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RE: "Under consideration" - 10/15/2009 7:45:26 AM

LaTigresse

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I think whether or not the phrase has any merit will be determined by intent.

If a person/s are looking for a more romantic type relationship with a D/s or M/s twist, then it might be a rather ridiculous concept and "dating" more applicable.

If they are looking for a more formal M/s type arrangement, I can see where "dating" would not apply but "under consideration" would.

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Post #: 41

RE: "Under consideration" - 10/15/2009 7:49:41 AM

subtlebutterfly

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Why not just say that you aint available - it's not like the whole world needs to know what type of the relationship you're starting/in or on what stage it is.

< Message edited by subtlebutterfly -- 10/15/2009 7:50:49 AM >

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RE: "Under consideration" - 10/15/2009 7:49:43 AM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
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Haven't read anything past your op, so I'm probably repeating. I've known of people that have "been under consideration", and some have moved on to relationship, others have discovered that they were not actually compatible and went their merry way, the only thing is these people might have met online, but they progressed to real time to find out if they were compatible.

Mostly, it's like you say, it's crap...lol I was first introduced to this phrase in the old yahoo user rooms, it was like 99% of the people were either under consideration or the person doing the considering and it never progressed. It was just a way to keep others away, most of the time they had no interest. I literally only said "hey" to a guy that I had been talking to as a bud for years and this woman swooped down on me like a vulture...lol She had multiples under consideration and I don't think she ever met one of them, at least at that point she hadn't...lol

Kind of like people that want to add "friends" to their profiles even though they have never even spoken with them....it's like a collection thing.

I think, it honestly started out to be that two people were considering each other and didn't want to be bothered, and other's have turned it into something else. Just like this site and others, it's a good site for meeting others in the lifestyle, and getting ideas and some others use it as a wanker site, a hook up site (we are all just hookers to these types, you too guys..lol), or a site to go and cheat on my mate (she/he just doesn't understand me so I need you).

Under consideration, just like this site is what people make it

how I see it any way

< Message edited by DrkJourney -- 10/15/2009 8:15:21 AM >

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RE: "Under consideration" - 10/15/2009 7:55:12 AM

justagirlinzh

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Joined: 9/23/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebutterfly

Why not just say that you aint available - it's not like the whole world needs to know what type of the relationship you're starting/in or on what stage it is.

/sarcasm
But how speshul is that?

(in reply to subtlebutterfly)

Post #: 44

RE: "Under consideration" - 10/15/2009 7:59:21 AM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

I would not be suprised if in many of these "under consideration" situations, the submissive initiates it, asks the dominant if he will take her under consideration so she can post it on her profile and thus cut down on the email, which is no longer wanted.

You're right about that. I've had a couple do that to me and it happened on just a few emails and we weren't even discussing D/s.

One guy I think we were talking about music after something he had seen in my journal. We had exchanged like two emails one day, and the next day when he wrote me again, I had honestly forgotten who he was, so I clicked the little envelope to see if there was any history, and there is was, big as day, under consideration by Ms DrkJourney. I was livid....lol

When I asked him about it, he said "we got along so well I thought we were going to see where this was going"...um...how about letting me in on the decision. And I don't think two emails about blues musicians constitutes us as getting along well.

Another time, after about five emails in the same day, the guy told me to look at his profile, and again there it was...under consideration. I immediately apologised and said I didn't know he was under consideration (even though he emailed me), and that I didn't think it was a good idea to talk to him if he was involved with someone, even on that level, and that's when he informed me that he was referring to me.....lol geeeeeeez

You are right, I had forgotten about that side...a lot of times the Domme/Dom probably has no idea.

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Post #: 45

RE: "Under consideration" - 10/15/2009 8:00:22 AM

LaTigresse

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Almost as special as the snarky response towards it..........

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to justagirlinzh)

Post #: 46

RE: "Under consideration" - 10/15/2009 8:03:54 AM

justagirlinzh

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Joined: 9/23/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Almost as special as the snarky response towards it..........

Almost. I'll just have to put more effort into it, like the little engine that could.

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Post #: 47

RE: "Under consideration" - 10/15/2009 8:09:04 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: justagirlinzh

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Almost as special as the snarky response towards it..........

