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Reprogramming a man in Chastity - 10/12/2009 2:01:15 PM

FauveWasHere

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/21/2009
Status: offline

Hello all and thanks in advance for the help.

I'm new here and only been into the bondage scene for a year or so now. And I love chastity and want to take it to the next level. ie, making my slave stay in chastity for twelve months (eventually speaking). The subject line speaks for itself, i want to reprogram my slave into one that i want. He's had other mistresses and i don't like how they trained him. So what i'm looking for is advice on a psychological and physical level.

Physical because he cheats from time to time. He has the cb2000 now but we're looking for a metal one so he won't be able to take it off. and psychologically because thats just fun.

anyway, any and all advice would be much appreciated.

Cheers.

oh btw i'm a woman, i have no idea how filled out my profile is.

< Message edited by FauveWasHere -- 10/12/2009 2:02:38 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Reprogramming a man in Chastity - 10/12/2009 2:19:29 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

You announce you are a woman and don't know how filled out your profile is? Then on your profile you state you are looking for someone to keep watchful eyes on your slave with things depending on your agreement with them. You say your slave cheats and you want to control him with chastity and you want someone else watching over him.

Why does this all sound funny, fishy and not make sense and the only sense it can make with me is that you are your slave? I mean... why would you make it a point to point out you are a woman? And what's with not knowing how filled out your profile is... didn't you create it?

My head hurts... lol

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to FauveWasHere)

Post #: 2

RE: Reprogramming a man in Chastity - 10/12/2009 2:32:35 PM

FauveWasHere

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/21/2009
Status: offline

well, the information on my profile is old. me wanting someone to keep a watchful eye on said slave was when he was down in Philadelphia for seven months with me being in Vermont. I mentioned that i am a woman because i haven't been on this site for a very long time and had no idea that i still even had a profile let alone what it said on it, nor did i want to go back to my profile and try to figure out how this site works.

and i know i sound like a total n00b. believe me, i get that. reasons why i'm looking for advice on how to just jump right in. i say that i've recently (one year) discovered this scene and the only know three people who are into the scene. my submissive friend, and two switches. so i'm really lost but eager. which is not a good combination because that leads to shitty explanations.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 3

RE: Reprogramming a man in Chastity - 10/12/2009 2:34:00 PM

FauveWasHere

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/21/2009
Status: offline

notice the no picture, posting history, and the last time i was on this site was in june.

(in reply to FauveWasHere)

Post #: 4

RE: Reprogramming a man in Chastity - 10/12/2009 2:36:05 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Putting men in long term chastity can be a really BAD idea. Like any kind of physical/mental programming, it can mess up their orgasmic response for good. Honest, there are men on the boards that his has happened to.

I'm not saying that chastity is evil or dangerous, just that you have to be cautious, and see what the physical responses you are getting are. Work your way into it slowly. And bear in mind that a person who is INCAPABLE of obedience isn't the best submissive material. The Idea of being locked away because you are someone's property is uber hot... having to be locked away due to lack of self control? Meh.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to FauveWasHere)

Post #: 5

RE: Reprogramming a man in Chastity - 10/12/2009 2:52:43 PM

kccuckoldmist

Posts: 97
Joined: 7/1/2009
Status: offline

We cannot program or re-program something that is not there. Your man will have a sex drive and even those who enjoy and benefit from chastity on an ongoing basis still need to have some sexual enjoyment.

Most men that enjoy chastity come from two ways 1) the minority who have low or asexual drives and maybe sexual dysfunctional issues and seek out a compatible person who does not want sex or intercourse from them. 2) Men that enjoy a sexuality/sexual atmosphere a lot and use a chastity device and withheld orgasms as a way to be allowed to focus on sex and to make it a big part of their life.

The former are not going to respond to withholding sex on such a long term as a motivation to obey and learn your ways. The latter is going to need to be sexually tormented a lot and not just be chastised to obey in such a long time period incentive way that pleases you and most probably not come close to a year and think who needs this.

Remember these are relationships and you can do all the cruel things to a man and withhold sex from them all you want but they still have to enjoy and be satisfied with their sex life or they will walk away like most people do.

