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RE: expression - 3/13/2006 9:35:09 AM   
PenelopePitstop


Posts: 254
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: UK
Status: offline 		Trust me, it's not the actual urges that are doing harm here, it's your attempted denial of them.

Read some powerful poetry, since you are a lady of Words. Amazing how inspiring art can be when you are trying to work out how to dare to be different:

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Invictus ~ William Ernest Henley

_____________________________

Wickedness is a myth created by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others ~ Oscar Wilde

"You had me at Goodbye"

(in reply to Slipstreme)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: expression - 3/13/2006 10:00:22 AM   
Cloudz


Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiant


When my family is raised I dream that I can pursue becoming a spinster. Asexual and focusing on the many other things in life that intrigue me. Eager to forget this complicated, impossible to analyze, brainstem function gone amok. Tired of its implications and misshapen puzzle pieces that fit nowhere in my reality. Sick of sacrifice for the sake of my own principles. Shell-shocked principles retreating to a safe place when my fiction comes out to play.

Can I be the only one who feels this way? Venting complete, please forgive my whining.




I hear your cries. I understand your needs. I hope in time you grow brave and come to the place where your needs can be met...because in time you will realize that the cries cannot be silenced, the needs cannot be ignored.

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."


(in reply to defiant)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: expression - 3/13/2006 5:47:35 PM   
Aimtoplease101


Posts: 319
Joined: 2/8/2006
From: San Diego, California
Status: offline 		You write: "The thought of gratuitious sex with my husband is repulsive. My best friend. My ally. My only reason for existance has been excluded from my sensuality for six years now. I could never ask him to be the deviant I need. It would be coerced and worthless."

None of us knows each other's personal situation well enough to provide any real prescription, but here goes anyway. Most men are incredibly malleable when it comes to sexual relationships and roles with women. If you really have a good relationship with your spouse, don't assume he won't be interested in exploring this lifestyle until you give it try. If you've kept your "inner life" secret from him, who's to say he's not hiding some secret desires himself? Work on what you have, before you toss it and go looking for something else. Good luck either way. (and don't be afraid to use pronouns once in while)

ATP

_____________________________

Pleasing you pleases me.

(in reply to defiant)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: expression - 3/13/2006 7:30:27 PM   
CERCKL


Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:

If you really have a good relationship with your spouse, don't assume he won't be interested in exploring this lifestyle until you give it try. If you've kept your "inner life" secret from him, who's to say he's not hiding some secret desires himself? Work on what you have, before you toss it and go looking for something else. Good luck either way. (and don't be afraid to use pronouns once in while)


Pronouns? We don't need no steenkin' pronouns! LOL...

I do concur here...if the relationship between you and your spouse is strong in the other ways, then introducing certain sexual needs/desires can be very positive, for both of you. I also agree with the earlier statements suggesting the potential of finding counseling, both singular and together...this can be very positive if you shop for the right outside individual. My own case, when my marriage came to the recognition of it's ending, I suggested counseling and was told 'no'...she felt it was too late and too much baggage; she also accused me of not suggesting it til I was losing the marriage; I didn't point it out (one of the few times I haven't been sarcastic...) but she had NEVER suggested it. Now that we are going through the logisitics, we are putting back together the friendship we have had over the last 12 years...but we haven't had an intimate relationship for at least six years if not more...I guess my only point is that trying can be positive. I know you will find your own path deviant, and I honestly hope you find what you need, what feeds you during that journey...
C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to Aimtoplease101)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: expression - 3/13/2006 9:32:40 PM   
defiant


Posts: 10
Joined: 4/30/2004
Status: offline 		Soaking it up like a sponge. I appreciate all the recommendations and input more than I can suggest. Pronouns? You sound like my last composition teacher. Mr. Tinker is that you??
I frustrated the hell out of all of my teachers. Allow me to apologise in advance for all of my writing errors.
Mulling it all over.

