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Scene and Not Heard - 9/24/2009 8:13:29 AM   
MMagic


Posts: 183
Joined: 2/9/2009
Status: offline 		First off I'd like to say this probably belongs in the Ask a Master/Ask a Mistress forums but I notice a lot of Masters and Mistresses come to this forum more than their own and this kind of covers subs/slaves as well.

I logged in a second ago to respond to an email I got basically stating that I was probably offending some with my journal postings as of late.  I responded but not before I noticed a few posts by other female switches and submissives where a few were angry that their Dominants were irritated with them because they knew how to take care of some things themselves.  So I thought I'd bring the topic up, we all know I know to work a forum so..working it today while I get prettified for this evenings festivities.  On another note, I gotta say sparkely nails are quite an empowering thing, lol.

Anyway I had the same experience as the posters. Dom's who were a little..put off to say the least that I have a brain and can think for myself and do for myself.  I've read several profiles where the Dominant says they love a sub with a brain and one that CAN do for herself, so...why do some get angry about this?  Does this offend some Doms/Masters? Educate me please?!  Should we all pretend to be a helpless little waif?  I mean there are obviously things I need from a Dom/Master or I wouldn't be here, but everything else I can do for myself. Doesn't mean I wouldn't love a little pampering..ok I'd love a LOT of pampering but I wonder why it's such an offense that the sub doesn't NEED pampering.  Any insight to this anyone? While I curl my hair? lol!


_____________________________

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. -Mae West


Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Scene and Not Heard - 9/24/2009 8:48:04 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		I've never understood that either, M... to me it's like.. hey, I was taking care of myself BEFORE I met you... I am ok with DOING for myself...   just because I am with you doesn't mean I am suddenly incapable....

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to MMagic)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Scene and Not Heard - 9/24/2009 9:03:28 AM   
Reform


Posts: 151
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		I can't say I understand that mindset, getting upset at a sub doing things. From the domme point of view, I'd hate to have to dictate how to do everything to my boy. He's not dumb, I shouldn't have to lead him into the laundry room and stand there with a whip waiting for him to make a mistake. It should simply be done. Preferably without my having to ask. This means having a sub who knows how to take initiative. My boy can be as dominant as he likes... as long as at the end of the day, he's kneeling at my feet.

From a sub point of view, I feel the same way. I do before it is asked of me. Once I know his likes, dislikes, preferences, pleasures, I can help make his life easier by serving him before he even knows for himself he has that need. I know that when he gets home he likes to smoke, so I prepare everything and have it ready for his approval. Afterward he likes to eat dinner, so I join him in smoking, then remove myself to prepare his meal.

I don't really understand how anyone can get upset at a sub who takes in mind the desires of the dominant. Isn't that kind of the point to it all?

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Scene and Not Heard - 9/24/2009 9:38:46 AM   
spookyfe


Posts: 74
Status: offline 		my master loves the brain part as well.  means we have discussions interacions outside the scenes i also do admin etc for him he usus my strong capable parts to help in our daily lives makes things eeasier for him to not to have to do everythign

(in reply to Reform)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Scene and Not Heard - 9/24/2009 10:21:07 AM   
worthlesstrash


Posts: 114
Joined: 9/28/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MMagic

First off I'd like to say this probably belongs in the Ask a Master/Ask a Mistress forums but I notice a lot of Masters and Mistresses come to this forum more than their own and this kind of covers subs/slaves as well.

I logged in a second ago to respond to an email I got basically stating that I was probably offending some with my journal postings as of late.  I responded but not before I noticed a few posts by other female switches and submissives where a few were angry that their Dominants were irritated with them because they knew how to take care of some things themselves.  So I thought I'd bring the topic up, we all know I know to work a forum so..working it today while I get prettified for this evenings festivities.  On another note, I gotta say sparkely nails are quite an empowering thing, lol.

