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Too Safe = ALONE?!! - 3/3/2006 11:54:07 AM

la90066

Posts: 177
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Reading some threads on the various kink boards today, I thought I'd toss this out there and see what comes back... Just as one can be reckless with their safety, can one not be too consumed with it as well -- to the point were they never meet anyone and are always alone?

Since I know there is no set right/wrong answer, as everyone's different, I'll just ask each of you to answer for yourselves, and let others calculate the averages. Thus...

1. How long did/would you wait before going from email to chat?

2. How long did/would you wait before going from chat to phone?

3. How long did/would you wait before going from phone to meeting?

4. How long did/would you wait before going from meeting to kink play?

5. How long did/would you wait before going from kink play to live-in relationship?

Thanks in advance!

Post #: 1

RE: Too Safe = ALONE?!! - 3/3/2006 11:58:30 AM

la90066

Posts: 177
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I'll go first... Just to get the ball rolling...

quote:

1. How long did/would you wait before going from email to chat?

Same day/night.

2. How long did/would you wait before going from chat to phone?

Same day/night.

3. How long did/would you wait before going from phone to meeting?

Two weeks to a month.

4. How long did/would you wait before going from meeting to kink play?

Two weeks to a month.

5. How long did/would you wait before going from kink play to live-in relationship?

4 to 6 months.

(in reply to la90066)

Post #: 2

RE: Too Safe = ALONE?!! - 3/3/2006 12:11:15 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

1. How long did/would you wait before going from email to chat?

I'd chat immediately and I would chat with complete strangers.

quote:

2. How long did/would you wait before going from chat to phone?

I would chat on the phone immediately, but I wouldn't engage in phone sex.

quote:

3. How long did/would you wait before going from phone to meeting?

As quickly as possibly so I know if there is nose-to-nose chemistry there.

quote:

4. How long did/would you wait before going from meeting to kink play?

It would depend on how our meetings went. If it was good and I felt comfortable, I'd go on down to the local dungeon and play publically fairly quickly. I've played with people on first meet simply because of their prior reputation and we were in a public setting.

quote:

5. How long did/would you wait before going from kink play to live-in relationship?

1st time was 6 months, lasted 3 years ::he died:: .. second time was 2 years, lasted 1 year although "I" didn't realize it for much longer .. last time was 18 months and it's lasted 10 years ::next month:: and counting.

Celeste

::edited to fix quoting fuck up::

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 3/3/2006 12:12:02 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to la90066)

Post #: 3

RE: Too Safe = ALONE?!! - 3/3/2006 12:12:40 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

quote:

1. How long did/would you wait before going from email to chat?

We chatted before we emailed.

quote:

2. How long did/would you wait before going from chat to phone?

Maybe a few weeks.

quote:

3. How long did/would you wait before going from phone to meeting?

11 months

quote:

4. How long did/would you wait before going from meeting to kink play?

Straight away

quote:

5. How long did/would you wait before going from kink play to live-in relationship?

Well this progression of events is out of order for me...so dont know how to answer this one. We met, Master never went home.

(in reply to la90066)

Post #: 4

RE: Too Safe = ALONE?!! - 3/3/2006 12:12:53 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: la90066
1. How long did/would you wait before going from email to chat?

If they asked nicely, right away. If they were rude, never.

quote:

2. How long did/would you wait before going from chat to phone?

As long as it took me to decide I was interested in going from chat to phone. Once I'd decided I wanted to, then right away.

quote:

3. How long did/would you wait before going from phone to meeting?

Depended on the distance. Sometimes the next day, sometimes a few months.

quote:

4. How long did/would you wait before going from meeting to kink play?

An hour or two.

quote:

5. How long did/would you wait before going from kink play to live-in relationship?
[/color]

At least 2 years.

And this varies dramatically depending on the type of relationship and everything else involved. I rarely meet people offline anymore because I rarely spend any social time online anymore. What normally happens these days is that I meet someone at a party or social, we talk, we exchange numbers, we date and go from there.

However, if someone really sparks with me, and we live close, I have no problems from an initial contact to full-on sex and play within a few days.

