RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....??

RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? (Full Version)

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LaTigresse -> RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? (10/2/2009 11:37:16 AM)
Oh I am sure..........and like I said, not like I have any experience with it anyway. I do think that male dominants (lord help me because I just know I am gonna get hell for this........) are, on the whole, less discriminating, especially if there is a pretty package.

Lockit -> RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? (10/2/2009 12:03:31 PM)
I don't mind putting a lot of work into a submissive! Never have looked at things in a way that would be considered a lazy dominant or person way. I may sound as if I am looking for perfection in my quick (or not so quick) answers and posts, but on an individual basis and when talking to people, they see how determined I am to dig deep, to get to things that include a lot of focus and work for lack of a better word at the moment. I don't expect someone well trained or who knows all about things. I do love a newbie in many ways. It is fun to explore things with someone who has never been somewhere. But... for me the difference is honesty. If someone is being honest with themselves and me, I can devote far more than what some may think. If someone is focused on sexual things, says the pretty words with no back up on them or is lying... I don't have five minutes to give them. It is lazy to assume that someone is coming from one of these places and I will make sure unless they are blantant... hey mistress what will you do to me... I wish to serve you and yet they haven't read my profile etc. Most of the time I am fair. Most of the time I do not let jadedness rule someone out. I tell men I will dig to know them and wish to know everything there is to know and that takes a lot of time and effort. Training someone to me is fun. I couldn't avoid any of this because it is a part of who I am. I will make the effort to explain things to someone. If they cannot get it then and are pushing in sexual ways... I won't waste my time. If sex is more important than what and who I am and what I say... they can have things their way... I hope they are happy with their continued state of hand and cock work to porn.

mnottertail -> RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? (10/2/2009 12:09:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse I do think that male dominants (lord help me because I just know I am gonna get hell for this........) are, on the whole, less discriminating, especially if there is a pretty package. If you only knew the shit I put up with every goddamn day of my life, LT.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? (10/2/2009 12:17:20 PM)
Our hearts are bleeding for ya, Ronne. Honest. Well, that's someone's blood, anyway.

mnottertail -> RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? (10/2/2009 12:18:14 PM)
LOL, thanks pal. Fuck it. Ain't no thang.

DemonKia -> RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? (10/2/2009 12:43:20 PM)
Ronne, are you saying thinkin' with yer pearl is givin' ya grief, too?

SomethingCatchy -> RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? (10/2/2009 5:57:24 PM)
I only read the first few replies, but didn't see anyone pointing out the obvious. ANYONE who has a problem understanding and accepting the word NO should be avoided at all costs. You're a grown woman, and I don't get why you haven't figured this out yourself. NO means NO and it never means 'maybe later' or 'I really can't make up my mind, do it for me.' Again, any adult who has a problem comprehending NO is a bad apple.

