Andalusite
Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009 Status: offline
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Jeff, I'd even go a bit further and venture to guess that a lot of people don't want a submissive or slave who would yield to just anybody, that it would make it less special and meaningful. For me, it's neither nature nor nurture - it's very specific response to the individual person. For me, it's more like being in love or having sexual chemistry - it doesn't happen in isolation. beth, IIRC, you've mentioned something of the sort yourself in previous posts. I don't have any problem with your feeling that your submission is more of a personality trait, or that you respond to most people that way. For me, and a lot of other submissives and slaves here though, it simply doesn't work that way. porcelaine, I'm a bit service-oriented as a general rule, but I don't consider that to be directly linked to D/s. If I'm at a friend's house for dinner or another event, I pretty much automatically offer to help with cleaning up/dishes/etc. I enjoy volunteering, and doing things for people I care about, and feeling useful. I'm generally compliant, unless someone tries to get pushy about it. Then, I dig in my heels and do my best mule impression. I wasn't "born" a slave, though, and I didn't actively seek out this dynamic. That's what worked for me with my Master, quite specifically. I'm able to meet his expectations, his demands, and his standards. NZ, I wouldn't date anybody unless they had integrity, a good character, compatible values, and I could respect and admire them to some degree. Even that isn't enough, we also need some chemistry, and to be compatible in other respects. When I was looking, a potential submissive would need to have just as much integrity as a potential dominant would have. I e-mailed and went out with people of any BDSM or D/s orientation. It just didn't really matter much to me one way or the other. I was mostly looking for a kinky boyfriend, and D/s was icing - optional, but wonderful if it happened. I couldn't possibly agree to submit to someone, no matter how willing I was to be obedient, even if I liked bottoming to him, and I was equally unwilling to call myself someone's Domme or Mistress unless I felt that yielding from him. A lot of people use topping and dominating interchangeably, but it simply doesn't work that way for me. In relationships, I generally lean a little bit dominant, but not enough to have a formal D/s relationship. I assume that someone who is looking for a submissive or slave wouldn't want an egalitarian kinky relationship with someone who doesn't feel the slightest bit submissive toward him, even if she's service-oriented and obedient. It's not that he's arrogant, and I didn't just fall to my knees from being in the same room with him initially. We explored, and the reaction was there pretty much right from the start, but he had to do things to make me react that way. Now that the relationship and dynamic is established, he doesn't have to exert conscious effort - I feel that way about him even when he's asleep, or we're not in the same location.
< Message edited by Andalusite -- 10/6/2009 7:50:00 AM >
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