(in reply to CERCKL)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: expression - 3/13/2006 10:15:33 PM   
ExistentialSteel


Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline 		So have you ever communicated with a Dom online? I mean this is so obviously the answer. You have had these desires for years and understand the internet, have found D/s sites and write well enough to get your thoughts to someone.

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to defiant)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: expression - 3/13/2006 10:22:48 PM   
CERCKL


Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Pronouns? You sound like my last composition teacher. Mr. Tinker is that you??
I frustrated the hell out of all of my teachers. Allow me to apologise in advance for all of my writing errors.
Mulling it all over.


Chuckling...my professors had to put up with fragment sentences...found I could get more information out that way; it then carried over into my short story writing...
As for ExistentialSteel's suggestion of writing to a Dom online; that might potentially be an answer...you do communicate very well and help defining focus might be positive... I have a feeling though you already recognize whatever answer it is you seek but you are grasping for validation of that answer...define the answer and your path might become more clear...though again, I would not discount your partner joining you on this voyage of yours...
C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to defiant)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: expression - 3/14/2006 12:22:55 AM   
defiant


Posts: 10
Joined: 4/30/2004
Status: offline 		I spoke to several. They seem to be on a hunt that I can not participate in as prey so they soon lose interest. It was somewhat helpful in defining just what my trip is though.

(in reply to ExistentialSteel)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: expression - 3/14/2006 1:52:23 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiant

Sex is over for me in any tangible way now. Only pain can excite me. The thought of gratuitious sex with my husband is repulsive. My best friend. My ally. My only reason for existance has been excluded from my sensuality for six years now. I could never ask him to be the deviant I need. It would be coerced and worthless. The errant personalty I seek could never reticulate with me outside of the sheets. Implausible, ludicrous contradictions.



You say your husband is your best friend and ally, you say he's the reason for your existence but I doubt it. If he was you would have been intimate with him for these last six years. You are just soothing your own conscience and your own lack of honesty. What do you plan to do, go behind his back because you haven't got the guts to confront him? If he was your best friend and ally you wouldn't be fishing here for suggestions but having a conversation with him.

Or is the truth you like the stability he brings to your life but you want to spice it up with a little excitment? Do the right thing and tell him how it is and if you have to stand on your own two feet to get the deal you want and pursue your fantasies then do it. Why should he have to pay a price for something you want?

(in reply to defiant)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: expression - 3/14/2006 2:06:55 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver
You say your husband is your best friend and ally, you say he's the reason for your existence but I doubt it. If he was you would have been intimate with him for these last six years. You are just soothing your own conscience and your own lack of honesty. What do you plan to do, go behind his back because you haven't got the guts to confront him? If he was your best friend and ally you wouldn't be fishing here for suggestions but having a conversation with him.

Or is the truth you like the stability he brings to your life but you want to spice it up with a little excitment? Do the right thing and tell him how it is and if you have to stand on your own two feet to get the deal you want and pursue your fantasies then do it. Why should he have to pay a price for something you want?

So many judgemental conclusions here! I note you and 'defiant' are from the same country & state and I can't help wondering if there's some history where you ran a distant second?

She does look cute in her pic, btw....

Focus.

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: expression - 3/14/2006 2:16:20 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50


So many judgemental conclusions here! I note you and 'defiant' are from the same country & state and I can't help wondering if there's some history where you ran a distant second?

She does look cute in her pic, btw....

Focus.



There is some history where I trusted someone and they abused that trust and cost me a small fortune while they had a good time. All I ever asked from her was honesty, not fidelity, nor anything else that stretched human nature to extremes. Though our major difference was not what she did, but that she considered honesty beyond human virtue, to me it is a virtue.

In fact I didn't conclude anything but posed questions for her to answer.

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: expression - 3/14/2006 2:19:59 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		Actually, I guess if they haven't had sex for six years then he must realise there is a problem or maybe that is just how he wants it. Maybe her husband would appreciate someone taking over that chore.

