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how do you ask round children friends etc - 9/30/2009 10:57:12 AM

spookyfe

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i will soon be moving to my master. we have been talking about practicle M/s things i am his slave as such i ask to do a lot of if not all things. how do others get across to their masters in a way children don't know whats going on.

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RE: how do you ask Around children friends etc - 9/30/2009 11:16:05 AM

LaTigresse

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I assume you mean around rather than round?

Develop key words, signals, hand signs..........whatever works for you.

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RE: how do you ask round children friends etc - 9/30/2009 11:31:40 AM

AnimusRex

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We have an adolescent in the house. So we keep our kink in the bedroom, or do it when she is not home.

But there are things we deliberately keep public. Kim does all the traditional wife things, like cooking, laundry, and such, and we are very open about this being a Patriarchal household, so it is not considered odd for her to openly defer to me on all things.

Its not so exotic a life, really; even with the most intensely kinky and sexual people, the erotic play occupies a small portion of your daily life- most of the day is spent on mundane things anyway, no different than vanilla people.

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RE: how do you ask round children friends etc - 9/30/2009 12:02:25 PM

spookyfe

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

We have an adolescent in the house. So we keep our kink in the bedroom, or do it when she is not home.

But there are things we deliberately keep public. Kim does all the traditional wife things, like cooking, laundry, and such, and we are very open about this being a Patriarchal household, so it is not considered odd for her to openly defer to me on all things.

Its not so exotic a life, really; even with the most intensely kinky and sexual people, the erotic play occupies a small portion of your daily life- most of the day is spent on mundane things anyway, no different than vanilla people.

yes i realise this just going to be different as weve only been together with out the children around before so will be new

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RE: how do you ask round children friends etc - 9/30/2009 1:12:00 PM

Lashra

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You learn ways to work around it. A certain "look" or a key phrase or word is usually enough to get the point across. It is no secret that my home is Female led and run as it always has been so it was nothing new to my daughter after the hubby and I divorced that the same rules applied albeit a bit stricter when I took on my sub. Its just with my sub we have phrases and certain looks from me that indicate when something will happen that the kid does not need to know about The only thing she has asked about is his collar which is a round metal one, he told her it was a necklace that he really liked and she was happy enough with that explanation.

~Lashra

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RE: how do you ask round children friends etc - 9/30/2009 1:20:44 PM

fadedshadow

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code words would work i think

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RE: how do you ask round children friends etc - 9/30/2009 1:58:45 PM

windchymes

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Or, just act "normal" when the kids are in earshot and save the heavy stuff for when they're not? Sorry, but kids trump the M/s relationship, IMO.

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RE: how do you ask round children friends etc - 9/30/2009 3:45:49 PM

DesFIP

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Obviously I'm not crawling naked on my hands and knees. But if he's on his computer and calls out "Honey get me a cup of tea', I get it. Because it's not stressed they think nothing of it. If you don't make a big deal out of it, they shouldn't even notice. The one time my daughter asked why I did stuff for him, I told her it was the same reason I did stuff for her, because I like to do nice things for people I love. I also pointed out some of the things he does for me, for the same reason.

If there's a conflict, say she asks for lamb for dinner and he wants burgers, I check the calendar and whoever is not home the next night gets their choice tonight. Since people are coming and going here nightly, they're used to substitutions. And I tell him that as she's going back to college tomorrow, we're having the chops tonight and burgers tomorrow.

Since he understands what it's like making sure everyone feels valued, he has no problem with it.

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RE: how do you ask round children friends etc - 9/30/2009 5:41:17 PM

kyraofMists

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Alandra and I have to ask for permission for a lot of things, permission to speak with him, permission for sweets, permission to leave his presence, permission to spend money.... The list is rather long. The three of us live together with our four rugrats. In front of them we ask the same way if they were not there, "My Lord, may I have a pop, my Lord?" They have grown up with the fact that dad is the boss and that mommy and Kyra do what dad says. The two oldest will make chocolate chip cookies and they both know that I love to eat cookie dough. They will come find me and ask "do you want me to save you some cookie dough so you can ask dad if you can have any?" or they simply ask dad, "Dad, can Kyra have cookie dough?"

It is just normal behavior in our house. They are all well aware that it is not normal for other households and that it doesn't have to be the way their relationships work. The sex and kink is kept behind closed/locked doors but the everyday interactions are present in our house.

In front of friends or people who do not know how much authority he has in our lives, things are a little more hidden. Sometimes it is as simple as making a statement, "I have a question" or "I would like to have pop" and then actually waiting for him to acknowledge/approve it. Sometimes it is hand gestures or a whispered question.

After you have been together for awhile, you start to have your own short-hand couple (or even more than two) language that people outside of your relationship don't understand.

Knight's Kyra

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RE: how do you ask round children friends etc - 9/30/2009 6:37:56 PM

littlewonder

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The same as we do around anyone else..we act like any other person would around others. We're just like any other couple.

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RE: how do you ask round children friends etc - 9/30/2009 8:47:05 PM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

They have grown up with the fact that dad is the boss and that mommy and Kyra do what dad says. The two oldest will make chocolate chip cookies and they both know that I love to eat cookie dough. They will come find me and ask "do you want me to save you some cookie dough so you can ask dad if you can have any?" or they simply ask dad, "Dad, can Kyra have cookie dough?"

