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RE: Asking for dominance - 10/2/2009 11:42:09 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
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From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

Why?

I, like all adults, have to take care of chores before I can play.

How would that make chores play?

Or, if you're going to equate that, why wouldn't that make work play?

Faded said she had to earn it. Which means that if she does x, y and z then she can have precisely half an hour of flogging, or whatever. Like you have to put in your 40 hours at your job to get your paycheck.

In such a situation, I could see me saying that I had fulfilled my half of the contract and therefore he had to fulfill his. whether he feels like it or not. And for me, play is something we should both joyously enter into, both want. It should not be brought down to the level of a work contract which you can easily fulfill while hating your time there, despising your boss and so on.

The chores get done eventually but if the kitchen floor doesn't get washed because he would rather play, that's fine by me. The world won't end if it's washed tomorrow.

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Post #: 41

RE: Asking for dominance - 10/2/2009 11:50:02 AM

fadedshadow

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thank you, DesFIP

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Post #: 42

RE: Asking for dominance - 10/2/2009 12:12:32 PM

Musicmystery

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quote:

Like you have to put in your 40 hours at your job to get your paycheck.

If I felt that way about my job, I would change it. As I have in the past.

Life's too short.

And if I felt that way about a relationship, I'd certainly change that too. [Yes, relationships take "work," but if you consider that investment a chore, it's not a healthy relationship.]

Nonetheless, things have to get done before we can just relax. Denying that, or claiming it taints the payoff, is foolish and unrealistic.

Maybe I'm just a happy guy. But here in the real world, it's how things work.

Oops. There's that word again....but when things work, that's a good thing.

< Message edited by Musicmystery -- 10/2/2009 12:17:04 PM >

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RE: Asking for dominance - 10/2/2009 5:03:39 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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MM, what I'm saying is that there is no quid pro quo in my relationship. I would find that soulless. I don't want to think that if I do this or that then he'll have to give me something. I don't want him to have to do anything. I want that what he gives me isn't because he has to, but because he wants to.

You may find it relaxing and comfortable to have everything written out like that, but I don't.

Out damned typo!

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 10/2/2009 5:04:59 PM >

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Post #: 44

RE: Asking for dominance - 10/2/2009 6:47:33 PM

Musicmystery

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quote:

You may find it relaxing and comfortable to have everything written out like that, but I don't.

I soooooo wish people wouldn't try to put words in my mouth.

They are always far afield when they do. Like now.

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RE: Asking for dominance - 10/3/2009 1:13:52 AM

Eivarden

Posts: 101
Joined: 4/15/2009
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quote:

I know Domming is hard. You do all the work. When I'm submissive, I get to sit back and "enjoy".

I nearly sent my coffee flying out my mouth... This was the first time I went in the "Ask a Master" forums, and I forgot this wasn't "Ask a Mistress"

Heh...

Carry on. (I have nothing to really contribute.)

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Post #: 46

RE: Asking for dominance - 10/3/2009 7:48:05 AM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

quote:

You may find it relaxing and comfortable to have everything written out like that, but I don't.

I soooooo wish people wouldn't try to put words in my mouth.

They are always far afield when they do. Like now.

Then make your words less confusing. Because the way your post read, is that you don't feel able to relax until all the chores are done. And if that is what works for you, great. But it doesn't work for all of us.

I don't have garbage pick up till Thursday. I do have some papers to go through and discard. But I don't need that done until Wednesday when I put the recycleables out. So here, it won't bother us if I do that chore today, tomorrow or Wednesday. You've said that it would bother you if the chore wasn't done first no matter the deadline.

Here, if he were home, he might well say "no kids home", nothing that has to be done this minute, let's go play. And we'd deal with the paperwork sorting later.

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RE: Asking for dominance - 10/6/2009 4:59:39 PM

Huntertn

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Ouch. Yes we can get tired from r/l issues...but I really don't see anything wrong with a sub asking for more.after all, You[the Dom] still decied things.And frankly, maybe the Dom is not aware of it, being that tired, what baby needs are just at that second.Just watch the top from the bottom part of it..and I'd say its all right. Besides, sometimes watching them decied How to ask is ..well...funny as hell...lol!

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RE: Asking for dominance - 10/7/2009 7:54:04 AM

justagirlinzh

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Joined: 9/23/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ArgoNikki

I know Domming is hard. You do all the work. When I'm submissive, I get to sit back and "enjoy". I use the term loosely. That being said, do you get lazy at being a Dom lol? Do you think it is appropriate to ask for that dominance when one is a sub? And more importantly how esp if the Dom is tired from r/l issues?
Thanks!

Hmm, pillow princess. I kid, I kid. I'd think he's your dom - rain, hail, sleet, snow, sick, tired, etc. If you want a belt on your ass, just ask nicely. And real life issues tire everyone out no matter what side of the slash you're on. Maybe ask him what you can do to make things easier on him would help him out a lot.

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Post #: 49