Choosing to be a slave

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Surrenderwithin -> Choosing to be a slave (10/3/2009 4:23:26 PM)
I was reading on some message boards today and one of the topics sparked an interesting thought for me. The topic was directed to slaves. The question was basically this : At what point did you decide to accept that you are a slave? What lead you to choose to be a slave. I know most slaves will say that I didnt choose slavery it choose me. I acknowledge that is likely true but at some point you had to say... Ok, I know this is who I am and accept that choosing to walk in the knowledge of who and what you are. When or how did you realize/decide to accept that and say, " yes, I am a slave". For me I am sure it was a series of events and I am not ready to write about my thoughts yet as I am still collecting my thoughts and sorting through them. In the meantime I would be interested to hear from other slaves on this topic. Any takers?

DesFIP -> RE: Choosing to be a slave (10/3/2009 4:41:28 PM)
I'm still not sure I am one. I was positive I was/am a submissive until Jeff (leadership) pointed out that I don't ever tell him no unless there's something he needs to know. So if after 8 years I do what he says maybe I am one after all? No help here. Except that if I am, it isn't because I have a 'slave belly' or anything. It's something that he pulls out of me. And no one else could.He's incredibly smart and thorough thinking, his word is solid gold, and he always puts first in his criteria what the result on me will be. I am safe with him as with no one else I've ever known. In no way has the status of slave been something I chose or aspired to. I'm still having trouble with the word and prefer submissive. But I didn't choose it, I chose him and he chose me.

darquessence -> RE: Choosing to be a slave (10/3/2009 4:46:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Surrenderwithin I was reading on some message boards today and one of the topics sparked an interesting thought for me. The topic was directed to slaves. The question was basically this : At what point did you decide to accept that you are a slave? What lead you to choose to be a slave. I know most slaves will say that I didnt choose slavery it choose me. I acknowledge that is likely true but at some point you had to say... Ok, I know this is who I am and accept that choosing to walk in the knowledge of who and what you are. When or how did you realize/decide to accept that and say, " yes, I am a slave". For me I am sure it was a series of events and I am not ready to write about my thoughts yet as I am still collecting my thoughts and sorting through them. In the meantime I would be interested to hear from other slaves on this topic. Any takers? Like yourself it was series of events for me also. I knew deep down inside that I was a slave but I didn't have dominant to cultivate my slavery until I met Daddy. He saw in me what I saw in myself. I was afraid to face to face it at first so we took baby steps. The dominant I was with before Daddy tried to rush me into being slave. He wanted a slave like dominant A, B and C had. What he failed to realize was that slaves or subs do not come in one size fits all. I tried being a slave that dominant A, B and C owned but I only found myself get frustrated because I couldn't live up it. Daddy told me that he didn't want a one size fits all type of slave and that was a load off my mind. Thus I begin my journey with Him and I haven't looked back. If there is anything as sweet surrender, I have found it with Daddy. I am enjoying and loving being his slave.

CaringandReal -> RE: Choosing to be a slave (10/3/2009 4:51:37 PM)
"slave belly" Snort! That's twice you made me laugh today. :D How I remember that term from certain steamy novels I used to read in my ill-spent youth. It struck me as a weird way to put it, too, although I always assumed they meant the "butterflies in the belly" feeling. To Surrenderwithin: you term this in an odd way "to accept that you are a slave." Is acceptance of it something you are working with right now? I don't have much to contribute to your question, I'm afraid. I was one of those who knew what she was long before I had a word for it. My earliest memories involve eroticizing lack of power, pain, and humiliation or fantasizing about that. There was no acceptance. No decision. Kind of like some people grow up knowing they're straight... or gay. Or like sheep. Or whatever. ;) You just know. I had a lightbulb moment (I guess you could call it my "Helen Keller" moment) when I realized there was a name for what I felt and other (real, not fictional) people felt similarly. But that was about it. Then I went back to business as usual.

