protecting this individual in the past. You have stated there is no handicap so he surely understood why he was being protected the first time around.

You did your job by trying to help the first time. I would reiterate the possible dangers then tell him he is on his own.

I would also be there to help pick up the pieces, but that is not information he needs at this point



_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to subtlebutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Is there ever a right time to stop? - 9/23/2009 9:36:28 AM   
tammystarm


Posts: 3045
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline
Yes she would!!!!

  ouch!!!


_____________________________

~~Queen of duct-tape~~
~~Emotionally delusional~~

~~somebody pour me my nebuitol and hand me my drink~~



(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Is there ever a right time to stop? - 9/23/2009 9:37:50 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm


Yes she would!!!!

  ouch!!!

i am generous in that way.....


_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to tammystarm)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Is there ever a right time to stop? - 9/23/2009 9:38:07 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

Usually it's a verbal 2x4 upside the head........but.....
there is the difference between us LeeAnn...i happily clobber 'em with the real thing.


Yeah, but in my family........the fuckers usually hit back!


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Is there ever a right time to stop? - 9/23/2009 9:39:19 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

Usually it's a verbal 2x4 upside the head........but.....
there is the difference between us LeeAnn...i happily clobber 'em with the real thing.


Yeah, but in my family........the fuckers usually hit back!

i bet you have one HELL of a family reunion!!!!


_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Is there ever a right time to stop? - 9/23/2009 9:47:51 AM   
tammystarm


Posts: 3045
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm


Yes she would!!!!

  ouch!!!

i am generous in that way.....



Now Holly   ~~ouch~~

THAT is gonna leave a Mark!!!!
how am i gonna explain it?


_____________________________

~~Queen of duct-tape~~
~~Emotionally delusional~~

~~somebody pour me my nebuitol and hand me my drink~~



(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Is there ever a right time to stop? - 9/23/2009 9:57:33 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebutterfly

In my opinion, since it's a fully grown individual - his friends/family should handle it but not strangers 'cause frankly it's none of our business, and fully grown individuals should be able to take responsibility for their actions and learn from their mistakes. How will they ever learn if they aren't allowed to make their mistakes?


well meaning people often unwittingly aid and allow this behavior to continue. i believe there is a fine line between expressing concern, coddling, and cleaning up someone else's messes or trying to prevent them. your question is correct and the continued involvement that alleviates responsibility on the offending person's end will create someone that is grossly irresponsible with little concept of consequences for his actions. how could he, if everyone is quick to point them out or try to prevent the damage.

one of the hallmarks of being an adult is learning how to stand. but we know as children before that happened we fell down a time or two. eventually we discover how to pull ourselves up and we begin taking steps forward. while i do express concern to friends and loved ones. i'm very hands off now. it is because i love them that i allow them to fall and fail. i trust that the lessons from both will benefit them in the long run. it is their personal iron that will sharpen their wisdom and reluctance to pursue those activities or behaviors again. there's also something else. when i interfere i deprive them of making the discovery on their own. having things pointed out to you has pros and cons. sometimes we need to find the answers ourselves even if getting there takes a little while.

sometimes the best thing we can do is nothing at all. if it is a recurring situation or behavior that is cyclical and always manifests itself in one shape or another, a little tough love might be in order. in the end we must all be our own anchor. no one can give that to you.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to subtlebutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Is there ever a right time to stop? - 9/23/2009 10:19:52 AM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		This reminds me of the term "helicopter parent" to describe a person who hovers over their child, micro-managing every move, choice and decision made.  The problem with this is it doesn't allow the child to develop their own decision-making skills.  When a person gets used to having other people 'cover' for them, it allows them to avoid or not accept the reality of a situation.

While I do believe in supporting a person in times of need or helping them to gain the knowledge necessary to make a decision, I also feel there comes a time when they need to accept the consequences of their choices/actions.



_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~


(in reply to subtlebutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Is there ever a right time to stop? - 9/23/2009 10:44:46 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Since happiness is a purely subjective and personal concept, it's actually narcissism that would force any of us to intercede on the behalf of a grown adult who is doing what they wish to do (save for instances where it could directly harm another non-consenting party).

Attempting to offer what appears to be sage advice and offering whatever personal insight you may have to the other person as a way to give them as much information as possible before making the choice is certainly sensible and a nice gesture (especially the willingness to be there should the situation go sour), though.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to CarrieO)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Is there ever a right time to stop? - 9/23/2009 10:49:17 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I don't have the ability to stop people from making mistakes. All I can do is offer advice.

In the case of driving under the influence, I do have the responsibility of calling the police on him.
But if it isn't illegal, I can't physically stop someone.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Is there ever a right time to stop? - 9/23/2009 10:51:36 AM   
looking4princess


Posts: 165
Joined: 4/9/2008
Status: offline 		I agree with the POVs expressed above about the primacy of personal responsibility. In many cases, however, the individual's behavior is not only self-destructive but it creates a menace to the "greater good" of society.

In the specific example sited by the OP we might say yeh, screw you if you keep doing unprotected sex with people who are STD + Unfortunately, our loser is then free to pass it along to others who make the same mistake. It seems a less dramatic version than drunk driving. Friends don't let friends drive drunk because they might kill someone else. So maybe society has to protect the greater number by using a 2x4 on the individual.

