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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I'm going to disagree with Amaros that somehow having a set role to abide by is less stressful. After all I have set roles in every other relationship, mother, daughter, volunteer, etc. It is because if you are at heart submissive, then you don't need to worry about meeting someone's expectations in a good relationship. I meet his expectations without much effort simply because his expectations are for me to be who I am at heart. I don't slip into this, this is who I am when all the rest is removed.

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ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

Our Best Self...the Person our Dog Thinks we Are...

I believe that submission helps you to be that person.

I know this because of something that happened last night between myself and my Lady.  I had a moment of intense disappointment and frustration spring on me because we had bad weather.  I found myself acting in a way that caused my Lady to look at me as if I had grown a second head.

To her, it was not "like me at all"...I realized that it was how I "used to act".

When our relationships are new, we are all on our "best behavior" - for a short time, we are the person we all aspire to be - our best self, projected for that new person in our lives.  We are more loving, selfless, patient, giving, kind, and all those active words that say that we are intent and focused on that other person and their happiness - I believe this is generally true to all humans, not just submissive ones.  That best behavior usually lasts through that period of New Relationship Energy (NRE).  Once we start to settle in and feel more comfortable, a more realistic day to day version of who we are emerges.  That can mean subtle or marked shifts in behavior.

But I wonder if being submissive extends that "best behavior" pattern over a longer period than just through the NRE period.  

I also wonder if being dominant has the same effect?

For myself, I have not acted out in that sort of outburst in over a year.  That is fairly significant and leads thinking down all sorts of paths for submission being a model for positive behavior modification.  Some of the tenants of submission (for most folk) include those concepts of extending love, selflessness, patience, generosity, etc. to another.

None of us is perfect...well except Nihilus ** and Greedy ***...

Eventually we all "settle in" and we can see old patterns of behavior emerge that we have suppressed in ourselves in favor of this new D/s dynamic and of course through the NRE.   I believe that for submissives, it can be important to recognize when you have crossed over into that relaxed area and look for behaviors that complement, and ones that hinder your dynamic.  Also changes in life like moving in together can significantly affect that. 

So what do you think?  Does being submissive make you a better person?  Has your experience been that it has extended that projection of your "best self" in your relationships?  Have you seen old behaviors that are inconsistent with your current dynamic pop up like I have?

And for you Dominants?  How do you believe these concepts relate to you?  Does being dominant help you to be that person your dog thinks you are?  Has being dominant extended that sort of best behavior in your relationships?  How about your behavior?  For submissives, becoming one means significant changes in attitudes and behavior...what about either becoming a Dominant, or entering into a new relationship?



**Okay, that was a blatant and transparent attempt to get points...

***No actually, Greedy really is perfect...