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Reliability - 10/5/2009 1:15:58 AM   
Verfor99


Posts: 46
Joined: 7/15/2009
From: Roswell, GA
Status: offline 		I really must ask this:
I've been on the site for a while now, a few months. I've spoken with multiple subs and slaves, and of those that I have made meet-up plans or had extended contact with (instant message, phone number), only the subs have been consistently reliable in either continuing communication or attending scheduled meetings, while most slaves I have dealt with have conversely stopped contact quite soon, not even bothering the good manners to notify me that they have decided against me.
So I have to wonder; why are slaves, who are supposed to be so more dependable and obedient than regular submissives, so disappointingly unreliable?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Reliability - 10/5/2009 1:34:48 AM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		I think slavery is relatively rare. But on collarme it's just a fantasy and a drop-down list selection away. This is just a guess, but perhaps more of those who identify as submissive are more realistic and honest that the majority of their "slave" counterparts?

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(in reply to Verfor99)
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RE: Reliability - 10/5/2009 2:28:44 AM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Verfor99

So I have to wonder; why are slaves, who are supposed to be so more dependable and obedient than regular submissives, so disappointingly unreliable?



What gave you the impression that a person who identifies as a slave is more dependable and obedient than one who identifies as a submissive?  Being dependable has little to do with what label a person chooses and more to do with who they are as a person.  Obedience generally isn't given simply because a person chooses "slave" over "sub" as a label.
If you find that you're meeting more "disappointingly unreliable" people, maybe you need to look to what the common denominator is. 


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(in reply to Verfor99)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Reliability - 10/5/2009 2:32:13 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		Perhaps it's not unreliability so much as intuition telling them you're spending waaaaay too much time shopping round and not nearly enough investing anything worthwhile in those you meet - and they're cutting their losses accordingly....

Focus.

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RE: Reliability - 10/5/2009 4:10:25 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Just because someone identifies as a slave doesn't mean they've agreed to be your slave.

Beyond that, if you've gotten any woman to tell you "Thanks but no thanks", I'm amazed. We learn early not to respond with a rejection because we get hate mail as a result. The mildest is "you're too fat to fuck", the more disturbing responses include threats of violence.

No response is a response. If someone sends you a credit card offer in the mail do you write back refusing or do you just toss it? Same here, you're writing people who didn't ask you to and your mail gets the same response as junk mail everywhere, tossed out.

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RE: Reliability - 10/5/2009 6:53:07 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

...why are slaves, who are supposed to be so more dependable and obedient than regular submissives, so disappointingly unreliable?...


because you bought into some lame stereotype about how "slaves" and "regular submissives" are "supposed to be".

(in reply to Verfor99)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Reliability - 10/5/2009 7:28:22 AM   
CollaredChicklet


Posts: 146
Joined: 10/28/2008
Status: offline 		If i didn't know better, i would have thought that your profile was for a submissive.   you almost seem more willing to please and happier when you please a woman, than when you actually receive that servitude yourself.  From a slave standpoint, that is where i would have to consider finding something else.  Don't get me wrong, i'm sure all intentions are noble, but consider who you are seeking, what you would like from them, and what it is you have to offer to a slave/sub(in terms of this lifestyle), not just what you would be happy to do for them.  does that make sense?   try working on that, maybe.  and make sure that you work on keeping relationships strong.  just a message or two every week probably won't cut it if you're looking for something long-term. 

another note.  i consider myself a reliable and obedient slave.. to those that i or my Master trusts.  People who message me once or twice do not get that same level of reliability or obedience.  That could change, of course.   but just because i am a slave does not make me a slave to all.


