DemonKia
Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007 From: Chico, Nor-Cali Status: offline
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For me, this is kind of a definition of 'domliness': "Doms can do whatever they want" In discussions here, we also don't regularly add a bunch of caveats about how "Doms can do whatever they want" is within the law, in a pre-negotiated manner, in a consensual relationship, etc, etc . .. . . Do you really wanna read thru the pages of legalese language that would be necessary to cover every contingency? & even if you do, how many other people are gonna wanna read all that? &, yeah, I'd way love if people made much much much greater use of all those quibbly qualifiers, but that same argument applies. If everyone did scrupulously apply all the contingencies & etc all the time, or even, say, 90% of that, well . .. .. Frankly, I like the flame wars more. They're far more entertaining . . . . . & now that I contemplate, I think that's part of what bores me about all the earnest convos over on FL, so many postings are full of disclaimers & every conceivable qualifier that can help avoid conflict . . .. & it gets tedious . . . . . . & data points vary, lol . . . .. & I'm more than a little confused that "Doms can do whatever they want" is considered to be one side of an argument & that there is some substantive other side to that . .. . . In this case, the alternate seems to be "Doms must pick off some menu of appropriately domly activities, demeanors, attitudes, & etc" . .. . . &, to me, that seems not very domly at all . . .. & sounds, to me, an awful lot like submitting to some list . . . . Um, I know this dom & he brings his sub boy coffee in bed, every morning. Service, right? Wrong. He controls when his boy gets up via bringing that coffee. The dom's the kinda fuss-budget guy who adores cooking & being a homebody, & he is uber-domly, no ifs, &s, or buts. He runs the relationship. His partner is pretty sub. It's one of the big problems of shaping arguments into this either-or thing (especially when the arguments are 'extremified'), with the resulting constructs going erroneous in that some artificial alternative is implied, but it's not an actual or reasonably plausible reality -- aka, all the postulating of some dom who was gonna engage in a combo of: foot worship, receiving watersports, fetching drinks, massaging, & etc, thus undermining her/his domliness . . . . . Taking hypotheticals about human BDSM sexuality to extremes has two potentially relevant insights to offer: (a) the model fails, the paradigm collapses, or, in our specific case, the dom inverts into submission, or (b) it becomes a question of compatibility . . . . . & around here, that last seems to be the less-intuitive but more robust answer to the question . . . . . The very act of hypothesizing this 'subbie Dom' implies that there can be a 'dommie Sub' looking for that perfect match . . . . . See how neatly that works . . . . . There's also something about how there's a bigger power context into which BDSM interactions & relationships fits, that in our broader lives there's probably darn few of us who are exclusively dominant or submissive in all aspects of our lives. Most are somewhere in between. Take, for example, the highly competitive & (in my eyes) uber-domly world of Fortune 500 CEOs. They run huge companies, hire & fire thousands, make millions & billions of whatever currency & are clearly leaning toward that domly end of the scale .. .. . & yet, they serve. They serve their stockholders, first & foremost. Those stockholder interests are 'mental slavedrivers' in those CEO's heads, I'd betcha . . . . They serve their customers. & to some extent, they are as much servants of their employees as they are bosses. Sometimes submission & domination are as much a matter of perspective as anything else . . . . .. My biggest argument in this thread, outside of trying to have some exchange of info on the topic of doms licking feet, is that most people most likely live in that nuanced middle rather than the extremes & it's probably more useful, tho' less entertainingly argumentative, to discuss mostly those middle spaces . .. . . Personally, I think this thread would have been an appropriate place to discuss that laundry list of domly / subbly behaviors . .. . Tho, it also could make a thread on its own . . . . lol quote:
ORIGINAL: JonasTellas Hi, fair enough, I read a bunch of absolutes, but truthfully I read them coming from both sides: "Doms don't kiss feet" and then the other side: "Doms can do whatever they want". So, unfortunately as it is here, neither views included the clarifiers like: "From my perspective" or "In my opinion", though I did find sissy-lover had written up: "[In my book] doms don't ...". Did you just happen to miss that or just decide to ignore it? In either case, it's there. And so, either way, both sides are guilty of omitting clarifiers like: "In my opinion." Seems I may be in the minority but I think it's common for people just to say in an absolute way: "Doms can do whatever they want", but leave off "[In my opinion], Doms can do whatever they want". As someone who's pretty good at drawing conclusions, I tend to assume their just talking about themselves anyway unless they say: Doms don't kiss feet and everyone feels this to be true and if they don't, they're wrong. Only then do I think the poster is talking in truly absolute terms, but I don't think anyone is really that out of touch with reality to think their opinion applies to everyone. Life is an absolute perspective, I guess. In my opinion, if my dom starts to kiss my feet or bow to me, those certain types of behaviors are symbolic of service and worship and they would affect me and my feelings of submission for him. In my opinion, it's my job to bow and kiss his feet, not the other way around. In my opinion, submissives do the feet kissing and bowing. So I do respect your views that those behaviors from a dom are acceptable. Just for me, they are not.
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