Acer49 -> RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? (10/2/2009 7:06:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GYPSYMAMBO I never thought I would be all fukked up over a sub.. or questioning my ways of DOMMING.. but I need to explain and see if I am thinking correctly here on this one.. A sub male messaged...we talked a lot..he had been with a MIstress for 3 years..she moved back to France.. He is here where I am in university. We seemed to fit in style ..desire..common interests etc. We had our FIRST meeting...I insist on 3..to meet and talk..before any play.. I check for submissive quality..compatibility,,boundries..and more.. During the 1 st meeting he began to pressure me. "I need to serve you to serve to day..I want to be yours" etc. I said "NO my way or walk.." He stayed and continued to answer questions etc..but pressured again. I asked him to go and we would talk later. I made it clear I am in CONTROL..I RULE ALL this week he has now messaged at dif itmes that he wants to come over.right then.that.he is NOT "into" meeting..that my way is not a way that is there for the sub.. I have told him he is NOT my sub...we have met once... that perhaps he is a bottom wanting to play..or scene,,,?? NO he says..he is a sub-slave and served in all possibls ways adn wants to again. Each time we talk he wants to come over right then. That is NOT how I roll I want a boy WHO CAN AT THE VERY LEAST adher to my guidleines for getting to KNOW one another The dliemma.. I WANT him..I mean in a sub way..to get him in my clutches.. I feel IF I CAN break this willfulness I would have a good boy here. Once agian tonight he pops up and wants to come over and serve.. HE says.." YOU take things slow...I will do this and this and this.. for you..you have no idea what a good slave I am..." and in my wish for a sub and him..I am so tempted to just let him come over. I need to weigh out the consequence of letting a boy come over becuz I "WANT'him which is short term gratification and waiting for a boy who LISTENS AND OBEYS.. If he just comes when he wants I know this sets up forever. that he RUNS the time lines and it is not service then.. but me as a MAC Domme-alds I know I will get messages to wake up...to see he is a "do- me" etc but maybe I need them.. I am interested if you think I could continue and in any way break this willfulness .... AM I correct in thinking he would do as I say if he really wanted to explore a D-s realtionship outlined in my profile..even as a consistent playmate? IS my profile perhaps alluding to the playmate thing as more casual?? than I want.. and this I may be confusing.. DO really ppl have ppl over the first meeting and play? GM note:as some of you know I headed a POLY home for 20+ years ..then was widowed and am looking again..I amwondering if I am a BACK IN THE DAY woman and too constrictive...??? If a submissive is able to manipulate a dominant in to doing something they desire, the dominant has lost all credability and has been reduced to nothing more than a prop, an accessory to be used by the submissive to achieve their wants and desires. A dominant never ever should appear inconsistant at any time for any reason YOU take things slow...I will do this and this and this.. for you..you have no idea what a good slave I am..." I am afraid if I was told that, they would be history and the door would have definitely hit them in the ass As far as breaking them, I will pass on what I was told over thirty years ago, and what I have found to be true time and time again A dominant's ability to dominate, starts when an individual desires to submit, and stops when their desire is no more

Venatrix -> RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? (10/2/2009 7:17:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Acer49 A dominant never ever should appear inconsistant at any time for any reason Of course not. Because we're machines, not people. We never make mistakes, have insecurities, suffer from menstrual cramps, have family members die, or simply change our minds because we have better information than we did before. [8\|]

ShaktiSama -> RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? (10/2/2009 9:02:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Acer49 If a submissive is able to manipulate a dominant in to doing something they desire, the dominant has lost all credability and has been reduced to nothing more than a prop, an accessory to be used by the submissive to achieve their wants and desires. I dunno. I see your point, but on the other hand I also think that submissive and masochistic partners need to have ways to communicate their desires and needs with SOME hope of getting those needs met. And I don't like to put anyone into a position where he/she is only allowed to say exactly what they think I (and All Dommes In General) want to hear. Personally, I like my submissive to be capable of seduction. And I like the fact that he is very open and articulate about his feelings and needs. On the other hand, I like this in the context of his surrender to my will in the relationship NOW, not in the context of being a pushy and demanding jerk while we were just getting to know each other. When we were just getting to know each other, he was both gentle and gentlemanly--if he'd acted like this guy, I would have been turned off pretty much instantly.

GYPSYMAMBO -> RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? (10/4/2009 3:29:49 AM)
UPDATE:to all Keeping all the great posts in mind I sent a message..that he needed to change his behavior..that it was MY way..and he could comply if he was interested. I have heard NOTHING...so off I go... This has happned before with others in a about 2 weeks when he is all horned up agiain he will message.. but I have blocked already.. TY ALL This was good for me.. after I lost First husband(20yrs) and 2nd(6..poly) moved on I had 4 years here before starting out again. I felt maybe I was old school..or "back in the day" and things had changed.. that my ways may be out dated. However this has made me realize I have integrity and my way is MINE for me.. I also found I am human and sometimes get a hot pearl [:D]before thinking GM

DemonKia -> RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? (10/4/2009 9:31:46 AM)
Yay! hot pearls! That's nothing to begrudge; there's plenty who's pearls don't heat up anymore . . .. . Oh thank heaven for hot pearls . . . . . . [:D] quote: ORIGINAL: GYPSYMAMBO I also found I am human and sometimes get a hot pearl [:D]before thinking

mnottertail -> RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? (10/4/2009 9:35:11 AM)
Ohhhhh, the way you feel when you find out there's a pearl in it, Ohhhhh, the way you squeal when you get it........ Some guys have all the luck......... Robt. Palmer