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"The sea was calm, your heart would have responded gaily, when invited, beating obediently to controlling hands" --T.S. Eliot, The Waste Land

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Reliability - 10/5/2009 7:34:48 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Verfor99

So I have to wonder; why are slaves, who are supposed to be so more dependable and obedient than regular submissives, so disappointingly unreliable?


let me get this straight. you've spoken to a small sample of people and have deduced that a certain segment fails to live up to a standard you've affixed to them. my common sense would beg to differ and question why you keep finding yourself in the company of supposedly flaky people. let's see the common denominator in this. perhaps you don't have really good skills in the choosing department and have unwittingly given a nod to people who weren't deserving. maybe you're a quick draw mcgraw and moved a wee bit fast before verifying the contents.

whatever the case, it is far easier to point the finger at the other party than to turn the focus upon ourselves to see what we may be doing wrong in the process. nor can you make a generalized statement like that either. i can't speak for your experiences, but the slaves i keep company with are some darned fine women. but then my tastes are very discerning. food for thought.

porcelaine


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Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Reliability - 10/5/2009 8:13:41 AM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		Well, you met a couple girls who flaked at the last minute; thats all. Don't extrapolate that to mean anything.

And if you are getting multiple responses for real time meets after only a couple months, give yourself a big high five; thats a damn good batting average for a self-described anime geek.

Good luck.

(in reply to Verfor99)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Reliability - 10/5/2009 9:30:58 AM   
Falkenstein


Posts: 187
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		Actually, collarme has a nice bulk mail feature that many women uses, thus probably nobody saw your mail.

To contradict DesFIP, I usually get "thanks but no thanks" messages, except from the young women, who probably have my mail filtered (or get tons of mail).
The womanfolk here has manners.

I cannot say the same of the men. A sub woman showed me her mailbox. The crap she gets is unbelievable.
No wonder there are so many women in BDSM who become lesbian!

And I completely agree with AnimusRex, your meeting rate is impressive. Bravo!


Be seeing you,

Henry



< Message edited by Falkenstein -- 10/5/2009 9:40:59 AM >

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(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Reliability - 10/5/2009 9:55:26 AM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Verfor99

I really must ask this:
I've been on the site for a while now, a few months. I've spoken with multiple subs and slaves, and of those that I have made meet-up plans or had extended contact with (instant message, phone number), only the subs have been consistently reliable in either continuing communication or attending scheduled meetings, while most slaves I have dealt with have conversely stopped contact quite soon, not even bothering the good manners to notify me that they have decided against me.
So I have to wonder; why are slaves, who are supposed to be so more dependable and obedient than regular submissives, so disappointingly unreliable?



I could tell you I was the pope, but it does it make it true. Until one actually meets, You do not anything to be true. Whether they are a slave, sub, or just someone that gets off on fucking with people, all is suspect. You do not know what their gender may be or whether or not it is simply some sort of scam. For some, when the fantasy starts to become a reality, they bolt as it is too much to deal with. Just because someone is a slave, they are no more dependable, or obedient or reliable than someone who calls themselves a submissive. There is nothing "regular" about a submissive, they are indeed very precious and special indivduals

It has been my experience that people will avoid confrontation and uncomfortable situations whenever possible. So if someone no longer desires to involve themselves with an individual, they will simply vanish, stop contact or make it otherwise impossible to be placed in that situation. Is it rude and inconsiderate, yes, but it is simply the way many people are and it is something that one must grow to accept.

< Message edited by Acer49 -- 10/5/2009 9:56:54 AM >

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(in reply to Verfor99)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Reliability - 10/5/2009 9:57:23 AM   
Lucienne


Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Beyond that, if you've gotten any woman to tell you "Thanks but no thanks", I'm amazed. We learn early not to respond with a rejection because we get hate mail as a result. The mildest is "you're too fat to fuck", the more disturbing responses include threats of violence.


This hasn't been my experience. If the mail is more than an obvious copy & paste job and the sender viewed my profile, I'll usually send a "no, thank you" reply if I'm not interested. The only responses I get to that is an occasional "thanks for the response."

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Reliability - 10/5/2009 10:22:39 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Falkenstein

To contradict DesFIP, I usually get "thanks but no thanks" messages, except from the young women, who probably have my mail filtered (or get tons of mail).
The womanfolk here has manners.

I cannot say the same of the men. A sub woman showed me her mailbox. The crap she gets is unbelievable.
No wonder there are so many women in BDSM who become lesbian!