_____________________________

"The ultimate authority must always rest with the individual's own reason and critical analysis." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

http://mistress-jen.blogspot.com/

(in reply to FauveWasHere)

Post #: 6

RE: Reprogramming a man in Chastity - 10/12/2009 2:57:04 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

Personally, I'm of the opinion that, if you can't dominate him well enough to keep him from "cheating" without a chastity device, then you're not Domme enough to completely retrain him. My advice is to spend less time looking at chastity devices and more time getting to know him and building your relationship. Once you figure out what makes him tick, you'll be able to answer this question for yourself.

Edited for typos

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 7

RE: Reprogramming a man in Chastity - 10/12/2009 3:20:08 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Please google... look into the medical ramifications, check out what we say, but also research until you have seen so much you really don't want to see more. As other's have said, there are far reaching effects from physical to emotional.

I don't believe that chastity is a good method of keeping someone from cheating. That is a personal issue with the cheater and maybe an issue within the relationship. Someone who cheats may not be old enough, mature enough or even of a charactor that I would find worthwhile as a partner. When younger I might not have seen that and got into wrong relationships. Now... no way, now how... would I ever be with a man like that. If I found a man cheating he would be gone.

You are very young and although you most likely won't like this... I must say that in our early years as adults, we don't always have the basis of strength (knowledge) we need when playing with the head trips some of our relationships have. Love and commitment, faithfulnes and maturity in personal growth and experiences are not at a point where they will be later on and I think you tread on some dangerous ground in many ways. It is very easy to get into a dysfunctional relationship, with power struggles, lustful adventures and confusing things that in a few years with experience, you will look back on and be able to see in a different way.

I know in this time period... my daughter hated me and thought me so very unfair because she didn't want to believe my hardened mother routine... but now at twenty three, two babies down the road and a multiple year relationship with a cheater... she now loves me and respects me and knows what I was talking about. Now with a wonderful man at her side, who has been daddy and is faithful... she still battles with the cheater... but now it is in court and will be a pain in the ass and costly for many years to come.

Not only think about the chastity... but think of the cheating more... is that really the kind of man you want in your life? I don't know you.. only what you say and how I feel that all people deserve the best if they will allow for the best. You deserve better.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 8

RE: Reprogramming a man in Chastity - 10/12/2009 3:32:09 PM

FauveWasHere

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/21/2009
Status: offline

So, he has experimented with chastity and has lasted two weeks without feeling like he needs to cheat. The main problem was we where states apart and that separation destroyed several aspects of our relationship. He is back in Vermont now and has moved up here for good. He is one of those men with a low sex drive, he's nearly twenty-two and has withheld from sex thus far
(for a number of reasons, originally his religion and more recently not being able to trust someone enough).

I know him very well. We met in college fall 2007 and when we're together, we're inseparable. He is my best friend and confident. I don't know what I would do without him, and visa versa. He was the one who introduced me to this scene and I am eager to expand my roll as a dom. I do have many traits commonly associated towards a dominance roll but I'm shy and awkward at things I don't know much about. Hence me asking for advice upon the subject.

He asked me if I had done research into "the reprograming of men in chastity", his exact words. On that note i will comment that i also love the submissive roll and pain is beautiful. I've gotten so lost in subspace that when I looked at my friend, he was something else entirely.

I should mention now, that he is a switch and has been into the scene since he even knew it was a scene (I apologize for my vocabulary in all things relating to, as i call it, "the scene").

Anyway, thanks for the advice thus far.

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 9

RE: Reprogramming a man in Chastity - 10/12/2009 3:36:18 PM

FauveWasHere

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/21/2009
Status: offline

Okay, huge important note, he never cheated on me. What he does is takes off the belt, pleasures himself, and puts it back on. Sorry, i thought that would have been clearer.

< Message edited by FauveWasHere -- 10/12/2009 3:39:44 PM >

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 10

RE: Reprogramming a man in Chastity - 10/12/2009 3:56:40 PM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

It sounds to me that sex with other people is a difficult thing for him, but he has no issue with masturbation. It would then be of concern that you are taking away that release for an entire year. I'm sure there are all sorts of psychological and physical ramifications from doing such a thing, as many have already stated.

< Message edited by LadyJulieAnn -- 10/12/2009 3:57:45 PM >

(in reply to FauveWasHere)

Post #: 11

RE: Reprogramming a man in Chastity - 10/12/2009 4:01:29 PM

FauveWasHere

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/21/2009
Status: offline

He has issues with sex because of how many times he's been cheated on in his life. He's afraid to get close to people because he believes they will disappear once he gets too close. And I have every intention of working him up till he can be ready (both psychologically and physically) for the twelve month period.