Moreover, that's not the same as being in a relationship, a long term committed relationship and certainly not living together.

I agree there tends to be an attitude of paranoia that leaves people more scared than simply using good sense. Decisions and judgements should be based on understanding and strength- not fear.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 3/3/2006 12:14:09 PM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to la90066)

Post #: 5

RE: Too Safe = ALONE?!! - 3/3/2006 12:19:03 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: la90066

Reading some threads on the various kink boards today, I thought I'd toss this out there and see what comes back... Just as one can be reckless with their safety, can one not be too consumed with it as well -- to the point were they never meet anyone and are always alone?

Since I know there is no set right/wrong answer, as everyone's different, I'll just ask each of you to answer for yourselves, and let others calculate the averages. Thus...

1. How long did/would you wait before going from email to chat?

2. How long did/would you wait before going from chat to phone?

3. How long did/would you wait before going from phone to meeting?

4. How long did/would you wait before going from meeting to kink play?

5. How long did/would you wait before going from kink play to live-in relationship?

Thanks in advance!

For all these questions... TIME Is of absolutely no importance to me... What is important is the quaility of the content between each and every interaction. If the content appeals to me .. I will seek more and more direct and even closer interactions.... if it doesn't.. then I the interactions will stay as they are or retract to more distant or intimate.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to la90066)

Post #: 6

RE: Too Safe = ALONE?!! - 3/3/2006 12:25:27 PM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

1. How long did/would you wait before going from email to chat?

Same day.

quote:

2. How long did/would you wait before going from chat to phone?

never longer than 1 week

quote:

3. How long did/would you wait before going from phone to meeting?

If they were within 100 miles it was a week or 2 depending on work obligations and child care. Never more than 2 weeks. IMO it's a waste of time to build a relationship without knowing if the chemistry is there or not.
With Tim who was 700 miles away, we had spoken on the phone daily for maybe a week before I knew that we had to meet and find out if my feelings were real. Because of scheduling and child care, again, it was not as soon as we wanted but it was about 3 weeks later.

quote:

4. How long did/would you wait before going from meeting to kink play?

Tim was the only one that I met that I was interested in playing with, and we were playing with in an hour.font]

quote:

5. How long did/would you wait before going from kink play to live-in relationship?

We met face to face on May 6th, 2005. I moved in with him on July 11, 2005. We spent 3 weekends together in the interim.

I met the love of my life here on the 'net. I talked to a lot of people before I met him. I spent more than a year "kissing frogs". I met a total of 4 people from the 'net, in person over a years time and in every instance I knew upon meeting them whether or not there was any chemistry or hope for it in the future.

The speed at which our relationship evolved simply boils down to "when it's right, it's right."

I advocate safe calls and meeting in public and used those precautions myself. I also say you have to "go for it" take a chance and meet someone, put yourself out there, just be smart about it.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to la90066)

Post #: 7

RE: Too Safe = ALONE?!! - 3/3/2006 12:27:33 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

The answer to all these questionsis identical...................... Gut Feeling

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 8

RE: Too Safe = ALONE?!! - 3/3/2006 12:42:16 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

1. How long did/would you wait before going from email to chat?

Personaly I am not bothered about chat at all but if she is more comfortable there then I'm quite prepaired to indulge her the same night.

quote:

2. How long did/would you wait before going from chat to phone?

With someone local I am more likely to skip straight to meeting for coffee or a drink somewhere safe. Last LDR it was about a week after we started exchanging mails that I made the first phonecall.

quote:

3. How long did/would you wait before going from phone to meeting?

From first MAIL to first meeting in a safe public place. As soon as possible after deciding there is enough in common to want to look at posibly taking things forward. Within the first couple of weeks certainly.

quote:

4. How long did/would you wait before going from meeting to kink play?

If there is the attraction there then possibly the second or third meeting. If it is an LDR and there has been a lot of email and phone conversations first then possibly the day after the first meeting (When younger it was all too often AT the first meeting, but these days I prefer to give both people at least overnight to think about it in private first)

quote:

5. How long did/would you wait before going from kink play to live-in relationship?

Several months. Again this period is getting longer as I get older. Too many times getting burned leads to more and more caution. Possibly a year or more depending on the relaationship.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to la90066)

Post #: 9

RE: Too Safe = ALONE?!! - 3/3/2006 12:43:10 PM

SirKenin

Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline

I use My instincts. I am not too worried about My safety. I can look after Myself.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 10

RE: Too Safe = ALONE?!! - 3/3/2006 12:57:42 PM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

1. How long did/would you wait before going from email to chat?

Depends on the initial email. If it's just an invitation to chat, probably never. If it's thoughtful, etc, probably same day.

quote:

2. How long did/would you wait before going from chat to phone?

Generally I expect regular contact online (every other day-ish) via email and IMs for a week or two before I'll talk on the phone. The only reason I'll do that is to ease out some of the BS - I talk casually to a LOT of people online once or twice then don't hear from them for a couple weeks.

quote:

3. How long did/would you wait before going from phone to meeting?

My general rule is that I expect a first meet within a week of the first phone conversation, depending on my schedule (I usually have a fairly tight one). First meet is usually casual, just over coffee.

quote:

4. How long did/would you wait before going from meeting to kink play?

Depends on my instincts about the person. Never on the first meet, sometimes on the second, certainly within a month.

quote:

5. How long did/would you wait before going from kink play to live-in relationship?

I'd consider after a year or more of part time, but I *like* living on my own, so it would really have to be someone special. At this time in my life, however, I wouldn't consider anyone live in until sometime after I graduate college in another 3 years.

Overall, I generally expect no more than a month to go by between first contact and first meet. Everything after that would depend on chemistry, compatability.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to la90066)

Post #: 11

RE: Too Safe = ALONE?!! - 3/3/2006 1:19:01 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Hello la! Welcome back, been a bit quiet lately

1. How long did/would you wait before going from email to chat?

After the intial email(s)--so given time lag in schedules--maybe a week

2. How long did/would you wait before going from chat to phone?

About two weeks

3. How long did/would you wait before going from phone to meeting?

About 5 months as our relationship grew over the holidays followed by a teen milestone birthday in January---BUT he is also 3000 miles away.

4. How long did/would you wait before going from meeting to kink play?

24 hours

5. How long did/would you wait before going from kink play to live-in relationship?
As soon as I can get him here, but by fall at the latest.

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 3/3/2006 1:22:27 PM >

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to la90066)

Post #: 12

RE: Too Safe = ALONE?!! - 3/3/2006 1:34:31 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: la90066

Reading some threads on the various kink boards today, I thought I'd toss this out there and see what comes back... Just as one can be reckless with their safety, can one not be too consumed with it as well -- to the point were they never meet anyone and are always alone?

Since I know there is no set right/wrong answer, as everyone's different, I'll just ask each of you to answer for yourselves, and let others calculate the averages. Thus...

1. How long did/would you wait before going from email to chat?

2. How long did/would you wait before going from chat to phone?

3. How long did/would you wait before going from phone to meeting?

4. How long did/would you wait before going from meeting to kink play?

5. How long did/would you wait before going from kink play to live-in relationship?

These aren't really questions I can answer.

I have a certain number of questions and information I need before I move beyond email to the next -- which is NOT chat for me. I hate chat programs. Its also a matter of compatibility.

I also think this idea that the next step "from kink play to live-in relationship" is a HUGE step. Some people never live together nor do they wish to live together but they aren't just playing either.

