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CMTB Burnout - 10/18/2009 12:13:50 PM

homedespot

Posts: 79
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline

A sub wrote and asked me a question starting with: "Mistress," I corrected him and answered his question.

He then posted a question to the boards on why some people get prickly when they are called Mistress...but it got me thinking about the larger question of CM typing burnout. (CMTB is similar to CBT but it hurts the dominant more than the submissive and it only happens to the hands). *grins*.

jssubc pointed out that there were about a million different protocols out there and that my response to this boy on the boards was a bit harsh and that got me thinking. I get so many messages each day. Some days 30 messages (17 in 4 hours today so far). And the fact is that I short-hand them.

No matter how nice the message is from a male Dom he gets a one line response. "I am not a submissive". Why? Because of the number of times I've had men write me who just assume that if they are persistent enough that I will submit. So all male dom's get swept into the assumption pile of people who have to prove they are worth talking to. Because if I spend equal time answering all of them I get CMBT.

No matter how nice the message is from a submissive, if they address me as "Mistress" they get ignored or at best corrected. Why? Because it says in my profile that they shouldn't do that. So if they do that they haven't read the profile...they get swept into the assumption pile of people who have to prove they are worth talking to. Because if I spend equal time answering all of them I get CMBT.

Same with people who say simply "hi", people who say only "you're hot", people you use u instead of you, people who list their requirements, people who tell me they want to be on cam, people who send me their email/phone/im, people who say only "i'm the right one", people who say a whole HOST of things...they get swept into the assumption pile of people who have to prove they are worth talking to. Because if I spend equal time answering all of them I get CMBT.

I just don't have the time or energy to deal with each message equally kindly. But I forget sometimes that there are a lot of real people who just have no idea how to start. People who are truly sincere but don't have a clue. I assume that people understand I am not infinitely patient, and that they know they aren't the only one writing me. And I have plenty of great messages to respond to which DO deserve my time.

Now jssubc does a good job of balancing me out on this. He points out that when he first approached me the NOW me probably would have dumped him too. So if you want to know why you aren't getting answers, why a dominant woman seems like such a bitch when you just had a question, why people don't see that you are really a decent guy...think of the CMBT.

No real reply needed. I'm just thinking out loud.
J.
*I'm a female dominant (obviously) so I am writing to male submissives. I get almost no mail from women so I don't know if this applies.

< Message edited by homedespot -- 10/18/2009 12:19:40 PM >

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RE: CMTB Burnout - 10/18/2009 12:22:44 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

Ignoring a cmail isn't rude.
Correcting someone POLITELY about your preferred form of address isn't rude.
Providing a short but POLITE response isn't rude.

You're filtering process is your own and if it works for you, hey... go team and all.

Me personally? I'm glad that I am not afflicted by this problem so I can take the time I want for each and every cmail.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: CMTB Burnout - 10/18/2009 12:30:36 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I really wish you would have posted this on the Mistress board. I think you would have found that there are a number of us who feel the same.

I can definitely identify with what you are saying. Probably the most common responses that I type out to emails are one of the following.

"My profile specifically says the word 'local' three times."

"I am very specific about NOT being interested in CD/TV/TGs."

"You obviously didn't read My profile because if you did, you would have seen that I said x, y, z."

Now, I don't mind answering questions that I get asked on a variety of subjects. I get asked quite often about protocol/leather questions, poly life, and how mixing Mistress Military and BDSM works for Me. I'll spend a good amount of time trying to provide My perspective on these things because they are areas that I have experience. I'll also answer technical questions regarding play and I have no problem trying to help folks out. But, if I wasted My time on every person who thought hello was a good conversation starter or people who obviously don't fit My preferences, I wouldn't have time to do anything else.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: CMTB Burnout - 10/18/2009 3:03:40 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Female subs do the same. And truthfully, I probably wouldn't write him back today if I got the one liner now he sent me then. But we were different people all those years ago.

I have only a certain tolerance for people ignoring what I say and still thinking that we're a good match. Just because I have a pussy doesn't mean I'm open to any roving cock. And if you ignore what I say, then you prove to me that you are untrustworthy. Because someone I trust doesn't do what I say I cannot deal with. You prove trustworthiness with the first email.

And gentlemen, you never get a second chance to make a first impression.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

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RE: CMTB Burnout - 10/19/2009 1:28:12 AM

Annabelle83

Posts: 55
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Tulsa, Oklahoma
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Personally, I never use titles at all to anyone outside of my familyl, let alone some person who says that they are Mistress/Master/lord?god/Insert title here. No offense - just explaining :)

It is not meant to be offensive that I do not use them, but I figure we are all adults, and people can understand why I person chooses not to use a title. I cringe when I see some subtype refer to everyone with a title, because for me - it would lose meaning.

But your filtering method is yours. I think in my 3 years on CM I have recevied one legitimate email lol.

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RE: CMTB Burnout - 10/19/2009 3:39:22 AM

Malkinius

Posts: 1814
Joined: 1/9/2004
Status: offline

Greetings Annabelle....

Make that two. <grins>

I have a rule about nicks. It says that if you have to add a title to show what you are, you aren't. It actually works pretty well.

Be well....

Malkinius

_____________________________

A questioner by inclination...An Auctioneer for the fun of it
http://www.HouseMalkinius.com The goal is community.

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