Anyway I had the same experience as the posters. Dom's who were a little..put off to say the least that I have a brain and can think for myself and do for myself.  I've read several profiles where the Dominant says they love a sub with a brain and one that CAN do for herself, so...why do some get angry about this?  Does this offend some Doms/Masters? Educate me please?!  Should we all pretend to be a helpless little waif?  I mean there are obviously things I need from a Dom/Master or I wouldn't be here, but everything else I can do for myself. Doesn't mean I wouldn't love a little pampering..ok I'd love a LOT of pampering but I wonder why it's such an offense that the sub doesn't NEED pampering.  Any insight to this anyone? While I curl my hair? lol!



This is how it works for us. My M knows I can do anything that I choose to do. He also knows I am capable of taking care of myself. He is aware I have my own thoughts and they don't always mesh with his. He also has the strong need to control what I do and how I do it.

That doesn't mean that he doesn't think I am a smart, intelligent, stubborn, and capable..it just means he wants me to turn things over to him. I suppose in some ways this makes my submission mean more, if that makes sense. It's probably easy for some brainless drone to hand over everything she is and has to one person..but someone that is quite the opposite, it's sometimes very hard. I go through the struggle in myself sometimes of giving over to him, and wanting to tell him to "f-off", that's the truth.

I know that somewhere deep down though, this gives something to me back that I can't get without him. I guess that's why this all works..each has what the other needs/wants in order to be content and to feel like they are getting out of this life what they should.

I am quite sure that others see it different and that's their prerogative, but that's my short take on it.


_____________________________

~anne

This girl is a slave, but she is also a woman full of love, life, and who has a ton of interests.
Don't judge a book by it's name, judge it by it's content..

His since 10/06/2006
SLRN 166-164-858

(in reply to MMagic)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Scene and Not Heard - 9/24/2009 11:27:02 AM   
MMagic


Posts: 183
Joined: 2/9/2009
Status: offline 		Now see you have the take on it a LOT of us have, my question is, why are some Doms/Master etc SO very upset and view it as some sort of disrespect that you don't simply hand everything over or are put off from the word go because you may not need them to take up the slack for everything totally?




_____________________________

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. -Mae West



(in reply to worthlesstrash)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Scene and Not Heard - 9/24/2009 2:02:01 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		When i submitted to Master i did not hand over my brain too. Master has no desire to micromanage me. Like i always say i can easily take care of myself but i love to be taken care of. Master wants a girl he can talk with outside of a scene, we talk about everything under the sun. We even talk about hot button topics like regilon and politics. Master does not want a mindless drone he wants a girl with a brain and a sense of humor. That is what he got in me.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to MMagic)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Scene and Not Heard - 9/24/2009 2:11:19 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MMagic
...my question is, why are some Doms/Master etc SO very upset and view it as some sort of disrespect that you don't simply hand everything over or are put off from the word go because you may not need them to take up the slack for everything totally?..


because their perception/experience with submissive/slave is different than your perception/experience?
 
our individual experiences aren't one-size-fits-all-straight-off-the-rack.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 9/24/2009 2:12:15 PM >

(in reply to MMagic)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Scene and Not Heard - 9/24/2009 2:36:19 PM   
Cuffkinks


Posts: 1780
Joined: 5/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MMagic

Now see you have the take on it a LOT of us have, my question is, why are some Doms/Master etc SO very upset and view it as some sort of disrespect that you don't simply hand everything over or are put off from the word go because you may not need them to take up the slack for everything totally?



Only speaking for myself, I wouldn't want someone who couldn't take care of themselves. I'm not the micromanaging type. My little girl does consult me before making any major decisions, and some minor ones as well. But I don't have to "sign off" on everything she does. I don't have to tell her..."Yes, you can go to lunch now." I can get any mindless slut to just kneel before me, and have me handle everything. Now a woman with a brain...One that can take care of herself...One that's independant and can stand on her own two feet, yet chooses to kneel before me because she feels a need that only submission can satisfy. That's the girl for me. That's what I have and I wouldn't have it any other way. I certainly don't get upset or consider it disrespectful when she handles something on her own. Odds are my little girl is going to either ask how I want something done or inform me how she handled it afterwards, at the very least, ask my advice, (Most likely the former) but that's the relationship we have. I know she can and does handle things that come up in life. That's not disrespectful. I'm very proud that she can.