DavanKael -> RE: Choosing to be a slave (10/3/2009 4:56:27 PM)
Lol, Des, seems Jeff's offered us both a broader perspective on the s-side of things. I used to say 'hell, no' to the idea of me being a slave because of the negative connotations I had with the term but upon talking it through, in the right circmstances, I see it as a potential that I could reside further toward that extreme on the s-side of the continuum. As to submissive, rather early things in life I can see an inclination toward such a side of the kneel. To the d-side, something I cultivated in my teens. Davan

Surrenderwithin -> RE: Choosing to be a slave (10/3/2009 5:42:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CaringandReal To Surrenderwithin: you term this in an odd way "to accept that you are a slave." Is acceptance of it something you are working with right now? No, not at all. I also lived this life and knew who I was long before I had a name for it. I have been collared and owned by the same man for almost ten years. I just ran across this topic on another message board and it sparked an interest for me. i cannot pinpoint a specific point in my life that I decided to go with what I felt and be a slave. It seems it is just who and what I have always naturally become within the context of relationships even long before I had a name for it. As I mentioned before, I believe it was a series of naturally occuring events mixed with an ounce of nature and a helping of nurture and here I be, a slave. I also denounced that I was a slave for many years, becuase of what the term slave connotated to me. I would admit that was what I was by definition but deny the term. I can specify when I accepted the term, but the role ( and I use that word loosely) and as it is who I am I cannot. This is why I decided to ask others. Maggi

whiteslavebitch -> RE: Choosing to be a slave (10/3/2009 5:54:08 PM)
I didn't choose slavery, in fact I insisted for many years that I was not one. Maybe for anyother Dom/Master, I wouldn't be. His honesty, strength, thoughtfulness, and a lot of other of his traits inspire me to be one. I couldn't imagine ever telling him no, but that is because I can trust him totally not to abuse his authority over me.

ncbabe -> RE: Choosing to be a slave (10/3/2009 5:55:53 PM)
I don't like the word slave, I always refer to myself as submissive. Being submissive is not a choice I ever made, however I did choose to acknowledge it and learn how to accept it as part of who I am. There were specific times during my training where I suddenly realized just how submissive I am and it scared me. But there was no actual point of acceptance, as the acceptance of those realizations took place over a period of time.

DesFIP -> RE: Choosing to be a slave (10/3/2009 6:06:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CaringandReal "slave belly" Snort! That's twice you made me laugh today. :D Thank you, takes a bow. If you're willing to accept when I knew I was submissive I can do that. My marriage was over, and I wanted some hot lit including bondage. (I typed bondage.com into the browse and came up with an amazing website.) I was in my late 40's. Wound up reading lots of stuff there and had a eureka moment, I'm submissive! Had never heard the term before. It also explained why I had to have really strong boundaries in my marriage, because otherwise the ex took everything I offered, disrespected me for giving that much, and never gave anything back. I needed someone who knew what it was about and knew that people like me burn themselves out without control to prevent it. Which is why some of The Man's first rules were to keep me from doing that even for him, that I have to protect myself, tell him what's going on, so I don't burn out. Simple things like telling him I'm tired and need to sleep because he sleeps 5/6 hours a night and in the beginning I tried to keep his schedule. And sleep deprivation is a bitch. Or going without meals because he tends not to stop when he's on a project.

whiteslavebitch -> RE: Choosing to be a slave (10/3/2009 6:09:09 PM)
quote: Wound up reading lots of stuff there and had a eureka moment, I'm submissive! Had never heard the term before. It also explained why I had to have really strong boundaries in my marriage, because otherwise the ex took everything I offered, disrespected me for giving that much, and never gave anything back. Wow, this describes me and the relationship with the ex husband to a "T". I still don't know how I didn't realize what was going on until it was too late.

DesFIP -> RE: Choosing to be a slave (10/3/2009 6:15:44 PM)
How could we when we never had heard of it? Not to blame the ex either, he didn't know what was going on and he wouldn't have chosen a submissive partner if he knew what it would entail, mainly more responsibility than he felt comfortable handling. Guys talk about dominance and they envision blow jobs on demand, but it's a lot more work than people think.

VeeTee -> RE: Choosing to be a slave (10/3/2009 6:34:36 PM)
i figured it out after realizing that my obedience under the guise of a vanilla life was unfulfilling, depressing and dishonest. Even though i am just starting out, my submissiveness is now a part of my daily process and i feel so much more better understanding this about myself.

littlewonder -> RE: Choosing to be a slave (10/3/2009 6:40:38 PM)
I never made the choice to be "A" slave. I made the choice to be HIS slave. I made that choice when he said "you are my slave" and I said "Yes Master".

BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: Choosing to be a slave (10/3/2009 6:41:15 PM)
I believe either you are or you aren't, Simply understaded but true, bounty

Roselaure -> RE: Choosing to be a slave (10/3/2009 6:57:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder I never made the choice to be "A" slave. I made the choice to be HIS slave. That's it exactly. Am I "a" slave? Do I have a "slave heart"? I have no idea. But am I "His" slave? Oh yes, yes, yes. Wholeheartedly. And right now, that's all that matters.

