RE: Not "Feeling Special" at all

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porcelaine -> RE: Not "Feeling Special" at all (9/24/2009 5:47:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: happylittlepet I have a lot more to say, been there, done that, same Calvinistic stuff etc. In the end it's up to you, just as it was up to me, and only me, to make changes in my life that led me to where I am today. About that predestination stuff, it's debated if Calvin did not create that more or less, based on his own ideas, and on some things Paul said, so based on a few verses. The predestined become the 'special' ones, and the rest goes to hell... right. Been there, done that too, got no t-shirt. This was one of the reasons why I was depressed a lot as a teenager/young adult. ditto. it created a false sense of security and all the exegesis in the world still didn't lead me to accept it in the long run. the premise is flawed for many reasons and most forget the audience he was speaking to at the time and what he was promoting to them. as with all ideas you do what is necessary to make it sound appealing. you'd do better reading the screwtape letters instead. at the very least you'd be entertained. quote: A man I admire is Henry Nouwen, RC priest, I think he was a professor at Harvard, yet he chose to work with physically/mentally handicapped people. He found that way more rewarding than being a professor/scholar. a truly gifted writer. his books are amazing, especially the ones dealing with loss and grief. porcelaine

Ialdabaoth -> RE: Not "Feeling Special" at all (9/24/2009 7:19:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer Completely aside from the OP's topic, this would not be surprising. VLCD's (very low calorie diets) where the total is significantly below an individual's basal metabolic rate have a tendency to backfire badly and partition losses to lean body mass rather than fat when not done just right, eg, under professional or medical supervision. 800-1000 kcals/day would definitely be a VLCD for most adults, and not something I'd recommend if you want a long term sustainable program that will produce permanent body fat loss. Heh, body fat loss is the least of my worries; I'm currently at 5'9" and about 105 lbs, at less than 2% body fat. I haven't started producing a white downy layer yet, but I'm certainly somewhere between 'emaciated' and 'skeletal'. Right now, I'm trying to conserve resources, which means ramen for lunch, canned soup for dinner, and water to drink. I luckily managed to pre-pay most of my living expenses this semester, but the food budget (as expected) has come up hideously short.

Ialdabaoth -> RE: Not "Feeling Special" at all (9/24/2009 7:33:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Elisabella ETA: Oh and about the adversity thing, how you're seen is how you present it. Seriously. I am just now, 9 years later, starting to get over the resentment I have toward my mother for what happened to me as a teenager. BUT when I tell people about what happened, it's never "oh my god my mother was so horrible, this was so awful, I wish I'd never gone through it," which TBH is true, but I can also say "oh yeah I saw some crazy things and really grew as a person" which is ALSO true. People don't want to hear I have mommy issues, so I say the latter. The first bit, I'll say to my close friends, only if the situation comes up, and only if I feel it's appropriate. When I was a teenager in that situation I used to say "nothing bad can happen to me, because it's only bad if I say it's bad," and tell people to envy me instead of pity me. Childish logic to be sure, but it really did help me put things into perspective. You can't change a situation but you can change how you react to it. And the truth is things are both good and bad, but if you can't clearly see the good in it then you'll look like a liar or fool when you try to say it. You know, the thing is, I DON'T believe I'm the victim of circumstance. I COMPLETELY accept that it's my own failings that are to blame for everything. The thing is, our own failings are also circumstance. Every person that's ever died homeless and alone, I think, wound up "not having what it takes" through no fault of their own. At the same time, they didn't have what it takes - and life is sink or swim. And yeah, there's a lot of good I can get from my situation, but I'm finding myself almost utterly incapable at appreciating it. And I know that's me being jaded and ungrateful and resentful, but I don't know what the secret is to appreciating things. I look at the good, and I spend as much effort as I can trying to feel appreciative about it... and I just wind up mad at myself that I'm not more appreciative. quote: Look at what you have, what you truly appreciate, don't pay lip service to starving children in Africa that only enter your mind when you're trying not to feel bad...and live with a passion. You can't be born special but you can claim your life as your own, and then you'll feel special to yourself. My life is absolutely my own, and I do everything with passion. The problem is, doing "everything" with passion includes being angry, or jealous, or feeling bad about myself with passion, too.

