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RE: Asking for dominance - 9/30/2009 7:59:06 AM   
CreativeDominant


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ArgoNikki

I know Domming is hard. You do all the work. When I'm submissive, I get to sit back and "enjoy". I use the term loosely. That being said, do you get lazy at being a Dom lol? Do you think it is appropriate to ask for that dominance when one is a sub? And more importantly how esp if the Dom is tired from r/l issues?
Thanks!
you've  had some good answers here.  Like several, I also feel your question is too "loosely" worded, ironic given the fact that on another thread the idea of being too bound by terms was brought forth.  But here is a perfect illustration of where terms used loosely can be confusing...
Is what you are asking about "dominating"...the day to day taking care of the responsibility for the dynamic, for seeing that your needs are met, for guiding the dynamic and you, his submissive, to a better level or is it about "topping"...the one who is inflicting sensation during a scene, initiating sex, interjecting (or not) a feeling of dominance into the BDSM play/sexual experience? 

The reason I ask is because I am of the nature that LaTigresse and RavenMuse and some of the submissives noted...I am dominant at all times with the submissive I am involved with, whether that happens to be an active act of dominating at the time or just when we are being quiet together.  The submissives I've been with have rarely felt a lack of my dominance...and that is not bragging, it is just me and what I have become and feel.  However, there are times when I don't feel like play...believe it or not, sometimes I just want to cuddle and have sex like "normal" people (gasp...horror).  Not often, I admit...for the most part when I have this normal sex, I still tend to be more "on top" of things...but it does occur.  And sometimes, I just don't want to play and/or have sex...I just want to relax.  But there again, part of the D/s dynamic I negotiate gives me the right to say no to this activity, just as the rest of the dynamic gives me the leeway to take the input given and decide yes or no.

So...what are you asking here...about dominance?  or about topping (with or without D/s interaction overlaid on that)?

(in reply to ArgoNikki)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Asking for dominance - 9/30/2009 8:37:05 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
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quote:

do you get lazy at being a Dom lol


I suppose... I know that now that I have decided to scale back my career and "enjoy the fruits" I am able to much more effectively manage a sub/slave. I never thought of it as lazy, though, more like putting square pegs into round holes.

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RE: Asking for dominance - 9/30/2009 9:06:42 AM   
TheOldMan


Posts: 19
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline 		All well and good answers.
I agree that I am at all times Dom, it is part and parcel of who I am.
However..........that being said
I do at times become distracted.  Business issues, family matters, community issues I am involved with can all distract my attention away from "us" and the needs of the relationship.  Sometimes for extended periods of time.
Given that, her ability to help pull my attention back to "us",  even to ask me directly to reassert & reconfirm my dominance in the relationship is not only appropiate but essential.

(in reply to ArgoNikki)
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RE: Asking for dominance - 9/30/2009 10:04:04 AM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: coyotedancer

I am dominant when I am tired, when I am sick, when I am.......well I am dom because that is what I am it is a personality trait not what you do..... Now my sadistic side is not always ready but can always be brought out. Is every Dom always ready to play....nope but that doesn't mean they are not being dominant.


Hands up all those girls who have watched their Master sleep and still felt that draw to serve and please them?


~raising my hand~ 

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RE: Asking for dominance - 9/30/2009 11:12:21 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ArgoNikki

I know Domming is hard. You do all the work. When I'm submissive, I get to sit back and "enjoy". I use the term loosely. That being said, do you get lazy at being a Dom lol? Do you think it is appropriate to ask for that dominance when one is a sub? And more importantly how esp if the Dom is tired from r/l issues?
Thanks!

What exactly do you mean by "dominance" as far as "asking for it" is concerned?

My command does not change regardless of whether I'm the one making soup and tea for an under-the-weather status or whether I'm delineating the chore list for the day or whether I'm standing with her on her knees at my feet.

Are you saying his motivation to hold the reins and make the decisions get compromised by "r/l issues" or just some kink (or other) related facet that wanes if he's tired or stressed?