_____________________________

Resident "11"

"I love you, Sir. You make my heart sing and my panties wet. What more could a girl ask for?" - hejira92

"And that's why it's good to be...Me." - Gene $immons

(in reply to MMagic)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Scene and Not Heard - 9/24/2009 2:49:12 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Oh oh  -  agree from the other side of the slash.....

What he said!!!!

(in reply to Cuffkinks)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Scene and Not Heard - 9/24/2009 2:52:35 PM   
GoddessImaginos


Posts: 1493
Joined: 8/5/2009
From: A small blue planet near Alpha Centauri
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Cuffkinks


quote:

ORIGINAL: MMagic

Now see you have the take on it a LOT of us have, my question is, why are some Doms/Master etc SO very upset and view it as some sort of disrespect that you don't simply hand everything over or are put off from the word go because you may not need them to take up the slack for everything totally?



Only speaking for myself, I wouldn't want someone who couldn't take care of themselves. I'm not the micromanaging type. My little girl does consult me before making any major decisions, and some minor ones as well. But I don't have to "sign off" on everything she does. I don't have to tell her..."Yes, you can go to lunch now." I can get any mindless slut to just kneel before me, and have me handle everything. Now a woman with a brain...One that can take care of herself...One that's independant and can stand on her own two feet, yet chooses to kneel before me because she feels a need that only submission can satisfy. That's the girl for me. That's what I have and I wouldn't have it any other way. I certainly don't get upset or consider it disrespectful when she handles something on her own. Odds are my little girl is going to either ask how I want something done or inform me how she handled it afterwards, at the very least, ask my advice, (Most likely the former) but that's the relationship we have. I know she can and does handle things that come up in life. That's not disrespectful. I'm very proud that she can.


Awesome. Totally awesome..


_____________________________

Delicious and nutritious, does NOT taste like canoli.
~member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's/Mouthy Wenches having been ModSpanked
~10 fluffy points
~RJD RIP xoxo

(in reply to Cuffkinks)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Scene and Not Heard - 9/24/2009 3:32:03 PM   
MMagic


Posts: 183
Joined: 2/9/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Cuffkinks


quote:

ORIGINAL: MMagic

Now see you have the take on it a LOT of us have, my question is, why are some Doms/Master etc SO very upset and view it as some sort of disrespect that you don't simply hand everything over or are put off from the word go because you may not need them to take up the slack for everything totally?



Only speaking for myself, I wouldn't want someone who couldn't take care of themselves. I'm not the micromanaging type. My little girl does consult me before making any major decisions, and some minor ones as well. But I don't have to "sign off" on everything she does. I don't have to tell her..."Yes, you can go to lunch now." I can get any mindless slut to just kneel before me, and have me handle everything. Now a woman with a brain...One that can take care of herself...One that's independant and can stand on her own two feet, yet chooses to kneel before me because she feels a need that only submission can satisfy. That's the girl for me. That's what I have and I wouldn't have it any other way. I certainly don't get upset or consider it disrespectful when she handles something on her own. Odds are my little girl is going to either ask how I want something done or inform me how she handled it afterwards, at the very least, ask my advice, (Most likely the former) but that's the relationship we have. I know she can and does handle things that come up in life. That's not disrespectful. I'm very proud that she can.


Very nicely put!  And Mac I get that perceptions are different, but I'll ask something else.  BECAUSE perceptions are different, should said Dominate again be angry because the girl/boy he's chosen to collar does not HAVE the same perceptions.  Should be something to be punished for?  I know you'll say, if it was discussed before hand. Let's say it was not and the sub does...what they do.  Should the Dominate automatically view it as affront to their nature? 

Ok I'm am ever so pretty and headed out...I'll try to check back here once I've made it back in...IF I make it back in.  Love and light all.I so love talking with you all. Keeps the brain fresh.




