RE: You're Not a Real Sub!!

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RE: You're Not a Real Sub!! - 10/18/2009 1:14:34 AM

Adelleda

Posts: 20
Joined: 9/23/2009
Status: offline

I must say I have to agree with pretty much everything that has been said by everyone else.
If you identify as being sub, great. If you are strong enough to put boundaries in place, (be it to protect yourself (as it seems to me, very wise of you)), fantastic.
I know this is repeating what has already been said, but if you specified just friends first then he tried to give you commands and expected them to be followed, he is a poser. A fake. A dumbass.
As to the things he told you/called you. Again I will repeat. He is just pissed off he didn't get his way, he is trying to make himself feel like the big man.

By the way, I love the link :)

(in reply to MMagic)

Post #: 21

RE: You're Not a Real Sub!! - 10/18/2009 1:30:59 AM

yummee

Posts: 111
Joined: 5/31/2009
Status: offline

Blah blah blah. If he wants you to submit, then he needs to master you. Are you supposed to pretend you are enslaved or enamored enough to submit to him? Is that all he wants? You can buy someone to so that for you, and it's a lot cheaper than a relationship in many ways. I don't pretend to submit to someone. I submit as an automatic reaction to some people. If they don't have it, why should I pretend? To what purpose? If he can't bring me to my knees, its him, not me. FFS, a shiny nickel brings me to my knees!

(in reply to Adelleda)

Post #: 22

RE: You're Not a Real Sub!! - 10/18/2009 1:58:09 AM

maat

Posts: 62
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

just becuse you are a submissive it dosent meen you have to submit to everyone saying they are dominant.
it is your choice to obay. as a free submissive it is your responcibility to take care of yourself and keep safe.
if you are not comfotable with doing something some sk dom told you to do then why shuld you? Cuz he caps his name?

To me, a Master dosent need to force you to do something they simply need to inspire you to do something by proving to you that you can trust them, that they are the Master for you.

(in reply to yummee)

Post #: 23

RE: You're Not a Real Sub!! - 10/18/2009 2:24:11 AM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MMagic

I'm still considering myself a rookie with my very short lived experiences but have slowed down considerably in talking to Doms and getting to involved. But I DID have coffee with one this past week and though I was crazy attracted, I'm proud to say I maintained my composure to a degree. I'd already explained to said Dom that I was still coming out of my first and only D/s relatioship and I needed to take things extremely slow and he of course said he understood but began the next day asking me to do things. I'd already said several times that I will NOT obey any commands given until we've decided we're officially Dom and sub. And I've been told by my few Dom 'friends only' that this is not a bad way to approach it.

So said Dom says to me after I refused to do what he'd asked that he didn't think I was a 'real' submissive because my personality didn't come off like a submissive AND since he was more experienced he knew it so. I have to say that my jaw dropped at hearing this because wow...it's not like he knew me well at all. This was a coffee date, he didn't even know my real name so how could you jump to ANY conclusion. After I got over the initial shock I gave him a link one of you here provided me when I was told this before by another Dom and I was doubting myself..maybe I'm not then what the hell am I? I don't have any desire to dominate men at all, so I can't even say switch...maybe I'm in the wrong place. I wish I could remember who sent me this, big big kisses and thank you because it put my mind at ease in knowing what kind of sub I am. So today after reading my journal (that closely resembles this post) I thought what if there are other confused new subs out there? They may not see my journal but I can post in the forums and perhaps others here will chime in too. What kind of sub are you out there guys and gals? Take a look at this link before answering so my post will make more sense in case I'm not making any...yeah...too much coffee..

http://www.steel-door.com/High_End_Submissive.html

Welcome tp bullshit 101 otherwise known as how to be an jackass in three easy steps. Until such time is there is a ring on your finger, a collar around your neck or cash in your hand, he has no right to expect you to do anything. He needs to crawl back underneath the rock he came out of from.

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to MMagic)

Post #: 24

RE: You're Not a Real Sub!! - 10/18/2009 3:56:58 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Hello M Magic,
Because you are new, sometimes the wanna bes and the horny guys think you will just fall over youself and do what they say. Because you don't have the experience to have firm beliefs and understandings of the norms of the culture, they try to take advantage. Fresh meat and all that.

Idiots. If a man can't inspire submission, he doesn't deserve to receive it. *be careful of sub frenzy though (the neeeeeed to please). I think it happens to the best of us and can cause us to lose some of our inhibitions because we are so anxious to fill the need.

Anyway, your original question was:
What kind of sub are you out there guys and gals?
I'm a sunny one!

I too don't go for the "high end" labels and such. We are just people. We have personalities. Being submissive can be anything from being a person with nearly no opinions and inclinations for running the show to very dominating people in the outside world who let go in their private lives.

