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RE: Am I jaded? - 10/10/2009 7:43:21 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DrkJourney

sent ya something on the other side.

Had a simular situation once. He was one of those that would not only tell half truths, but he was one that would be talking to you no problems, then the next day disappear for months, then turn up.

Of course after the first time he went poof I was done with him, consideration wise, but I was polite and made conversation when he would turn up. After about a year I'd had enough and told him to either tell me what's going on or never contact me again. Turns out he was married (wife doesn't get me..yadda yadda yadda)

I told him exactly what I thought of his tactics, so now it's really cool because he's so scared he doesn't contact me any more...lol Of course, on schedule I still see that he looks at my profile...lol

Sent a reply back at ya!

Oh I know that scene and that is exactly why I am a bit jaded online. In person, I can see more... but it takes a lot to get to that in-person with what I have to arrange to get out. So to meet I really want to know it is worth what the family has to go through to arrange it.

So far since my move from Colorado...omg! I ran into a convicted stalker type who even found his way to the boards... a k9 lover in disguise who lied to just about every dominant here and in the state and one worth playing with. One! lol

So while I am out of my element.. is that the right phrase here? humm.... I am going to carefully word things, give a chance and go from there.

Nice seeing you!

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to DrkJourney)

Post #: 21

RE: Am I jaded? - 10/10/2009 7:43:52 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

I will messanger with no one who isnt a friend for a long time. I dont give my e-mail or phone number til after we meet inpublic and its a connection. Thast what mail on a site is for. privacy. Call me jaded or just call me experienced. Anyone who doesnt understand is not for me.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to SnowRanger)

Post #: 22

RE: Am I jaded? - 10/10/2009 7:49:02 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Acer49

Well the OP has failed to consider the obvious, just because it is on the internet, does not make it true. I gave someone my phone number and they did one of these lookup. It came back listing my former slave's business association as well as a listing for a female homosexual. The business, even though I knew of it, the parent company had absolutely no right to list any information without my consent and as far as the other, I am neither a homosexual or female. I can only assume that the phone number was hers at one time. I find it very irresponsible for individuals or companies to present fiction as fact. I pay the phone company a fee for not listing it, that means anywhere.

I do realize it is the net and asked who she was. I didn't take it as anything for sure until I asked him. Then he admitted that she had moved out six months ago... but only after more was said in response to his... the only Sara I know is the lady that gave me this messed up computer. I think.. pretty sure... she gave him a bit more than that and meant a bit more than that. How he explained the listing... well... that is another story and I will work on that one tonight.

So I am sorry you had a problem with what happened, but in this case, it was in my opinion, correct that it was in her name and maybe wasn't taken out as it should have been, but I won't know that for sure until later. In his corner.. he did offer to send me the bill with his name on it. lol

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to Acer49)

Post #: 23

RE: Am I jaded? - 10/10/2009 7:52:43 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

You are jaded! So? Go with your gut, it will not steer you wrong!

I go to the phone pretty quickly... SO easy for them to give themselves away over the phone!

LOL... I think from reading my post... our emails and my journal, you know my gut almost as well as I do!

I like the written form for the first bit because I can always go back to it to help me if I forget something. Then I move to the phone only when I feel safe enough with someone knowing my address... just in case... someone makes a mistake somewhere. By this time we have been in messenger, which I do have issue with since that friggin stalker guy followed me for two years and hacked into everything I had. So jaded I may be.. and that has been fine... but I do want to be fair. So... here goes! lol

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 24

RE: Am I jaded? - 10/10/2009 7:55:41 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

I will messanger with no one who isnt a friend for a long time. I dont give my e-mail or phone number til after we meet inpublic and its a connection. Thast what mail on a site is for. privacy. Call me jaded or just call me experienced. Anyone who doesnt understand is not for me.

I think I have gone just about any way you could since I have been online. Since I came to this site, I was more cautious because of my own experiences and some of the guys that have approached me. I say, whatever works and makes us comfy is best. If they can't understand something like that... they won't understand a whole lot of other things as time goes by. Our safety, even if they know they mean no harm... must be considered as well as our comfort. If they don't get it... they don't get us. That's a problem.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 25

RE: Am I jaded? - 10/11/2009 5:07:11 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

If they are interested they will be understanding and forthcoming. Unfortunately, in my experiences most arent.
Red Flags:
They are never online over the weekend.
They are never online outside of business hours
they have no profile but they write people
They dont have a profile filled out
They profess their undying love and you have never met.
After a period of time they still dont want to meet, come up with excuses.
After a period of time they wont give you adress and full name.
They go poof after you ask for their full name so you can do a background check.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 10/11/2009 5:08:13 AM >

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 26

RE: Am I jaded? - 10/11/2009 5:30:49 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

So someone e-mailed me and said "look no further". Thats it. I said I needed more than a sentence. I wanted a heartfelt e-mail explaining him and his character as a one sentence e-mail was not much to go by. I asked what he did for work and his hobbies. And a picture. I said I would continue to look until I was given a reason not to.
I got a message back saying,"You are a clueless cunt. No wonder you are alone."