AAkasha -> RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? (10/4/2009 12:26:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GYPSYMAMBO UPDATE:to all Keeping all the great posts in mind I sent a message..that he needed to change his behavior..that it was MY way..and he could comply if he was interested. I have heard NOTHING...so off I go... This has happned before with others in a about 2 weeks when he is all horned up agiain he will message.. but I have blocked already.. TY ALL This was good for me.. after I lost First husband(20yrs) and 2nd(6..poly) moved on I had 4 years here before starting out again. I felt maybe I was old school..or "back in the day" and things had changed.. that my ways may be out dated. However this has made me realize I have integrity and my way is MINE for me.. I also found I am human and sometimes get a hot pearl [:D]before thinking GM I can't be the ONLY femdom who has experienced, over and over again, the dread "hot and cold" submissive -- this is what you describe. They are SHOT OUT OF A CANNON and so all over you that it's smothering, then they vanish for about 2 weeks, sometimes 3, and it's back on again like it never stopped, full of apology and reasons -- only do disappear again. They are as "off" and cold/distance (read: drop off the planet, vanished) as they are ON (read: huge promises, undying devotion, intensity that will not stop). And they literally are a ping pong ball between these phases. My gut feeling is that they have a lack of understanding of how their needs and desires work and how they can be functional in a relationship, but it's only a guess. I say this only because I know that's how MY urges run, quite often, and that is that at times they are a hunger/lust that is totally overwhelming and eclipses ALL other needs/lusts in my life, often followed by a couple week "quiet time" where the "interest" remains, but it's not all consuming...and when I was young, and used to journal about it, I would reflect during these times, "I think maybe I am growing out of it.." or "wow, I can't believe how important it was to me a few days ago and now I feel so much more balanced..." -- and, while I didn't "lose interest" in it, I can easily see how someone who was conflicted about it would take that "down time" as a period to say "Oh I am better off without S&M it is such a pain in the ass and messes up my relationships and I don't need it THAT bad so I will drop that femdom I was trying to talk to, she wasn't giving me all I needed anyway..." and then they go on their merry way only to wake up 3 weeks later and go "Holy shit, I need this so bad, and I BLEW IT with that lovely femdom, I must beg her for forgiveness!!!" This also would explain how/why so many men throw away all their toys not once, not twice, but multiple times. I think for those who have intense yearnings, they also have intense "cool off" periods, and during those times they can be fooled to believe they are not going to want to do S&M any more. It always comes back. They just have not learned to run a balanced lifestyle about it. Akasha

Venatrix -> RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? (10/4/2009 12:39:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha I can't be the ONLY femdom who has experienced, over and over again, the dread "hot and cold" submissive -- this is what you describe. They are SHOT OUT OF A CANNON and so all over you that it's smothering, then they vanish for about 2 weeks, sometimes 3, and it's back on again like it never stopped, full of apology and reasons -- only do disappear again. They are as "off" and cold/distance (read: drop off the planet, vanished) as they are ON (read: huge promises, undying devotion, intensity that will not stop). And they literally are a ping pong ball between these phases. This is exactly what I've experienced over the past few years with virtually every sub I've encountered (a few notable exceptions, thankfully), and is one of the reasons I've stopped giving men second chances. Some of them are turning up over a year later, never mind weeks! It's also why I now insist on being friends first for at least a few months. If they find the thought of being my friend unappealing, then I know they have no interest in me as a person and are only looking for their domme du jour to help them get their rocks off.

Misstoyou -> RE: THINKING WITH MY "PEARL"....?? (10/4/2009 12:48:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Venatrix quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha I can't be the ONLY femdom who has experienced, over and over again, the dread "hot and cold" submissive -- this is what you describe. They are SHOT OUT OF A CANNON and so all over you that it's smothering, then they vanish for about 2 weeks, sometimes 3, and it's back on again like it never stopped, full of apology and reasons -- only do disappear again... This is exactly what I've experienced over the past few years with virtually every sub I've encountered (a few notable exceptions, thankfully), and is one of the reasons I've stopped giving men second chances.... And this is exactly why nobody is real to me until I meet them... and no, hearing your voice on the phone does not count. [:D]

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