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ORIGINAL: leadership527

The word "dominant" just covers WAY the hell too much ground to answer this question as asked in my opinion.

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ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

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ORIGINAL: mommahkitten

My ex, who i have prayed for years to finally learn to become Dominant, to become a Master now wants to learn how to become one. Yes he has a dominant personality, sometimes...
But i think he could full switch to dominant, but my question is, where do i look, how do i help him truly become a Master?

<3

How do you help him become a Master?  That depends on what you seek, does it not?  In other words, are you wanting to help him become a "Master"...one who is appealing to many submissives or are you wanting to help him become YOUR "Master".

In a recent thread, there was stuff written about "mate selection".  Everyone has a right to choose who their mate will be but a lot of that is based on whether or not that person has compatible qualities as a partner for the type of relationship a person envisions themselves as being in.  One of the first things that comes to mind is whether or not the person is interested in joining in that type of relationship with you.  If he is, then what you are looking to "build"...for lack of a better term...is YOUR "Master". 

To do that, you are going to have to look within yourself.  What sort of things make you feel dominated...controlled...submissive...to the one you are with?  You made note of the fact that with past Masters, you just "felt" the compulsion to submit to their control.  But why?  A feeling doesn't come from a place of nothingness...something provokes that feeling.  What did those Masters do...what was in their make-up...what was in their behavior...what was in their demeanor...what was in their tone...etc., etc., etc....that made you feel submissive to them?  Then, ask yourself how much of that is there...how much potential is there...within your ex?

And don't ignore the aspects that have nothing to do with D/s but instead have to do with mental/emotional/sexual compatibility...aka chemistry.  Is that spark still there for him as well as you?  If it is not, then you may be building a "Master" but he won't necessarily end up your Master unless you and he desire to enter into a non-romantic M/s relationship.

You've asked how we do the things we do...it is a difficult question to answer because for someone like me, it came about from letting my "more natural" self out to roam about 11 years ago.  In doing so, I shed a lot of "accepted: ways of behaving and got back to what I was comfortable with.  But one partial result of that was the cost of my marriage.  I don't regret that...I'd rather be alone the rest of my life than live the way I was...but I do regret the pain I unintentionally...and in some cases intentionally...caused others.  I've had one submissive tell me that the further we got into the relationship, the more my tone of voice "did" the "bringing on of submission" for her and yet I've had another submissive tell me that she did not particularly respond to my voice, though she liked it.  She was more into whatever the command given was.  For her, what brought about the "submissive melt" was my grabbing her hair and growling in her ear whatever was on my mind at the moment regarding her.  What I am trying to illustrate with these points is that all dominant people are different and unique though with some similarities.  The same holds true for submissives and that is why I encourage introspection for those on both sides of the kneel and especially for the submissive...if a submissive wants to give a dominant the information he needs, whether it be all of her inner dealings if it is "her" dominant or just the information he needs to play satisfactorily with her if he is a casual play partner, she has to know what is going on within herself.

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He will start getting it on his own, and become bolder as time passes.........

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ORIGINAL: leadership527

I'm really really not trying to be obtuse here mommahkitten. But honestly, about 90% of what passes for "dominance" in the BDSM world doesn't look like that to me. I suspect the same is true for others. Are you talking 24x7 lifetyle stuff or bedroom stuff? Let's start with that.

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ORIGINAL: ranja

Ron is spot on... men do not like hints, mine certainly does not like or understand or respond to hints at all, while a clear request or honest question delivers me results fast.
You have to be open and honest about your wishes and desires, ask him to play with you and tell him how you like to be played... you have to ask politely and in a non-threatening, non-demanding way, you have to be very sweetly and nice... and he might just 'get it' and take to it as a duck to water.
if you show him how you like to be lead and when he tries (and most guys would try, most men like to help a girl) and he sees how beautiful you follow you might just create a taste for more in him...

It worked for us...
i am at a loss why he is your ex though... does that not mean you have split up? are you getting back together when he is a Master then?

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but this is where the silly part comes in, i dont want to TELL a Master this right away what my secret loves are, i want them to figure it out on there own or else it'll be too easy
you see what im saying now?

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ORIGINAL: mommahkitten

My ex, who i have prayed for years to finally learn to become Dominant, to become a Master now wants to learn how to become one. Yes he has a dominant personality, sometimes...
But i think he could full switch to dominant, but my question is, where do i look, how do i help him truly become a Master?

<3

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ORIGINAL: mnottertail

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but this is where the silly part comes in, i dont want to TELL a Master this right away what my secret loves are, i want them to figure it out on there own or else it'll be too easy
you see what im saying now?

Sorry, that is some fucked up shit, that is beyond silly. That may be what you want in your girly girly imagination but this works best as an open book test. IF I CAUGHT YOU playing such a game with me, I would thread you both ways thru every wall and window in my house.

Ron

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ORIGINAL: agirl

You're not with *you guys*...you're with one particular guy.

Letting someone know what you like, or don't like, is very much the beginning.

agirl

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ORIGINAL: mommahkitten

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ORIGINAL: agirl

You're not with *you guys*...you're with one particular guy.

Letting someone know what you like, or don't like, is very much the beginning.

agirl

Ron, and agirl,
i think im starting to get the point...
so basically tell him everything of what gets me going, and i should be good? correct?

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how do i help him truly become a Master?

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ORIGINAL: mommahkitten

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ORIGINAL: mnottertail

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but this is where the silly part comes in, i dont want to TELL a Master this right away what my secret loves are, i want them to figure it out on there own or else it'll be too easy
you see what im saying now?

Sorry, that is some fucked up shit, that is beyond silly. That may be what you want in your girly girly imagination but this works best as an open book test. IF I CAUGHT YOU playing such a game with me, I would thread you both ways thru every wall and window in my house.

Ron

you guys REALLY dont like that??

ok...
hmm

but dont you guys have a similar reaction where you dont want someone to get too close, to figure you all out?
it's like reading the last page of a good book before reading the whole thing piece by piece

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ORIGINAL: mommahkitten

once again thank you so much :D
will keep you updated on what will happen :)