It's because of the crap we get in our mailboxes that we stop answering. Ask her what she's gotten in response to a rejection. I can assure you that you will be appalled.

I stopped sending no thanks when some weirdo threatened to hunt me down and cut me up with a knife. This followed the other weirdo who kept sending me strange emails daily that made no sense but were creepy as all hell. The Man had to write him back threatening him, to get that to stop.

And you don't turn lesbian if you aren't one. I assume that was a joke? 

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Falkenstein)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Reliability - 10/5/2009 11:11:58 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Verfor99
So I have to wonder; why are slaves, who are supposed to be so more dependable and obedient than regular submissives, so disappointingly unreliable?


We feel that perhaps you have unrealistic expectations of average human behavior. First, it seems that you feel there is a hierarchy of "better" behavior in which subs are better than the average person and slaves are better than subs. We believe you are finding this hierarchy to not be true and so you are puzzled.

People in the lifestyle, no matter their role, are just like people who are not. We behave no better or worse than any other person in the same stages of personal development. Most people avoid conflict at all costs. This makes them choose paths such as passive aggressive behavior and lying to some degree in order to avoid it.

The good news is, you can still have this expectation and use it as a filtering tool. It is apparent that you desire to have a person who has a certain amount of emotional maturity. This is a good thing! So, while you might be disappointed on a regular basis, the fruit you will eventually pick will be exactly the kind you want.

Master Fire


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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Reliability - 10/5/2009 12:28:54 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Verfor99

So I have to wonder; why are slaves, who are supposed to be so more dependable and obedient than regular submissives, so disappointingly unreliable?



A) I don't buy this idea that slaves are more dependable or obedient and B) They aren't your slave so they don't have to do anything.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Verfor99)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Reliability - 10/5/2009 1:34:40 PM   
justagirlinzh


Posts: 55
Joined: 9/23/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Verfor99

I really must ask this:
I've been on the site for a while now, a few months. I've spoken with multiple subs and slaves, and of those that I have made meet-up plans or had extended contact with (instant message, phone number), only the subs have been consistently reliable in either continuing communication or attending scheduled meetings, while most slaves I have dealt with have conversely stopped contact quite soon, not even bothering the good manners to notify me that they have decided against me.
So I have to wonder; why are slaves, who are supposed to be so more dependable and obedient than regular submissives, so disappointingly unreliable?


Somebody lied to you. Hard.

(in reply to Verfor99)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Reliability - 10/5/2009 4:33:55 PM   
bluefireeyez


Posts: 119
Joined: 12/15/2008
Status: offline 		Reliability depends on the indivual, not on the title they give themselves.

You could also look at what You are doing when You set up these meetings. How long have you been talking? What is the quality of the relationships? When and where are you meeting?

my guess is that if you have sparse or limited communication that people will tend to bail out. Also, if they don't feel comfortable with the meeting place...they will bail.


(in reply to justagirlinzh)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Reliability - 10/5/2009 5:27:38 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Verfor99
<snip>
So I have to wonder; why are slaves, who are supposed to be so more dependable and obedient than regular submissives, so disappointingly unreliable?



What a crock of shit. 


Being slave doesn't make them your slave.

Look in the mirror, OP. The common denominator is you.

Why are you running all the slaves off?


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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Reliability - 10/5/2009 8:04:21 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~
Wow.  I can't believe someone told You that slaves are somehow inherently "supposed to be so more dependable and obedient than regular submissives."  Whoever told You that lied big-time.  It depends on the person, not the label.  I am a very dependable and obedient submissive and, if I called myself a slave that wouldn't be any different.

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Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Reliability - 10/6/2009 9:11:48 PM   
VeeTee


Posts: 45
Joined: 7/25/2009
Status: offline 		It seems so difficult sometimes to get past the predetermined definitions. That is one thing i have learned since coming to the lifestyle....there is no one definition for any one person, place, status or activity. And that is precisely what i love about it all.

(in reply to sweetsub1957)
Profile   Post #: 20
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