Almost. I'll just have to put more effort into it, like the little engine that could.

A dose of Milk of Magnesia should do the trick.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to justagirlinzh)

Post #: 48

RE: "Under consideration" - 10/15/2009 8:10:44 AM

justagirlinzh

Posts: 55
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: justagirlinzh

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Almost as special as the snarky response towards it..........

Almost. I'll just have to put more effort into it, like the little engine that could.

A dose of Milk of Magnesia should do the trick.

You really think so? Sounds like something my grandmother might drink after a big meal, but gosh, I'll give it a go.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 49

RE: "Under consideration" - 10/15/2009 8:40:08 AM

subtlebutterfly

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I say spinach!

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Post #: 50

RE: "Under consideration" - 10/15/2009 10:47:55 AM

Lockit

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I think this all depends on the motivations that people have. When I see someone who says they are under consideration, I don't automatically think it is joke, but think of it more seriously as I would view it, if I were to do it. I can see under consideration after a week on CM and then shortly after.. no longer under consideration enough to know that it was all a game and I have seen those dominant's that make it a one way street, taking a submissive off the market while they continue shopping. But for me, if I do use consideration it has meaning for both.

I see this as Lady Pact, Calla and a couple others... sorry I am bad with names... see it. Hell, I will even add some to it at times. lol Pre-consideration! lol I see it as a way to define what we are doing or explaining it to someone, that basically says, there is an interest or we have gone past a simple interest and into serious discussion and some dynamic's and don't wish for any distractions from anyone else.

I don't take a lot of this seriously with the lables and such, but they do help to define things to others not involved. How they view it may be based on their experiences or thoughts on it and I can understand those too. I just see it as a simple way of explaining things that are often understood in a vanilla setting. I think that 'under consideration' can have special meaning and purpose, including a feeling of belonging that many people seek whether it happens too soon or not.

So if it makes them happy... go for it.. it is no skin off my nose. I can go either way with it all... because my intent and motivation is not to use or take advantage of someone and if it makes it all a bit touchy feely or something.. cool. I won't let the foolishness of some others who take advantage and taint things to ruin it if I decide to give a rose (consideration) and get a rose.

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Post #: 51

RE: "Under consideration" - 10/15/2009 11:06:31 AM

NihilusZero

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Sorry for the delay. Heh. Almost started feeling like one of those folks who never comes back to their OP.

So, trying to summarize, I've seen a couple of interesting points:

When the submissive initiates it and/or requests it, it has a different 'flavor'. In that case, it's the s-type wanting some semi-tangible stamp of attention from the person s/he likes, and that seems normal. "Under consideration" also seems to have a more honorific style than, let's say "Under courtship" or "Under seduction" or "Under predation" or just "Happily distracted at the moment".

Also, I did think that there would be instances of D-types who treat it as a mutual 'consideration'. If a D-type has a very ritualistic style, then it makes sense.

And, frankly, even in situations where the s-type is being placed on untouchable reserve by the "Under consideration" thing where presumably the D-type is entertaining other prospects and weighing options (for who knows how long), perhaps some s-type would be happy with being a certain person's 6th choice after 4 months.

Which makes me think...I wonder how many instances there have been of an s-type being "under consideration" and then they had someone approach them who they viewed as greater or more attractive in the 'complete package' sense than the person they were "under consideration" to and ended up dropping the status themselves.

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Post #: 52

RE: "Under consideration" - 10/15/2009 12:57:07 PM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

Which makes me think...I wonder how many instances there have been of an s-type being "under consideration" and then they had someone approach them who they viewed as greater or more attractive in the 'complete package' sense than the person they were "under consideration" to and ended up dropping the status themselves.

or what happens if they have more than one prospect and one offers consideration, what then? i think it is highly probable that a person is speaking to someone else and i never assume i'm the only one. my personal preferences would not include this at all, but a leisurely pace that we both are comfortable with while becoming acquainted.

i don't feel being considered would make me more inclined towards the person at all. there would have to be a demonstrated reason why i want to serve Him and sit at His feet. if that exists the consideration is really unimportant, we'd be better off arranging a meeting instead. that is when i'm pretty certain the person is relatively serious. if either are willing to jump on a plane to see if "this" is real. exchanging words on a screen is far easier than the latter. it is my belief things must be solidified face to face. if i never hear this mentioned i'm apt to believe the possibility of anything developing is slim.

