Breaking the cycle of negativity

Breaking the cycle of negativity (Full Version)

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Aanakaris -> Breaking the cycle of negativity (9/26/2009 10:54:06 PM)
I seem to be a magnet for spammers and fake profiles. Honestly I've won the Nigerian lottery so many times I'm actually thinking about entering. I tried putting some warnings on my profile, but since the spammers don't actually read profiles this really has not cut down the fake contacts at all and gives my profile a negative look to any searchers. While spam may be a source of amusement, I've been noticing a subtle change in my behavior. I have started putting every profile I see through a filter that nobody could pass. I'm seeing fakes everywhere, the tiniest thing is throwing me off. Single picture, looks like a model shot, short profile, misspellings, sex with no relationship, etc... These are the easy ones, but I find myself critiquing everything so strongly, if you look for flaws hard enough, they will be found. I have not contacted anyone in more than a month. There are plenty of great people out there, How do I break this cycle of negativity?

Elipsis -> RE: Breaking the cycle of negativity (9/26/2009 10:55:32 PM)
Well, not to be a smartass... but you start contacting people. Edit: I'll be more useful than that. You know what action you need to take to start meeting people, it's quite obvious. You're just tripping over the psychology... but the best way to fix your negative outlook is to take that action, start meeting people again, and have a positive experience. 2nd Edit: How about these very forums? The most social and talkative of us appear to be here... and if you don't worry about compatibility and results immediately you might start having fun just talking to people here. Then maybe after you have talked to some people on this board for awhile that you think are cool, you look at their profile and realize theirs isn't perfect either by your unreasonably harsh standards?

Acer49 -> RE: Breaking the cycle of negativity (9/26/2009 11:47:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aanakaris I seem to be a magnet for spammers and fake profiles. Honestly I've won the Nigerian lottery so many times I'm actually thinking about entering. I tried putting some warnings on my profile, but since the spammers don't actually read profiles this really has not cut down the fake contacts at all and gives my profile a negative look to any searchers. While spam may be a source of amusement, I've been noticing a subtle change in my behavior. I have started putting every profile I see through a filter that nobody could pass. I'm seeing fakes everywhere, the tiniest thing is throwing me off. Single picture, looks like a model shot, short profile, misspellings, sex with no relationship, etc... These are the easy ones, but I find myself critiquing everything so strongly, if you look for flaws hard enough, they will be found. I have not contacted anyone in more than a month. There are plenty of great people out there, How do I break this cycle of negativity? Well I concluded that after calling one of these profiles a “Two bit cock sucking-whore " and she responded "how may I serve you" that either they are dumber than dirt with no conception of the English language or they are simply a computer generated program with pre determined questions and answers. Because the only time I ever got anything relating of an emotional answer was when I called it a poorly written computer program. I do believe these scammers must look for certain criteria and since they do not seem to understand English because you to not send a dominant to attract another dominant, I am guessing they are focusing on age. I would change my age to 99 as anyone real should inquire about the age and the scammer may end up just ignoring you. And if not. I created an IM account that I send them all to and tell them to start without me

wandersalone -> RE: Breaking the cycle of negativity (9/27/2009 12:51:02 AM)
Sorry to break it to you but I think the change has to come from you, contact one person and give them a chance, if they are not for you contact another person and give them a chance, if they are not for you..... well you get the drift [:)] I have been online a bit more than usual lately and my inbox is filled with spam and photos of body parts and invitations to meet strangers at their hotels for gang bangs but in amongst all of that rubbish there have been some really cool messages from people that in all honesty if I looked at their profile would not have caught my eye. And in fact some of their initial messages normally would have been deleted but for some reason I have been replying to people and seeing where it goes and I have been pleasantly surprised. And having a photo of you doing yoga on your profile is very cool!!!!!! Damn why is the US s far away

BoundDragon -> RE: Breaking the cycle of negativity (9/27/2009 1:44:07 AM)
I fortunately havent been inundated by spam (was it something i said??? I feel so left out) I would certain try advise already given. Talk in these forums for a bit, you'll soon find there are a good bunch of people here who are most certainly real and very lovely too. Once your faith is a little restored then think about viewing peoples profiles again (hopefully with a little less cynisism) The website is here to enjoy and explore, it would be a shame to let some idiots take that away from you.