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(in reply to ArgoNikki)
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RE: Asking for dominance - 9/30/2009 11:23:51 AM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ArgoNikki
I know Domming is hard. You do all the work. When I'm submissive, I get to sit back and "enjoy". I use the term loosely. That being said, do you get lazy at being a Dom lol? Do you think it is appropriate to ask for that dominance when one is a sub? And more importantly how esp if the Dom is tired from r/l issues?
Thanks!


I disagree that Dominants do all of the work.  In a relationship, there is an interplay of energy and behavior or, I suspect, the relationship will not last long. 
Certainly, regardless of the side of the kneel, I believe partners should ask for what they want...afterall, even the most in-tune are not mind-readers. 
Welcome to the boards!  :> 
Davan

< Message edited by DavanKael -- 9/30/2009 11:26:39 AM >

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(in reply to ArgoNikki)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Asking for dominance - 9/30/2009 2:55:51 PM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ArgoNikki

I know Domming is hard. You do all the work. When I'm submissive, I get to sit back and "enjoy". I use the term loosely. That being said, do you get lazy at being a Dom lol? Do you think it is appropriate to ask for that dominance when one is a sub? And more importantly how esp if the Dom is tired from r/l issues?
Thanks!


I am not sure if what you are asking about is play activities or if you are saying that you are getting the impression your dominant is slipping and going vanilla on you. Regardless, my slaves have always been able to ask me anything that they wanted, provided it was done respectfully.

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(in reply to ArgoNikki)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Asking for dominance - 9/30/2009 10:52:23 PM   
abuddingdom


Posts: 158
Joined: 3/8/2007
Status: offline 		 This isa real good topic. As always, there's no one right way of doing what we do.

In my house there's ups and there's downs, and we keep keeping on. I'm pretty far from perfect. She brings things to me regarding what she wants or more importantly needs.  It's less often than it used to be but no less an indication of "where she's at"when it does happen. I encourage it &, overall, I welcome it and even order her to tell me what's wrong if I suspect something is up, or off, or I'm sensing dissatisfaction in her.   Most often we communicate well, but sometimes I get distracted and even  somewhat overwhelmed by what life can throw at you, and at those times I may not immediately get it when my wise pretty one expresses whats happening, but so far reason and sense  have taken over, usually sooner than later.

I was suprised to learn and realize how much responsibility this is, though........ (do I hear laughter?)

(in reply to Acer49)
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RE: Asking for dominance - 10/1/2009 1:07:06 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

do you get lazy at being a Dom lol


I suppose... I know that now that I have decided to scale back my career and "enjoy the fruits" I am able to much more effectively manage a sub/slave. I never thought of it as lazy, though, more like putting square pegs into round holes.



Square pegs into round holes is good, as is trying to dig for buried treasure in the corner of a round room. Rather (according to some relatives still living in Dublin) a typical Irish pass time.  Effectiveness of dominance is I imagine a fluctuating things depending on health and how busy you are with other things.


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RE: Asking for dominance - 10/1/2009 4:31:09 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I want to know how you serve and please somebody who's asleep? Except by being quiet and letting him sleep.

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RE: Asking for dominance - 10/1/2009 4:43:31 AM   
fadedshadow


Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
Status: offline 		i have to earn playtime, like doing chores and stuff like that

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RE: Asking for dominance - 10/1/2009 5:00:31 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Faded, doesn't that make you think that play is a chore? I mean that to me, I would start to equate the two and think if I really wanted this badly enough to go clean the litter box of his cat. Myself I would be likely to hand him back the chore and say I'll skip play. I'd also distrust it if he started it, thinking I'd be stuck with something unpleasant afterwards.

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RE: Asking for dominance - 10/1/2009 5:27:05 AM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline 		Why?

I, like all adults, have to take care of chores before I can play.

How would that make chores play?

Or, if you're going to equate that, why wouldn't that make work play?




