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Why do you choose to submit - 10/11/2009 7:12:18 AM   
geomease


Posts: 56
Joined: 9/25/2009
Status: offline 		Another question for the subs out there, also to dom's who believe they fully understand the sub mindset.

Obviously submission is (hopefully) a choice you willingly make.  But what exactly drives you to submit to another?  I've though about this for quite some time and heres what I believe my reasons for choosing submission over dominance to be.

First off from a mental aspect I find the idea of being able to submit to another very peaceful.  To be able to know and trust someone enough to place your life, your safety, your health and well being in another hands.  I see that as an expression of absolute trust and love.  I find the idea peaceful to have the burden of choice being taken off you, to give up control to someone you feel will make better decisions for you than you would make.  Being able to submit to someone I trust, someone I love, to me there is no better way for me to express my feelings for them..

Of course to some dress a persons true nature comes into play, some people are simply more naturally submissive than others.  I for one loath my naturally aggressive male tendencies, which despite how hard I try to suppress them still bug me from time to time.  I prefer to be peaceful or docile, it is an amazing feeling to know that your efforts or hard work is serving to improve someone else way of life.  To know your being useful to someone you care about.  In the end it is all worth it for the simple possibility of being told you did a good job or a simple pat or rub on the head. (especially for me since the top of my head is ultra sensitive, I've come to the conclusion that my head and hair is a major erogenous zone for me seeing as I can feel it through me entire body) 

So I ask you what are your reasons for choosing to submit.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Why do you choose to submit - 10/11/2009 8:10:49 AM   
ncbabe


Posts: 1060
Joined: 4/19/2009
Status: offline 		I do not choose to submit, however I do choose to whom I submit, and that decision is based on many factors but mostly comes down to intuition.

(in reply to geomease)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Why do you choose to submit - 10/11/2009 8:20:56 AM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		I find female sexuality and desirability to be so powerful that it makes me weak.  I am driven to surrender to a woman who recognizes and exercises her power. 

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to ncbabe)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Why do you choose to submit - 10/11/2009 8:21:04 AM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: geomease
First off from a mental aspect I find the idea of being able to submit to another very peaceful.  To be able to know and trust someone enough to place your life, your safety, your health and well being in another hands.  I see that as an expression of absolute trust and love.  I find the idea peaceful to have the burden of choice being taken off you, to give up control to someone you feel will make better decisions for you than you would make. Being able to submit to someone I trust, someone I love, to me there is no better way for me to express my feelings for them..

Wel.., geomease, I definitely don't see it as you do. I don't find the idea of submitting "peaceful" at all. It actually kind of stresses me out. I don't want the "burden of choice" taken off of me and handed to someone who will make "better" decisions than me. I am not, by any means, a "naturally submissive" person. I think I have great decision making power and smart ideas and the thought of others being "better" than me at it - so much so that I hand all such power over to them - makes my blood pressure rise, frankly. I'm not a control freak but I come very, very close

So, imagine my surprise when I felt the desire to do what doesn't come naturally to me and submit to Master. I love Him and trust Him and He is wise and makes good decisions. Not every time, mind you, but usually I'm not always peaceful about what He decides and I definitely show it. It's HOW I show it that's important to Him. He knows as well as I do how hard it is for me to submit in all areas all the time. He knows it's not a "natural" thing for me. That's why - knowing that I chose to do it and continue to choose to do it daily - makes Him happy and proud. And me too

Why do I do it? Still haven't totally figured that one out yet. I'll let you know when I know

luci





_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to geomease)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Why do you choose to submit - 10/11/2009 9:30:36 AM   
geomease


Posts: 56
Joined: 9/25/2009
Status: offline 		Yes i understand, i suppose we all have different reasons for being submissive.  I am as you would say a natural submissive, also like kal says I do find the female form and elegance innately superior to my male tendencies.  I suppose you could go so far as to say i believe women to be innately superior to men, and that to a degree I am actually a little jealous or envious that I'll never have the true femininity that I have always desired.  Then again I do have different reasons for wanting to submit to men as well.  When submitting to a man it is easier to be the designated "girl" of the relationship, which i find an attractive prospect.  that is not to say that the female role is supposed to be assumed as submissive as many of us know there are many strong women.  I suppose eventually it all comes to a lack of confidence in myself.  I don't see myself as the strong dominant type so I instead desire to be submissive and serve under someone else.  To use my weakness to serve and be protected by anothers strength.

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Why do you choose to submit - 10/11/2009 9:31:26 AM   
alittleevil


Posts: 235
Joined: 10/25/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: geomease

Another question for the subs out there, also to dom's who believe they fully understand the sub mindset.

Obviously submission is (hopefully) a choice you willingly make.  But what exactly drives you to submit to another?  I've though about this for quite some time and heres what I believe my reasons for choosing submission over dominance to be.

First off from a mental aspect I find the idea of being able to submit to another very peaceful.  To be able to know and trust someone enough to place your life, your safety, your health and well being in another hands.  I see that as an expression of absolute trust and love.  I find the idea peaceful to have the burden of choice being taken off you, to give up control to someone you feel will make better decisions for you than you would make.  Being able to submit to someone I trust, someone I love, to me there is no better way for me to express my feelings for them..