ThatDamnedPanda -> RE: Breaking the cycle of negativity (9/27/2009 1:49:06 AM)
1. Buy a box. 2. Put your computer into the box. 3. Ship it to yourself by way of a freighter to New Zealand and back. 4. Spend a month or a month and a half doing shit that doesn't involve a computer. 5. When your computer comes back to you, boot it up and see if it's changed back into the kind of computer that used to make you feel more optimistic and positive toward your fellow human beings. Oh. And - 6. Good luck!

HalloweenWhite -> RE: Breaking the cycle of negativity (9/27/2009 3:45:58 AM)
Hey! wait a minute! It's My turn to win the nigerian lottery! lol, I've had those too and the same "Lesbian Dominant Couple" is interested in Me; I'm Dominant, Male and straight, so I find it confusing what they see in Me lol. Anyway, I think you're beating yourself up a bit over this. For a start the scammers try it on all the time with people and they always will and you can't really make 'em stop-only ignore.There are plenty of sincere P/people on c.m, you just have to find them, or let them find you-give people a reason to contact you; a post they've read or journal entry. Keep talking, keep having an opinion and you'll get noticed, but understand, the scammers are still going to be here.

DesFIP -> RE: Breaking the cycle of negativity (9/27/2009 4:53:46 AM)
Don't go contacting the supermodel type pictures. Because really, do you think an 18 year old perfect 10 blonde needs do anything other than go for a walk to meet more than enough men that she'll be busy for weeks sorting through them? Look for real people who live near you. Go to munches.

looking4princess -> RE: Breaking the cycle of negativity (9/27/2009 4:55:12 AM)
Yeah really! I think you just have to take the good with the bad and suck it up. Quoting from the movie Fight Club: "no fear. no distractions. Stop trying to control everything and just let go." Smile at strangers. It will make them worry. And so what if you go to the second or third message before they reveal their scam? Have some fun with it. Your way lies paranoia. But never give your real name and email addy.

CarrieO -> RE: Breaking the cycle of negativity (9/27/2009 5:09:05 AM)
quote: There are plenty of great people out there, How do I break this cycle of negativity? You stop the cycle by stepping off. You're making the choice to be negative and critical, make the choice to stop. You've made a point of not contacting anyone for a month, why not make a point of getting offline for a month and meet people in real life? Go to a munch. Get out from behind the screen and realize that not everyone is out to scam you. "I don't want an ideal person, I want a real person..." taken from your profile, is all the more reason to turn off the computer and turn on Real Life.

leadership527 -> RE: Breaking the cycle of negativity (9/27/2009 8:38:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Don't go contacting the supermodel type pictures. Because really, do you think an 18 year old perfect 10 blonde needs do anything other than go for a walk to meet more than enough men that she'll be busy for weeks sorting through them? Look for real people who live near you. Go to munches. But Des... I Wwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnttttt an 18 year old swimsuit model..... chuckles

honeygirl -> RE: Breaking the cycle of negativity (9/27/2009 8:50:55 AM)
I think you should consider asking for what you want. You spend the first section of your profile writing about all the things you're not looking to find in a partner, so I feel that you can definitely increase the positivity by re-working your profile to focus on the more positive aspects of what you want. I suggest you target your profile for that "best" person for you and concentrate less on all those whom you dislike or do not want. As for spammers/scammers, you may want to think about keeping mention of how frustrating it might be to deal with those losers out of your profile/journal. And, as DesFIP indicated, do other things to find a partner. It may only increase your frustration were collarme to be your only recourse to finding a great partner! Based on your profile, I realize this might be tough, given the hours you work. Hang in there and best wishes that things work out!

littlewonder -> RE: Breaking the cycle of negativity (9/27/2009 10:11:52 AM)
Maybe step away from your computer for awhile and try dating people in the real world for awhile? Seriously, the computer can turn people away from others, make them less social, easily jaded and just not fun to be around so my suggestion is always to interact with people in your day to day living. Join groups, find a hobby, maybe ask that girl or boy out that you've had your eye on outside in the real world. Imo when the internet starts to make you crazy it's time to walk away.