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Not "Feeling Special" at all (9/25/2009 5:28:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth quote: ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer Completely aside from the OP's topic, this would not be surprising. VLCD's (very low calorie diets) where the total is significantly below an individual's basal metabolic rate have a tendency to backfire badly and partition losses to lean body mass rather than fat when not done just right, eg, under professional or medical supervision. 800-1000 kcals/day would definitely be a VLCD for most adults, and not something I'd recommend if you want a long term sustainable program that will produce permanent body fat loss. Heh, body fat loss is the least of my worries; I'm currently at 5'9" and about 105 lbs, at less than 2% body fat. I haven't started producing a white downy layer yet, but I'm certainly somewhere between 'emaciated' and 'skeletal'. Right now, I'm trying to conserve resources, which means ramen for lunch, canned soup for dinner, and water to drink. I luckily managed to pre-pay most of my living expenses this semester, but the food budget (as expected) has come up hideously short. Get thee to the local Food Bank and GET THEE ON FOOD STAMPS! There is absolutely no reason that you should be having to starve, unless you're doing some kind of martyr thing. It takes half a day to get set up on food stamps, and, in a case like yours where there is no food in the house, they'll even spot you $50 in FS to go get enough groceries until your packet comes in, or direct you to the local Food Bank. Maybe you just don't know what resources are out there -- so if that's the case, well, now you know. You can find information about your local food bank via Google... and your community may have more than one, since many churches run their own food banks as well. For pity's sake, -do- something to help yourself. Oh, and there are also a number of local facilities to help you with your mental problems. If you're in school, the VERY first place I would start is with the Counseling Center at your school, and they can refer you to low-cost, sliding-scale, and free services that you qualify for in your community. Dame Calla

angelikaJ -> RE: Not "Feeling Special" at all (9/25/2009 6:31:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth quote: ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer Completely aside from the OP's topic, this would not be surprising. VLCD's (very low calorie diets) where the total is significantly below an individual's basal metabolic rate have a tendency to backfire badly and partition losses to lean body mass rather than fat when not done just right, eg, under professional or medical supervision. 800-1000 kcals/day would definitely be a VLCD for most adults, and not something I'd recommend if you want a long term sustainable program that will produce permanent body fat loss. Heh, body fat loss is the least of my worries; I'm currently at 5'9" and about 105 lbs, at less than 2% body fat. I haven't started producing a white downy layer yet, but I'm certainly somewhere between 'emaciated' and 'skeletal'. Right now, I'm trying to conserve resources, which means ramen for lunch, canned soup for dinner, and water to drink. I luckily managed to pre-pay most of my living expenses this semester, but the food budget (as expected) has come up hideously short. I feel frustrated here. You are a bright guy, so you know that your protien intake is wholly inadequate. You acknowledge that you are depressed and as expressed here are anorexic as well. You are making studying much more difficult by depriving your brain of the basic fuel it needs to function. You have many options and resources available to you and yet, choose to make yourself unavailable to them. IF you feel like you have to somehow earn the right to eat or get medical assistance, then volunteer.

happylittlepet -> RE: Not "Feeling Special" at all (9/25/2009 6:44:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: angelikaJ I feel frustrated here. You are a bright guy, so you know that your protien intake is wholly inadequate. You acknowledge that you are depressed and as expressed here are anorexic as well. You are making studying much more difficult by depriving your brain of the basic fuel it needs to function. You have many options and resources available to you and yet, choose to make yourself unavailable to them. IF you feel like you have to somehow earn the right to eat or get medical assistance, then volunteer. Please volunteer yourself to get well (many universities have mandatory medical plans that can only be opted out of if one has a private plan, I hope your university has one too, if so, please use it). Goals: 1. get well, 2. do well in school, 3. balance life, ..... X. look for partner. quote: ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW Oh, and there are also a number of local facilities to help you with your mental problems. If you're in school, the VERY first place I would start is with the Counseling Center at your school, and they can refer you to low-cost, sliding-scale, and free services that you qualify for in your community. No one else can do this for you. Please act.