So my method works. I dont want anyone in my life who would say such abusive things. Especially when I dont know them.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 27

RE: Am I jaded? - 10/11/2009 5:35:36 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

I think "clueless cunt" translates to "youre to astute for me".

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 28

RE: Am I jaded? - 10/11/2009 5:44:29 AM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
Am I jaded? Too tough? Or is this how we or I can become at a site like this? lol

Good morning Lockit,

In the year or so that I've been on these message boards, I've read various posts made by you that have eluded to problems with people who haven't been as honest and as forthcoming as they could or should have been. Keeping that in mind, I have to ask you a question...Do you feel a healthy dose of common sense and a bit of cynicism is a bad thing? I, personally, don't read your posts as coming from a jaded person but, instead, from someone who lives in the real world.

Would I see the reaction of this man to the questions you asked as a red flag? Probably. Does that mean he's a time waster? That may take a few more chats and shared emails to figure out. I also check people that I chat/talk/meet with when getting to know them. I think its good to keep your feet firmly planted in reality. It has been my experience that many people (not all, mind you) I've met on CM want to give just enough information to portray some image of the truth instead of just being upfront and honest. I'm not sure why this is.

Has CM made me, and others, jaded? CM has helped me to look for other clues as to who a person is and to be more aware of half and padded truths. While I don't believe it has made me jaded, it has removed a good portion of the veil of mystery that can be exciting when first meeting someone. Online interaction, in my opinion, has changed the way people approach this mating dance we do...for better or worse.

Being a tough chick isn't a bad thing and can, in my opinion, make the prize that much sweeter. Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

ETA.....What's made me a bit jaded and cynical isn't CM or any website but, instead, dealing with stupidity and ignorance in real life on a daily basis. That would explain the quote in my sig line.

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 10/11/2009 6:01:31 AM >

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 29

RE: Am I jaded? - 10/11/2009 3:20:10 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Thank you CarrieO! I so love your post's and really benefit from how well you cover a topic and the reality base you have! Another great post! lol

I am pretty comfortable being even jaded, since that is the wording I used! lol The most important thing to me is being accountable to myself in how I do things. I rarely question myself but when I think I may be off somehow, I will examine myself and the situation. Wanting to be fair is important, but not more important than my gut instinct, but that gut could be wrong and in this situation I wondered what other's would say and their experience and if I was being a tad over done because I do see some changes in myself. So far those changes work for me, but I am open to looking at it deeper. (Besides my head hurts and I could be missing something! lol)

UPDATE... I spoke to the man in question...lol... for about nine hours last night. I do believe his answer was one of shock... how did she know the name Sara? lol Where did that come from? He was trying to quickly answer me and wasn't meaning to be evasive and I learned this by not addressing that answer and with other things and found there was no way he was trying to hide anything and I found an open and delightful book! Once I have redflagged... I examine things even deeper than I already do. Some redflags, I will not need any further information on... some I want more information as there is some conflict in how one is presenting so well and yet there is this flag... why?

My redflag meter didn't go off once in that long messenger and phone conversation. So I feel comfortable, assured and not buttered up and it is time to progress onto that first meet. Oh and without my actual test that everyone gets... he came close to passing it. Only two men have passed it... so that was damn good in my eyes! lol He may be the first that doesn't get it because he covered it for the most part in general conversation!

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to CarrieO)

Post #: 30

RE: Am I jaded? - 10/11/2009 4:39:45 PM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Lockit, having seen "The Last Tango In Paris" I am glad you didnt get buttered up, it plays hell with ones typing.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 31

RE: Am I jaded? - 10/11/2009 6:49:05 PM

blackpearl81

Posts: 506
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Home of the Yankees
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

If they are interested they will be understanding and forthcoming. Unfortunately, in my experiences most arent.
Red Flags:
They are never online over the weekend.
They are never online outside of business hours
they have no profile but they write people
They dont have a profile filled out
They profess their undying love and you have never met.
After a period of time they still dont want to meet, come up with excuses.
After a period of time they wont give you adress and full name.
They go poof after you ask for their full name so you can do a background check.

Uhhh..

Sorry, but I'd go poof the first time someone wanted to me to go for a background check.

I'm tryin to fill a role in a relationhip. NOT a position with the CIA.

I have more than this to say, but I'll hold my tongue.

_____________________________

~ Karma. Being a motherfucker since 1981 ~

Ms. Pacman was the greatest prostitute that ever lived. For 25 cents, that bitch swallowed balls 'till she died.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 32

RE: Am I jaded? - 10/11/2009 7:03:24 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I didn't do background searches of any kind for a long time. Now... I will once in a while. The first time came after I realized that someone I canceled out after talking to him for four days decided to follow me to the boards and lie to people and tried to find a way to manipulate me. Boy oh boy, was that an eye opener! Of course my eyes weren't closed, but damn(!) legal proof of what the man was convicted of. Stalking of numerous women, domestic abuse, alcohol problems, etc. At that time I decided that anyone who wants to join me in my life with my family and belongings, that gives me a red flag... can and will be someone I consider doing a background check on.

