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Am I wrong or right? - 10/9/2009 6:15:13 AM   
MasterAlaster


Posts: 6
Joined: 10/8/2009
Status: offline 		I just started to be a Master and a problem occured with my last slave (she actually use to be my Mistress) and she was being braty with me she also had tried to ask permission to have her slaves do her job (finding me more online slaves) I realized that she was being lazy and called her out on it I punished her by saying you will not be able to dom or have contact with your slaves for two weeks. I chose this because I knew it would hurt her thus making it a punishment to remember. She even said something like "you dont understand they need me" my god I thought it sounded more like she needed them she said that "the premise of her BDSM relationships is about love" its not its about control and obedience I now reliaze that she is just a selfish brat who needs even more punishment though I cant do that since I felt so bad for making her cy that I set her free. I hate switches now they dont follow orders and complain. Any was I was I wrong or justified in my ounishment and how can I teach my self to not feel bad for the slave when she is punished.
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RE: Am I wrong or right? - 10/9/2009 6:17:29 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

a problem occured with my last slave (she actually use to be my Mistress) and she was being braty with me she also had tried to ask permission to have her slaves do her job (finding me more online slaves) I realized that she was being lazy


ok...she was looking for slaves for you and you call HER lazy???


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RE: Am I wrong or right? - 10/9/2009 6:24:32 AM   
impishlilhellcat


Posts: 4379
Joined: 3/26/2006
Status: offline 		It sounds like there is confusion about who really actually is in control in this situation. She used to be your Mistress now you are her Master, but you hate switches because they don't follow orders. You set her free because she cried? I'm completely confused. What exactly makes her a brat? Because your punishment hurt her? You chose that particular punishment for a specific reason so it seems. Yes, she protested, but it doesn't even appear that you gave her a chance to follow through with the punishment and obey your orders before you released her and now you are labeling her a selfish brat. It appears to me that you don't feel you were justified in your punishment, which is why you felt bad for her when you punished her. Or maybe you are just more submissive than you actually realize and you simply aren't cut out to be a dominant.

< Message edited by impishlilhellcat -- 10/9/2009 6:27:33 AM >

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RE: Am I wrong or right? - 10/9/2009 6:26:48 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

I now reliaze that she is just a selfish brat who needs even more punishment


she doesn't need punishment..you need to release her. Punishment doesn't change a personality.
Don't waist your time on someone who doesn't really want to be a slave.

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RE: Am I wrong or right? - 10/9/2009 6:26:52 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Fella, I can't begin to count the red flags.

Having a Domme and slave switch occasionally I can follow.  But having them completely switch roles irrevocably is going to be a big jolt to both.

Why did you punish her?  She ASKED to have her slaves do something.  You could have said no.  If she had DONE something without your permission which you had prohibited, that's one thing.  But you never forbade it and probably hadn't thought of it.

If she had saved herself some time, what would she have done with the extra time?  Would it have been eating chocolates and watching Oprah, or doing something that would have served you?

So you now hate switches because they don't follow orders?  You told her to find you additional online slaves (why the hell you wanted them before you firmed up your current relationship beats hell out of me), and she was doing it.  Unless you specifically told her not to use any help (and it sounds like you didn't), she violated no orders.  And if she HAD been at fault, you'd blame ALL switches for HER actions?

Maybe if you beg her to take you back as a slave, she'd let you...


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Am I wrong or right? - 10/9/2009 6:29:52 AM   
CollaredLisa


Posts: 135
Joined: 3/28/2009
From: Germany
Status: offline 		I agree with sirsholly... also I'd consider asking other submissives or slaves a good idea - you get to ask more people that way... but anyway... I wouldn't judge a person for just being a switch. I am pretty sure I would have complained about your behaviour as well, from what you wrote about it - and would have been out of the door pretty fast.
So, to answer your question, I think you were wrong in that situation. You made her do something that should be your job, got upset when she asked for help and then tried to cut her off from people that seem to mean something to her just because you believed something different than she did.

On a side note, I do believe a bdsm relationship is based on love (or at least a whole lot of trust) and not just on control... just control wouldn't do a thing for me.

(in reply to sirsholly)
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RE: Am I wrong or right? - 10/9/2009 6:34:49 AM   
OrionTheWolf


Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		My opinion is that you both have made mistakes that are often made in these kinds of relationships. You need to sit down with your slave and communicate to her what your expectations are. Then in the course of that communication it needs to be determined again on whether she is to serve you or not.

All successful relationships, no matter the type, require communication and clear expectations.

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When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

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RE: Am I wrong or right? - 10/9/2009 6:46:04 AM   
purepleasure


Posts: 6941
Joined: 4/9/2004
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline 		OP, you were right in letting her go, and I'll be nice, and stop right there.

_____________________________

Patience, grasshopper.

Your stupidity does not impress me.

blame it on your hormones!!! - beerbug aka ydd

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RE: Am I wrong or right? - 10/9/2009 6:46:59 AM   
MasterAlaster


Posts: 6
Joined: 10/8/2009
Status: offline 		I want to point out that she said things like no I cant do this what will my slaves think and the night before she made the same excuses involving a different command it was posting that I was her Master she was okay with being my slave as long as nobody else knew now does that seem fair I was open about doming and subing when we first met to both her and potential subs and she preached about how important honesty was to her when we first met I dont plan on doming her again I am just venting.