It is just normal behavior in our house. They are all well aware that it is not normal for other households and that it doesn't have to be the way their relationships work.

Not to hijack, but that is just cool. You guys have a life worth envying

luci

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RE: how do you ask round children friends etc - 9/30/2009 9:26:49 PM

NuevaVida

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When he has his daughter with him I either ask for what I would like or, if it's something that would seem too unusual for her to hear me ask for (she is still getting to know me), I state what I would like and he either nods or says to wait.

We incorporate subtleties when she is home, that he & I understand but seem normal to her. I sit on the couch when she is there, rather than on the floor at his feet. I am quieter in the bedroom. A lot of communication can be done with gestures, glances and body language, without being obvious about it.

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RE: how do you ask round children friends etc - 9/30/2009 10:00:37 PM

spookyfe

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thanks everyone. his sons been around before but hes older and tends to keep himself busy. he possibly suspects nyway he is old enough to work things out. the looks and silent gestures seem to be the way for things that cant be explained as fully normal like going to the loo etc.

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RE: how do you ask round children friends etc - 10/1/2009 5:00:50 AM

agirl

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My children have grown up with this relationship to a great extent and it operates the same way if the children are around or not.

Like Kyra said...

It is just normal behavior in our house. They are all well aware that it is not normal for other households and that it doesn't have to be the way their relationships work. The sex and kink is kept behind closed/locked doors but the everyday interactions are present in our house.

They are used to it and it's just *the way it is*. They've never questioned any restrictions I have or questioned the dynamic; it's just the accepted way. Also, as Kyra mentioned, they know that it's not the way their friend's parents relate but they also know that every family has it's own landscape , and this just happens to be the lie of the land here.

They know what M/s/D/s and bdsm is, they know WHAT it means to live that way and they have a rudimentary grasp of what might take place behind closed doors because of that knowledge. It's not a taboo subject but it's also not worthy of much note. They very much have an *each to their own* attitude.

If they ever decided that it was for them, they wouldn't have the same fantasy ideal that a fair few posters have as their notion of it is based in reality.

agirl

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RE: how do you ask round children friends etc - 10/1/2009 7:56:05 PM

Huntertn

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yea, that all works till you come home and the rugrats are into your toy box!!! I thought my sub was going to faint!!! remember. locks on all toyboxes are to be Used, and not left unlocked!!! lololol

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RE: how do you ask round children friends etc - 10/2/2009 10:41:37 AM

kyraofMists

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~Fast Reply

A funny story that happened about a year and a half ago. Our oldest had her boyfriend (at the time) over for the day and she had him in the kitchen doing her chores. She was standing in the door of the kitchen watching him. She looked down and noticed her shoe was untied. Very nonchalantly she said "Oh look my shoe is untied". Her boyfriend stopped washing dishes, walked over, knelt down, tied her shoe and then went back to doing dishes. It was all I could do not to laugh out loud, she made us all so proud.

This person is no longer her boyfriend, but he is the boyfriend of her best friend and the three of them are quite close....

This is the girl who said "When I grow up, I want to be just like daddy, but the female version". She is extremely dominant and she gets very frustrated when she cannot exercise authority over Alandra and I.

Knight's Kyra

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RE: how do you ask round children friends etc - 10/2/2009 11:52:13 AM

DesFIP

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Here it's pretty factual. I might remind him my son has basketball practice at 7 and is he hungry enough to eat before practice or would he rather wait till afterwards? I might even say I'm really thirsty and was going to get some iced tea, at which point he might say it was too late for that and I should have water instead. Since the kids get the same kind of reminder about caffeine, that wouldn't even cross their radar. Because anything he says or does is based on facts that make sense to them.

He doesn't amuse himself making rules that don't have a basis in reality. If I had to report chocolate or cookies, it would make sense fast enough when I explained that he's trying to help me eat more healthy.

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RE: how do you ask round children friends etc - 10/2/2009 4:09:59 PM

allthatjaz

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I don't want my kids to know. I have never wanted my kids to know but I suspect they do. I remember my ex asking the youngest to design himself a bed and he would make it for him. When my then partner looked at the design he said 'this looks like a cage', to which my youngest replied 'yep I have always wanted to sleep in a cage'.

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RE: how do you ask round children friends etc - 10/2/2009 9:28:50 PM

DavanKael

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I believe that a lot of dominant as well as servile behaviors are absolutely acceptable in front of kids...I see nothing wrong with adults acting in a respectful way conducive to their relational dynamics around kids. This is, of course, if the dynamic is pervasive and not only a bedroom dynamic.
Davan

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RE: how do you ask round children friends etc - 10/2/2009 9:39:36 PM

Elisabella

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"Darling would you mind if I" works far better than "Master may I" when you ask for permission, if you're trying to keep things subtle.

Aside from that, keep your clothes on and your sex quiet. Find a nice hotel on the cheap and a good babysitter.

< Message edited by Elisabella -- 10/2/2009 9:40:51 PM >

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