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)

Post #: 12

RE: Reprogramming a man in Chastity - 10/12/2009 4:04:01 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FauveWasHere

I know him very well. We met in college fall 2007 and when we're together, we're inseparable. He is my best friend and confident. I don't know what I would do without him, and visa versa.

Okay, you're approaching the territory that is my passion within BDSM. I approach what it is that we do (wiitwd) from a highly psychological standpoint. Trust me when I say that being best friends with someone isn't the same as being able to get into his head as a Domme and tinker with his "programming."

What I recommend is that you do some more research. Use the Search feature to hunt for threads on these boards that deal with BDSM checklists. Then get copies of the following books:

The Miss Abernathy Omnibus by Christina Abernathy
Manual Creation: Defining the Structure of an M/s Household by Master Fire
Neurolinguistic Programming for Dummies by Romilla Ready and Kate Burton (or any other book that covers basic NLP techniques)

The checklists will help you figure out where he stands on a wide variety of activities. Master Fire's book includes a questionnaire she gives to prospective slaves to see if they're a good fit. Have him fill it out. The second section of the Omnibus is Training With Miss Abernathy. It's a workbook with lots of questionnaires, training exercises, and other valuable information. Have him fill out everything. You may be surprised by some of his answers.

Study the NLP book and learn the techniques. I'd also suggest you read up on basic psychology or, if possible, take a class. Understanding how the human mind works will assist you with whatever training you want to do. By the time you've done all of this, you should be able to train him in any way you see fit.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to FauveWasHere)

Post #: 13

RE: Reprogramming a man in Chastity - 10/12/2009 4:20:59 PM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

No, the way you stated that he was "cheating" was not very clear, but now we know.

If your dominance does not come naturally, and you seem to lean toward submission, have the two of you ever thought of submitting as a couple to a dominant male or female? Maybe reading is not for you and visual is more your thing.

That's about all I can think of, because of your complaint is he's been trained by others and you don't like it, and you want him trained your way to serve you, chastity isn't going to cut it.

Contrary to some beliefs, D/s is done in the head...um...the one on your shoulders, not the one between your legs. That's the only way you're going to get him trained your way, and it seem to me like you need experience in being dominant first, then learn how to train someone and another dominant might be what you need to learn.

If you want to strike out on your own, please do the research as others have pointed out. It is not at all healthy for someone to be in chastity for a year. After you research male chastity research milking...might be a solution to help if you are determined to keep him that way for that long.

For the life of me I just don't see how being in chastity for a year is going to help you train, help him trust, or anything else....maybe I'm missing something

anywhooo..that's the way I see it unless there is yet another twist to this story...lol

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

(in reply to FauveWasHere)

Post #: 14

RE: Reprogramming a man in Chastity - 10/12/2009 4:56:24 PM

FauveWasHere

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/21/2009
Status: offline

The year in chastity is largely his goal. The first thing we ever talked about relating to chastity a year ago was his longing to be in chastity for that long. I think its a little ambitious but I'm eager for the challenge.

I will do my own research, I just wanted a jumping board.

(in reply to DrkJourney)

Post #: 15

RE: Reprogramming a man in Chastity - 10/12/2009 8:56:17 PM

Hardbutt

Posts: 78
Joined: 3/16/2005
Status: offline

FauveWasHere, this board it terrible if you don't do this the way "they" do it... read the Code'd Odelesque thread to see true hostility towards new and different ideas.

Your best resource for chastity info is www.tpe.com in the Altarboy section. There are several layers to the site where you can read a lot of info by people with real experience. No photos anymore, but Google Images will show you plenty.

Also Elise Sutton will be of interest for you mission.

A year in chastity, with breaks every few weeks at most, is very manageable if you work into it together. A piercing is the best way to balance comfort with security, the plastic devices are not comfortable enough if reasonably tight. With a piercing and a metal device, you can both know that it is a real situation for him. Have him get it soon and allow a few months to heal, but choose the piercing for the device.

Take a look at a Lori's tube, the Tickleberry.uk items, the Chastity Steel and the Neosteel. As you price items in Europe, remember you won't have to pay the 19% VAT that's added into the posted price if you ship to USA.