I'm the one with something to lose... after all... I carry a vagina... I have a family with minors, I have belongings and I just simply don't need the drama. I even tell people that I reserve the option to do a background check on them and if they don't like it... and they can't understand why a woman would do so.... they can find another woman not as jaded or stupid or who is far more trusting or what someone says as being the truth no matter what. lol

I married a man I trusted a long time ago... I didn't do a background check or a pre-nup. My car insurance went up because of his driving record... my credit and interest rates were effected because of his credit. Let me tell you... sometimes what you don't know can cost you. At least these things are less costly than some of the other things that can happen! lol

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to blackpearl81)

Post #: 33

RE: Am I jaded? - 10/11/2009 7:12:17 PM

IBused

Posts: 93
Joined: 10/4/2009
Status: offline

I don't blame anyone for doing that, all pets should have references and papers if they are truly pedigree.....and house broken!

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 34

RE: Am I jaded? - 10/11/2009 7:18:27 PM

blackpearl81

Posts: 506
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Home of the Yankees
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I didn't do background searches of any kind for a long time. Now... I will once in a while. The first time came after I realized that someone I canceled out after talking to him for four days decided to follow me to the boards and lie to people and tried to find a way to manipulate me. Boy oh boy, was that an eye opener! Of course my eyes weren't closed, but damn(!) legal proof of what the man was convicted of. Stalking of numerous women, domestic abuse, alcohol problems, etc. At that time I decided that anyone who wants to join me in my life with my family and belongings, that gives me a red flag... can and will be someone I consider doing a background check on.

I'm the one with something to lose... after all... I carry a vagina... I have a family with minors, I have belongings and I just simply don't need the drama. I even tell people that I reserve the option to do a background check on them and if they don't like it... and they can't understand why a woman would do so.... they can find another woman not as jaded or stupid or who is far more trusting or what someone says as being the truth no matter what. lol

I married a man I trusted a long time ago... I didn't do a background check or a pre-nup. My car insurance went up because of his driving record... my credit and interest rates were effected because of his credit. Let me tell you... sometimes what you don't know can cost you. At least these things are less costly than some of the other things that can happen! lol

Wow...

Just.... wow.

_____________________________

~ Karma. Being a motherfucker since 1981 ~

Ms. Pacman was the greatest prostitute that ever lived. For 25 cents, that bitch swallowed balls 'till she died.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 35

RE: Am I jaded? - 10/11/2009 7:23:02 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Wow, just wow... what?

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to blackpearl81)

Post #: 36

RE: Am I jaded? - 10/11/2009 7:32:09 PM

blackpearl81

Posts: 506
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Home of the Yankees
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Wow, just wow... what?

I've never seen so many shitty covers of Tom Petty's "Running down a dream" on YouTube.

_____________________________

~ Karma. Being a motherfucker since 1981 ~

Ms. Pacman was the greatest prostitute that ever lived. For 25 cents, that bitch swallowed balls 'till she died.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 37

RE: Am I jaded? - 10/11/2009 7:35:58 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

i have never felt compelled to investigate anyone i speak with online. i recognize there are certain risks that are associated with utilizing a service that is free of charge. if i want to mitigate these and rest comfortably knowing his information checks out i will hire someone who specializes in pairing people together. oftentimes they verify background details to ensure that everything is above board.

i don't feel it is my right to go poking around into a virtual strangers backyard. there's no commitment or guarantee of anything occurring save the exchange of written notes that are only as time consuming as i permit. i view behavior such as this as being a shade too intrusive and somewhat paranoid. it needn't be such because other options exist, whether a person is willing to pay for that is another story.

there's also the realization that whatever is discovered may not be accurate. even in instances where it may be correct, the other party may feel their privacy has been violated. i may pose a question but that doesn't imply the other person must answer. i may not care for the answer given but i don't believe i should become sherlock holmes to unearth the truth. it appears to be a lot of effort is being expended on a well intentioned maybe. there are always risks in matters of the heart. becoming a cyber sleuth won't change this.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 38

RE: Am I jaded? - 10/11/2009 7:37:55 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Well, consider me ignorant because I am not going to try to understand that one by going to youtube and whatever. You can or decide not to explain it to me, in my ignorance.. your choice. I'll consider it for what it's worth... which means little to me at the moment becasue I don't understand what you are saying and flippant answer's won't get me anywhere. I will just have to not understand.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to blackpearl81)

Post #: 39

RE: Am I jaded? - 10/11/2009 7:38:45 PM

blackpearl81

Posts: 506
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Home of the Yankees
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

........i don't feel it is my right to go poking around into a virtual strangers backyard. there's no commitment or guarantee of anything occurring save the exchange of written notes that are only as time consuming as i permit. i view behavior such as this as being a shade too intrusive and somewhat paranoid......

porcelaine

Thank you for stating what I wanted to say.
I probably wouldn't have said is as nicely as you, hence why I didn't post it. XD

_____________________________

~ Karma. Being a motherfucker since 1981 ~

Ms. Pacman was the greatest prostitute that ever lived. For 25 cents, that bitch swallowed balls 'till she died.

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 40

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