quote:

as she was teasing..I would see it as a compliment.
Not normal...is often used for different....not bad.
You don't seem to limit her in soem things...while other parents might do that...that is "not normal "in her eyes.

quote:

One other thing; in AA there is a saying "You are only as sick as your secrets:. I believe this implicitly. There are no secrets here. There are subjects that make me uncomfortable at which point I acknowledge that and ask for a couple of minutes to think about how to say it. But uncomfortable or not, I still talk about it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

Ok. I am struggling with this question here ( in the sense that I am not sure that I can get across what exactly I wanted to say and ask ).

Something that DomKen said in another post prompted me to ask my daughter something last night. He made the statement about 'why are you letting a 15 year old make life/death decisions'. Now, granted, this was in regards to the HPV thread that is currently going on; but, it actually got me thinking about it.

Now this is not so much about letting her make life/death decisions; but rather about the unorthodox way that I chose to raise her...I guess...I think...LOL ( I did say I was struggling with this one )

Let me give a bit of background before I actually ask the question that I wanted to ask.

It's no secret that I have raised her on my own since she was three. By choice...not a good one I think sometimes because I basically deprived her of a male influence in her life...but that's beside the point. My upbringing was such that my mother never talked with us girls...I mean about absolutly NOTHING. Not about sex, not about drugs, not about men...about nothing. Everything I learned, I learned from my older sister and from the street gangs that I hung with. I think that because of not having someone talk to me when I was younger; that I have made it a point to always be there to talk with my kids. Openly, honestly, bluntly, without regard to age or subject matter. If they were old enough to ask me the question; they were old enough to receive a very honest answer ( that has been my philosophy ). Because I thought this way; my youngest was 6 when she asked me how babies were made...I told her the truth...in very explicit terms. Over the years, there has not been a single subject that I considered taboo where she was concerned. We have talked about drugs; we have talked about sex; we have talked about diseases from unprotected sex; we have talked about the pro's and con's of marriage...just about any subject that you could think of, we talked about it.

Now, mix in all this with the fact of religion. I am not a religious person. I have not set foot in a church of any kind since her daddy passed away; and I have no desire to ever again. At the age of 10, she wanted to know why. I told her ( not something that I am willing to discuss here ) the truth; after which she decided that she wanted to explore the different religions. Since I was actually born a Southern Baptist; she started with that. ( that sounds bad, I know ). Eventually, she ended up with her daddy's religion which is Catholic. She has faithfully attended church three days a week since the age of 11 and is actually a very spiritual, and religious minded person. She has such a deep faith that she honestly throws me for a loop sometimes.

So, here I have a teenager who is not afraid to discuss any subject openly and honestly; yet is also bound by the dictates of the Bible and the Holy Church. Sometimes, the two collide for her and throw her into confusion because while she believes in what the Church teaches; she also believes in area's that the Church does not agree with ( that's not the issue though )

What I am getting at with all this background is what DomKen said. I mentioned it to her and it started a discussion on the 'proper' way to raise children in this day and age. I know, I know...that's not what I wanted to ask ...(there is no 'proper' way).

During our discussion, she was teasing me and stated 'Mom, you just are not normal is all. Because you are not normal, you did not raise me in the normal way'.

THAT is what is bothering me.

What the fuck is normal when it comes to raising kids?

We all know that every child is different and is raised differently...heck, even siblings are raised differently. But WHAT is considered normal?

This is driving me nuts now. Dayum her.

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
I have never heard that. I like it lol.

Ok, this is going to be a really nosy question but I am really curious. What kind of subjects make you uncomfortable?

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
I have never heard that. I like it lol.

Ok, this is going to be a really nosy question but I am really curious. What kind of subjects make you uncomfortable?

Being asked about my high school/college illegal drug usage. I needed time to put it in a light that would not encourage the kid. And I wasn't expecting the question, it literally came out of nowhere.

I focused on why I don't use anymore, on what went wrong, how cocaine made me oblivious to what was going on physically. Was out in the snow and didn't know I was cold and wet. On how marijuana makes me paranoid. But I needed to think about how to answer it, and was he asking it to have justification to do so himself.