Amaros -> RE: Breaking the cycle of negativity (9/27/2009 2:13:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aanakaris I seem to be a magnet for spammers and fake profiles. Honestly I've won the Nigerian lottery so many times I'm actually thinking about entering. I tried putting some warnings on my profile, but since the spammers don't actually read profiles this really has not cut down the fake contacts at all and gives my profile a negative look to any searchers. While spam may be a source of amusement, I've been noticing a subtle change in my behavior. I have started putting every profile I see through a filter that nobody could pass. I'm seeing fakes everywhere, the tiniest thing is throwing me off. Single picture, looks like a model shot, short profile, misspellings, sex with no relationship, etc... These are the easy ones, but I find myself critiquing everything so strongly, if you look for flaws hard enough, they will be found. I have not contacted anyone in more than a month. There are plenty of great people out there, How do I break this cycle of negativity? Simple: put in your profile that you have no money, and include a shot of your trailer - that way nobody will contact you.

windchymes -> RE: Breaking the cycle of negativity (9/27/2009 4:01:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Acer49 Well I concluded that after calling one of these profiles a “Two bit cock sucking-whore " Those are terms of endearment from some people [;)]

Jeptha -> RE: Breaking the cycle of negativity (9/27/2009 7:06:13 PM)
I don't get any spam from this site, but I get some from other sites. I put in my ad that a certain word must be included in the subject line of any e-mail to me in order to distinguish it from spam. And I indicate that all other mail will be deleted unread. You might try that with your profile if the spam is a problem.

Aanakaris -> RE: Breaking the cycle of negativity (9/27/2009 9:26:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jeptha I don't get any spam from this site, but I get some from other sites. I put in my ad that a certain word must be included in the subject line of any e-mail to me in order to distinguish it from spam. And I indicate that all other mail will be deleted unread. You might try that with your profile if the spam is a problem. That's a really good idea. Simple and effective. To all the other many posters, thanks for your time, some were useful, some were reiterations of what I already knew. Occasionally the solutions are staring you in the face but the focus is so hard on the problem that those solutions cannot be seen. Just need to relax a little and change my focus. Guess I will have to earn my millions the hard way, I'll just start with that awesome mortgage offer I just received from Nerfwoot446798III which he says will not only have -10% interest but will make my penis bigger while giving me an all access pass to the Playboy mansion. Now to just send him my SSN and credit card info...

NihilusZero -> RE: Breaking the cycle of negativity (9/27/2009 11:28:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aanakaris I tried putting some warnings on my profile, but since the spammers don't actually read profiles this really has not cut down the fake contacts at all and gives my profile a negative look to any searchers. Um, yeah. That's about as fruitful a decision as hanging a "No Junk Mail!" sign on your mailbox. quote: ORIGINAL: Aanakaris While spam may be a source of amusement, I've been noticing a subtle change in my behavior. I have started putting every profile I see through a filter that nobody could pass. I'm seeing fakes everywhere, the tiniest thing is throwing me off. Single picture, looks like a model shot, short profile, misspellings, sex with no relationship, etc... These are the easy ones, but I find myself critiquing everything so strongly, if you look for flaws hard enough, they will be found. I have not contacted anyone in more than a month. There are plenty of great people out there, How do I break this cycle of negativity? Don't invest more expectation than necessary until you have communication going with the individual over several mediums? Have you never filled out applications for colleges? Jobs? Loans? All you really are dealing with is dead ends, no matter what they look like. And those are a part of life. If this has gotten you down into the negativity department, what are you going to do when you do get in touch with multiple real people but none of them end up panning out?

bliss4us09 -> RE: Breaking the cycle of negativity (9/28/2009 10:45:15 AM)
Most of gold ore is not gold. Be persistent in contacting people that meet whatever criteria you have established, and be patient in sorting through those who reply. Sounds overly simple, perhaps - but it works.

Aanakaris -> RE: Breaking the cycle of negativity (9/29/2009 10:04:33 PM)
I made a few changes to my profile and will start snooping around and see what I can find. The only way to break the cycle is to get off my butt and break the cycle.

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