The OP's question also raises the issue of how far do we carry the concept of "my brother's keeper?" There are so many dumb fools, drunks and drug addicts in this world the task seems exhausting and the strong temptation is to abandon the bums to their own self-destruction and hope they do not cause too much injury to the innocent. But there's the rub, isn't it?

_____________________________

vincent....

Where would we be without the agitators of the world attaching the electrodes of knowledge to the nipples of ignorance? I ask you.

(in reply to CarrieO)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Is there ever a right time to stop? - 9/23/2009 12:20:44 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: looking4princess

I agree with the POVs expressed above about the primacy of personal responsibility. In many cases, however, the individual's behavior is not only self-destructive but it creates a menace to the "greater good" of society.

In the specific example sited by the OP we might say yeh, screw you if you keep doing unprotected sex with people who are STD + Unfortunately, our loser is then free to pass it along to others who make the same mistake. It seems a less dramatic version than drunk driving. Friends don't let friends drive drunk because they might kill someone else. So maybe society has to protect the greater number by using a 2x4 on the individual.

The OP's question also raises the issue of how far do we carry the concept of "my brother's keeper?" There are so many dumb fools, drunks and drug addicts in this world the task seems exhausting and the strong temptation is to abandon the bums to their own self-destruction and hope they do not cause too much injury to the innocent. But there's the rub, isn't it?
Actually, it doesn't seem like that much of a rub to me...when my ex-wife and I split, I got stuck with all sorts of financial obligations that I had to fulfill while also dealing with a diminishing practice due to the vengeful tongue of the same ex.  If not for my brother and my loving sister-in-law, I was left with three choices...declare bankruptcy and screw over institutions (which, let's face it, are staffed by people) that had trusted me or go to the state with a sob story or suck up my pride and ask my brother and sis-in-law for help.  I chose the latter and with their help, and my own, I am thisssssssssssssssssclose to being completely financially free again in a time span of 10 years instead of the 15 I was told it would take.  But part of that was my brother not protecting me from poor choices I had made and helping me to face up to them...part of it was my own determination to take care of myself with as little help as I could get by with...and part of it was just being gutsy enough to look within and see what part I had played that led to the "fucking I got for the fucking I got" and figure out ways for it not to happen again.

I am big on helping those I am close to...that is what I was taught to do.  I try to be helpful to those I don't know.  But at a certain point, this whole "for the good of society" rules and regulations crap that ends up costing me in the form of taxes to help those who just can't seem to stop falling down...no offense, clumsy (grins and winks)...gets to be too much.

Grown adults are supposed to be just that...grown adults with the ability to make choices.  I may not agree with their choices but neither should I have to pay for them while disagreeing with them when I don't know these folks.  Family and friends are different but I would much rather take the approach with another family member that my brother did with me and "pay it forward" while knowing that there are many places along the way...just as he and I found...where all I can do is sit back and pray.

< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 9/23/2009 12:25:10 PM >

(in reply to looking4princess)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Is there ever a right time to stop? - 9/23/2009 12:32:03 PM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebutterfly

Taken from my journal and edited a bit since some people felt it should belong to the boards.

If a fully grown individual is not handicapped, mentally nor physically. Should we still protect that individual in spite of not knowing him, or does "his life, his responsibility" apply to this case?

I'm not talking about not helping a person in need to prevent an accident nor am I talking about not helping them if they ask.

I'm talking about stop protecting fully grown individuals from something that they feel is normal but may have negative consequences in the future, but that what appears normal to them.. you would expect the average John Doe to realize that it aint normal/safe in the long run...something like fucking a person with STD (without any protection) when they already know that they have STD (bad example I know but I couldn't find any better, sorry if it offends somebody.)

In my opinion, since it's a fully grown individual - his friends/family should handle it but not strangers 'cause frankly it's none of our business, and fully grown individuals should be able to take responsibility for their actions and learn from their mistakes.
How will they ever learn if they aren't allowed to make their mistakes?



Well , show him a patient who was 25 but looked 90 being in the in the last stages of aids, should not need much more to keep it covered



_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to subtlebutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Is there ever a right time to stop? - 9/23/2009 12:57:46 PM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline 		You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him think.

_____________________________

Some soften by the forced reflection that comes from loss; others harden. Which are you?




(in reply to Acer49)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Is there ever a right time to stop? - 9/23/2009 2:14:36 PM   
OrionAndi


Posts: 73
Joined: 9/18/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him think.


As I sefl-assured average man on the street let me just say...


errrrrrrrr....




...hang on. I'll be back later...

(in reply to daintydimples)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Is there ever a right time to stop? - 9/23/2009 3:05:06 PM   
aldompdx


Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline 		Every person operates from a different level of awareness. The issue is not other's awareness, but your own.

One who acts self destructively (e.g., Miami resident burns gasoline in their car, causing Greenland and Antarctica to melt and 1/3 of Florida to be drowned), may lack awareness to do better, or may lack the power to act differently. Compassion and empathy demand consideration for where the person is at in their life, and what capacity exists in their life for change.

One who imposes upon another their judgment of what is better, they are often a hypocrite, trying to compensate for their own failure to take responsibility and heal their own inadequacies, shortcomings, or repressed pain. Point one finger out, and there are three pointing back at you. First master your own "self truth," then you may find a deeper wisdom to share betterment with others who are open to "drinking the water."

(in reply to OrionAndi)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Is there ever a right time to stop? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.125