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RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 10/10/2009 5:20:31 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

quote:

I damn sure could not understand the stuff Ron said.

This is an acquired skill. You must listen askew, with the corners of your ears, and look especially into the silences between the spaces. Practice with a prism at first, until you can catch the concepts just from a careful re-read.

This made me smile..... It is rather like learning a new language. At first it makes no sense at all, then you begin to see glimmers, then all of the sudden there is that........tadaaaaaaaaaa.........lightbulb moment. After that, it tends to be pure delight.

And to add because I was interupted yesterday.

Like LadyPact, I have a vanilla person in my life. However, unlike LadyPact, I don't discuss it much on here. Not because I wish to hide anything. It is simply out of respect for this person. They do not wish to have their personal life broadcast on the internet.

To make this person even BEGIN to understand all of this was a challenge of epic proportions and there are still moments that can be somewhat stressful. I have known this person for over 20 years, through thick and thin, military deployments, the hell of teenagers I already had, sexuality issues, financial crisis, just all sorts of things that people tend to experience with a few that most don't. We have stuck it out and are so much stronger for it. I elude to this relationship in my profile but yes am vague. Anyone that should express any sort of real life interest in me, is given the facts immediately.

This relationship has withstood more than most. It is never going to be sacrificed for an additional one........though there have been past moments it was teetering for certain. At this point, no, no more teetering. I am quite happy with the quid pro quo. Anyone that comes into my life will be enfolded into all that my life includes, family and all. If they cannot accept the realities, then they are simply not for me.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 10/10/2009 5:32:41 AM >

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(in reply to Musicmystery)

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Post #: 41

RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 10/16/2009 11:46:47 AM

roland23

Posts: 241
Joined: 9/11/2006
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For me, the sub is the most important!

(in reply to Acer49)

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Post #: 42

RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 10/22/2009 2:29:03 AM

serisa

Posts: 219
Joined: 9/28/2007
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thanks to everyone who has written... just to clear something up though i never asked him to choose. He had no choice to choose. The the other lady was Vanilla so wouldnt accept me - it was choose or lie to her and continue to see me.
Only the choice got taken away from him because she made the choice for him by ending it herself.

Have a good day everyone

(in reply to roland23)

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Post #: 43

RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 10/24/2009 7:42:46 AM

AndySTL

Posts: 12
Joined: 8/28/2009
Status: offline

I am not sure if I am the right person to reply to this topic because I have always been a one girl type of guy. For me, I do not differentiate between the two. I would not accept a woman to be my submissive/slave unless I could enjoy spending time with her outside the house as well. I guess I am looking for that 24/7 slave that will be long term.

As far as choosing between the two. I have been in several long vanilla relationships where I chose not to pursue my dominate tendincies and tried to make it work. But in the end, I am a Dom, and need to be with a submissive woman. So if my girlfriend is not submissive, I would guess I would choose my sub and see if that works out long term...if there was no future there with her. End it while you can and find someone right for you.

(in reply to serisa)

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Post #: 44

RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 10/24/2009 12:49:15 PM

mstrj69

Posts: 295
Joined: 5/27/2004
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It seems the gf made the choice to leave because he would not tell the sub to leave. I think his choice was clearly stated there.

Personally, it depends on how long I have been with someone and how the dynamics are working out. If I was getting ready to eliminate myself from her life then there is no doubt as to whom I would chose. It all goes back to the dynamics between the dominant and the other two.

(in reply to AndySTL)

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Post #: 45

RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 10/24/2009 4:46:20 PM

MasterSean69

Posts: 24
Joined: 7/5/2007
Status: offline

Simple for me.... The person NOT involved in the Lifestyle/BDSM would be GONE!!!!

I can replace a g/f easier than I can a GREAT sub or slave.... I have found this to be very TRUE in my experiences.

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(in reply to Acer49)

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Post #: 46

RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 10/26/2009 8:21:57 PM

erebus

Posts: 169
Joined: 1/15/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

Honestly I don't see the point of dating vanilla men anymore either. Whats the point? I'm going to have to explain the in's and out's of my relationship with NZ to any potential othermate, and that's just going to get confusing for the potential othermate.

Unfortunately, there are LOTS more vanilla women out there than submissives/slaves. That is why my serious relationships have mainly been with 'ordinary' girls.

(in reply to Sunnyfey)

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Post #: 47

RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 10/27/2009 3:49:41 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: serisa

its over between them and i know thats true. i am actually feeling really happy with U/us and how its all going. Just the one thing that makes me some what insecure is that she found out about me, and dumped him. It makes it hard to know who ideally he would have chosen.
thanks everyone
[quote/]

This is an ugly situation, if she found out about you it means he was NOT honest with her and was in fact cheating on her. Honesty is the foundation of any relationship and his dishonesty ruined that relationship.

So you have a dishonest Owner and as long as you can live with that comfortably then his dating vanilla women should not be a problem for you, but it will be a problem for him if he keeps lying. If she had not dumped him I am sure he would have continued to string her along as long as he could. So much for him respecting her.

As for myself my sub IS my boyfriend because that is how I prefer my relationship to roll. I never separate the two but each relationship unique as are the individuals involved in them.

~Lashra

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Post #: 48

RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 10/27/2009 7:59:29 AM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
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like my Mistress said i have a wife and am collared and my primary relationship with my wife is paramount. if this lifestyle damages it then it will be stopped. i would regret having to do so as i love and care for mu Mistress very much and would not do anything to bring harm or suffering to Her or Her Husband. this is O/our dynamic and it works for U/us.

(in reply to Lashra)

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Post #: 49

RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 10/27/2009 2:26:40 PM

roland23

Posts: 241
Joined: 9/11/2006
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I agree with mastersean69. It is far easier to find a girlfriend than a sub. I have wasted LOTS of time on women, hoping that they would see the light of BDSM. Never again!

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

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Post #: 50

RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 10/28/2009 11:37:33 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
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If i had a nilla bf and Master and was forced to make a choice (saying i loved them equally) i don't think i could i would be so torn. I mean i love Master and the lifestyle but if i also loved this nilla guy it would be hard. I guess i would have to sit down and think about if i love this nila guy enough to give up the lifestyle. It would be a very tough decsion.

Matt's litleone

(in reply to Acer49)

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Post #: 51

RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 10/28/2009 2:25:57 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
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I will answer from my POV as a submissive female. I would not BE with a Dominant AND a nilla man but, if I were and loved them both & was told I had to choose, I would choose to be with the Dominant because something is missing in a vanilla relationship.....for me anyway. I'm a submissive woman and I need a Dominant partner.....that's all there is too it.

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In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

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Post #: 52

RE: a sub and a girlfriend - 10/28/2009 4:45:58 PM

MasterAramis

Posts: 279
Joined: 7/29/2008
From: Connecticut
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I was going to post something like this, but this said it all. Good Girl!

Aramis

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arrogance

If the dom is having a sexual relationship with his sub and his girlfriend doesn't know about it then he's a piece of shit.

I would assume if that's the case, neither would be of much value to him because he doesn't respect them anyways.

If the GF knows about it... I suppose it's a tossup.

(in reply to Arrogance)

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Post #: 53