sirsholly -> RE: Not "Feeling Special" at all (9/25/2009 7:03:58 AM)
I am confused as to why the op is so skinny....is it a poverty level or an eating disorder? I strongly suspect an eating disorder, as his food intake, or lack thereof, is one of the few things he feels is in his control. OP...it is obvious to me you are an intelligent man. It is also obvious you know exactly what the consequences of your starvation are...the proof is the average male is clueless about the "white downy layer". You have done your homework, haven't you? You are well aware that your heart is going to give out soon if you do not seek help now. You are aware that severe damage has already been done to your organs and skeletal structure. You may have shaved your head on purpose, but you know better then to try to grow it back, don't you? Hair loss has already occurred and i would be rather surprised if you still have eyebrows or eyelashes. You are aware that your gastrointestinal system is that of an 80 yr old, aren't you? In all probability you are anemic because you are bleeding internally. That is what happens when you allow the bodies stomach acid to feed on the stomach lining and the intestines. No doubt you were in pain at first, but the damage is so severe that the pain-causing nerves are destroyed. How sad it is that you see this as a good thing. You have heard everything all of us have said to try to save you from yourself. You have repeated all the excuses many times before you said them on this thread. You are well versed in the slamming of the iron curtains. You know mental health is available to you. You know there is financial help available to you. You have been informed long before we told you. Yes darlin...you know all this. Now...do you know what happens to the human mind and the human body when it reaches the end stages of starvation? I suspect you may have skipped that part in your research, so let me give you a piece of advice. Look it up right now. Today. Time is of the essence because shortly, without immediate help, you will be unable to Google anything. The brain cells are the going to be gone. Your level of comprehension will soon be destroyed.

looking4princess -> RE: Not "Feeling Special" at all (9/25/2009 9:57:36 AM)
quote: Yes darlin...you know all this. Now...do you know what happens to the human mind and the human body when it reaches the end stages of starvation? I suspect you may have skipped that part in your research, so let me give you a piece of advice. Look it up right now. Today. Time is of the essence because shortly, without immediate help, you will be unable to Google anything. The brain cells are the going to be gone. Your level of comprehension will soon be destroyed. Kudos, Holly. Brilliant and well-informed post. [sm=applause.gif]

Jeptha -> RE: Not "Feeling Special" at all (9/25/2009 10:26:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly I am confused as to why the op is so skinny....is it a poverty level or an eating disorder? ... Or something else? I think the OP hasn't been hiding under a rock and has probably heard of these things, but here goes anyway; In addition to the resources already mentioned, there's St. Vincent (and others) food boxes (not the greatest quality food - much of it super highly processed and then pumped full of corn syrup or artificial ingredients - but they sometimes have a selection from which you can pick and choose to some degree); in most cities on the west coast there's something like Food Not Bombs, who put on free meals in parks. If you have a Hare Krishna temple there (and who doesn't?), they probably put on a free vegetarian meal once a week. But you might have to chant and dance first. When I was homeless (voluntarily - it was sort of like an extended road trip) in Tucson, I spent Christmas at the Hare Krishna temple, and I'm not a Hare Krishna devotee - I'm not even sure what religion it is that they practice (hinduism?). We had a free dinner and then watched a movie about the life of Jesus, which I found an interesting juxtaposition.

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Not "Feeling Special" at all (9/25/2009 2:22:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jeptha When I was homeless (voluntarily - it was sort of like an extended road trip) in Tucson, I spent Christmas at the Hare Krishna temple, and I'm not a Hare Krishna devotee - I'm not even sure what religion it is that they practice (hinduism?). We had a free dinner and then watched a movie about the life of Jesus, which I found an interesting juxtaposition.[/color] Mine wasn't entirely voluntary -- but during my "poor student" years I had the pleasure of spending time at the Krishna temple and even explored with them a bit. I learned some awesome drumming, and they make some of the absolute -best- vegetarian food I have -ever-, -ever- had. The 7th-Day Adventist community also often puts on a weekly or monthly supper that is vegan and healthy food. Dame Calla

