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RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 9/26/2009 2:52:47 AM   
Arrogance


Posts: 185
Joined: 7/29/2009
Status: offline 		If the dom is having a sexual relationship with his sub and his girlfriend doesn't know about it then he's a piece of shit.

I would assume if that's the case, neither would be of much value to him because he doesn't respect them anyways.

If the GF knows about it... I suppose it's a tossup.

(in reply to Acer49)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 9/26/2009 4:46:54 AM   
Liadon666


Posts: 9
Joined: 6/21/2009
Status: offline 		i would not enjoy saying goodbye to either if it came to it. be it a girlfriend or a sub. that being said however.
i have a very simple policy in this kind if thing.

if either asked me to choose between them. the one who asked me to choose would get a firm handshake and a help in packing their stuff. a nice "goodbye, and get along safe now"

nothing more nothing less.
if people are uncomfortable with a situation they can walk away from it. they shouldn´t ask others to choose for them.

(in reply to Acer49)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 9/26/2009 4:57:08 AM   
HalloweenWhite


Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline
Both would be equally important to Me but maybe for different reasons;they'd both bring something different to O/our overall relationship.

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 9/26/2009 6:47:17 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: serisa

ok, so i know opinions may vary... but if a Man has a sub and a vanilla girlfriend at the same time, which of the two is the most important to you?... or does that depend on the individual women in question?.  If you had to give up one who would it be?
You may not believe in love but if you do who would you love the most?
How many believe that a experienced Dominant can ever truly replace BDSM / the D's dynamic with a Vanilla lady?


these are tricky situations that look good on paper but fail to factor in that the heart wants what it does. even when those desires may not be openly communicated. it would depend on the structure. many that say they're able to share are generally fine with sharing themselves, but things that belong to them usually warrant another answer.

i personally wouldn't do this. if i opted to be with someone outside of the lifestyle it would indicate i've put that aside for that person or altogether. i'm not a fan of double dipping and i'd prefer to limit the accessories as much as possible. even if the vanilla person wished for me to have my slavery fulfilled it would still be a conflict of interest that would inevitably create an unbalanced situation. once i kneel my loyalties and deference are to my owner, and i've never met the sort of men that were willing to share their throne. which basically means mister vanilla would have to go.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 9/26/2009 8:08:52 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I think I'm about to surprise a lot of people here.

My husband and I have what boils down to a vanilla relationship.  There is very rarely any kink that goes on between us.  He is My primary partner and the person that I want to grow old with.  I happen to be poly.  My sub is My secondary partner.  While I love them both, I love each of them in entirely different ways.

When MP and I decided we would chose the poly path, we had one agreement that we decided would stand above everything else.  That being our primary relationship was more important than anything else.  If we ever found that being poly was damaging to what we already have, we would give it up and return to being monogamous.  We both know that we want each other more than anything else this earth has to offer.  Nothing else can ever replace that.

In short, while I love My boy a great deal and it would hurt My heart terribly if he were no longer in My life, if I could only have one of them, it would absolutely be My husband.  It wouldn't be easy, but I could give all of this up tomorrow because I love him that much.

Funny thing about that though.  The same applies in reverse.  I honestly believe that he loves Me so much that he would never ask for such a thing.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 9/26/2009 10:37:06 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: serisa
ok, so i know opinions may vary... but if a Man has a sub and a vanilla girlfriend at the same time, which of the two is the most important to you?... or does that depend on the individual women in question?.  If you had to give up one who would it be?
You may not believe in love but if you do who would you love the most?
How many believe that a experienced Dominant can ever truly replace BDSM / the D's dynamic with a Vanilla lady?

For me, I could never have a "sub" and a "vanilla girlfriend"... any sub I had would also, by definition, be my girlfriend. I very definitely DO believe in love. The answer to your question is that whichever one I loved the most is who I'd love the most. Someone's D/s orientation is orthogonal but related to my loving them. I'm not certain whether I'd qualify as an experienced (or for that matter, any sort of) dominant in your head, but I boss Carol around now and could easily see a different relationship both with her and someone else in which that was not true. At least for me, my dominance finds plenty of expression in the totality of my life. I have no need to trot it out in my interpersonal relationships unless it is actually a benefit there.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 9/26/2009 11:20:19 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		I have a boyfriend whom I love and a slave whom I also love, but in a different way. The relationships are entirely different with entirely different intents. Neither takes presidency over the other. It's kind of like asking a mother which child means more.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 10/8/2009 7:54:37 AM   
Lipicaner


Posts: 1
Joined: 10/5/2009
Status: offline 		I sign to this post from DavanKael and would like to add mine : "The secret to happiness is not in doing what one likes to do, but in liking what one has to do. " ;)

"May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me  "

< Message edited by Lipicaner -- 10/8/2009 7:55:40 AM >

(in reply to Acer49)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 10/8/2009 9:53:38 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If he had both, I would assume he was conflicted about having a sub, and didn't believe they were the kind of people you bring home to mother. A man with both I would expect to marry the gf and try to have a sub on the side for the hot sex solely.