Of course to some dress a persons true nature comes into play, some people are simply more naturally submissive than others.  I for one loath my naturally aggressive male tendencies, which despite how hard I try to suppress them still bug me from time to time.  I prefer to be peaceful or docile, it is an amazing feeling to know that your efforts or hard work is serving to improve someone else way of life.  To know your being useful to someone you care about.  In the end it is all worth it for the simple possibility of being told you did a good job or a simple pat or rub on the head. (especially for me since the top of my head is ultra sensitive, I've come to the conclusion that my head and hair is a major erogenous zone for me seeing as I can feel it through me entire body) 

So I ask you what are your reasons for choosing to submit.



Hello there,
Short answer: i submit to this particular man because, to be with him there isn't really a choice.  He doesn't do partnership-as-equals, it's not part of his makeup.  I learned, long ago, that i suck at it very much (partnership-as-equals), so it's not part of my makeup either. (Plus, evil Alpha males turn me on!) In that sense neither of us "chose" dominant v. submissive, though at some point we each did begin to choose to actively seek partners from among those who (in theory at least) were actively seeking relationships with a clearly delineated power dynamic.

Neither "submission" nor "obedience" gives me any satisfaction in an of itself (though i'm with ya on the head patting part :-) ), and though there is a lot of what you describe above to it,  it's much more basic and not so pretty for me: i like men, i want a man in my life, but, to spare both of us an extended stay at the Stress Relief Hilton, it is essential that he be In Charge and i be at his feet.

Best,
aj


_____________________________

Throw me to the wolves because there's order in the pack (RHCP)

(in reply to geomease)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Why do you choose to submit - 10/11/2009 9:41:11 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: geomease
Another question for the subs out there, also to dom's who believe they fully understand the sub mindset.

Obviously submission is (hopefully) a choice you willingly make.

For the record, I do not think I fully understand the sub mindset. I think I understand Carol pretty well though.

Carol's submission and choice is not exactly as obvious as you make it out. To my understanding, the first choice we made was to get married. That started the D/s cycle inevitably. There is no way we could be together without her submitting to some extent and me dominating. It's just the way we approach reality. So, in essence, you could say that Carol chose to submit by marrying me and continues to choose to submit by staying married.

The second choice she made was to push that submission as far as she can (you can call that whatever, TPE, slavery, yada yada). It's kind of debatable how much choice she had in this one. Already being my wife for a long time, it was kind of inevitable that when I painted a vision of what I thought TPE could be, she agreed with me. Her primary reason is that it pleases me. Go figure.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to geomease)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Why do you choose to submit - 10/11/2009 9:56:03 AM   
CollaredChicklet


Posts: 146
Joined: 10/28/2008
Status: offline 		I don't think that I have ever "chosen" to submit...  I think i came out of the womb that way.  I did not choose to submit when i had an abusive, controlling boyfriend (before i knew of this lifestyle), and yet i still submitted.  I've learned that i have the ability, now, to choose who i submit to, and to choose the situations that would allow this submission to be as safe as possible. 

for some of us, we just can't help it; we submit because it's ingrained in our bodies, and in our blood. 

_____________________________



"The sea was calm, your heart would have responded gaily, when invited, beating obediently to controlling hands" --T.S. Eliot, The Waste Land

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Why do you choose to submit - 10/11/2009 10:33:20 AM   
geomease


Posts: 56
Joined: 9/25/2009
Status: offline 		I see a lot of people seem to disagree with the thought of "choosing" to submit.  perhaps that was a mistake on my part.  When i say submission was a choice I mean not that you were a vanilla who choose to take up submitting, but rather that you weren't being forced into a position of submission against your will by another.

(in reply to CollaredChicklet)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Why do you choose to submit - 10/11/2009 11:26:09 AM   
alittleevil


Posts: 235
Joined: 10/25/2007
Status: offline 		 
quote:

ORIGINAL: geomease

I see a lot of people seem to disagree with the thought of "choosing" to submit.  perhaps that was a mistake on my part.  When i say submission was a choice I mean not that you were a vanilla who choose to take up submitting, but rather that you weren't being forced into a position of submission against your will by another.


Hi again,
Okay, i get that :-).  In your OP you said:

quote:

Obviously submission is (hopefully) a choice you willingly make. But what exactly drives you to submit to another? I've though about this for quite some time and heres what I believe my reasons for choosing submission over dominance to be.


There are, to me, two separate questions there: "what drives you to submit" and "reasons for choosing submission over dominance."  With regard to the latter, there was no choosing--me being dominant as it gets defined here (well, or anywhere) is...simply not possible.  It would be very stupid for me to try.  Life has taught me that it is almost as equally unwise for me to try to take the place as a peer in my intimate relationships, so knowing this, i did choose to actively seek a man who was actively seeking a girl like me. Kinky sex, SM, any fetish i might have had, all of those are entirely secondary to the need, for my own well being and satisfaction, to have the man in my life be firmly in the position of authority/power/Dominant.  It works out really well cause Master needs, for his well-being and satisfaction, to have the women in his life kept firmly not in power and to be content there. 