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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Asking for dominance - 10/1/2009 6:14:09 AM   
fadedshadow


Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Faded, doesn't that make you think that play is a chore? I mean that to me, I would start to equate the two and think if I really wanted this badly enough to go clean the litter box of his cat. Myself I would be likely to hand him back the chore and say I'll skip play. I'd also distrust it if he started it, thinking I'd be stuck with something unpleasant afterwards.


i don't think it's a chore, but because play is something i enjoy very much i wish to earn it rather than have it simply given to me =]

i was a bit unclear in my previous post, like i mean i do chores before i play =]


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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Asking for dominance - 10/1/2009 6:53:42 AM   
RavenMuse


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Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I want to know how you serve and please somebody who's asleep? Except by being quiet and letting him sleep.


If you actually knew what a Dynamic was then you wouldn't need to ask that question! The Dynamic is present regardless of whether in that moment it is being acted on or not.


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(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: Asking for dominance - 10/1/2009 7:17:08 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

Why?

I, like all adults, have to take care of chores before I can play.

How would that make chores play?

Or, if you're going to equate that, why wouldn't that make work play?






I think you are on the right track here old chap. I equate chores as tasks which need to be done as a matter of course and no discussions (except who is going to do them). Work is another thing. I equate work as something there is no way I am gouing to do unless there is sufficient financial inducement. I can honestly say I have perhaps worked for a total of about two years in my life. I have been lucky enough to have been gainfully employed doing or being involved in things which I would have done for nothing were someone not silly enough to pay me what I demanded. And for those who ask, I include my five years 'Nam time too.. The work was cleaning up the shit two ex wives tried to get me into and it hard work making sure the bodies stay hidden (WEG)..


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Musicmystery)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Asking for dominance - 10/2/2009 2:39:46 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		Making work fun, making chores nice to do is just so much better...
i suppose this is the reason why so many people have office affairs.

For me scrubbing the floor is scrubbing the floor, if i do it just because it needs doing it is a choir... a bit boring really... even if He would say that i could have sex after i scrubbed the floor... it would not much turn me on. BUT if He says the floor needs scrubbing and because He needed to actually tell me this, i now have to tie my boobies, wear a really short skirt and no knickers and i will do the job on my knees with a rag instead of the mop.... oh thats just lovely... it only takes a fraction of His time and imagination to come up with something like this and i repond very very well to these things, they set me up for more.
Then i have the energy to clean the entire house and do all the shopping and god knows what else needs doing and when He comes home, i take off His shoes... cook and serve and clean the lot up.
Cut His hair, Shave Him, massage His feet...
all in the hope that He will fondle my titties before we go to sleep.

Eh...who did all the work?




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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Asking for dominance - 10/2/2009 10:34:40 AM   
HerSir


Posts: 6
Joined: 10/1/2009
Status: offline 		Please ask. You know how. Meet me at the door on your knees dressed or undressed as I prefer you  with your leash on. Even if I am exhausted I will find time for you. Even if that time is a brief nap holding your leash, I will wake refreshed and renewed ready to provide you all the immersion in me you need. I don't wish to ever take you for granted, sometimes in the hectic life we lead I need a reminder not to.

(in reply to ArgoNikki)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Asking for dominance - 10/2/2009 11:22:55 AM   
yellowroses


Posts: 167
Joined: 6/12/2009
Status: offline 		AWWWWW, Thank You so very much!  You are the most wonderful Man a girl could ever be lucky to have.

Proud to be AnimusRex's.

< Message edited by yellowroses -- 10/2/2009 11:24:30 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Asking for dominance - 10/2/2009 11:37:14 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I want to know how you serve and please somebody who's asleep? Except by being quiet and letting him sleep.


If you actually knew what a Dynamic was then you wouldn't need to ask that question! The Dynamic is present regardless of whether in that moment it is being acted on or not.



Please don't be so condescending.

I was being literal. As in nothing I could do at that moment could be pleasing to him while he was asleep. Not that I couldn't do something which he would like once he woke up.

Although here it's rare for me to be awake when he's asleep unless he's ill since he sleeps about 5 hours a night and I need 9.

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 40
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