Because I don't understand why one can't be both and more to him. Lots of us are subs, lovers, friends, tennis partners, business partners, and so on to our dominants. The fact that he can't see the integration here and has to compartmentalize it makes it a red flag for me.

Does the gf know about the sub? Have the two women spoken together and ironed out possible conflicts? Because I wouldn't feel comfortable accepting what he says. And if the sub is the dirty little secret on the side, I wonder why she thinks she doesn't deserve a full relationship and why this is the best offer she'll ever get.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Acer49)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 10/8/2009 10:15:19 AM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		I don't see where any one mentioned cheating.
quote:

ORIGINAL: RealSub58


Steven called this poly?????  Since when is having a sub and cheating on her poly?  

Se

(in reply to RealSub58)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 10/8/2009 12:37:12 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~
Hmmm. Sir & I had a discussion about this awhile back.  His ex-wife showed up and was wanting back.  I told Him that I would be happy with poly if that is what was required, as I had been curious about it before anyway, but if I was on my way out to just please let me know now.  I did NOT ask Him to choose.  He said He really doesn't have those feelings for her anymore, but IF she did come back at some point in the future, He would tell her it would have be poly, and if she didn't agree and made Him choose, she'd be the one to lose.  He said He would choose me over her.  She isn't really "nilla," but more of a bottom when she wants to be than an actual sub.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 10/8/2009 1:50:40 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

If you had to give up one who would it be?


You have just a little bit too much time on your hands, perhaps a job? (If you didn't yet know this, hypothetical questions "would you buy a Band Aid if somebody cut your nose off?" get hypothetical answers, which generally have no bearing on life as we know it)

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 10/8/2009 1:53:25 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: serisa

ok, so i know opinions may vary... but if a Man has a sub and a vanilla girlfriend at the same time, which of the two is the most important to you?... or does that depend on the individual women in question?.  If you had to give up one who would it be?
You may not believe in love but if you do who would you love the most?
How many believe that a experienced Dominant can ever truly replace BDSM / the D's dynamic with a Vanilla lady?



Which one do I care about the most? Which one am I most compatible with? Which one enriches my life the most?


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 10/8/2009 6:05:24 PM   
MastersPanda


Posts: 28
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		Hmm. My Master is also my "boyfriend", lover, partner in crime, best friend, and coach. He fulfills everything for me, so i can't imagine having the time or energy to split my life down the middle into Vanilla or BDSM compartments. I can't live my life in segments, i want the whole picture. When i realized i wanted to be a submissive, a slave, i broke up with my vanilla boyfriend immediately. I knew i couldn't do a Master and a boyfriend. I needed one person who had the whole package, so to speak :)

Good luck to you.

--Master's panda

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 10/8/2009 6:20:17 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		I am not talking from a male perspective, but from one in which I have a dominant partner and a vanilla husband.  My relationships with each are simply different.  Different doesn't equal better or worse, just not the same.  There are times when a party may tip the scale and one actually IS better, but relationships ebb and flow and those times pass, switch hands, and starts all over again.  My concern would be if one actually became better on a long range.  That would indicate that a relationship is dying.  Either I would need to tend to it more or decide the end of the road had arrived in that case.

lovingpet

(in reply to Acer49)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 10/8/2009 7:31:44 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

K, I have a dog and a cat, I have a woman and a man, i have a son and a daughter.........

the short answer is what the fuck is the decision? if you are proposing it to your 'Master'........ uff da.


quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

Totally depends on those involved. 
Davan

10 points each.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 10/8/2009 8:45:35 PM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I damn sure could not understand the stuff Ron said.


This is an acquired skill. You must listen askew, with the corners of your ears, and look especially into the silences between the spaces. Practice with a prism at first, until you can catch the concepts just from a careful re-read.

(in reply to RealSub58)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 10/9/2009 12:49:51 AM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: serisa

ok, so i know opinions may vary... but if a Man has a sub and a vanilla girlfriend at the same time, which of the two is the most important to you?... or does that depend on the individual women in question?.  If you had to give up one who would it be?
You may not believe in love but if you do who would you love the most?
How many believe that a experienced Dominant can ever truly replace BDSM / the D's dynamic with a Vanilla lady?



Whoever best fulfills my needs is the one who is the most important and the one I would keep.You love the individual, not to position. Do not confuse experience with desire.

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 10/9/2009 6:24:16 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: serisa

ok, so i know opinions may vary... but if a Man has a sub and a vanilla girlfriend at the same time, which of the two is the most important to you?... or does that depend on the individual women in question?.  If you had to give up one who would it be?
You may not believe in love but if you do who would you love the most?
How many believe that a experienced Dominant can ever truly replace BDSM / the D's dynamic with a Vanilla lady?



Why pick one that is not important for you? Why chose when all agree?

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 10/9/2009 3:12:19 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom
I don't see where any one mentioned cheating.


The OP in post # 9

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)
Profile   Post #: 40
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