Now, as to what drives me to submit, I dunno...a collection of psychosexual urges and personality traits that makes me extremely responsive to those who are stronger than me and the self awareness to accept that i am not so good on my own?  I do have a drive for service and it is quite satisfying to make other people happy, but i could do that in any relationship. Submission to someone stronger than me just happens.

Best,
aj


_____________________________

Throw me to the wolves because there's order in the pack (RHCP)

(in reply to geomease)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Why do you choose to submit - 10/11/2009 7:52:06 PM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline 		I submit because I'm happiest when I do it.  It's really as simple as that, to me.

DV's Fox


_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss



(in reply to alittleevil)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Why do you choose to submit - 10/11/2009 8:09:59 PM   
ncbabe


Posts: 1060
Joined: 4/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: geomease

I see a lot of people seem to disagree with the thought of "choosing" to submit.  perhaps that was a mistake on my part.  When i say submission was a choice I mean not that you were a vanilla who choose to take up submitting, but rather that you weren't being forced into a position of submission against your will by another.


I'm going respond to this again, and take your OP as asking what I get out of submitting as oppose to why I 'choose' it.  

I primarily get happiness and satisfaction from obeying my owner and hearing him tell me that he is pleased with me.

I have so much responsibility in my life that him having control over me is like having a huge burden taken off my shoulders.  His intelligence, authority, common sense and genuine care for me allow me to give my entire self to him knowing I am completely safe.  I also feel most at peace when I am with him; because he will not allow any part of me to be hidden from him, I can relax knowing he accepts me for who I am.

Overall I find submitting to my owner to be exceptionally fulfilling. He constantly finds new ways to challenge me, and he inspires and pushes me to be the best person I can be.  So from that angle the rewards of submitting to him are immeasurable.

(in reply to geomease)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Why do you choose to submit - 10/11/2009 11:12:22 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~
I'm naturally submissive, so that part's not a choice.  It just is.  The part I choose is who I submit to.  Before I discovered bdsm, I had an abusive  'nilla boyfriend that I just naturally submitted to.  Since I discovered bdsm, I've actually strengthened my boundaries, so I'm more assertive with everyone except the one I choose to submit to.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to ncbabe)
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RE: Why do you choose to submit - 10/11/2009 11:36:13 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I choose to submit to Master because I love and adore him and he's a dominant type of man who I find hot.


(in reply to sweetsub1957)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Why do you choose to submit - 10/11/2009 11:58:00 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Why?

Because its deliciously sweet.

YUM.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to geomease)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Why do you choose to submit - 10/12/2009 2:01:12 AM   
Adelleda


Posts: 20
Joined: 9/23/2009
Status: offline 		I am not submissive 24/7. I have learnt when it is needed to be assertive and stand up for myself. In my organisation I am dominant even. But my personality is submissive by nature, in me it is part and parcel of my shyness. However I decide who I want to be submissive to.

I like being submissive to some one becuase it is in a way a relief being able to let someone else make the decisions, in a way it can make life easier, but also I just plain ENJOY it.

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Why do you choose to submit - 10/12/2009 2:12:06 AM   
subtlebutterfly


Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline 		Is "I don't know" an answer?

_____________________________

~Ms. Awesomeness to YOU!~

(in reply to Adelleda)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Why do you choose to submit - 10/12/2009 5:23:07 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

But what exactly drives you to submit to another?

*shrug*
Don't know.

Something in me responds to something in him. I don't know what it is and it's not there with every man. I just know that some men are capable of forcing that response in me with just a single look.



_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to geomease)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Why do you choose to submit - 10/12/2009 6:45:03 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Whether I've submitted or dommed, the reasons are still the same: for both mine and my partner's exquisite pleasure. And to live the life we were born for.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to geomease)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Why do you choose to submit - 10/12/2009 8:01:46 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: geomease
Obviously submission is (hopefully) a choice you willingly make.  But what exactly drives you to submit to another?  I've though about this for quite some time and heres what I believe my reasons for choosing submission over dominance to be.

I'm a switch, and am currently in a M/s relationship, and react with some dominance toward my submissive play partner (as opposed to just topping her, but as it doesn't extend to her *serving* me in completely vanilla circumstances, I don't consider her to be *my* submissive). My last relationship was for 3 years as a submissive, and one of my previous relationships was for 5 years as a Domme.

When I was looking, before my Master and I made a commitment to each other, I was open to someone of any D/s or BDSM orientation. I didn't specifically "choose" to submit. I reacted that way to my Master as an individual, and we extensively discussed D/s in terms of his expectations, more philosophical/theoretical aspects, mindset, punishment, and other aspects. I decided that we were compatible, and chose to be with *him*. Even if I had somehow reacted with Dominance instead of submission toward him, I couldn't have "chosen" to dominate him, since he isn't a switch, so wouldn't have been interested. If I had met a submissive who I was just as intrigued by, and just as compatible with first, I would have been in a D/s relationship as a Domme, instead.

(in reply to geomease)
Profile   Post #: 20
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