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RE: Am I wrong or right? - 10/9/2009 6:52:39 AM   
MsLadySue


Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline 		It appears you don't have a handle on being a dominant and you want to add online slaves.
Perhaps the switch with the problem is you, not her. 

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I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

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RE: Am I wrong or right? - 10/9/2009 7:09:16 AM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~
(1)Why does he hate all switches now?  I'm thinking he's a switch, so does he hate himself?
(2)She asked him a question, she didn't outright go against any orders yet, so why did he release her?
(3)If he crumbles at the mere sight of tears, I don't think his dominance of her is very sturdy yet.
(4)If he can't handle dominating one slave, why is he looking for more???
I'm sure there's more but it's not coming to mind right now.  There's too many red flags here, and now my head hurts.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

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RE: Am I wrong or right? - 10/9/2009 7:28:18 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterAlaster

I just started to be a Master
Perhaps you should focus on being a Dominant first and work your way up. It appears that you probably need to work on your own role first.


quote:

she also had tried to ask permission to have her slaves do her job (finding me more online slaves) I realized that she was being lazy
You mean like you're being lazy and having your slave do it? And since when is asking permission to do something a punishable offense?


quote:

called her out on it I punished her by saying you will not be able to dom or have contact with your slaves for two weeks. I chose this because I knew it would hurt her thus making it a punishment to remember.
Did you stop to think for one minute that you're punishing her slaves too? Or did you not think about the other people impacted?

quote:

I now reliaze that she is just a selfish brat who needs even more punishment
Actually, what she probably needed was better leadership.

quote:

 I hate switches now they dont follow orders and complain.
Generalization much? By all means, base the judgement of everyone on one person. And wait a minute....aren't you a switch?


quote:

Any was I was I wrong or justified in my ounishment
Yes, you were wrong.

She ASKED permission and your response was to punish. You've taught your "slave" that she shouldn't ask permission or questions. Part two, you had no regard for the other people that punished simply because they're associated with her.

quote:

 and how can I teach my self to not feel bad for the slave when she is punished.
By making better decisions. By taking the time to get a handle on your current relationship before adding more people. By stopping to THINK.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 10/9/2009 7:29:43 AM >

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: Am I wrong or right? - 10/9/2009 7:57:09 AM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I just started to be a Master


This is not something you just do--it's something you are, part of your character, your energy, your inner workings, your outlook, your presence, your whatever-you-want-to-label-it. Start there. People are not reacting to you as you wish because you are not yet where you imagine yourself to be. In time.

(in reply to MasterAlaster)
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RE: Am I wrong or right? - 10/9/2009 8:02:09 AM   
SimplyIsaac


Posts: 376
Joined: 12/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: impishlilhellcat

It sounds like there is confusion about who really actually is in control in this situation.



LOL Ya think?

I've noticed that trend a lot on CM.

(in reply to impishlilhellcat)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Am I wrong or right? - 10/9/2009 8:27:08 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterAlaster

I punished her by saying you will not be able to dom or have contact with your slaves for two weeks. I chose this because I knew it would hurt her thus making it a punishment to remember. She even said something like "you dont understand they need me"


Unless you are in a dynamic with her slaves, you have no business inserting yourself into her relationship with them.  Even if you did have a dynamic, you are still punishing them and they have done no wrong.  Now if you had said, "if this happens again you will be restricted from your slaves for two weeks" and she did it again, then that would be by her choice, and it would be on her shoulders that her slaves are being punished for her disobedience.  But I still think the whole thing is a steaming pile of poo.

If (and in this case, that's a huge "if") there is a punishment to be dealt, you have to think past the next five minutes and consider how it affects other people. 

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

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RE: Am I wrong or right? - 10/9/2009 9:01:19 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		OP: You both need to get offline.

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Am I wrong or right? - 10/9/2009 9:28:48 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterAlaster
I just started to be a Master and a problem occured with my last slave
Yup, and right there is the problem. No, I'm being serious. You know the whole "the buck stops here" thing? Well, if you want total control, then be prepared to live with the total responsibility that goes right along with it. You're a new dominant and you messed up. Figure out how.

Out of curiosity, is this an online only relationship?

< Message edited by leadership527 -- 10/9/2009 9:29:03 AM >

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Am I wrong or right? - 10/9/2009 9:35:44 AM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline 		***breaks out in applause***

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Am I wrong or right? - 10/9/2009 9:44:41 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

I dont plan on doming her again
doming?

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to MasterAlaster)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Am I wrong or right? - 10/9/2009 9:55:39 AM   
SimplyIsaac


Posts: 376
Joined: 12/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterAlaster
I just started to be a Master and a problem occured with my last slave
Yup, and right there is the problem. No, I'm being serious. You know the whole "the buck stops here" thing? Well, if you want total control, then be prepared to live with the total responsibility that goes right along with it. You're a new dominant and you messed up. Figure out how.

Out of curiosity, is this an online only relationship?


DING

Winner. Nicely said.

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 20
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