Good luck and have fun!

(in reply to FauveWasHere)

Post #: 16

RE: Reprogramming a man in Chastity - 10/12/2009 11:28:39 PM

Fellow

Posts: 1486
Joined: 9/21/2009
Status: offline

I am a slave and I have been involved with chastity regimen. My advise is not to pay any attention to safety nazis. Male in chastity
is about mistress having total control over sexual release of the slave. The best long term device is Ms. Lori tube with PA piercing.
Prostate function may be sometimes a concern. Technique called "milking" is used to avoid prostate problems. This is not necessary though, you may just monitor the prostate health and take action when problems occur.

(in reply to Hardbutt)

Post #: 17

RE: Reprogramming a man in Chastity - 10/13/2009 3:09:23 AM

FauveWasHere

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/21/2009
Status: offline

Hey hardbutt, a lot of your reverences where very helpful so thank you very much.

and Fellow i'm actually more interested in a metal hip belt and sheild with a detachable bisex attachment (dildo). he has a tube (cb2000) but gets tired of it easily and has only managed to stay comfortably for a handful of days. we've ben looking for the perfect belt for awhile now so any suggestions send my way

(in reply to Fellow)

Post #: 18

RE: Reprogramming a man in Chastity - 10/13/2009 6:58:09 AM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FauveWasHere

Hello all and thanks in advance for the help.

I'm new here and only been into the bondage scene for a year or so now. And I love chastity and want to take it to the next level. ie, making my slave stay in chastity for twelve months (eventually speaking). The subject line speaks for itself, i want to reprogram my slave into one that i want. He's had other mistresses and i don't like how they trained him. So what i'm looking for is advice on a psychological and physical level.

Physical because he cheats from time to time. He has the cb2000 now but we're looking for a metal one so he won't be able to take it off. and psychologically because thats just fun.

anyway, any and all advice would be much appreciated.

Cheers.

oh btw i'm a woman, i have no idea how filled out my profile is.

Your partner needs professional help. a chasity belt may make it impossible for him to masturbate, but it trains nothing

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to FauveWasHere)

Post #: 19

RE: Reprogramming a man in Chastity - 10/13/2009 8:54:17 AM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Putting men in long term chastity can be a really BAD idea. Like any kind of physical/mental programming, it can mess up their orgasmic response for good. Honest, there are men on the boards that his has happened to.

FauveWasHere,
I can attest to what LadyHibiscus has said in regard to the physical and emotional affects being in chastity can have on a male's ability to have an orgasmic response. Many male subs are often afraid to speak out regarding the consequences it may have had for them; something which can take a significant amount of time working with a patient Domme to undo the effects from his previous conditioning.

Like others, I agree that if a male is genuinely submissive to you, he'll learn to control his urges to masturbate and that no chastity device should be necessary. To me, it's a matter of instilling the mindset in him that what's between his legs his YOUR property and his orgasms belong to YOU.

If he's not having regular releases of some kind with you (remember that HOW he has them is entirely your decision and you can make that as interesting as you'd like

), I'd recommend you give him permission to have one on his own for both his mental and physical well being. Men who experience on-going chastity are often prone to depression as the period of time without a release lengthens. The idea may sound "hot" initially, but the reality may prove otherwise so I suggest you at least plan on being flexible.

As others have mentioned, understanding his reasons for wanting to explore chastity with you and knowing your reasons for wanting to explore it with him are both paramount to establishing your D/s dynamic with him. After all, who's the one who's going to be in control of the relationship? Do you want the use of his penis for YOUR pleasure? If so, then is chastity something YOU really want as part of the relationship?

Is he masturbating to get your attention; perhaps to receive consequences for doing so? If so, this sounds like "topping from the bottom" and I seriously doubt putting him in chastity is the answer to solving the behavioral problem. I strongly suspect the majority of the Dommes on the board would agree. Its already been subtly hinted at. I can't help but ask, why is it that he can't control his impulses? Does he lack self-control in this area only, or in others too?

These are all things I suggest you might want to explore as you do your research and discuss with him before you set a course of action with him. You could wind up heading down a path that may be fraught with even more frustration than you currently seem to be experiencing.

I wish you well on your journey in exploring your Dominance with this man.

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 20

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