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BitaTruble -> RE: Who or What gives You the Dominate the right! (3/6/2006 2:24:03 PM)
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I'm going to preface this post by saying that I was a person who would have responded to such a profile when I first started living BDSM as a way of life. My first three years were spent in exactly this manner. Isolation, degradation, etc and I not only sought it out, I craved it, breathed it and embraced it completely. Master was not abusive, but he was very cruel, very sadistic and very sure of what he wanted and that I fit the bill for that in every way he desired. He fit the bill for me as well. Complete and total control with very little in the way of outside contact, not even with family. I wasn't going to respond to this, at first, but thought it important to see things from the perspective of someone who's been there. Living life that way was an absolute necessity for me and only by taking 'that' path, have I been able to get to the path I'm on today.
I wrote this when I was about .. oh, maybe 16, 17.. something like that..
Nothing, nothing, nobody.
No one, no where, guess that's me.
I was not damaged by the choice I made.. I was healed by it because it was only by going through what I did, that I learned to find value in myself.. that I even learned there was something of value there. Did I make knowledgeable choices? Probably not.. if there was such a thing back then, I was unaware of it. Was it safe.. again, probably not, but I certainly knew I was taking a risk and I choose to do that and if there had been consequences to pay for that risk, I am the only one who would have to suffer for those. Would I recommend someone else go through it? If that's the only way they have or know, then yes, because sometimes the only way to find the light is to shut off everything but the darkness. It shines pretty bright, so you can keep walking towards it and come out the other side, whole.
All that said, some can get lost because it 'is' risky, but it's not inherently abusive to take that path with someone who wants it as much as you do. Taking the risk, for me, saved me, at the very least, thousands of dollars worth of therapy, and possibly my life. I don't know.. and I'm pretty glad I didn't have to find out because the risk was great.. but the rewards were much greater. I like who I've become and accept and appreciate everything that it has taken to get me to the here and now, intact and whole.
Master A could be viewed as an abuser by some.. by those who don't understand what it's like or how it can be .. and Himself holds no small animosity for some of his tactics, but for me, he was a savior who showed me the way to myself and for that, I hold his memory in high regard and respect.
Celeste
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