porcelaine

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Post #: 53

RE: "Under consideration" - 10/15/2009 2:51:23 PM

WarKirby

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I view a collar as a commitment. there are some who see it as equivilant to a wedding ring. I wouldn't quite go that far in my definition, ut I'd say it's not something entered into lightly.

for me, the term under consideration, essentially means that the dominant is considering collaring the sub. consider it like engagement, or dating. it doesn't mean there can't be play between them, nor is there an implicit rule one way or another, regarding play with others outside the two. that's a matter to be discussed between people.

I don't understand why people have an objection to the concet. it's not trying to get the milk without buying the cow, so much as tasting the milk BEFORE buying the cow. Would you rather buy a cow and find out afterwards that it has bad milk ? obviously that comparison is getting a little silly.

I find it pretty shocking that people here could find such a practice "despicable". certainly, there are some dominants for whom under consideration is a one sided commitment, just as there are some for whom it is a two way thing. Why would it be bad if it were one sided? we have a whole board here dedicated to poly lifestyles. A "one dom, multiple subs" household is quite a common realisation of polygamy.

It means what the dominant in question says it means. if you're unsure, ask them, and don't agree to things you don't like. Trying to apply a global definition to such a subjective and personal concept, is pretty silly I think. And hating the concept of under-consideration because of the definition you've created for it is like burning a strawman.

< Message edited by WarKirby -- 10/15/2009 2:54:09 PM >

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Post #: 54

RE: "Under consideration" - 10/15/2009 3:29:40 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WarKirby

I view a collar as a commitment. there are some who see it as equivilant to a wedding ring. I wouldn't quite go that far in my definition, ut I'd say it's not something entered into lightly.

for me, the term under consideration, essentially means that the dominant is considering collaring the sub. consider it like engagement, or dating. it doesn't mean there can't be play between them, nor is there an implicit rule one way or another, regarding play with others outside the two. that's a matter to be discussed between people.

I don't understand why people have an objection to the concet. it's not trying to get the milk without buying the cow, so much as tasting the milk BEFORE buying the cow. Would you rather buy a cow and find out afterwards that it has bad milk ? obviously that comparison is getting a little silly.

I find it pretty shocking that people here could find such a practice "despicable". certainly, there are some dominants for whom under consideration is a one sided commitment, just as there are some for whom it is a two way thing. Why would it be bad if it were one sided? we have a whole board here dedicated to poly lifestyles. A "one dom, multiple subs" household is quite a common realisation of polygamy.

It means what the dominant in question says it means. if you're unsure, ask them, and don't agree to things you don't like. Trying to apply a global definition to such a subjective and personal concept, is pretty silly I think. And hating the concept of under-consideration because of the definition you've created for it is like burning a strawman.

So would be the comparison to the poly board here to the practice of polygamy. I believe the word you are looking for is polyamorous.

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Post #: 55

RE: "Under consideration" - 10/15/2009 3:39:59 PM

NihilusZero

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From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WarKirby

Trying to apply a global definition to such a subjective and personal concept, is pretty silly I think.

Strsnge. I was actually looking at how other people, in practice, define it themselves and then declaring it (probably) silly, not the other way around.

quote:

ORIGINAL: WarKirby

And hating the concept of under-consideration because of the definition you've created for it is like burning a strawman.

I don't see where anyone has said anything about "hating". A strawman would imply that there has been an exaggerated example of the process displayed here and then suggested it is universal. The discussion I had from which this topic stemmed was based on an actual series of events and how the use of "under consideration", from the place of the D-type demanding an s-type hang the sign on their figurative door, is a suspect request.

And, even though I mark it with the "bunk" marker in those cases, I certainly don't have any motivation to bar people from consensually engaging in bunk if it suits them.

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I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
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Post #: 56

RE: "Under consideration" - 10/16/2009 6:35:33 AM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

So would be the comparison to the poly board here to the practice of polygamy. I believe the word you are looking for is polyamorous.

What, precisely, is the difference between polygamy and polyamorous couples who consider themselves to be in a lifelong commitment, in nations that have anti-bigamy laws?