Check out some of ishyB's journals and forum posts. She's a pretty strong willed gal in a relationship with a fellow who seems to inspire her submission. She's quite eloquent and insightful in her writings.

good luck, and remember this is sposed to be fun!
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Acer49)

Post #: 25

RE: You're Not a Real Sub!! - 10/18/2009 4:49:03 AM

Elizabeth666

Posts: 288
Joined: 10/14/2009
Status: offline

quote:

I'm trying to stay positive and not get discouraged by lack of prospects here

Don't let yourself get down. I searched for a long time for the right Dom for me. And when we found eachother, it was on a vanilla dating site LOL

Both of us had pretty much given up on finding a partner in the lifestyle at that point, and it was just coincedence that we happened to be into the same thing. You will find someone, just be patient and be true to yourself. Just wanted to say that.

Now, as far as this "Dom" goes, I would have to agree with everyone else. Submissive doesn't mean doormat, does not mean you will bend and obey the first Dom who "thinks" He has control over you.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 26

RE: You're Not a Real Sub!! - 10/18/2009 5:18:19 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: yummee

FFS, a shiny nickel brings me to my knees!

Damn, you'd be a really cheap date...

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to yummee)

Post #: 27

RE: You're Not a Real Sub!! - 10/18/2009 8:15:34 AM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

No one is a ‘real’ submissive until some fuck-tard pronounces them a fake! Welcome to “twue” submissive-hood!

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to MMagic)

Post #: 28

RE: You're Not a Real Sub!! - 10/18/2009 8:25:11 AM

MMagic

Posts: 183
Joined: 2/9/2009
Status: offline

Goodmorning!

Wow you guys are harsh, lol!! I love it! Sunny I can feel that sunny energy and while I know a few here hate the link and some love it, I'd say the reason I love it is because when you're new it is REALLY helpful to have something to look at that says you're what you think you are. I don't usually like being labeled but again..new so I still have a ways to go before I get to a point where I understand the lifestyle completely. That links and others like it helps a LOT for those like me. While some of you don't need it at all, it's very cut and dried for you.

And yes I DID tell said Dom over and over, I'm not YOUR submissive so, no won't be doing blah blah. Anyway a good morning to you all time for me to get to work. :) Keeping an eye here, loving your replies.

_____________________________

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. -Mae West

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 29

RE: You're Not a Real Sub!! - 10/18/2009 8:29:17 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MMagic
Wow you guys are harsh, lol!! I love it! Sunny I can feel that sunny energy and while I know a few here hate the link and some love it, I'd say the reason I love it is because when you're new it is REALLY helpful to have something to look at that says you're what you think you are. I don't usually like being labeled but again..new so I still have a ways to go before I get to a point where I understand the lifestyle completely. That links and others like it helps a LOT for those like me. While some of you don't need it at all, it's very cut and dried for you.

You know, I should've remembered that. It wasn't all that long ago that I had no clue about any of this and such things provided me my initial sign posts. Just be aware that writings such as at steel door are not statements of fact despite how assertively they are written. In truth, they don't match or even come close to a lot of people's reality at all. But yes, when you're new, getting some descriptions and some big categories to help sort stuff out into is a real boon.

If it speaks to you, then it does. Just don't make the mistake of thinking that it speaks for any significant percentage of the BDSM population.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to MMagic)

Post #: 30

RE: You're Not a Real Sub!! - 10/18/2009 10:21:19 AM

Azurenightsky

Posts: 14
Joined: 1/2/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: yummee

FFS, a shiny nickel brings me to my knees!

Damn, you'd be a really cheap date...

that is of course assuming you could get in/out fast enough for her to not need another shiny thing to keep her attention :p

_____________________________

Reality is naught but the testing grounds for Theory. Everything is subject to interpretation and interpretation is subject to everything.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 31

RE: You're Not a Real Sub!! - 10/18/2009 3:03:12 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Azurenightsky

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: yummee

FFS, a shiny nickel brings me to my knees!

Damn, you'd be a really cheap date...

that is of course assuming you could get in/out fast enough for her to not need another shiny thing to keep her attention :p

Well, damn, if she's gonna be a 15c date, she won't be THAT cheap!

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Azurenightsky)

Post #: 32

RE: You're Not a Real Sub!! - 10/18/2009 5:00:32 PM

Zadie

Posts: 8
Joined: 9/30/2009
Status: offline

Maybe because your telling him no he assumes your not real. I'd forget the past and enjoy tomorrow, especially if your crazy attracted to someone. Another good Mae West quote that applies "To much of a good thing can be wonderful!"