I have five other steps that make sense for me:
1) getting to know each other
2) negotiation
3) training
4) evaluation
5) ownership

The process can stop at any point in those steps.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to la90066)

Post #: 13

RE: Too Safe = ALONE?!! - 3/3/2006 2:19:23 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

1. How long did/would you wait before going from email to chat?

Depends on what the person had to say in the email. Sometimes I have flatly refused to go to chat at all, others, I have given my chat ID after one email.

quote:

2. How long did/would you wait before going from chat to phone?

Again, it depends on how comfortable I feel chatting with the person.

quote:

3. How long did/would you wait before going from phone to meeting?

I am beginning to sound like a broken record lol......again it would depend on how comfortable I felt talking with the person, but normally, if they lived close, one or two days after talking on the phone.

quote:

4. How long did/would you wait before going from meeting to kink play?

Can't answer this one. Only because I have not gone from meeting someone to 'kink' play.

quote:

5. How long did/would you wait before going from kink play to live-in relationship?

Once again, can not answer. Only lived with one person, besides immediate family.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to la90066)

Post #: 14

RE: Too Safe = ALONE?!! - 3/3/2006 2:32:52 PM

artglfr

Posts: 235
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline

I rarely chat and do not believe much is gained by long email. I prefer to have personal contact in Public ASAP and if there is NO chemistry we both know. Talk on the phone, meet in Public, Play at a reputable Groups Party or negotiate. It is all on an individual basis. Usually it is email and then good bye or meet and then goodbye becuase I am pretty selective. I can "Play" with almost anyone at a play party but to have someone for My subbie is way different.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 15

RE: Too Safe = ALONE?!! - 3/3/2006 2:40:48 PM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

I'm going to assume these questions all refer to my time in the lifestyle since going public, 'cause I can't remember half of what I did 25 years ago.

quote:

1. How long did/would you wait before going from email to chat?

Same day. Same hour.

quote:

2. How long did/would you wait before going from chat to phone?

Shortest time was the same day. Longest time was a couple weeks.

quote:

3. How long did/would you wait before going from phone to meeting?

Depends on who the person is, where they live, and how comfortable I am with them. I have had a first meeting within 48 hours, and I've had them as much as several months after initial contact.

quote:

4. How long did/would you wait before going from meeting to kink play?

Hmmm... With one, it was about an hour after he picked me up at the airport, which is also where we met in person for the first time. With another, it was about a month after our first meeting. And with yet another, we never engaged in any kink play at all, but it was the most emotionally intense relationship I'd ever had.

quote:

5. How long did/would you wait before going from kink play to live-in relationship?

I've only done this twice. The first time, it was a month after we met (at the airport), and it lasted 18 months before I couldn't stand having him around any more. This time, it was two weeks shy of a year after our first in-person meeting, and 10.5 months after our first play.

As far as how long WOULD I wait to do these things goes, it all depends on the other person. I tend to go with the flow, and take steps when they feel right. Sometimes it takes a little longer, and sometimes it doesn't.

< Message edited by Evanesce -- 3/3/2006 2:47:20 PM >

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to la90066)

Post #: 16

RE: Too Safe = ALONE?!! - 3/3/2006 2:46:35 PM

la90066

Posts: 177
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

Hello la! Welcome back, been a bit quiet lately

I was skurrrrrd you were gonna take my muffin again?!!

hee hee hee

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 17

RE: Too Safe = ALONE?!! - 3/3/2006 2:51:10 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: la90066

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

Hello la! Welcome back, been a bit quiet lately

I was skurrrrrd you were gonna take my muffin again?!!

hee hee hee

stick around awhile and I might!

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to la90066)

Post #: 18

RE: Too Safe = ALONE?!! - 3/3/2006 3:03:39 PM

PlayfulOne

Posts: 1047
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

The answer to all these questionsis identical...................... Gut Feeling

Couldn't have said it better

My current little one and I

1. email to chat, within a few hours
2. chat to phone, we still don't talk on the phone, she swears I must have a fear of phones
3. first contact to first meeting. 4 days, would have been sooner but we couldn't work it out
4. first meeting to kink, a hour and a halfish give or take
5. play to live in, well techinically I still don't "live" here ( I am just always here), basically since the first meeting we have been together, after about 2 weeks her neighbr suggested she give me a key so I wasn't waiting on her to get home, when I stopped after work, I got a key the next day

K

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 19

RE: Too Safe = ALONE?!! - 3/3/2006 4:57:06 PM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

1. A few days

2. a few weeks

3. About a month

4. That same night we met.

5. Cannot answer as many factors are involved.

(in reply to la90066)

Post #: 20

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