pyroaquatic -> RE: Not "Feeling Special" at all (9/25/2009 4:10:16 PM)
Well, I feel special every day of my life. I think differently, act differently, speak differently, respond... yadda yadda ya know? Most of the time, I am unhappy. special friends of mine that can understand my mind.... where are they? I seek them. I search for them. Did they fall under my bed? In my dresser drawer? Ah, here it is... inside. Special People and Special Moments are two entirely different things. Both 'Specials' do not require the other. (but they sure do make one hell of a bang when they emerge from the abyss together.) *Edited to add: Yes, eat more.... learn to cook and learn to love to cook. Eating will come.

Elipsis -> RE: Not "Feeling Special" at all (9/25/2009 6:40:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth A "special" person is someone who can consistently win at games of pure chance, without cheating. Ya that's impossible and doesn't make sense.

leogirl1972 -> RE: Not "Feeling Special" at all (9/25/2009 6:43:35 PM)
Ok, I'm not responding to anything anyone else has said here...I'm responding mostly just to you. When I read your first post, I felt bad for you. I hate to see people feeling shitty and honestly, it broke my heart. Then I kept reading the thread, and I began to feel less and less sorry for you. Here's why (you're about to get some tough love): "Special" is an extremely subjective term. What you would consider special and what I would consider special are likely very different. After reading a bit of how you define "special," I would instead use the term "extraordinary." And yes, you are right, there are few extraordinary people in the world. Some of the examples you gave include "not getting interrupted...command attention...etc." Someone along the way mentioned charisma - and I think that's what you are thinking about here - someone who has charisma. Let's just take a quick survey of people in history who have charisma - Obama has charisma I think - whether or not you voted for him, you would probably agree. JFK, the Dali Lama, Nelson Mandela, MLK, Ghandi...the list is endless really. These are extraordinary people. They are and were natural born leaders. They also work(ed) their asses off. They made and make sacrifices (jail, marriages, exile, getting the shit beat out of them). That's one of the things that makes them extraordinary and "special." They also carried the weight of the world on their shoulders. I am thankful for them - I certainly have no interest in running the country or single-handedly taking on world powers. I'm happy we have these people that are willing to do this. I'm not willing to work a job that's going to keep me working more than 40 hours a week. I will never be rich as a result and don't give a fuck. I want to be home @ 5, drink a beer, hang out with my cat...my friends...get my ass slapped...whatever. Now let's look at the other side...Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Mao,Pol Pot, Kim Jon Il - they have charisma too. They are definitely extraordinary people. I'm guessing when Hitler walked into a room, people came to attention. Wanna be like them?? And if you're talking about that person that caught your eye on the subway ...and made your day because you think they are "special". You never know, that person may be thinking the same thing about you. See? It's all relative. And as far as those who have been exploited...I don't think I would call anyone a whiner who has been raped, molested...whatever - no matter how much they blame their experiences for their problems. I have never had any of those experiences and would never judge anyone who has. I don't know what it's like. If you are 5'9" and 105 pounds - then you are malnourished. It makes me want to mail you a hamburger. One of the effects of this is depression. You need help. If you are in school - all colleges and universities have counseling services. Use them. Now. They will likely be able to help you get some assistance. You need to ASK for help - and not here. We can only do so much and none of us can feed you. And if you want to be special - then turn off your fucking computer and go do something special. Go be extraordinary. You seem to have a concern for those that have been exploited - that might be a good place to start. lots of love, leogirl

Jeptha -> RE: Not "Feeling Special" at all (9/25/2009 8:43:39 PM)
I think that book "Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwell touches a little bit in this idea of specialness in an interesting way. I borrowed the book on CD from the library and, though I didn't agree with everything, thought it was pretty good. The author reads it himself, too. Ialdabaoth; I think you're a pretty smart guy, and can get analytical when you want to, but I do think in this case you are using your analytical powers to defend what is initially a completely romantic premise.