_____________________________

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. -Mae West



(in reply to Cuffkinks)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Scene and Not Heard - 9/24/2009 3:51:30 PM   
SubOnlyForHim


Posts: 787
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline 		If I cannot take care of me, how could I possibly take care of you?

_____________________________

just call me "sophie" ~~~ Thanks, sirsholly, for the new nick! i now feel so special. Whoohoooo!

*committed*

~The more answers i get, the more questions i have.~







(in reply to MMagic)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Scene and Not Heard - 9/24/2009 5:20:26 PM   
Falkenstein


Posts: 187
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		The problem is that the subs whose masters disapprove independent thinking will probably not post openly here...

The silent (or silenced?) majority?

_____________________________

Henry,

Part of that power which still
Produceth good, whilst ever scheming ill.

(in reply to MMagic)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Scene and Not Heard - 9/24/2009 5:24:51 PM   
SubOnlyForHim


Posts: 787
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Falkenstein

The problem is that the subs whose masters disapprove independent thinking will probably not post openly here...

The silent (or silenced?) majority?




_____________________________

just call me "sophie" ~~~ Thanks, sirsholly, for the new nick! i now feel so special. Whoohoooo!

*committed*

~The more answers i get, the more questions i have.~







(in reply to Falkenstein)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Scene and Not Heard - 9/24/2009 5:35:21 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Men like to feel useful. If a woman can do everything for herself then they start to feel their manhood is in jeopardy.

I think once in awhile women need to take a step back and let a man feel useful, let him feel like a man.

I'm not saying that women should feign the whole innnocent and helpless princess act. I'm saying women need to let go of some of the control and let a man feel as if he is in control sometimes.

Men get intimidated sometimes when she can do everything by herself. He starts to ask himself "if she can do it all why does she need me?".

(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Scene and Not Heard - 9/24/2009 6:43:59 PM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline 		I think the key words are "from the get go". IMO, if the master is demanding total control and micromanagement immediately, it is a red flag that someone isn't REALLY in control.

And, on a personal note, yes, if I do not outright ask what I should do on major issues, I certainly do consult with Him. He is the wisest man I know. Just one of the reasons I serve and love Him.

_____________________________

Property of Cuffkinks

Member:
The Pimpettes
MoGa's IN-Crowd

"You're the gleam in my eye, the smile on my face and the bulge in my pants" - Cuffkinks

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Scene and Not Heard - 9/24/2009 7:30:24 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MMagic

I've read several profiles where the Dominant says they love a sub with a brain and one that CAN do for herself, so...why do some get angry about this?  Does this offend some Doms/Masters? Educate me please?!  Should we all pretend to be a helpless little waif? 


in all honesty it is because she can and elects to set aside those capabilities and place them within his hand. trusting that he is able to perform as well or better than she is far harder than going it alone. i would gather some that have a sincere desire to own would prefer a girl with vast abilities, but not necessarily a need to prove her mettle in the manner we're most familiar.

i don't believe most dominants are seeking damsels in distress either. on the other hand, there are many submissives that have a hard time receiving and feel most comfortable on the giving end. i see the latter as grossly unbalanced and a possible contributing factor to the angst you've noticed. while various dynamics exist, it seems baffling for one to yield if controls will be maintained by the party acquiescing. this generally negates the intention behind the exchange if the subordinate person is dictating what can be handed over.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Scene and Not Heard - 9/25/2009 1:09:35 PM   
MMagic


Posts: 183
Joined: 2/9/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubOnlyForHim

If I cannot take care of me, how could I possibly take care of you?


Now that deserves an Amen, lol


_____________________________

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. -Mae West



(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Scene and Not Heard - 9/26/2009 10:05:12 AM   
spookyfe


Posts: 74
Status: offline 		masters micro managing me at the moment but only temp.  i am in the middle of moving to him and coping with a divorce (weve been seperated a long time but ex has decided to throw a nervous breakdown)  so just as a temporary measure to help me he is doing this.  once im with him it will stop.

(in reply to MMagic)
Profile   Post #: 20
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