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

Ok. I am struggling with this question here ( in the sense that I am not sure that I can get across what exactly I wanted to say and ask ).

Something that DomKen said in another post prompted me to ask my daughter something last night. He made the statement about 'why are you letting a 15 year old make life/death decisions'. Now, granted, this was in regards to the HPV thread that is currently going on; but, it actually got me thinking about it.

Now this is not so much about letting her make life/death decisions; but rather about the unorthodox way that I chose to raise her...I guess...I think...LOL ( I did say I was struggling with this one )

Let me give a bit of background before I actually ask the question that I wanted to ask.

It's no secret that I have raised her on my own since she was three. By choice...not a good one I think sometimes because I basically deprived her of a male influence in her life...but that's beside the point. My upbringing was such that my mother never talked with us girls...I mean about absolutly NOTHING. Not about sex, not about drugs, not about men...about nothing. Everything I learned, I learned from my older sister and from the street gangs that I hung with. I think that because of not having someone talk to me when I was younger; that I have made it a point to always be there to talk with my kids. Openly, honestly, bluntly, without regard to age or subject matter. If they were old enough to ask me the question; they were old enough to receive a very honest answer ( that has been my philosophy ). Because I thought this way; my youngest was 6 when she asked me how babies were made...I told her the truth...in very explicit terms. Over the years, there has not been a single subject that I considered taboo where she was concerned. We have talked about drugs; we have talked about sex; we have talked about diseases from unprotected sex; we have talked about the pro's and con's of marriage...just about any subject that you could think of, we talked about it.

Now, mix in all this with the fact of religion. I am not a religious person. I have not set foot in a church of any kind since her daddy passed away; and I have no desire to ever again. At the age of 10, she wanted to know why. I told her ( not something that I am willing to discuss here ) the truth; after which she decided that she wanted to explore the different religions. Since I was actually born a Southern Baptist; she started with that. ( that sounds bad, I know ). Eventually, she ended up with her daddy's religion which is Catholic. She has faithfully attended church three days a week since the age of 11 and is actually a very spiritual, and religious minded person. She has such a deep faith that she honestly throws me for a loop sometimes.

So, here I have a teenager who is not afraid to discuss any subject openly and honestly; yet is also bound by the dictates of the Bible and the Holy Church. Sometimes, the two collide for her and throw her into confusion because while she believes in what the Church teaches; she also believes in area's that the Church does not agree with ( that's not the issue though )

What I am getting at with all this background is what DomKen said. I mentioned it to her and it started a discussion on the 'proper' way to raise children in this day and age. I know, I know...that's not what I wanted to ask ...(there is no 'proper' way).

During our discussion, she was teasing me and stated 'Mom, you just are not normal is all. Because you are not normal, you did not raise me in the normal way'.

THAT is what is bothering me.

What the fuck is normal when it comes to raising kids?

We all know that every child is different and is raised differently...heck, even siblings are raised differently. But WHAT is considered normal?

This is driving me nuts now. Dayum her.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

The youth of today love luxury; they have bad manners and contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Youth are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up food at the table, and tyrannize their teachers.
-Socrates, ~400 BC

I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words… When I was young, we were taught to be discreet and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly disrespectful and impatient of restraint.
-Hesiod, ~800 BC

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

The youth of today love luxury; they have bad manners and contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Youth are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up food at the table, and tyrannize their teachers.
-Socrates, ~400 BC

I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words… When I was young, we were taught to be discreet and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly disrespectful and impatient of restraint.
-Hesiod, ~800 BC

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

BTW for those who see an older kid having a tantrum and assume it's a parenting problem, it isn't. What you're seeing is a child with an emotional or mental disorder that is not apparent  when looking at them. A 14 year old does not act like a 6 year old unless there is an underlying reason.

You see a kid in a wheelchair, you assume there's a reason they act like they do. You see a kid with a biochemical disorder, you assume it's parenting. It isn't, it's part and parcel of having a handicapped child.

quote:

BTW for those who see an older kid having a tantrum and assume it's a parenting problem, it isn't. What you're seeing is a child with an emotional or mental disorder that is not apparent when looking at them. A 14 year old does not act like a 6 year old unless there is an underlying reason