Elipsis -> RE: Not "Feeling Special" at all (9/26/2009 3:03:30 AM)
Ya know... now that I've actually read this whole thread... Ialdabaoth, I really feel like you've got a really unhealthy view on society, socialization and one's role in a perceived social circle. You seem intensely self-conscious about how your "station" so to speak, reflects on you at all times. I think I get that it is so important to you because you feel like these social constructions have a tremendous bearing on your ability to get what you want out of life... but what price are you paying psychologically worrying so constantly about social position you are in? In my opinion you have taken many of the things society constantly overemphasizes and internalized them as deeply personal attributes that you perceive will directly affect your ability to find happiness. Personally I find that kind of sad... you actually remind me of my dad a lot. If you deep down really feel like these social constructs aren't an important part of who you are... just stop. Stop playing the game. Live above all of that noise and just do what makes you happy and to hell with how anybody might perceive you. Those are the people that I consider "special" ...by my own definition that is. By your definition... I'm sorry but I don't think those people even exist. It's something you've invented just to have something unattainable to compare yourself to.

catize -> RE: Not "Feeling Special" at all (9/26/2009 10:03:40 AM)
I am special to a few people in this world. Do I ‘deserve’ to be? <shrugs> Probably not, but I accept and enjoy that they think I do deserve it. Who am I to argue? I will never write the novel of the century, I will never be rich or famous; I will never be beautiful or move with grace. But I will live my life in a way that allows me to smile at myself in the mirror. It’s all about being comfortable in our own skin.

ranja -> RE: Not "Feeling Special" at all (9/26/2009 12:28:42 PM)
So i'm gonna pretend the Ialdabaoth guy is a total faker and is really a very fat and very hairy joker who likes to dress up as a snowflake... and next time we hear from him it will be under another nickname...

BKSir -> RE: Not "Feeling Special" at all (9/26/2009 12:38:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: catize I am special to a few people in this world. Do I ‘deserve’ to be? <shrugs> Probably not, but I accept and enjoy that they think I do deserve it. Who am I to argue? I will never write the novel of the century, I will never be rich or famous; I will never be beautiful or move with grace. But I will live my life in a way that allows me to smile at myself in the mirror. It’s all about being comfortable in our own skin. I have an urge to smack you upside the head at the moment actually. No offense. ;) Will you ever write a great novel or be rich and famous or become a supermodel? Who cares if you do or not? You do deserve to feel special, because no matter what you do in life, you will always have something unique to offer, and that right there makes you special. Will my pet ever do any of those things? I really doubt it. But that doesn't change, not even for a split second, that he's one of the most wonderful and most special people I've ever been lucky enough to meet. That's something I always try to remind him, and everyone else around me that I care about. If they weren't special I wouldn't care a damned bit and probably wouldn't even want them around me. Many people are like that actually, so, if you have even one person who enjoys your company, be it a friend, a dom/sub, a partner, a brother or sister... guess what... you're special to that person, and there's a reason for it. Thus, you deserve it. What is that reason? Could be anything. The quirky little crooked smile, your intelligence, the way you make a grilled cheese sandwich just right, whatever. Does it matter? Not really. It's something unique that only you have to offer, so yes, you are deserving. Everyone is. </swat> [;)]

catize -> RE: Not "Feeling Special" at all (9/26/2009 1:17:33 PM)
quote: </swat> [;)] Ow! Laughs, Hey, stop it! Okay, I feel special ‘cuz you cyber whacked me![:D] My point I was trying to make is that we don’t have to ‘deserve’ it by anyone’s standards except to those who we are special to. We don’t have to be super-wonderful-multi-talented-etc; we can accept and enjoy the fact we are special to those in our own small world. That’s what I meant by being comfortable in our own skin.

BKSir -> RE: Not "Feeling Special" at all (9/26/2009 2:18:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: catize quote: </swat> [;)] Ow! Laughs, Hey, stop it! Okay, I feel special ‘cuz you cyber whacked me![:D] My point I was trying to make is that we don’t have to ‘deserve’ it by anyone’s standards except to those who we are special to. We don’t have to be super-wonderful-multi-talented-etc; we can accept and enjoy the fact we are special to those in our own small world. That’s what I meant by being comfortable in our own skin. Hm, okay, fair enough then. :) HUG

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