WestBaySlave -> RE: Choosing to be a slave (10/3/2009 7:22:22 PM)
I find it hard to define myself, in part because I'm quite adaptable, and titles matter very little to me. I can be a man's slave, sub, husband, or whatever he wants to call it, and be happy in that. If I extend it beyond a word, however, I can definitely say there have been a series of stages in coming to accept my submissive side. In part it was self-discovery, both in terms of sorting out my own feelings and exploring the world around me; in part it was through others help and example. There's nothing like learning your best friend is already in the kind of relationship you're seeking to make you realize that what's in your head really is achievable.

looking4princess -> RE: Choosing to be a slave (10/3/2009 7:47:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CaringandReal "slave belly" Snort! That's twice you made me laugh today. :D How I remember that term from certain steamy novels I used to read in my ill-spent youth. It struck me as a weird way to put it, too, although I always assumed they meant the "butterflies in the belly" feeling. To Surrenderwithin: you term this in an odd way "to accept that you are a slave." Is acceptance of it something you are working with right now? I don't have much to contribute to your question, I'm afraid. I was one of those who knew what she was long before I had a word for it. My earliest memories involve eroticizing lack of power, pain, and humiliation or fantasizing about that. There was no acceptance. No decision. Kind of like some people grow up knowing they're straight... or gay. Or like sheep. Or whatever. ;) You just know. I had a lightbulb moment (I guess you could call it my "Helen Keller" moment) when I realized there was a name for what I felt and other (real, not fictional) people felt similarly. But that was about it. Then I went back to business as usual. Am i mistaken or are all of the definitive answers so far from submissive women? I don't think Bounty Hunter qualifies as a subby male. I wonder why I am, as I suspect, the first subby man to answer. (apologies if I am mistaken) My experience was pretty much the same as described by CaringandReal. I was eroticizing submission in play from as early as age eight or so, always being the captive in games never the hunter. It stayed with me and was reinforced through sexual play after puberty, and beyond. There never was a eureka moment. As Bounty says either you are or you aren't. And I always knew it. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean I readily accepted it. BDSM orientations were less readily acceptable in pre-internet days. So, it has been a stuggle to come out and stay out of the closet. In addition, trying to lead an examined life, I have always been fascinated by the nature/nurture question. I don't have that answer. I think it is far too complicated. I wanted to mention it but I don't wish to hijack the thread into that direction. Besides, I would bet it has already been dealt with on these Boards. From what I understand the early childhood eroticism of submission is a subset of a larger range of experiences. Others come to the "realization" of their submissive orientation later in life. Interesting topic, I think. Thank you.

DesFIP -> RE: Choosing to be a slave (10/3/2009 8:20:58 PM)
There simply are more female than male subs on the site, and women tend to talk more about things. I believe that explains the discrepancy in answers. Personally I never eroticized pain, lack of power, humiliation at a young age. I just wanted to be tied up. Didn't know what would come after that, but always wanted the rope. And wouldn't those things be more indicative of a kinky bottom than a submissive? I'm submissive but not interested in pain play or humiliation. I'm submissive because I don't want to be the leader, it's that simple.

WestBaySlave -> RE: Choosing to be a slave (10/3/2009 8:22:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: looking4princess Am i mistaken or are all of the definitive answers so far from submissive women? I don't think Bounty Hunter qualifies as a subby male. I wonder why I am, as I suspect, the first subby man to answer. (apologies if I am mistaken) No apologies needed, but now I'm thinking I need a better face pic. [:D]

leadership527 -> RE: Choosing to be a slave (10/3/2009 10:59:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP I'm still not sure I am one. I was positive I was/am a submissive until Jeff (leadership) pointed out that I don't ever tell him no unless there's something he needs to know. So if after 8 years I do what he says maybe I am one after all? chuckles You and Davan. It's apparently my mission in life to go around mentioning to various subs that if they don't say "no" and have no intention of ever saying "no"... well... laughs OP: Carol never decided or realized that she was anything other than my wife. One day, she found out that obeying me made me happy. That makes her happy. So far, I haven't come up with a command so awful that it was worth stopping the whole obey thing over. That's it. No "slave's heart". No fire in the belly. No nada. Just a woman doing what she can to make her man happy.

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