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Santa as a threat..... - 10/13/2009 6:00:51 AM

sirsholly

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With Christmas getting closer Santa is becoming an issue in our home.

Our son is three years old and very very analytical. His behavior can get out of control, as with any three year old. To calm him down, his dad has begun to threaten to call Santa and tell him about the childs behavior. Of course that is followed by stating Santa only brings presents to boys and girls that are good, well behaved, listen to their mommy and daddy, etc. Hubby has even gone as far as "calling" Santa in front of the LoudOne. This does settle the kid down for a bit. But, his analytical mind is going to cause more problems as time goes by. He has already asked how Santa will land his sleigh on our roof, as it is very slanted. He wants to know how someone so fat can fit in the chimney...etc.

So i am asking for your opinion of the entire Santa thing. Has anyone used the Santa threat and had it backfire? Has it worked well for you? Do you encourage/discourage the belief in Santa?

I will tell you that i am not quite comfortable with what Hubby is doing, but i really can't say why. I just go along with it.

< Message edited by sirsholly -- 10/13/2009 6:04:33 AM >

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RE: Santa as a threat..... - 10/13/2009 6:11:17 AM

sappatoti

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I remember way back, probably in the pre-CD days, when my folks used that threat on me. Whether it ultimately made me a better person is best left for others to decide. Anyway, it worked to some extent because on one Christmas morning, the threats were actually carried out; we awoke to having pieces of coal in our stockings and nothing under the tree.

My heart stopped and as I muttered "dammit" within my mind ('cause you just didn't cuss like that for real when you're six years old -- not back then and definitely not in front of Mom), we were scooted off into the basement to pick up our toys and to think about things. While that was going on, my parents quickly loaded the floor under the tree and put the "real" stockings out.

My Mom said the threats worked though, as a child, I thought I was continuing to act the same way I always did. When the threats no longer made any difference to me was the moment that Santa became the mythological character and not the real person. On that final "threatening" moment, I sassed my parents saying that Santa wasn't real, and my brother sassed them too saying they needed to come up with better threats.

We got them. ;-)

Will the threats work for your family Holly? That depends upon how deeply connected LO is to Santa and how kindly those threats are made. Eventually LO will figure it out for himself, at which time you, as parents, will have to decide to threaten with something else or figure out something that doesn't involve threats.

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RE: Santa as a threat..... - 10/13/2009 6:11:59 AM

HatesParisHilton

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well, I can understand your discomfort, since Santa is a bit of a belief challenge first, and then to fib about calling him to "behaviour micro-manage" might give you a twinge for the right reasons.

That can be a bit like a priest telling a teen they can't go to a goth concert because God told him the teen will burn in brimstone for it. putting Santa or God in your Man's pocket, it's still your Man's pocket. No offense to him at all.

My complaint with Santa is when non CM people, athiest or agnostic "grups" ,who snootify at their friends over owning a rosary, are all tooo happy to chug along on the Santa Christmas Train when that's convenient for them as parents.

That's when they put Santa into HASBRO's pocket. Or wallet.

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RE: Santa as a threat..... - 10/13/2009 6:27:22 AM

lizi

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I'm in a huge minority here but I could never stomach the idea of deliberately lying to mine so I did not actively promote Santa as a concept and basically let the idea be very low key. I saw the whole 50 questions thing coming down the road and you know how one lie (even if it's Santa!) turns into many more. It's a tempting thing to use whatever you can to help with parenting lol, but I just couldn't lie to achieve whatever it was that I wanted from my boys.

I would refer to him more like a familiar storybook figure. I never brought up that he would bring presents, the kids knew that presents were from their Dad and I - nothing under the tree had Santa's name on it. The way I spoke of him and treated the concept was more like it was a traditional fun thing to do or talk about but it wasn't real. When the kids asked point blank if he was real I'd say no, he was a story and lots of people thought it was fun to pretend- especially for their kids. I also told them they were not to spoil the surprise for anyone else and as far as I know they never did.

So...to sum up. I just stayed away from the subject and kept it in the background. If it came up I'd answer questions truthfully. I just treated the whole idea of Santa as a one dimensional holiday symbol that was fun to think about. If the kids wanted to talk about it I let them and I didn't try to direct them to any conclusion, just let them work it out for themselves.

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RE: Santa as a threat..... - 10/13/2009 6:34:14 AM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly
He wants to know how someone so fat can fit in the chimney...etc.

Santa uses lube.

To be entirely honest, I don't like what's happening here.

1. A three year old is concerned about the next five minutes. Xmas is over two months away.
2. I think that using Santa in this way undermines parental authority. When LO hits the cats/burns the house down/refuses to eat your cooking, I think it's best that he understand that that displeases Mommy and Daddy, not some mythical being. It's like you're outsourcing discipline to a degree.

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RE: Santa as a threat..... - 10/13/2009 6:36:55 AM

sunshinemiss

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Hi Holly,

Generally, I wll talk to them about magic and stories and fiction and go from there. Telling a child about the SPIRIT of Christmas and how Santa fits into that as an idea, as part of the spirit will often help.