< Message edited by Elisabella -- 10/16/2009 6:37:16 AM >

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Post #: 57

RE: "Under consideration" - 10/16/2009 7:39:30 AM

AnnaOfAramis

Posts: 523
Joined: 7/30/2008
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Greetings Sir,

Having read everyone's responses, I can agree with many- even on opposing sides (guess I'm fickle

lol). I've never been "under consideration" before. I think it really depends on how people use it. I think you are right, that there is a great chance for it to be used to string someone along- but as some have pointed out, used correctly- like an engagement or a trial period, well I can see how that makes sense.

For myself though, neither "under consideration" nor having a collar marks a magical point of going from 'now I'm not obeying you' to 'now I am'. (We've been having a discussion about this on another thread.) For me, I meet a Man... either I find that I am starting to obey Him and that He starts to get a hold of me or He doesn't. I am obeying Him, long before I even know I want His collar. I have been "under consideration" "under scrutiny" "falling under mastery" ever since He met me, without me necessarily even being aware of it or wanting it. My own response to Him would have taken me off the market without Him ever needing to "put me on layaway" because the process of becoming mastered would have made me want no one else. So I guess, for me "under consideration" doesn't really fit in that context.

Also as an aside, to the person who stated that "under protection" was bunk. Again, I'd say it depends on who is using it and why. I have a friend who is a slave but unowned. Because she knows me and my Master well and has great respect for my Master, she obeys Him. She doesn't need to declare that she is "under protection" of Master Aramis Duval. But she is a friend and my Master does protect her. She is 900 miles away now (she moved), but He is still able to kick her ass when she needs it (like she's not taking care of herself and obeying her doctors). Slaves on their own sometimes need a kick in the butt. If she's "considering" (there's that word again, lol) a potential Master, my Master keeps an eye on it and checks Him out, makes sure He's decent and she's being safe. So, there is such a thing sometimes as "Under Protection" and it CAN mean just that and nothing more.

Well wishes,
anna

-edited for spelling and punctuation *sheesh*

~NEED.....MORE....CAFFEINE....~

< Message edited by AnnaOfAramis -- 10/16/2009 7:47:36 AM >

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Post #: 58

RE: "Under consideration" - 10/16/2009 7:53:59 AM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

quote:

Slaves on their own sometimes need a kick in the butt. If she's "considering" (there's that word again, lol) a potential Master, my Master keeps an eye on it and checks Him out, makes sure He's decent and she's being safe. So, there is such a thing sometimes as "Under Protection" and it CAN mean just that and nothing more.

I think this is the crux of the matter. Someone 'under protection' online isn't being protected from anyone but themselves - their tendency to make bad relationship decisions or neglect their health or personal well-being.

For some people that dynamic really does work for them. It's really hard for me not to judge them for their lack of self-control and initiative, but I guess if it works for them, they're better off being productive than the opposite.

(in reply to AnnaOfAramis)

Post #: 59

RE: "Under consideration" - 10/16/2009 8:21:47 AM

TwistedHeart74

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Years ago, when my now ex husband was new to the lifestyle, he met a wonderful slave girl through a local group. She knew he was new to it all, and agreed to a trial period of 3 months with him. After discussing things thoroughly, he opted and she agreed, to put a collar of consideration on her. During that three months they focused on their dynamic with each other and neither of them looked at anyone else as a potential partner. He treated her as if she were his, she treated him as if he owned her. Anyone that asked about their relationship was told about the consideration and what it meant to them.
Some people met this with reactions of sarcastic amusement, while others respected their view on things. At the end of the three months he collared her in a rather nice ceremony with the group we all were involved with.
I think that when the intent is to honestly find out whether or not you are compatible, consideration is an okay thing. As many here have said, it's the intent behind the titles that matters. I know that I wouldn't accept or offer a collar based on a first meeting, or even a 10th one. It takes time to build a solid relationship, and an "under consideration" arrangement is fine with me, so long as neither of us is looking at anyone else to add to the mix. It's a good way for the submissive or slave to be able to say "thanks but no thanks" to anyone who contacts them, and a good way for the dominant to do the same IMO.

Just my two cents.

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Post #: 60

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