(in reply to MMagic)

Post #: 33

RE: You're Not a Real Sub!! - 10/19/2009 5:41:05 AM

fluffyswitch

Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
Status: offline

oh the weal and twue argument.

this is what i have noticed both on here (though admittedly i've been offsite for about a year but since this is still being discussed i've a feeling it's still relevant) and in real life.

the weal and twue submissive/switch/dominant/insert label here is the one that looks like the person that's making the accusation, or looks like the person that person is looking for. there are more types of subs and switches and everything else than are imaginable, and what one person wants other people would loathe and start posturing that it makes that individual 'fake' and 'badly trained'. there is a desire for just about everything (trust me, i'm about as far as an obviously submissive as it may come and my Dom has fielded several accusations of me not being submissive when in reality what these other people are picking up on are in fact in some cases things that i've actually been trained to do), so if this individual does not have the sense of self to acknowledge that every submissive does not come one size fit all, i would not chalk up to being your loss but his.

_____________________________

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” churchill

the first rule of fluff club is that you don't talk about fluff club!

(in reply to MMagic)

Post #: 34

RE: You're Not a Real Sub!! - 10/19/2009 9:32:31 PM

TheGaggingWh0re

Posts: 222
Joined: 1/19/2006
Status: offline

LMFAO.
Wow. Seems to me like he is the one who really fucked up, not you. I can't completely blame him. If a hot chic completely destroyed my balls, I'd probably start hollarin' about falsehood too! But ya know what? At the end of the day, the only bitch he has is his hand.
Oooohhhsnaaaap.

I don't know what 'kind' of slave I am. I guess every kind. I can't completely commit myself to one personality type. I just kind of float around here and envelope whatever personality happens to fit the moment. I'm not really into 'organizing myself as a slave'. Y'know, like, making up rules about what makes a true slave and so on and so forth. I am, therefore I serve! Or something to that effect. I have been called 'practical' and 'whimsy'.

(in reply to fluffyswitch)

Post #: 35

RE: You're Not a Real Sub!! - 10/20/2009 5:51:18 AM

rockspider

Posts: 633
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline

Should the question not be: Define a real sub?
To me it is one thing and to anybody else it is something different. Forcing somebody definition down over another persons head reminds me to much about the ugly sides of religion. You feel you are a sub (and a dom) when the other person involved actually agrees. Not a minute before. How you carry out that role is totally up to your self.

(in reply to MMagic)

Post #: 36

RE: You're Not a Real Sub!! - 10/20/2009 7:10:38 AM

lovin1963

Posts: 1
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline

OP, thank you for posting this topic at such an opportune time. I just spent a weekend with my...yes, I guess dom would be the correct term, though we are not exclusive.....who said that I needed to really think about my roll because it seemed to him I was more of a domme then a sub. He did not do it in an "You're not doing what I want, therefore you're not a sub way" but the message and the doubt that can linger are the same. Being new to trying to find out who I am in all of this, but knowing with everything I am that I belong, makes me determined to keep searching for someone to take me under his wing and teach me, guide me, help me in the process.

I am that typical "in control in vanilla life and sub in the bedroom" person. After 22 years of being in control in a marriage where I had to make ALL the decisions, I so crave to have everything that a gentle, intelligent, masterful Dom can offer me, and equally crave being able to give all that I have to that person as well.

Anyway, thank you so much for the post, and to all of you who validated the OP, and in turn my feelings in this as well. The search continues!!

(in reply to rockspider)

Post #: 37

RE: You're Not a Real Sub!! - 10/20/2009 7:29:06 AM

fluffyswitch

Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
Status: offline

this made me smile!

and i agree wholeheartedly. this point seems to be increasingly true in my personal life lol.

_____________________________

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” churchill

the first rule of fluff club is that you don't talk about fluff club!

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 38

RE: You're Not a Real Sub!! - 10/20/2009 10:24:17 AM

MMagic

Posts: 183
Joined: 2/9/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovin1963

OP, thank you for posting this topic at such an opportune time. I just spent a weekend with my...yes, I guess dom would be the correct term, though we are not exclusive.....who said that I needed to really think about my roll because it seemed to him I was more of a domme then a sub. He did not do it in an "You're not doing what I want, therefore you're not a sub way" but the message and the doubt that can linger are the same. Being new to trying to find out who I am in all of this, but knowing with everything I am that I belong, makes me determined to keep searching for someone to take me under his wing and teach me, guide me, help me in the process.

I am that typical "in control in vanilla life and sub in the bedroom" person. After 22 years of being in control in a marriage where I had to make ALL the decisions, I so crave to have everything that a gentle, intelligent, masterful Dom can offer me, and equally crave being able to give all that I have to that person as well.

Anyway, thank you so much for the post, and to all of you who validated the OP, and in turn my feelings in this as well. The search continues!!

Fantastic! Glad to help in my small way...though I can't take the credit, everyone here kind of took this and ran with it, in a VERY helpful direction though. Good luck and hope you find yours.

_____________________________

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. -Mae West

(in reply to lovin1963)

Post #: 39

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