The one part that I hate about Santa is the threat thing. If you are not going to follow through, then don't use it (in my opinion). It teaches children to not trust your word.

I don't believe in lying to children.* There's typically a way to speak the truth without breaking the magic spell

*unless it's about snipe hunting. But that's a teenager and all bets are off with them. *wink

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RE: Santa as a threat..... - 10/13/2009 6:42:01 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sappa

Will the threats work for your family Holly? That depends upon how deeply connected LO is to Santa and how kindly those threats are made. Eventually LO will figure it out for himself, at which time you, as parents, will have to decide to threaten with something else or figure out something that doesn't involve threats.

Perhaps this is part of the problem...i am not one to really threaten. I give a warning, then follow through with the next occurrence.

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RE: Santa as a threat..... - 10/13/2009 6:43:11 AM

VirginPotty

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I just used the Santa threat in Dec. after the pics were taken on his knee so she could identify and I'd only say no presents if you're being bad.
I'll never forget one year she asked me why the presents are wrapped w/the same wrapping we have.....

I said that Santa just brought the toys, we had to supply everything else.
Why're the presents in the same boxes as in the stores?
He gets empty boxes from the stores.

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RE: Santa as a threat..... - 10/13/2009 6:44:34 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

So...to sum up. I just stayed away from the subject and kept it in the background. If it came up I'd answer questions truthfully. I just treated the whole idea of Santa as a one dimensional holiday symbol that was fun to think about. If the kids wanted to talk about it I let them and I didn't try to direct them to any conclusion, just let them work it out for themselves.

this is what i was hoping for as far as the entire Santa issue...just Hubby and i keeping quiet and letting the LoudOne introduce the topic whenever the thought crosses his mind...

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RE: Santa as a threat..... - 10/13/2009 6:45:54 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

I think that using Santa in this way undermines parental authority. When LO hits the cats/burns the house down/refuses to eat your cooking, I think it's best that he understand that that displeases Mommy and Daddy, not some mythical being. It's like you're outsourcing discipline to a degree.

well said Steven...i totally agree!!

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RE: Santa as a threat..... - 10/13/2009 6:49:20 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

Generally, I wll talk to them about magic and stories and fiction and go from there. Telling a child about the SPIRIT of Christmas and how Santa fits into that as an idea, as part of the spirit will often help.

yeah...Santa picking and choosing who he visits is not the spirit of Christmas, is it?

I am a pretty spiritual person and it just occurred to me that for as many times as "Santa" has been brought up here in the past few weeks, the real meaning has never been mentioned. Wow...is THAT going to change!!!

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RE: Santa as a threat..... - 10/13/2009 6:51:44 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

chug along on the Santa Christmas Train when that's convenient for them as parents.

i agree with this...Santa is always brought up in the times when kids are acting up. Sunny said it well that the real meaning of the holiday needs to be expressed

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RE: Santa as a threat..... - 10/13/2009 6:52:52 AM

VirginPotty

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RE: Santa as a threat..... - 10/13/2009 6:55:14 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VirginPotty

I just used the Santa threat in Dec. after the pics were taken on his knee so she could identify and I'd only say no presents if you're being bad.
I'll never forget one year she asked me why the presents are wrapped w/the same wrapping we have.....
I said that Santa just brought the toys, we had to supply everything else.
Why're the presents in the same boxes as in the stores?
He gets empty boxes from the stores.

they don't miss a trick

i remember asking how Santa got the presents in, as we didn't have a fireplace. My mother said he just came in through a window. That is not a good thing to tell a 4 yr old. I figured if Santa could bet his fat tush in...so could a burglar. It scared the hell out of me for years!!!

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RE: Santa as a threat..... - 10/13/2009 6:56:28 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VirginPotty

wa?

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RE: Santa as a threat..... - 10/13/2009 7:00:59 AM

VirginPotty

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You didn't acknowlede my contribution

**Eta, oooops never mind!!!***

I feel better now!

< Message edited by VirginPotty -- 10/13/2009 7:04:08 AM >

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RE: Santa as a threat..... - 10/13/2009 7:02:02 AM

HatesParisHilton

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and of course, you can't let rugrats catch you watching the cool Discovery Channel docco on the Real Saint Nicolas or God help ya when the questions start.

Since the real Saint Nic looked like a guy from a 70's Turkish disco dressed in a potato sack, and gave away food.

I don't see widdle ones enjoying or appreciating the discrepancy...

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RE: Santa as a threat..... - 10/13/2009 7:07:02 AM

pahunkboy

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....that is a tough one.

"everybody is going to be good today" has some effect.

Kids will imitate what adults do. Often they love to learn. At age 3, one has to let it pass....

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RE: Santa as a threat..... - 10/13/2009 7:22:25 AM

yourdarkdesire

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What do you mean .... Santa isn't real?!?!?

We don't have a fireplace either - my children know that Santa has a magic key that will open any front door.

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RE: Santa as a threat..... - 10/13/2009 7:24:29 AM

pahunkboy

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the tooth fairy is more harmful.

Why?

I helped get my teeth out for the money.

Better mind the tooth fairy rumor....

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