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: expression - 3/14/2006 4:08:03 AM   
defiant


Posts: 10
Joined: 4/30/2004
Status: offline 		I see that you are looking for a whipping post. I enjoyed your rant. The information I withheld is absent for a reason but I am happy the missing pieces of the story could fuel this much needed emotional release you have displayed. I admire your energy and conviction. Relax dude....I'm not your ex :P My partner and I both allow eachother the occasional affair and this is not a traditional relationship that we both must preform in. Everythings going to be O.K.

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: expression - 3/14/2006 6:24:01 AM   
ExistentialSteel


Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiant

I spoke to several. They seem to be on a hunt that I can not participate in as prey so they soon lose interest. It was somewhat helpful in defining just what my trip is though.


Thanks for answering. It just seemed the practical thing to do was my point. I understand better now. Thanks again.

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to defiant)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: expression - 3/15/2006 4:30:10 PM   
DelightMachine


Posts: 652
Joined: 1/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Your criticism, although constructive at times, had a punitive feel to it. Maybe your disdain for what I wrote is not necessarily a concern for my mental health or my use of pop-culture catch phrases? I shall make a note that my thoughts may be signs that I should seek "help".


How exactly was my response "punative"? Sorry I wasted my time and yours carefully going over your original post and trying to come up with the best advice I could. Sorry if the word "help" offended you.

You wrote something confusing and I laid out what I couldn't understand about it. I asked you to clarify a few things. You're offended at that, too.

You can use all the "pop-culture catch phrases" you want, but my objection to "gratuitous" was that I didn't understand it.

People who describe their marriage to strangers in ways that make it look obviously dysfunctional shouldn't be offended when people suggest counseling. I hope for your sake you take that advice.







_____________________________

I'd rather be in
Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg

(in reply to defiant)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: expression - 3/17/2006 12:19:59 AM   
defiant


Posts: 10
Joined: 4/30/2004
Status: offline 		Touche' my friend. Maybe it is the lack of inflection we are missing. I think intentions can become obscured because the written word is somewhat inanamate. but I think too much. Please excuse my curt response.

(in reply to DelightMachine)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: expression - 3/17/2006 5:06:34 AM   
sub2play


Posts: 1
Joined: 10/3/2005
Status: offline 		i really wasn't sure where to post this so i thought this would be a good catagory. I'm new to this lifestyle and i'm looking to connect with more people from my area and thus far have had no luck and can not find anyone. If anyone knows people from the flint area that i could contact or knows a way to find people it would be great if you could let me know. Thank you

(in reply to defiant)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: expression - 3/17/2006 10:17:05 AM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

i really wasn't sure where to post this so i thought this would be a good catagory. I'm new to this lifestyle and i'm looking to connect with more people from my area and thus far have had no luck and can not find anyone. If anyone knows people from the flint area that i could contact or knows a way to find people it would be great if you could let me know. Thank you

This isn't the place for a personal ad, you might want to do a search for your area on the other side of CM. Good luck.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to sub2play)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: expression - 3/17/2006 11:43:08 AM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline 		I don't know if you are the 'only' one that feels like this. I can however say that I have possibly NEVER felt like this and hopefully never will.

If I can offer anything it would be this: Never confused BDSM as some kind of 'medication.' While this post isn't particularly lifestyle related, you do identify as submissive in your profile.

You may need to seek professional help for these feelings, as they seem rather deeply rooted and fairly serious.

Kassie

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to defiant)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: expression - 3/17/2006 8:33:16 PM   
Smythe


Posts: 369
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline

Why is the largest collection of kinky people on the planet telling this woman to get therapy when her "problem" is that she likes pain, and vanilla sex has lost its attraction??

In my book, that's kinda healthy and normal for people like us.

Maybe she needs a little flexibility in her marriage so that she can find others who meet her unmet needs.

Smythe





_____________________________

Do not consider painful what is good for you.
Euripides

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 40
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